Pre-Marital depression

[adelaide]

Bless his heart, this is not his fault, whatever happened that gave him a concussion, or how he compares to other tall people.

I am really just concerned with treating the depression, and like you said, full tests are likely needed-- maybe at some place like the mayo clinic.

The medical side is a HUGE issue. Thank you for your suggestions on treatment. We are on that path… He is better, I am just wondering how much better he needs to be to proceed with wedding plans. You’ve all helped very much.

 

[mercygate]

Bless his heart, this is not his fault, whatever happened that gave him a concussion, or how he compares to other tall people.

I am really just concerned with treating the depression, and like you said, full tests are likely needed-- maybe at some place like the mayo clinic.

The medical side is a HUGE issue. Thank you for your suggestions on treatment. We are on that path… He is better, I am just wondering how much better he needs to be to proceed with wedding plans. You’ve all helped very much.

He is a very blessed man to have you beside him, working with him, rooting for him. God love you! May your love not go unrewarded.

 

[Asillia]

I’m a little surprised at how harsh (at least to me) some people are being. Depression itself is not a sin or bad habit, and I didn’t see any indication he is exhibiting nondecent or irresponsible behavior that people are making excuses for. Nor is it a ‘death kiss’. There are many people who are able to live healthy lives and have healthy relationships despite suffering from depression. Nobody has all their pieces in the right place.

What can be a problem is how he reacts to it, and how much effort he puts into controlling it. I’m definitely not advocating going into the marriage if he isn’t even trying. But from OP’s words he IS making strides towards that. So while they may need to postpone the marriage to make sure he can function well, take care of children, give himself to his wife fully, etc - I wouldn’t say this makes him not called to marriage.

Also, just because we haven’t heard of something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, especially in the realm of science and ESPECIALLY in the realm of the brain and mental health. I think getting a concussion, regardless of where it happened, cound be traumatic in an of itself.

If he was using it as an excuse to sit around and mope, or to be mean, or lazy, or blaming all of his problems on it, etc - then yes, that is a problem. But again, it seems like he is making positive strides. It’s not going to be easy and sometimes he’ll fall back into unhealthy thinking, but that’s when it is most important to show him love and support and help him be the man he is called to be.

Sorry if I am now getting upset on somebody else’s behalf but it hurts to know that I would be so dismissed and judged as unfit for marriage if you knew me a few years ago (In all fairness, I probably was, and I knew it, and I worked at it. And I’m glad my then best friend and now fiancee didn’t just give up on me and consider me a ‘death kiss’)

 

[hasikelee]

Bless his heart, this is not his fault, whatever happened that gave him a concussion, or how he compares to other tall people.

I am really just concerned with treating the depression, and like you said, full tests are likely needed-- maybe at some place like the mayo clinic.

The medical side is a HUGE issue. Thank you for your suggestions on treatment. We are on that path… He is better, I am just wondering how much better he needs to be to proceed with wedding plans. You’ve all helped very much.

I wouldn’t say he has to be better per se. No one is perfect when they enter into marriage.

My argument is that 1) you have a display of behavior/symptoms that are serious and 2) you have a very vague reason for the symptoms.

If you wondering what needs to be done to continue into marriage, I can only suggest what sounds pretty basic: get a physical and mental exam. Find out the full extent of his injuries and his symptoms. Find out how to manage them. What is needed? Medication? Therapy? Physical therapy? What is actually his condition? Will it get worse?

It would seem simpler if you could do this before the marriage. Things such as medication do have an effect on your marriage. For example, posters on this forum have started threads about sexual intimacy problems due to depression and medication.

Instead of grappling with an unknown illness and getting married, it would seem wise to do one at a time.

 

[Sheeniac]

Depression is a manageable problem, except in the worst of cases. The medication is not all that terrible, nor is the usage of it necessarily permanent. Counseling will definitely help in addition to the medicine.

It’s a medical problem. It may get better, it may get worse. Most likely it will do both many many times over the course of your life together.

However, if something else is the underlying cause of the depression, it requires careful consideration. With the issue of concussions, I would strongly suggest consulting both a psychiatrist specializing in this area, as well as possibly a neurologist as well.

 

[martink]

Xanax is one of those medicines which help in relieving anxiety and depression, but this medicine should only be used for small duration as this is habit forming drug and sometimes the withdrawal symptoms can be more depressing. The withdrawal from this medicine is a slow and gradual process rather than abrupt. Xanax works by slowing down the nervous system and hence relieves anxiety. The best way to get over anxiety and depression is to take a break from your regular schedule, go out, and take good sleep. This helps in clearing the mind and try consulting a specialist who can suggest you as how you can get over your problem. xanax-effects.com

 

[baylee]

I am getting married this year to a wonderful guy, but since our engagement, he has been struggling with some depression-type symptoms.

I find this curious…why since your engagement? I do find the timing of this potentially troublesome.

I am often afraid that he has his best “face” on when we see each other on the weekends.

If you live close enough, I would try to visit him during the week.

During these times, he often presents problems he has with me that are slightly irrational and difficult to address. He is offended by my attempts to address normal issues that occur because of his condition (that I feel are necessary in the marriage preparation process), and does not react to my concerns in a proactive way. I try to be very sympathetic during these times and present as little stress as possible, as I know he can’t control the feelings he is having, but it seems that we make no headway in communication and get nothing solved. I love him very much, but feel helpless in attempting to help him overcome any issues. He is constantly building me up for “dealing with him” during his good times, and constantly apologizing for “putting me through so much.” I have trouble understanding how to help him and how to progress.

I admire his courage so much, as he has agreed to see a doctor and a Catholic therapist, and has agreed to take the medication his doctor prescribed, despite INCREDIBLE apprehension. He is on the best track to improvement, as far as I can tell, even though he still has bad days. However, I can help but be concerned about our immediate future.

I’m confused…has the going to the doctor and therapist and taking the meds helping him to improve or do you still have the communication issues mentioned in the first paragraph? Those issues are pretty serious in my mind.

I want to take this time to concentrate on him getting better, but I plan to be with him even if he doesn’t, so is delaying the actual date of the marriage a productive and fruitful thing, or not?

Definitely postpone this marriage.

What if he decides to stop treatment after we take our vows? What if he is only doing it for me? I don’t think he is, but there are so many unknowns.

That’s marriage…there are any number of things that could change when you get married. In fact, my priest’s homily mentioned this at our wedding.

Also, as for the “harsh” posts, I don’t think they were terribly harsh or rude…just concerned and looking to get the whole story (not that the OP was hiding anything, just that there is always more to a story than what a person is capable of sharing initially). I’ve been involved in a number of forums and sometimes harsher posts are needed to get to the bottom of things and truly help someone. I do think this is one of those times.

 

[baylee]

But, the CAUSE of the depression is truly beside the point. We are addressing the depression, itself, in his treatment, and my concerns actually have little to do with the cause.

I’m probably going to be called harsh for this, but I find the above comments disconcerting. Why is the cause of little concern to you?

 

[graceandglory]

Hi all–
He is offended by my attempts to address normal issues that occur because of his condition (that I feel are necessary in the marriage preparation process), and does not react to my concerns in a proactive way. I try to be very sympathetic during these times and present as little stress as possible, as I know he can’t control the feelings he is having, but it seems that we make no headway in communication and get nothing solved. I love him very much, but feel helpless in attempting to help him overcome any issues.

However, I can help but be concerned about our immediate future. I want him to know how much I love him and stand by him no matter what, but I am afraid that the stress of a marriage might not be a good thing for him right now.!

My dear,

Please check this book out:
**
The Exclamatiion: The Wise Choice of a Spouse for Catholic Marriage**

amazon.com/Exclamation-Choice-Spouse-Catholic-Marriage/dp/1413469353/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1236400269&sr=1-4

This book will help you discern and listen to the questions in your “gut” that are hard to voice to anyone, helping you decide if this is truly the person with whom you are called together to the Sacrament of Matrimony.

I wish I had it in time to prevent major heartache in my own life.

 

[Imryl]

This is an old thread fyi guys.

 

[graceandglory]

This is an old thread fyi guys.

:banghead:
good catch.

i wonder how things worked out.

Let’s pray for the best.