Pre-marital quiz?

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Is there an online pre-marital quiz (‘couple compatibility’) I can ask my daughter and her boyfriend to consider before get engaged ?
 
irom said:
Is there an online pre-marital quiz (‘couple compatibility’) I can ask my daughter and her boyfriend to consider before get engaged ?
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What are your concerns with them? What will a quiz do for them?
 
There are probably dozens, or not scores of quizzes.

Whether or not any of them can be trusted is another story. Look at any women’s magazine. Their full of quizzes like that.

Or so I’ve been told…😛

How about just ask them the simple but fundamental questions: Are you Catholic? Will you remain faithful and raise any children in the Church?

How do you manage your finances? What is your opinion on schools (public vs private/parochial)? Stay-at-home parent or two working outside the home? How many children, if any? Where do you prefer to live, city or country? Whose job.career takes precedence?
 
irom said:
Is there an online pre-marital quiz (‘couple compatibility’) I can ask my daughter and her boyfriend to consider before get engaged ?
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  1. Most parishes have some kind of a “Quiz” during marriage prep.
  2. If one of the parents asks a couple to take a random quiz that will most likely come off as highly combative.
  3. I have never in my life met someone who said “Well we didn’t get married because my mom gave us a quiz”
  4. The “Quizzes” are highly questionable.
  5. The only benefit I can see to taking one is to get the couple to talk about and consider important things like finances and raising of children NFP etc. This would better be accomplished by a program or group that has zero ties to a parent. Most parishes have marraige prep like this.
I will say that personality quizzes and the like are pretty much hooey. If one gets the desired outcome it is a great quiz and if one does not then it was a stupid quiz. Similar to a horoscope. However some quizzes can be used more as discussion points of subjects that should be covered, but once again, any parental involvement will be fruitless. Any couple would reject it right off the bat.
 
As an aside. My wife and I “scored” well on most subjects in the pre cana evaluations. Except for a couple of GIANT red flags. 1) Our focus or important on finances was not there. At all. And it still isn’t.😉 Nor will it ever be.
2) We were a premarital ABC couple who was never going to give up the idea of ABC.

Our communication was phenomenal (still is)

Now, we are a homeschooling family who is about to have our fifth kid and have had the best marriage I could ever imagine for 13 years.

When I look at what we were vs what we are, it is amazing. And no quiz could have ever predicted or even made us think about any part of our life now.
 
The test you take in pre Cana counseling is not like a magazine personality test. In fact, before you begin it states that there are no right answers so relax and tell the truth. The answers don’t necessarily show that you are compatible and give you the green light to marry. Further, a counsellor might worry that one or both parties are under heavy influence of the other if the answers are too similar.

The results show the couple where their areas of agreement and disagreement MIGHT lie and then the couple take realistic steps to deal with conflicts about money, family, religion, maturity, childhood problems- ALL the things that they deal with in an annulment inquiry.

I don’t know if your couple would be open to good pre-Cana counseling but you might explain that if they are so sure of each other, then there would be no reason to avoid looking at differences that might cause difficulties later so they can find a way to agree to disagree now…while things are rosy.
 
1ke said:
FOCCUS is a very good instrument. It is done with a facilitator.

foccusinc.com/foccus-inventory.aspx
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DH and I had to complete FOCCUS as part of our premarital course. It was really good for helping us see where there might be issues and encouraging us to talk about them. Sometimes there are things that you don’t even THINK to discuss but that might be areas of concern if you have different opinions on them. FOCCUS is good for picking up on those points and encouraging a dialogue.
 
His_helpmeet said:
DH and I had to complete FOCCUS as part of our premarital course. It was really good for helping us see where there might be issues and encouraging us to talk about them. Sometimes there are things that you don’t even THINK to discuss but that might be areas of concern if you have different opinions on them. FOCCUS is good for picking up on those points and encouraging a dialogue.
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Boy, I wish this had been used for us when we were engaged!!! Even just the sample questions are thought-provoking and would have forced us to talk about things that are now putting our marriage in serious jeopardy!! 😦
 
What is your concern? Are you trying to prove they aren’t compatible? The pre-marital sessions if they attend them will bring up things for them to consider as a couple.
 
irom said:
Is there an online pre-marital quiz (‘couple compatibility’) I can ask my daughter and her boyfriend to consider before get engaged ?
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If you are concerned that they are not a good fit, it would be better to try to talk to her, if possible when she brings it up first.

If you are concerned that they just haven’t talked about some things, you should talk to her.

(That said, I have so many examples of people who ended up with the wrong person regardless of many, many, many obvious red flags. All your talking and quizzes are useless if she is really determined to marry him.
When people ask for advice, I sometimes ask them what they would say if it were the other way around, if it were their daughter, one piece of advice I heard about marriage was to ask if you would be happy if your children turned out exactly like your spouse. That way I don’t have to say anything, but people still don’t get the point and do the opposite of what they themselves would advise someone else.)
 
Ms_Manners said:
When people ask for advice, I sometimes ask them what they would say if it were the other way around, if it were their daughter, one piece of advice I heard about marriage was to ask if you would be happy if your children turned out exactly like your spouse. That way I don’t have to say anything, but people still don’t get the point and do the opposite of what they themselves would advise someone else.)
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That is brilliant, because you don’t have to do any specific criticism at all, and it works just as well if the person is amazing.
 
People hate to hear you criticize their partner, even when they do nothing but complain themselves. So now I don’t say a word, I just ask what they would tell their sister or if they would be happy for their daughter if she were in the same situation.
But it doesn’t always work, people will say they would advise someone to leave such a relationship and then get married to the same person they think their hypothetical daughter should avoid. Go figure. :rolleyes:
 
Ms_Manners said:
People hate to hear you criticize their partner, even when they do nothing but complain themselves. So now I don’t say a word, I just ask what they would tell their sister or if they would be happy for their daughter if she were in the same situation.
But it doesn’t always work, people will say they would advise someone to leave such a relationship and then get married to the same person they think their hypothetical daughter should avoid. Go figure. :rolleyes:
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Yeah. But in that case, I don’t think any other methods would work.
 
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