PreCana not a requirement?

[LizzieM]

I was talking to a lady at my parish today after Mass. I am getting married in November and she is getting married in July.

I was mentioning that I was doing PreCana in May since our diocese doesn’t really have summer sessions. I was wondering if she would be there.

She said that Father never mentioned anything about it and that she didn’t have to go to PreCana or take the FOCCUS.

I am wondering why this is. I thought they were standard for any marriage. Not that I mind. I have found the two meetings I have had thus far very helpful and I am sure PreCana will be fine (it gets me off a day of work!).

We were both (the lady and I) recently confirmed and the Easter Vigil. The only think I can think of is that she had an exemption because she is getting married in her 50s and I am 22.

This is just curiosity in my part and a quick Google search was futile.

 

[GJx86]

So far as I know (which isn’t very far), the specific requirements for marriage preparation are decided solely on a diocesan basis. Canon law does not specifically require any particular kind of marriage preparation, though Can. 1063 does say that pastors need to make personal marriage preparation available to the faithful, in addition to teaching them about matrimony more generally and assisting couples who are already married.

Since this would be a matter of diocesan practice, it might be perfectly normal for your diocese to dispense with the requirement in some cases, though like you I can only guess why they’d do this.

 

[LizzieM]

Thanks!
Every other couple I’ve spoken to in the diocese has done the same thing as I have. And it is similar in the diocese I grew up in too. I seriously wonder if it is her age that is a factor. I guess, I will have to live with my curiosity as there is no definitive answer.

 

[OSUbride0708]

Because we were 4 hours away and both in school, our priest let us forgo the actual Pre-Cana classes given during the week. Instead, we met with him on the weekend when we were home a few times, did the FOCCUS test and he asked us questions, we discussed things, etc. I liked it and I feel he was very confident with marrying us in the church. We had also been together about 5 years beforehand and known each other since junior high so that helped.

 

[SMHW]

I think most bishops have given pastors the right to make exceptions to the rules. And age/stage-of-life does seem to be a factor.

My sister recently married a man she had known since high-school but had never actually dated. They were both in their early 40s and neither had ever been married. Other than being interviewed by the priest they were not required to go through any kind of marriage preparation. (This priest had recently been appointed pastor of his childhood parish and my parents were members from back then so that may also have been a factor.)

There are no doubt older couple whom the priest decides do need the benefit of marriage preparation. If either was married before there are likely to be issues that the priest wants to see addressed before they are brought into a new marriage.

 

[LizzieM]

Thank you. That makes sense the more I think about it. Everyone else I’ve spoken to was married in their 20s or 30s.

I guess there is a lot more to think about being “younger.” I mean, at 50, she won’t be having children unless they adopt. They are more set in their jobs and lifestyles and concerns about “meddling” parents and in-laws are much less of a concern. Meanwhile, I graduated from college less than a year ago and, God willing,will be blessed with little ones. And our parents hopefully still have many meddling years left in 'em.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Don’t envy people who are given loopholes. Sometimes they are necessary… like people whose jobs require separation by continents during engagement periods…

Other times the couple may get a dispensation from going through such preparations, but in the end it can cause problems. There are some people who go through lives thinking the rules that apply to others don’t apply to them. If the wedding preparation caters to that mindset, someone could find themselves in a few years with a spouse who thinks… rules that apply to others don’t apply to them.

Count me as a bride who now wishes the groom had stomped off because the priest refused to grant him special exemptions. Here I thought the Church was doing me a favor by working around a logistical problem.



Embrace the rules. Watch carefully how the important people in your lives treat rules. With humility and acceptance and maturity? Or do they treat them as a personal insult to be overcome and disregarded… your future may depend on that answer.

 

[JanetF]

I’m 99% sure it’s their age. They don’t have to worry about kids, ABC, etc.

 

[OLHope]

Pre Cana is mandatory in late teens, in your twenties, and in your thirties. Over your thirties, you definitely meet with the priest and he will give you a once over, he helps you understand your commitment and responsibilities to each other, but it is not all that necessary. A priest usually has a checklist for all age-ranges, and keeps his tabs on every aspect of it as it moves along to the wedding date.

The thirties tend to be a cut-off point depending on the Catholic community. Some will allow the 30’s in on with the teens and 20’s, some will only counsel them with other 30’s or alone. My parents generation did not have to go to these(1970’s). I do not remember when the church began instituting it. People who marry in their earlier ages, are more risky with marriage, so it is a necessity to gear them correctly so they fully understand the vocation.

 

[SMHW]

My parents generation did not have to go to these(1970’s). I do not remember when the church began instituting it.

I don’t know when Pre-cana became pretty much mandatory. I know that Engaged Encounter weekends were pretty much required around here by by the late 1970s/early-1980s (unless some other form of marriage preparation was used.)

 

[ack]

So far as I know (which isn’t very far), the specific requirements for marriage preparation are decided solely on a diocesan basis. Canon law does not specifically require any particular kind of marriage preparation, though Can. 1063 does say that pastors need to make personal marriage preparation available to the faithful, in addition to teaching them about matrimony more generally and assisting couples who are already married.

If you’re looking for a Canon Law justification for the marriage prep, don’t forget the US complementary norms for Canon 1067 which specifically mention marriage prep programs.

 

[OLHope]

I don’t know when Pre-cana became pretty much mandatory. I know that Engaged Encounter weekends were pretty much required around here by by the late 1970s/early-1980s (unless some other form of marriage preparation was used.)

I have heard of the EE weekends, however I do not think they were mandatory back then, I do not know any couples who were actually in them. I know that for the last ten years, I know 9 couples who married in the Catholic church, all had to go to pre-cana, my pastor was a stickler about it when my sister married, so it seems to be a pre-req now.

 

[Phemie]

I have heard of the EE weekends, however I do not think they were mandatory back then, I do not know any couples who were actually in them. I know that for the last ten years, I know 9 couples who married in the Catholic church, all had to go to pre-cana, my pastor was a stickler about it when my sister married, so it seems to be a pre-req now.

I got married in 1975. Met the priest once for the pre-nup investigation and then I saw him again at the back of the church the night of the wedding. That was it for preparation. DH, who lived two provinces away and was non-Catholic, spent a bit more time with the military padre preparing for our marriage.

Considering that we hardly knew each other to start off with, and in the 2 years before the wedding had only seen each other for about 30 days and had been through training that had changed us both, the type of marriage prep they do now could have benefited us greatly and might actually have led to us not getting married.

 

[Marysann]

Does the pre-Cana requirement for people over a certain age depend on the diocese? My sister, who first marriage was judged null, married a widower when they were both in their early 50’s. They were required to meet with the priest and complete the FOCCUS questionnaire. My sister has a master’s degree in family counseling, and she said that that she found the whole process quite useful. They took to opportunity to discuss matters that they might not have thought to discuss. She told me that she was glad that they were not exempted from the marriage prep because of their age and experience.