I understand my view is skewed and emotional, but we were taught that God literally and eternally hated us with a deep deep passion. Then one day we changed, “born again” and then God loved us, while still deeply hating, being offended at, cant stand, grieved that He created the rest of the Non Elect world. This deep hatred included all people, babies, sick, disabled, non-Americans and so on. We were walking corpses, spiritually rebellious enemies of God. I know there are explanations for this and apologetics that give reasons for Reprobate and non-Reprobate folks. Being often on the reprobated side, because “there is some scum so low that even God’s grace cannot reach” that person. I think what really is frustrating is the utter futility of living this often breeds in people.
I know this probably sounds pathetic, but I really do not want God to hate me, I don’t want to be God’s eternal enemy and so on. I have often asked, What is the Gospel?