Preferred title for significant other?

[anp1215]

Before we were married, I called my husband my boyfriend, and he called me his girlfriend, right up until we walked down the aisle. We never used the term fiance. I don’t know why. We just don’t like that term. Any Seinfeld fans here? Remember the annoying lady at the party who keeps talking about her fiance? “Maybe the dingo ate your baby.” Anyway, I think I associate the term with that and girls who talk nonstop about their fiance and wedding day. I know that not everyone who uses the term does so in an annoying way, but that’s what I associated it with, so I never used it.

People would ask me, “Why are you still calling him your boyfriend? You’re almost married. Just say husband.” And I would just say, “Because we aren’t married. And he’s not my husband yet.”

A trend nowadays is just to call your boyfriend your husband if you’ve been together for a length of time, especially if you live together. I don’t really like that, but that’s a topic for another thread. And no we did not live together before marriage, so I think it would have been really weird to start calling him my husband before we were married.

I too hate the term “hubby.” Ugh. No offense to anyone who uses it. Just makes me say…ugh.

 

[Moore11]

I’m going to be a little old fashioned here and I understand that some people will disagree, but here goes.

For me if someone is dating I say Boyfriend or Girlfriend. If they are “engaged” with no ring and a date I say boyfriend girlfriend. If they are engaged with a ring and a date, I say fiancee. If they are married I say husband and wife.

I think it is silly when people say “but they are so much more than a boy/girlfriend.” Nope, they aren’t until they make it that way.

Some people will always say my fiancee so and so. but not be engaged they just want to communicate that “this time they are serious” and they want to get some of the recognition that “real couples” have. In fact I know a guy who works with my wife who has had a fiancee that no one has seen for 6 years. Every time that guy says “my fiancee” I always ask when the wedding is. (innocently of course) then when he says “we haven’t planned it yet” I say “so your girlfriend then”

I also like the idea of bringing back the phrase “intended” it sounds elegant.

my wife and I were boyfriend girlfriend and then I proposed with a ring and a date and for one year she was my fiancee. I think those who jump the gun deny themselves the joy of actually being engaged.

Now after 10 years I just say my ol lady or woman… Just kidding!!!

 

[thewanderer]

Moore11:

I understand where you’re coming from, and I can assure that it is not my situation, we have talked seriously about marriage for quite some time now, but cannot proceed at present because of financial difficulties. If we had a steady income we would be planning our wedding, but as it is he can’t even afford a ring, so we’re kind of stuck.

 

[anp1215]

I’m going to be a little old fashioned here and I understand that some people will disagree, but here goes.

For me if someone is dating I say Boyfriend or Girlfriend. If they are “engaged” with no ring and a date I say boyfriend girlfriend. If they are engaged with a ring and a date, I say fiancee. If they are married I say husband and wife.

I think it is silly when people say “but they are so much more than a boy/girlfriend.” Nope, they aren’t until they make it that way.

Some people will always say my fiancee so and so. but not be engaged they just want to communicate that “this time they are serious” and they want to get some of the recognition that “real couples” have. In fact I know a guy who works with my wife who has had a fiancee that no one has seen for 6 years. Every time that guy says “my fiancee” I always ask when the wedding is. (innocently of course) then when he says “we haven’t planned it yet” I say “so your girlfriend then”

I also like the idea of bringing back the phrase “intended” it sounds elegant.

my wife and I were boyfriend girlfriend and then I proposed with a ring and a date and for one year she was my fiancee. I think those who jump the gun deny themselves the joy of actually being engaged.

Now after 10 years I just say my ol lady or woman… Just kidding!!!

I think the same as you, but I would not publicly correct someone on the terminology they use for their significant other. I think that’s kind of rude.

 

[Moore11]

Moore11:

I understand where you’re coming from, and I can assure that it is not my situation, we have talked seriously about marriage for quite some time now, but cannot proceed at present because of financial difficulties. If we had a steady income we would be planning our wedding, but as it is he can’t even afford a ring, so we’re kind of stuck.

I have no problem with your situation and if I did you could sure tell me it is none of my business.

Sounds like you have a great boyfriend and someday he will be a great fiancee and someday after that a great husband!

I too knew about being too poor for a wedding or a ring. No joke, I sold my late father’s saddle for 4000 dollars to buy a ring for my wife. Sounds WAY more redneck than the real situation but it definitely makes for a great party story about our engagement.

 

[Moore11]

I think the same as you, but I would not publicly correct someone on the terminology they use for their significant other. I think that’s kind of rude.

Yeah, it definitely requires a good sense of if you can get away with it socially. I usually can.

Usually those who are presenting their relationship as something it isn’t aren’t too schooled in what is rude.
Besides, as an open to life conservative Catholic homeschooling family the rude comments usually come toward us. So it is my guilty little pleasure when I can dish one out.
I usually say something pretty innocently, or coated in humor, but the point is made.
Not that I think I am the most clever person in the world. I’m sure i have offended a few in my time. But then again, I have been offended myself a few times as well.
I have always called it like I see it and some people get pretty turned off by that. Oh well, I guess I can live with that instead of lying awake at night playing out some scenario in which I was forward enough to say something but was too chicken to actually do it.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Yeah, it definitely requires a good sense of if you can get away with it socially. I usually can.

Usually those who are presenting their relationship as something it isn’t aren’t too schooled in what is rude.
Besides, as an open to life conservative Catholic homeschooling family the rude comments usually come toward us. So it is my guilty little pleasure when I can dish one out.
I usually say something pretty innocently, or coated in humor, but the point is made.
Not that I think I am the most clever person in the world. I’m sure i have offended a few in my time. But then again, I have been offended myself a few times as well.
I have always called it like I see it and some people get pretty turned off by that. Oh well, I guess I can live with that instead of lying awake at night playing out some scenario in which I was forward enough to say something but was too chicken to actually do it.

So because sometimes people offend you it feels good to offend others? You feel entitled to call it like you see it, even if it is rude? Wow, that’s a very sad attitude to have. If someone asks your opinion, by all means. But really, correcting someone when it comes to the terminology used to describe their romantic relationship?

You know, I may “live in sin”, but I don’t take joy in offending, hurting, or embarrassing others, and I’m certainly not so presumptuous to define someone’s relationship for them, least of all in public social situations. And I don’t use snarky attacks to underhandedly insult people. And I don’t say things like “I can be rude to them, because people like them don’t even understand what rude is”.

So yes, I called him my fiance before he could afford a ring. And sometimes I call him my husband because even though it isn’t legal yet that’s how we live and that’s the commitment we made. But I don’t take joy in tearing down others, and as far as I’m concerned that puts me far ahead of you.

 

[BobCatholic]

Having read the other thread, and seeing the conversations about what we would call the person “shacking up with” a family member, I remembered a family story.

My great uncle had come to visit my grandmother, his sister. He brought along his son, whose significant other also tagged along. My great uncle introduced the girl to the family as “George’s* concubine.” I remember thinking how that let everyone know what the situation was without getting all wrapped up in semantics.

*The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Where is the LIKE button on these forums?

 

[Moore11]

So because sometimes people offend you it feels good to offend others? You feel entitled to call it like you see it, even if it is rude? Wow, that’s a very sad attitude to have. If someone asks your opinion, by all means. But really, correcting someone when it comes to the terminology used to describe their romantic relationship?

You know, I may “live in sin”, but I don’t take joy in offending, hurting, or embarrassing others, and I’m certainly not so presumptuous to define someone’s relationship for them, least of all in public social situations. And I don’t use snarky attacks to underhandedly insult people. And I don’t say things like “I can be rude to them, because people like them don’t even understand what rude is”.

So yes, I called him my fiance before he could afford a ring. And sometimes I call him my husband because even though it isn’t legal yet that’s how we live and that’s the commitment we made. But I don’t take joy in tearing down others, and as far as I’m concerned that puts me far ahead of you.

Oh geesh. Lighten up. Like I mentioned in the other thread. I think our frame of references are different here. This isn’t the thread to debate the morality of the situation but rather what like minded people on a Catholic board think. As for being far ahead of me, good for you. I wonder where you will get first.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Oh geesh. Lighten up.

Absolutely not. You have a very uncharitable and downright nasty attitude towards others based on what they call their SOs. Perhaps you don’t see anything wrong with disparaging others and taking joy in being rude, but I do.

That kind of thing is not something to “lighten up” about. Everyone deserves to be treated with basic respect and manners.

 

[Moore11]

Absolutely not. You have a very uncharitable and downright nasty attitude towards others based on what they call their SOs. Perhaps you don’t see anything wrong with disparaging others and taking joy in being rude, but I do.

Again, what are we accomplishing here? I was kind of being tongue in cheek about it. I dont see the wisdom in worrying about offending people when speaking truth when everyone will be offended or upset at the littlest thing eventually. Case in point. However if you are upset I am sorry. I dont condone your relationship, you freely put it out there, don’t be surprised when others on a Catholic forum may not agree with you. Kudos to you for being here so long though. It has to rub off a little.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Oh geesh. Lighten up. Like I mentioned in the other thread. I think our frame of references are different here. This isn’t the thread to debate the morality of the situation but rather what like minded people on a Catholic board think. As for being far ahead of me, good for you. I wonder where you will get first.

I’m not debating the morality of anything with you, least of all the morality of cohabitation. I’m telling you that having the gall to say rude things to people out of a sense of entitlement because people are sometimes rude to you is wrong, and does nothing to further your cause.

I don’t think that the catechism states anywhere that such a holier than thou attitude and a penchant for taking pleasure in degrading others over their sins gets you to heaven very quickly either:thumbsup:

 

[Moore11]

I’m not debating the morality of anything with you, least of all the morality of cohabitation. I’m telling you that having the gall to say rude things to people out of a sense of entitlement because people are sometimes rude to you is wrong, and does nothing to further your cause.

I don’t think that the catechism states anywhere that such a holier than thou attitude and a penchant for taking pleasure in degrading others over their sins gets you to heaven very quickly eirher:thumbsup:

What we have here is a good old fashioned misunderstanding. I do not take "joy: in offending people or being rude. I did say that In certain situations you have to feel out if you can make a statement without offending and that sometimes I might offend people on accident just as I am sure you do. But i dont lose a lot of sleep over it because I didnt offend them with the intent of being cruel just because I may not agree with them.

Why are you so wound up about this? Lets just drop it as there is not way you and I will agree.

 

[Moore11]

What we have here is a good old fashioned misunderstanding. I do not take "joy: in offending people or being rude. I did say that In certain situations you have to feel out if you can make a statement without offending and that sometimes I might offend people on accident just as I am sure you do. But i dont lose a lot of sleep over it because I didnt offend them with the intent of being cruel just because I may not agree with them.
Sometimes a good Catholic is holier than thou it just depends on the thou. Why are you so wound up about this? Lets just drop it as there is not way you and I will agree.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

What we have here is a good old fashioned misunderstanding. I do not take "joy: in offending people or being rude. I did say that In certain situations you have to feel out if you can make a statement without offending and that sometimes I might offend people on accident just as I am sure you do. But i dont lose a lot of sleep over it because I didnt offend them with the intent of being cruel just because I may not agree with them.

Why are you so wound up about this? Lets just drop it as there is not way you and I will agree.

1. I was responding to your comment that it feels good to be rude because people are often rude about your lifestyle.
2. I’m wound up because it makes me very angry when people use their religion or faith as an excuse to hurt or shame others, or claim that their religion gets them out of basic etiquette. Its not just Christians that do this, but many of the people that I love the most are devout Christians, and they don’t like to hurt anyone. It doesn’t just hurt me, but it gives all members of that faith a bad name, and my friends, family, and future in laws do not deserve to be grouped with mean spirited people, nor does their religion need to be used as an excuse to cause pain to others.
3. I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding.

 

[Moore11]

I don’t think that the catechism states anywhere that such a holier than thou attitude and a penchant for taking pleasure in degrading others over their sins gets you to heaven very quickly either:thumbsup:

It goes both ways One could certainly say that you are acting holier than though about others being what you consider rude, even though I did not say anything rude to you. I understand that you may be sensitive because some people you know may have hurt your feelings but please dont take it out on me. I have clarified that I do not get pleasure in being rude but rather was kind of blowing off a little steam about how us Christians are just supposed to shut up and take it or we are considered holier than thou, rude and judgmental yet others (even yourself) can take it upon themselves to be the rudeness police and have the gall to judge us for speaking our mind, and we cant say anything. It just gets old, probably for both of us. So unless you really want to discuss this further lets just move on. If you want to continue our jihad, lets move it to PM.

 

[domandcarols]

Well, husband and wife. But there is nothing wrong with Mr. and Mrs. Snugglebunny!

Thats cute xD

 

[Moore11]

I guess one of the problems I have is with the idea of a lie. If one is is a fiancee then it depicts a certain situation. If one says husband or wife it describes a legal or spiritual situation. It is like so called same sex marriage, or planned parenthood, or pro choice, it is a lie. And asking someone to partake in your lie is a pretty big offence.

The best way I can describe it is if someone told you that they were a doctor. They might want to be a doctor. They may feel like a doctor, heck they may be pretty knowledgeable about doctor things and they may act like a doctor, but unless they have a doctorate they are not a doctor, nor should they present themselves as one.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

… we have talked seriously about marriage for quite some time now, but cannot proceed at present because of financial difficulties. If we had a steady income we would be planning our wedding, but as it is he can’t even afford a ring, so we’re kind of stuck.

I totally understand the need for a steady, reliable income to have a stable life, married or not, but just an FYI: you don’t need an engagement ring to be engaged. I never had one, and it didn’t stop my husband and I from being engaged and getting married in the Catholic Church. We weren’t even going to have wedding rings - they’re not a requirement either - but it was the one thing my mother-in-law felt strongly about so we got a pair of tungsten bands for about $100 online.

Luna

 

[thewanderer]

Don’t worry, I do realize that, it’s just way of phrasing the fact that we are not financially ready to get married. As for actually becoming engaged, I guess I think of an engagement as a time to actively prepare for a marriage, I mean, we’ve already both told each other that we intend to get married… So I guess whether or not we are ‘engaged’ depends on what you think being a ‘fiancé’ means. Which actually comes back nicely to my original question!

What does being a boyfriend/girlfriend imply in your opinion?

What about a fiancé?

Intended? Beau?
Significant Other? Partner?

Are there any other ‘titles’ out there, and if so, what do you think about them and their implications?

For me, boyfriend/girlfriend has connotations of immature teenage relationships or else the secular dating scene where a relationship is just temporary and not necessarily geared towards marriage.

Fiancé Implies that you are ready to plan your wedding and make the commitment of marriage

Intended… I had never heard of this before so I’m not really sure, but it definitely implies more of a commitment than girlfriend or boyfriend as I see it.

Beau, again, I’m not really sure about what it implies, but is certainly lacking many of the connotations I see in GF/BF

Significant Other/ Partner are both very general words, seems best to use them when one is not sure of the status of a relationship.

Again, these are just how I see these words, I’m curious to see how others view them.