Pregnancy after 35 - good or bad?

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Dacinom said:
God bless you, I am glad that you have been reassured by your pregnancy tests and have been praying for you and your baby.

I have been thinking about your question, and actually resisted answering because to be honest it struck a nerve. I have a child with Down syndrome. When you ask “pregnancy after 35 good or bad” dear one you know your question is actually not about pregnancy at all, what you are really asking is about the child so to reframe the question you could ask “child with a disability…good or bad?” Because in all honesty if you knew you were going to be having a healthy baby you would probably not be here asking this question. At least not in the same way that you are now.

So, here is my answer. Is having a child with a disability good or bad? The answer is BOTH.

It is both good and bad, joyful and sorrowful, challenging and rewarding. Just like marriage, parenting typical children, friendship and every other relationship that God places in our lives.

One thing I learned (from my husband of all people!) was to disregard the statistics. I had subsequent pregnancies AFTER having a child with a disability, and came home from the OB/GYN appointment, asking him if he wanted to know the statistics of having another child with a disability. He told me he already knew the statistics to which I was shocked! He said “If God wants us to have another child with Down syndrome the odds are 100%, if God doesn’t want us to have another child with Down syndrome then the odds are 0%.” End of story. I love that man.
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I honestly hope you understand that I mean no offense. I am 100% sure that if our baby does have any birth defect, we will completely cherish him just the same. I already feel such a strong love for him. However, I can’t say that I would choose that for him or us - of course, we are praying for a healthy baby boy.

My question is mainly because I am not certain how serious about nfp we will need to be after this baby. Is maternal age a “serious” reason to avoid?? And, yes, because of increased risk of birth defects but also maternal health risks, like high blood pressure and diabetes. Like I mentioned in a PP, we have never been super strict. 9 months of preganancy and 1 year of breastfeeding have kept all our kiddos about 2 years apart more or less. This pregnancy, my age keeps getting brought up again and again. It is beginning to make me feel as if should another pregnancy happen (probably around 39 or 40), that it would be very irresponsible of us considering the risks. I have 7 babies that need me to be healthy!!

I guess ultimately we need to trust in God. There is no room for fear of what might or might not happen. Your husband is very right about the statistics - I need to remember that in the future!!
 
Cathmomof6 said:
Ok I am starting this new thread because it is really weighing heavy on my heart right now. I am 36 and am expecting baby #7 - a little boy!!! He is due in March when I will be 37. We are currently going through quite a scare as my afp test came back positive for trisomy 18. We were referred to a maternal fetal specialist and had a level 2 ultrasound. The ultrasound did not uncover anything and the baby appears to be healthy but we are still awaiting some results from bloodwork to count fetal chromosomes. I just received a letter that seems to be saying that I can no longer see my midwife who delivered my previous babies and need to now see the MD. I am almost 20 weeks and am now crazy neurotic about fetal movement!!

We have been married 15 years and have really not utilized NFP a lot. When we were 1st married, we took a STM class but still used artificial contraception since I was still in college. After the birth of our first son, I breastfed for a year with no return of fertility until he was completely weaned. Then came number 2 and so on until now. We have “tried to avoid” since about baby #3 but have decided not to use artificial contraception(obviously we follow the rules that require the least abstinence:p) We initially used STM and then were trained in Creighton, which called for a lot of abstinence. After our last baby we used Marquette and still conceived on my first postpartum cycle!

Anyways, I am sure we could probably work harder at the nfp - maybe find a new instructor or something, but we really don’t want to. I would still like to breastfeed for a year, which makes things tough. But my main concern is this age thing. I keep hearing it over and over, and I honestly didn’t think much about it since I’m not over 40 yet!!

So I guess my question boils down to: should a loving couple abstain for extended periods of time to prevent pregnancy when really the only reason is age and risk of birth defects? We have no other serious reason, but all these doctors keep talking about my age!! And I would feel horrendously guilty if we would have a baby with a birth defect - like i caused it because we were to weak to abstain for awhile!!

I am really finding this to be a difficult time for family planning. Early in marriage I kind of assumed my husband would have a vasectomy when we were done having kids. But we are in a different place now and will not do that. I just wish God would naturally turn fertility off when you’re too old. My mom was in her mid50s when she went thru menopause so I could have like 20 years of fertility left!! That is scary!!

So please advise, especially you moms who had babies over 35! What was your experience? How did you handle this? My mom had my youngest brother at 36 and was told he had Down syndrome. He was born completely healthy, but my mom had her tubes tied after he was born. I really get why she did that - this has been super stressful!!!
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I had my third child at 38, and he is a bright kid. Some of my sisters and sisters-in-law had kids at 41 and 42. The kids are normal teens. My grandmother had kids until she hit menopause. They all turned out fine.
 
Ours came along when we were north of thirty-five. Both are bright kids who are in college and are doing well.
 
Country_Gal said:
People have a right to try to avoid a higher risk pregnancy and genetic anomalies in their offspring without being told that they are not accepting God’s world. Frankly, that sounds a bit judgemental. And, we live in a fallen world, remember. Our world is tainted by original sin, and suffering, imperfections, etc, are part of that.
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Most serious reasons to avoid pregnancy are in this category. Just because one couple might decide they have sufficient reason to exercise abstinence in order to avoid pregnancy does not mean that another couple who appear to have very similar circumstances may not rightly decide to remain open to pregnancy and vice versa. There is a reason the Church has not drawn a bright line in these cases; in the end, it is for the couple to discern. (Most of parenthood is just like that, come to think of it!)
 
Well, I’m putting my money where my mouth is. I just took a test to confirm…I’m officially pregnant at the age of 44! Prayers, please! Thanks!
 
MomaMary8 said:
Well, I’m putting my money where my mouth is. I just took a test to confirm…I’m officially pregnant at the age of 44! Prayers, please! Thanks!
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WoW!! Congratulations to you!! You are truly an inspirational mom!! I will be praying for you and baby!!
 
My wife delivered our 6th kid one month before her 38th Birthday.

We have a kid that turned 3 a month before that, so that would be born 2 months before her 35th bday.

We did have a miscarriage between those two kids. But that just motivated us to get pregnant again since we had ramped up with excitement and we didn’t want to end on a down note.

Not that it’s all over, but we’re happy.
 
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