Pregnancy and marital relations

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underacloud said:
Sure, but I’d note two things:
  1. The OP described her husband’s annoyances as slight and half-joking.
  2. Even if he is in the wrong, she needs to consider a pragmatic and helpful approach to this.
Confronting him on his comments and asking him to keep his feelings to himself does not seem helpful to me at this time. Both parties need to try to see things from the other’s perspective. But since the OP’s husband is not here, and the OP is, we can only really address how she can act. I would think a confrontational approach will breed confrontation, while patience and gentleness will breed patience and gentleness.
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Well, I think he can fairly be asked not to catastrophize–like repeatedly saying that they’re never going to have sex again when she could easily be experiencing radically reduced nausea within a few weeks. It’s reasonable to ask him to stick to the facts rather than making negative “joking” predictions about the future.

Also, “joking” can be very hurtful. I wouldn’t go around joking to my husband, “I’m going to have an affair with the UPS guy. Ha ha ha! Just kidding.” That’s not nice.

Also, pregnant ladies are well known for their lack of ability to appreciate humor. There’s no worse person to pull the leg of than a pregnant lady, unless maybe a postpartum lady.
 
Maine52 said:
Okay everyone. All is well.

After DD went to bed, I sat down with DH and told him very gently and calmly that his “never” comment didn’t set well with me. He assured me he was truly just kidding and didn’t mean anything by it, but also that he did understand how it could have sounded bad and he understood why I was upset. He apologized and assured me he understood that I didn’t feel well and he wasn’t frustrated with me. I thanked him for everything he’s done to help and also asked him if I was contributing enough, and he said I was. I’m also feeling much better, so…well, no more details here. 😃

I should have just talked to him about it and cleared everything up instead of ranting about it on CAF. Thank you all for your comments.

Blue Eyed Lady, please accept my apology. I overreacted. Thank you for your insights.
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Very good!
 
Maine52 said:
Okay everyone. All is well.

After DD went to bed, I sat down with DH and told him very gently and calmly that his “never” comment didn’t set well with me. He assured me he was truly just kidding and didn’t mean anything by it, but also that he did understand how it could have sounded bad and he understood why I was upset. He apologized and assured me he understood that I didn’t feel well and he wasn’t frustrated with me. I thanked him for everything he’s done to help and also asked him if I was contributing enough, and he said I was. I’m also feeling much better, so…well, no more details here. 😃
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What a great outcome. 👍

Well done to you both. It sounds like you have a very mature communication style in your marriage and are respectful of each other. I guess this thread turned from “What should I do?” to “Here’s what you should do”.
 
Xantippe said:
Well, I think he can fairly be asked not to catastrophize
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True, but what is fair is not always what is most pragmatic, nor most loving.

Anyway, it sounds like they’ve sorted through this very well. I’m taking notes.
Xantippe said:
Also, pregnant ladies are well known for their lack of ability to appreciate humor. There’s no worse person to pull the leg of than a pregnant lady, unless maybe a postpartum lady.
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It’s funny, but I always found pregancy to be a great time for my wife’s mood. It was more even and dare I say upbeat than when in normal fertility cycles. Or maybe it was the freedom to eat as much ice cream as she liked without risk of criticism.
 
underacloud said:
True, but what is fair is not always what is most pragmatic, nor most loving.

Anyway, it sounds like they’ve sorted through this very well. I’m taking notes.

It’s funny, but I always found pregancy to be a great time for my wife’s mood. It was more even and dare I say upbeat than when in normal fertility cycles. Or maybe it was the freedom to eat as much ice cream as she liked without risk of criticism.
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Your wife is a freak of nature. You’re a lucky guy!

I think it is OK to (nicely) ask a spouse to stick to the facts and not catastrophize.
 
Xantippe said:
I think it is OK to (nicely) ask a spouse to stick to the facts and not catastrophize.
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Seems to be pretty much what the OP did and it worked out very well. The niceness of it is very important I think. Almost every marriage needs more niceness.
 
I’m glad you talked things over! With two small children there may be more more times like this. I have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old…we have a lot less intimacy than we did when I was pregnant for sure! I’m glad you were able communicate with him about it, it will help to be open and honest about these things in the future as well!
 
Dear OP,

After reading your posts, this just seems like you are living through the ups and downs of a healthy marriage and your initial post was just done in the heat of the moment.

Personally I think it sounds like you have a good marriage

Angie
 
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