Pregnancy Outside of Marriage

[severus68]

Having seen the experiences of several of my female relatives that were less than ideal, I can only say, bless them, they did the best they could in conditions that would confound, confuse and frighten anyone unless they had the loving support of parents and relatives.
With help they turned out just fine. Perhaps their lives weren’t ideal, but then whose is? So this girl doesn’t get married, that could be a loss, or a blessing. Which of us really know how anyone’s life will progress.

As I said in a previous post, Our Lady was a confused, frightened, pregnant teen ager, but what did her cousin say to her when Mary visited with her. “Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.”

And what happened when Joseph learned of Mary’s pregnancy? Off he ran, UNTIL an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream and told him to find no fault in this woman. He trusted God and so did Mary.

So should we all. This girl is doing a wonderful thing, bringing new life into the world instead of aborting it. Let us not judge her. She may not realize it now, but she is doing a very brave and unselfish thing. Pray for her.

Well said. It is easy to judge, I do it too to my regret. As Christ said “Let the one without sin throw the first stone.”

 

[MissRose73]

My younger cousin became pregnant outside of marriage a few years ago.

I am sure her conservative and Catholic parents were not too happy about it when she let them know, but they chose to accept her, the child, and the child’s father (her fiance at the time).

She did marry the child’s father, and they are happy together, and have since had their 2nd child together.

I am sure the support of family/friends, my cousin did not regret the decision to keep and raise her son who is now a happy & healthy 4 year old.

 

[catharina]

The coming of a new life is always worthy of a celebration, even when it’s out of wedlock. You should be proud of her for not getting an abortion, despite the situation she’s in. I’m sure she was very worried and scared when she first found out, but her family is supporting her for not having had an abortion and celebrating the new life that will be coming into the world. She is lucky, a lot of families pressure their daughters into getting abortions when they are young and pregnant. Her family’s reaction is a good thing.

Very wise answer. Plus I think you hit the nailon the head (bolded above).

Likely, it’s the abortion scenario (“alternative”) that led
to the “let’s get happy about the baby” response.

 

[catharina]

I think I understand the dilemma here. It is hard to strike a proper balance and most people these days go to opposite extremes.

The one extreme are the people that are quick to condemn young women like the OPs family member. They get very mad and are harsh. This does not help the situation and makes the young mother feel guilt and she will often move away from the Church and do worse things.

The other extreme is the non-condemning parents that dont do any correcting. They are so soft that the young mother and father feel they did nothing wrong. They often continue the relationship and become more promiscuous.

There needs to be a balance between the two. While we try to not to be judgmental, it does not mean there shouldnt be real consequences for actions in a way that sends a message not only to the mother and father but to others that might take the same course. This is where the problem lies. People see how easy they get off and dont feel like there are any real consequences.

One punishment that the OPs young family member may have soon is single mother singledom. If the father doesnt marry her, she will find it very hard to find someone else. Men normally run away from single mothers. This fact should be emphasized to her. It may feel good right now and she may have a lot of positive attention right now but it will be a real wake up call when she finds herself not able to find a husband because men dont want to deal with the baby drama. Believe me, there will be lots of drama with the baby.

I feel bad for the baby. I can almost guarantee the baby will have problems.. If as the OP said the mothers parents will care for the baby, chances are high the mother will only be there some of the time. The mom will likely milk this for as long as possible. By that point, she might already have other kids with a new father who wont accept a child from another man. Ive seen this happen many times and it works out bad for the baby.

Make sure this doesnt happen. Make sure the mother plays an active role the baby’s life and doesnt abandon it. Grandparents may try hard but they are not the actual mother.

Your own take on the situation sounds rather harsh and negative.
All life is a gift from God. I foresee no problems outside of those in many (most) lives.