Pregnant and unwed... Catholic options

  • Thread starter Thread starter AveMaria517
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
We live in a very, very traditional diocese… which as a parents, I think is wonderful and a great plus for my children. But, as a nontraditional couple trying to find a way into the Catholic church, it is very disheartening. In our diocese you do the marriage prep, relationship quizzes, and some wedding planning with the priest. But, you have to do everything else through the diocese and through each department within. I have already tried to sign up for the different things the diocese requires and been told by the heads of the department they could not allow us into the classes as they don’t feel that we are “ready for a Catholic marriage”. They have done this knowing full well that we had a priest we were working with and that the bishop will not grant the dispensation until we had been through their department. It has made me very frustrated and upset with the way the Catholic church is run. I am guessing that if the priest talks to them himself and asks them to let us into the classes and other things, they will probably allow it. But, I don’t feel that the priest should have to.

I am not sure if our diocese will let the priest schedule a wedding in less than six months and I have never even thought to ask one of the priests who I would like to marry us. I really don’t think our bishop would allow it, but if so that would actually be pretty amazing! I don’t want a huge wedding anyways, but I do want a celebration. I feel that since we have children who will be benefiting also, we have even more to celebrate than traditional couples.

And btw, I love many things about the Catholic church, but there are also many things I have a problem with, which is why I decided to put converting on hold until I was 100% sure.
 
AveMaria, sounds like you need an advocate with the diocese! Yes, that will be your Priest, he should be very happy to do it so don’t feel you are imposing on him.

I also think that pointing out how the two of you have been together this long is a good sign.

It confuses me that the Diocese would be so involved in Marriage Prep. I don’t doubt it is so but, sheesh, I see your frustration.

Go talk to your Priest, get the facts and get things rolling from his end, let him be your advocate with the Diocese!

Brenda V.
 
I hink I remember that you are not Catholic (confirmed) but your finace is. You really need to speak directly to the priest in your (finace’s) parish. He is the one who can make things move for you. Call and make an appointment to speak to him --tell him what you want to do, what you have done, your concerns, etc. He can help you wak through the whole process including your confirmation, wedding, baptisms etc.
AveMaria517 said:
We live in a very, very traditional diocese… which as a parents, I think is wonderful and a great plus for my children. But, as a nontraditional couple trying to find a way into the Catholic church, it is very disheartening. In our diocese you do the marriage prep, relationship quizzes, and some wedding planning with the priest. But, you have to do everything else through the diocese and through each department within. I have already tried to sign up for the different things the diocese requires and been told by the heads of the department they could not allow us into the classes as they don’t feel that we are “ready for a Catholic marriage”. They have done this knowing full well that we had a priest we were working with and that the bishop will not grant the dispensation until we had been through their department. It has made me very frustrated and upset with the way the Catholic church is run. I am guessing that if the priest talks to them himself and asks them to let us into the classes and other things, they will probably allow it. But, I don’t feel that the priest should have to.

I am not sure if our diocese will let the priest schedule a wedding in less than six months and I have never even thought to ask one of the priests who I would like to marry us. I really don’t think our bishop would allow it, but if so that would actually be pretty amazing! I don’t want a huge wedding anyways, but I do want a celebration. I feel that since we have children who will be benefiting also, we have even more to celebrate than traditional couples.

And btw, I love many things about the Catholic church, but there are also many things I have a problem with, which is why I decided to put converting on hold until I was 100% sure.
Click to expand...
 
As far as tradeoffs go, never underestimate the graces received through a sacramental marriage blessed by God.
 
Good luck in all this, don’t let the traditional issues drive you away, even though they are daunting. It all means something in the end, though it may be awhile until you know what or why.
 
I want to ask a question and it’s going to sounds like I am picking a fight but I promise I am not. I am just genuinely curious about something. You are pregnant with your third child. Why are you waiting until now, the third child, to get married? Why didn’t you do all of this when you found out you were pregnant with the first? Your situation seems to be the norm these days and I really don’t understand it.

Also, just to give you some info about me, I am 36 years old and I am engaged to be married. We have been dating for 2.5 years but we don’t live together and don’t plan to live together until we say I do. Also, most people are actually surprised that I dont live with him. Because of our age, people think it’s weird we don’t live together. My reason for telling you age and my relationship situation is so you would understand that I am love and I don’t currently live with the love of my life and I desperately wish I did.

But back to my original question - why did you wait until the third child to get married?
 
noclevername said:
I want to ask a question and it’s going to sounds like I am picking a fight but I promise I am not. I am just genuinely curious about something. You are pregnant with your third child. Why are you waiting until now, the third child, to get married? Why didn’t you do all of this when you found out you were pregnant with the first? Your situation seems to be the norm these days and I really don’t understand it.

Also, just to give you some info about me, I am 36 years old and I am engaged to be married. We have been dating for 2.5 years but we don’t live together and don’t plan to live together until we say I do. Also, most people are actually surprised that I dont live with him. Because of our age, people think it’s weird we don’t live together. My reason for telling you age and my relationship situation is so you would understand that I am love and I don’t currently live with the love of my life and I desperately wish I did.

But back to my original question - why did you wait until the third child to get married?
Click to expand...
I really can’t speak for her, but please keep in mind she’s 22. Sometimes it takes a little bit of time to really get a clear sense of what you want from your life spiritually and morally when you’re this young. I married at 18, and had my first child soon afterwards, and but it took about a year of marriage before I felt a call to raise my children in God’s will and was baptized in a Baptist church.

I would guess it’s kind of like she’s already in the situation, and instead of asking why she’s in the situation she’s in, how does she make it right. I think she should be commended for her journey to make things right, and I personally will keep her family in my prayers. I would love to hear that both she and her finance marry in the Church and begin to make their faith a central part of their lives.
 
Don’t worry, I think its weird that we are having our third child together and aren’t married too! Basically we have had many issues that made it very difficult for us to actually get married. When we originally tried to get married, I was a member at a Lutheran church and we tried to get married through them, but they wouldn’t marry us unless my fiance converted to the church and stopped being Catholic, which wasn’t acceptable to either of us. So, I told my fiance if he wanted to get married in the Catholic church, it was his responsibility to take care of all the religious aspects of it, which he wasn’t interested in doing. So I planned a non religious ceremony, but his all Catholic family had problems with it not being Catholic and were against it, and my family was against it because of my age… so my fiance canceled it right before hand. I was only 17 when I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter and I panicked as I was moving across the country alone to a new city to attend college, without a car, without knowing anyone, living with roommates, in a large city. To me it seemed like too much to deal with, so my fiance invited me to live with him and attend college in the town he was working at so that he would be able to help me. After having our daughter, we became a family and I have been waiting for him to feel ready to get married, as I want a marriage and that means he has to want it too!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top