Pregnant before Marriage

[Renton405]

When me and my fiancee were at Pre-Cana retreat we met a couple who were having their baby before they were getting married…

Which brought up a question…Does this mean the baby will be born out of wedlock? or does the later date of the marriage kinda “absolve” this issue??

Is it imperative they have the baby after the marriage?? Apparently they said one of the parishes wouldn’t accept them(they said because they weren’t a member there long enough, but somehow I don’t believe that)

 

[Dauphin]

As long as they confess their sin, they shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

I sure hope that it’s not a sin to be born out of wedlock… or else I’m in trouble…

 

[Genesis315]

It’s really irrelevant on the child’s status before God. As for the couple, God forgives all sins that are confessed. I know a couple who got pregnant before marriage–it kind of gave them a wake up call and now they’re amazing Catholics

 

[MrIrish]

Is it imperative they have the baby after the marriage?? Apparently they said one of the parishes wouldn’t accept them(they said because they weren’t a member there long enough, but somehow I don’t believe that)

Why don’t you believe that? It is my understanding that most parishes require at least one of the couple to be members of the parish in order to marry each other at that parish’s church.

 

[st_lucy]

When me and my fiancee were at Pre-Cana retreat we met a couple who were having their baby before they were getting married…

Which brought up a question…Does this mean the baby will be born out of wedlock? or does the later date of the marriage kinda “absolve” this issue??

Is it imperative they have the baby after the marriage?? Apparently they said one of the parishes wouldn’t accept them(they said because they weren’t a member there long enough, but somehow I don’t believe that)

In this day of murder (abortion) on demand I think we should look kindly on this couple who have chosen life. They made a mistake, but we are all sinners and so none of us are worthy of casting the first stone. We need to pray for this young couple and their marriage as well as for their child.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

. . .
Is it imperative they have the baby after the marriage?? . . .)

Parishes around here will proceed slowly on marriage preparation if the bride to be is pregnant. Experience has shown that these this tends to lead to a quick marriage and an even quicker divorce. In such cases there is question as to whether the couple is giving full consent or are they being pressured to be socially acceptable. It will often be recommended that they wait a couple of months after the birth to make that commitment.

 

[puzzleannie]

When me and my fiancee were at Pre-Cana retreat we met a couple who were having their baby before they were getting married…

Which brought up a question…Does this mean the baby will be born out of wedlock? or does the later date of the marriage kinda “absolve” this issue??

Is it imperative they have the baby after the marriage?? Apparently they said one of the parishes wouldn’t accept them(they said because they weren’t a member there long enough, but somehow I don’t believe that)

not that it is any of my business, but in general if a couple comes to the parish to prepare for marriage, and they are expecting a baby, they will be strongly advise to postpone marriage until after the baby is born, and to continue pastoral counselling and marriage preparation (as well as pre-baptismal classes) during this time. They will also no doubt receive private counsel from the priest on correcting what is wrong in their living arrangements, and of course confess all mortal sins before the marriage ceremony and return to the sacraments. This is because the pregnancy is usually seen as undue pressure to marry, a circumstance that could invalidate, as this should never be the only reason for marrying.

 

[hilde_the_dog]

Well in our parish you MUST contact a parish priest SIX months before the marriage at a minimum.

 

[Renton405]

Yea my parish has that 6 month rule also… But our deacon gave us a break because we were having it in 5 months(1 month short of the requirment)

So the baby isn’t born out of wedlock then if they are born before the marriage correct? technically?

 

[rwoehmke]

When one of my sons ended up with " a bun in his girlfriends oven" they decided to get married in July. The baby was due in December (she arrived on Dec. 23 ). They now have two. Anyway the priest when consulted said,“We don’t like to waive the six month rule.” My son called and said,“Well Dad, looks like a civil ceremony first.” I said to him,“The priest did not say no. He said they do not like to waive the rule which means sometimes he may be persuaded.” They had been exclusively going together for five years, had been engaged before the “Bun”, and had been regular attendees at Mass. Both were educated beyond college. They went back and talked at greater length with the priest. It was April or May at the time. He said there were no openings until September, but he was willing to do the wedding the first week thereof.The bride wore a very full skirted off-white dress. So sometimes if the background is mature, they were both early 30’s, and they have other responsible behavior some priests will deal.(so to speak)

 

[Seeks_God]

As long as they confess their sin, they shouldn’t have anything to worry about.

I sure hope that it’s not a sin to be born out of wedlock… or else I’m in trouble…

ROFL…you and me both!

It certainly brings to light some interesting perspectives and I think the Bible does a great job expressing how we all bear the consequences of our parents’ sins…isn’t that the whole reason we need Jesus in the first place? Because we all bear the responsiblities of Adam & Eve’s sins…

SG

 

[hasikelee]

From my understanding, the Church generally advises couples to wait until after the baby is born. This is to further clarify that no one is being coerced or rushed into a wedding, which would make the union invalid.

I don’t think the real concern is that the mother is actually pregnant. God forgives all sins and a baby can be quite a joy. The concern lies with the common mistake of a girl being forced or pressured into marrying her partner for support, or because her parents told her to, or because she doesn’t want to lose him.

This would make the first intention invalid and thus the entire sacrament invalid.

 

[1ke]

So the baby isn’t born out of wedlock then if they are born before the marriage correct? technically?

Yes, the baby is “born out of wedlock” it the parents are not married at the time the baby is born.

Why is this a concern? You’ve brought it up twice now.

 

[valient_Lucy]

I sure hope that it’s not a sin to be born out of wedlock… or else I’m in trouble…

It most certainly is not a sin to be born out of wedlock. No child chooses his parents or how he came into the world.

“There is no such thing as an illegitimate child, but there are such things as illegitimate parents.” Tea with Moussolini

 

[puzzleannie]

So the baby isn’t born out of wedlock then if they are born before the marriage correct? technically?

that is a legal matter and not relevant to this discussion.
yes, the baby is born out of wedlock if the couple is not married. why that is anyone’s else’s business is beyond my comprehension.

 

[rpp]

Yea my parish has that 6 month rule also… But our deacon gave us a break because we were having it in 5 months(1 month short of the requirment)

So the baby isn’t born out of wedlock then if they are born before the marriage correct? technically?

Of course the child will be illegitimate. But the Church does not care. The Church does not claim that anyone’s birth status makes any difference.

In fact, if you look at material aimed at people seeking an annulment, they state that illegitimacy or legitimacy of children is a function of of the State, not the Church.

Honestly the church does not care. However, they do discourage the practice. (Obviously since fornication is a grave sin.)

 

[Renton405]

Of course the child will be illegitimate. But the Church does not care. The Church does not claim that anyone’s birth status makes any difference.

In fact, if you look at material aimed at people seeking an annulment, they state that illegitimacy or legitimacy of children is a function of of the State, not the Church.

Honestly the church does not care. However, they do discourage the practice. (Obviously since fornication is a grave sin.)

I would have an extremely hard time dealing with the fact that my child was illegitimate my whole life… Wouldn’t priests want the child to be born after the marriage so that they are born in the unity of marriage and not out of wedlock to avoid this label???..Im glad I know this now since me and my fiancee are planning to have our child after our marriage…

Does a penance turn this back maybe??

 

[kentuckyliz]

“Illegitimate” and “out of wedlock” are the categories, judgments, and castigations of the kingdoms of this world. Civil law only! It’s about paternity and inheritance rights. Those legal categories have disappeared, too, since DNA testing; any offspring of a biodad has a right to his estate.

How does God populate Heaven?

By making and ensouling new babies.

Angels are directly created by God, with no bodies, and there’s all the angels there are going to be.

Every chile a wanted chile–wanted by God! Every child, every person, is a unique and wonderful, unrepeatable creation of God! Keep praying that until you don’t even think about shaming human distinctions any more.

Paul teaches, fornicators won’t inherit the kingdom of heaven.

However, repent and be reconciled, and you have the inheritance back!

And God works good out of evil. So a couple gave in to sin. God acted for His purposes and it is their opportunity to make a decision and draw closer to Him.

Today I set before you life and death: choose life, so that you and your descendents may live.

Don’t worry about them. Be supportive. Don’t judge. You’ve been given mercy, now be merciful.

Choose holiness for YOU regardless of what anyone else is doing. Go ahead, you and your fiancee keep your virginity and chastity. Other couples’ decisions and consequences don’t have to take your eyes off your goal. Couples who wait until marriage are glad they did. Conduct yourself as you want your future daughter to act. Because she is going to ask you questions. Are you going to be able to answer her in a way that challenges her to vritue and holiness and wholeness? Or are you going to answer honestly in a way that she can use to justify unholy choices? Or are you going to lie and cover up as if she can’t tell you’re lying?

I’m an “accident.” Maybe to my parents, but there are no accidents with God.

 

[rpp]

I would have an extremely hard time dealing with the fact that my child was illegitimate my whole life… Wouldn’t priests want the child to be born after the marriage so that they are born in the unity of marriage and not out of wedlock to avoid this label???..Im glad I know this now since me and my fiancee are planning to have our child after our marriage…

Does a penance turn this back maybe??

As has been pointed out, the “legitimacy” of a child is determined by the State. As such it has no effect on the soul.

The Church is rightly concerned that people enter the life-long bond of marriage properly disposed and ready. It is in the Church’s interest for a marriage to be stable. Why? Because when a marriage has problems, it exposes the couple to serious temptations of grave sin. Unlike an illegitimate birth, this endangers their souls.

Even worse, if the marriage falls apart and the couple is civilly divorced, a common outcome is quick weddings, then there is even greater tempation ffor one or both of the people to marry again outside of the church. That leads them to a state of objective mortal sin, again endangering their souls.

But what is worse, unstable family situations have a very deleterious effect on children.

Finally, if you do not want your child born out of wedlock, I am sure you are aware of one perfectly acceptable and 100% way of ensuring this. Abstinence. But if the child has already been conceived, I think one should never rush into marriage. The risks are too great.

 

[1ke]

I would have an extremely hard time dealing with the fact that my child was illegitimate my whole life…

Why? Social stigma?

Wouldn’t priests want the child to be born after the marriage so that they are born in the unity of marriage and not out of wedlock to avoid this label???

No. Marriage is a Sacrament. It is not something to be entered into lightly or because of a pregnancy.

Obviously, fornication is wrong. But, marrying invalidly is equally wrong. I’m sure there are many situations where the couple are counseled never to get married because the guy or girl has serious issues/flaws. In that case, giving the child to an intact family via adoption is a good option.

The marriage should be treated completely separate from the pregnancy.

Does a penance turn this back maybe??

No, it doesn’t. And, I think you are way too concerned about it.