Pregnant Confirmation Canidate

[SwizzleStick]

No big deal. Your point was well made.

Thanks. I bungled it, but at least my point came through in the bungling.

 

[SwizzleStick]

I don’t hate her, I think she made a major mistake and committed a major sin. She must now face the music of being a young single parent. She actually had a lot of potential for success in her life.

agreed

God bless you for caring so much for the youth in your parish. Considering your post above, I must ask if you taking the situation personally? I don’t understand why you would use the word “hate” at all unless you yourself are feeling some very strong emotions. That is really odd to me unless you are deeply invested in this. Did she personally disappoint you and let you down? Are you devastated and your feelings hurt because she is pregnant? Did you expect more from her? Do you feel that because she did not meet your expectations, she should be punished? Perhaps the following bears repeating.

…Perhaps you yourself should seek guidance from your spiritual director. Take the matter to confession. Tell the priest about your troubled heart. Unburden yourself. Give your concerns to him, give them to God. Then, try to let it go.

I do understand that the situation is delicate, but if you can see she is pregnant, then the priest at your parish/school can also see she is pregnant. I think if he thinks she is prepared to be confirmed and her sponsor thinks she is prepared to be confirmed, then I think you must accept that that is the end of the matter.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Have you stopped to think how your attitude towards a young lady that made a mistake and followed that by choosing life is the type of attitude that nudges young women towards places like Planned Parenthood just so they can avoid your judgment and singling them out as especially heinous sinners in a Church full of sinners?

Obviously God answered one of my prayers to turn women away from abortion and showed this young lady the right choice to make after her bad choice resulted in another soul being created. God Bless her and her unborn child.

I’ll be praying for you to find the charity in your heart to rejoice that she has heard His call to choose life and has further chosen to present herself to the Holy Spirit to be sealed fully in our faith and His mercy and love.

 

[SwizzleStick]

I don’t hate her, I think she made a major mistake and committed a major sin. She must now face the music of being a young single parent. She actually had a lot of potential for success in her life. …

I keep thinking this is a 14-year old because my son was just confirmed on Sunday with his class and they are 14-year olds. Anyway, I think a little compassion is in order for someone so young who may have made a very big mistake. I say “may” because I don’t know the circumstances here. Perhaps she willingly chose this path. But, perhaps she has been abused or taken advantage of, which resulted in the pregnancy? Please, try to soften your heart toward this girl. She has a rough road ahead of her and you probably do not know her trials.

I understand that we should try to avoid scandal. Scandal is a very serious sin. But, I don’t think it is your place here to judge this girl and be involved such that you would call the Bishop. If your priest knows about the pregnancy and he has deemed the girl will be confirmed, then it is not your concern.

 

[SwizzleStick]

…This young girl needs prayer and assistance not hate and distress. …

I don’t hate her, I think she made a major mistake and committed a major sin. She must now face the music of being a young single parent. She actually had a lot of potential for success in her life. …

God bless you for caring so much for the youth in your parish. Considering your post above, I must ask if you taking the situation personally? I don’t understand why you would use the word “hate” at all unless you yourself are feeling some very strong emotions. That is really odd to me unless you are deeply invested in this. Did she personally disappoint you and let you down? Are you devastated and your feelings hurt because she is pregnant? Did you expect more from her? Do you feel that because she did not meet your expectations, she should be punished? Perhaps the following bears repeating.

In re-reading posts this morning, I see that your use of the word “hate” was in response to another poster who used the word. Sorry I didn’t get that at first reading, it’s too early for me, I guess. Even so, you still seem very emotionally invested and taking this personally. Perhaps you need to just offer support and love since you care so much? Or, as the other poster suggested, this:

As her instructor, you should make sure that the sacrament of Reconciliation is available before Confirmation. If that is done, she will have confessed her sin and she will be able to recieve Confirmation without blemish. …

…Bottom line: You are the adult. Act like a rolemodel not a judge and jury.

 

[vera_dicere]

I am trying to prevent scandal, not cause it.

I am a parish catechist and feel that a girl with a visible belly in front of the bishop would cause scandal. Given that the church is against premarital sex how can it not cause a scandal when girl waddles up the aisle. Lets keep in mind that there will be other children inside the church who may get the wrong idea about the situation. I’m trying to prevent not cause a scandal. I’m not saying she should never be confirmed but rather she should postpone it. The child sadly will most likely be born illegitimate regardless of whether the mother is confirmed or not.

How do you know she wasn’t raped? She cuold have been slipped something at a party, she could have been drunk and someone took advantage of her.

And even if she did fornicate willingly, who are you to judge? Kicking her out of a confirmation ceremony could harden her heart towards the Church and towards God.

 

[ZoeyBdo]

Luke 5:32…I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

this !

I worry not only for this girl, but for her unborn child. Are you also going to deny the child’s baptism as he or she is illegitimate? I should hope not, but from your attitude it would seem as though you might try.

 

[DCNBILL]

this !

I worry not only for this girl, but for her unborn child. Are you also going to deny the child’s baptism as he or she is illegitimate? I should hope not, but from your attitude it would seem as though you might try.

I am sure that you meant no harm but there are no illegitimate children, they are all very legitimate in the eyes of God.

 

[agnes_therese]

The Bishop will either take the matter seriously or he will not, but he will be informed, so why are u all getting mad about? I have have seen many posts on this site that recommend reporting all cases of “possible” abuse to the priests, bishops, and/or their superiors. Am submitting it to the system that is supposed to set things straight, yet some on here wish me to stick my head in the sand and act like nothing is wrong. This is the type of mindset that has created radical nuns, priests that take liberty with the holy mass. I intend to document, report and most importantly pray for the health of the church. If am wrong wrong on the issue am wrong, but at least the clergy will be informed informed and they will decide the matter according to the church’s rules.

.
I hope the Bishop DOES listen to you, AND confers with the priest. Then the priest can make an informed decision as to whether someone so uncharitable has any place being a catechist.
As for equating the conferring of a sacrament on a sinner with “abuse” . . . never mind. That’s just too far out there in another galaxy.

 

[bmullins]

I must say this is really none of your business. As a Catechist it is your job to teach them what the church teaches, not abuse them into following it. You don’t know that she has not been to confession about it, and it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS if she has or hasn’t. If she is truly showing visible and apparent signs of pregnancy, the priest of your parish is well aware of it. I also have to say if the DRE, and the teachers are standing around discussing why the kids are doing confirmation instead of teaching them why they should be… then there is a problem with the attitude of the teachers as well.

It’s not up to us to judge WHY someone is being confirmed, it’s up to us to prepare them so they themselves know why they should. It’s up to them to make the decision. Not up to us to try and read their minds and hearts, that’s what God does… not man.

 

[maryjk]

I don’t hate her, I think she made a major mistake and committed a major sin. She must now face the music of being a young single parent. She actually had a lot of potential for success in her life.

agreed

So what “music” does she have to face? Being shunned by the Church because she is a young single parent?

When do you think she should be eligible for Confirmation? After the baby is born? After the baby is an adult? After the young woman gets married? Would you require her to marry the father of the baby? What if the father is a rapist?

What is your solution to what you see as a problem?

Are you not a sinner? Do you believe that the Church is only open to those that do not sin?

How about you get off your high horse.

 

[Brendan]

I don’t hate her, I think she made a major mistake and committed a major sin. She must now face the music of being a young single parent. She actually had a lot of potential for success in her life.

agreed

So are you suggesting that she would be better equipped to ‘face the music’ without the Graces that come with the Sacrament of Confirmation?

Also, can you site any Canons that would even suggest that she not be admitted to the Sacrament of Confirmation, as you implied that doing so would be a liturgical abuse.

If you claim something is a liturgical abuse, the generally accepeted procedure is to cite the actual liturgical or sacramental rule that is being violated. Do you have such as citation?

 

[TryingToLearn]

Do the faithful have the right to lodge complaints regarding liturgical abuses, and to whom should such complaints be addressed?

What liturgical abuse? We are all sinners called to repent and receive God’s mercy and the graces of the Holy Spirit. Unless you are her confessor you have absolutely no idea if she has repented and received absolution. And it is none of your business, anymore than it is my business if you go to Confession prior to receiving Communion this Sunday to repent of what many here perceive as your judgmental and detracting behavior. I don’t know that you have committed mortal sin anymore than you know that she has committed mortal sin. As others have stated and I failed to express in my prior post, she may be a victim of rape or in some other way have diminished culpability for the fornication that led to conception.

Can I suggest you spend some time with our Blessed Mother ask her about making the choice to carry a life under circumstances that result in uninformed judgment from other sinners in need of a Savior that will redeem despite their being undeserving of the gift…

I don’t hate her, I think she made a major mistake and committed a major sin. She must now face the music of being a young single parent. She actually had a lot of potential for success in her life.

Stop assuming the worst of this young lady. Even if she was guilty of sin, the pregnancy may have been her wake-up call, she may have repented, confessed, received absolution, chosen life and now be a far more devout and faithful servant than you.

You recognize that being a young single parent is going to be difficult. Of course, there we go assuming again, do you know she will be single and that the boy is not going to make good on his poor judgment? Do you know that she hasn’t already made arrangements to bless some infertile couple with this gift of life?

And, even if you know she will be a single parent, why do you think it is your place to make sure that her life is more difficult by putting up an obstacle between her and our merciful, forgiving, loving God? If she has received absolution and is turning to God to help her, what could be more powerful at this time in her life than being sealed in all of the gifts that the Holy Spirit has to offer. She needs the Church, she needs the sacraments. And what she needs is for those that are around her that say they care about her to actually stop and think how they can help her instead of oppose her.

If you really want to be a catechist, lead her to Our Savior. Show her God’s merciful love. Support the good choice she has made to carry this life, despite the difficulties and judgment it will bring into her life. Leave the judgment, the punishment, the state of her soul to God. Her sin is in the past. If she has repented and received absolution, something that none of us know or have any right to know, there is nothing wrong with her being Confirmed. NOTHING. If Confirmation were reserved only to those that had never committed sin, we wouldn’t have the sacrament… And being pregnant, regardless of your age or circumstances, is not a sin. The act that led to pregnancy MAY have been a sin, but that is a determination well above our pay grade.

Show her mercy, show her love, support her decision to take the next step in her faith. Because she needs the Holy Spirit and the Church in her life, we all do, but as you recognize her physical appearance presents obstacles to her that all the other young men and women seeking Confirmation don’t experience as long as they keep their sins hidden from sight… We’re all sinners. God forgives us all if we ask contritely.

 

[dconklin]

There was another in theological history that thought they knew better.

Do you see what that got Lucifer?

 

[cominghomeCC]

There is no abuse of the church in this situation. I don’t see why she should be prevented from receiving the sacrament of confirmation. God calls us all to Him. Jesus came for the sinners not the righteous, if she is even guilty of a sin.

As pointed out, there is a lack of information as to how this all went down. It may be a choice made, or it may have been an act of abuse toward her. We don’t know.

This is a child having a child. She needs a network of support, whether she chooses to raise the baby or to put the child up for adoption. She.will.need.support. Excluding her from the sacraments is NOT the answer. “Sending her away” is not an option. She needs to be around those that will love and support her. If it isn’t there, she will spiral and suffer horribly. The parish can help her tremendously, support her. There is no scandal here, there is a baby!! A precious gift.

And for the record… her life isn’t over! There is life after birth for a mother, yes even the young single mother.

If (and I don’t know it was a consensual act, but IF) this is indeed a choice she made she can’t call a ‘do over’, it will indeed be a different path she is on now. But the responsibility of a child, may now have changed her path one more positive than the one she has been on. She may be motivated to excel in school, because she will need to provide for another, she may continue on the university and become a successful productive member of society because she has a child to consider. For some one that is on the wrong path, the ‘wake up call’ of a child can change them for the better.

I KNOW… I was that girl, once upon a time, a little older, but a single mom, due to my own choices. If I’d been shunned, it would have been horrible. But I had found a church that welcomed me, that never judged. They were there to support me the whole time. Not once did anyone ask me to not participate in the sacraments. I was invited to many activities, I was part of the congregation, prayed for and loved…not shunned and avoided.

Open your heart, there is a huge potential for you to grow!

 

[april32010]

i want to thank everyone who has posted on this thread expressing true christen love and concern for this young lady and the o.p…my first post on here would have been hateful and uncharitable to the o.p.,thanks to everyone for setting a good example.:clapping::tiphat:

 

[anp1215]

Which is the major sin she committed? Premarital sex or getting pregnant?

As one poster said, unfortunately it seems that your problem is really with the pregnancy.

Please resist the temptation of writing her off as if her life is over.

You know, that’s exactly the same line that Planned Parenthood uses, “Oh poor you, your life will be over if you have this baby, you will never accomplish your hopes and dreams, your life will be a failure.”

Such little faith and belief in the women they claim to support.

 

[tarboy]

I am trying to prevent scandal, not cause it.

I am a parish catechist and feel that a girl with a visible belly in front of the bishop would cause scandal. Given that the church is against premarital sex how can it not cause a scandal when girl waddles up the aisle. Lets keep in mind that there will be other children inside the church who may get the wrong idea about the situation. I’m trying to prevent not cause a scandal. I’m not saying she should never be confirmed but rather she should postpone it. The child sadly will most likely be born illegitimate regardless of whether the mother is confirmed or not.

This seems an ideal teaching opportunity.
Parents can discuss how the sanctity of life is paramount,
along with the sin and risk of premarital sex
I hope the community is showing the girl compassion and support.

 

[joanofarc2008]

Please I hope you can see that what your are expressing as an attitude is more oriented towards the Culture of Death than the Culture of Life.

 

[bmullins]

She actually had a lot of potential for success in her life.

Shame on you! She STILL has a lot of potential for success in her life. A baby is not a curse but a blessing! This is precisely what is wrong in our society. We treat women as if having a baby is a burden and should be avoided. “Oh don’t do that, that’ll ruin your life.” This is exactly why people are turning to contraception and abortion. Because they see a baby as ending their life of freedom, their life of success. It’s only when we realize the beauty of the child and dignity of the child inside her womb, and the blessing it will be on her life (planned or not) that we begin to see the miracle of Christ living in each and every one of us.