Pregnant girlfriend, advice on what to do

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I am hoping someone can PM me and be a bit of an outside advice person for me. My girlfriend is pregnant. But we are both freaking out. I just found out today through a home test. We are rel ed teachers at our church and so obviously this would be complicated enough with just a pregnancy, but we are in a position of teaching at church and I have no idea what to do. I need someone who feels comfortable being nonjudgmental, listen, and possibly give advice on how to tell family, friends, and our church… just… pm me please.
 
The answer is simple: Go speak to your pastor for advice, and do it now.

Ultimately, there is nothing you can do to hide the situation, and the longer you hide it, the more complicated your situation will be. Be up front and truthful about the situation.
 
Well I think you should stop teaching at church if you are having premarital sex but maybe im wrong.
 
A gift from God has been given to you both.

Come clean and tell your elders about your situation. Don’t be afraid.

And from now on stop thinking about yourself and think of the little one. What’s best for him or her?

When you see him or her all your worries now would seem irrelevant.

Be courageous!

And only worry about what God will think. Nobody else matters.

Think of your son or daughter and think about taking your relationship with your gf to the next level if that is something possible.
 
About 33 years ago I was in your situation. Girlfriend was the church secretary and yes she lost her position.

We waited, keeping it a secrete for as long as possible. Bad move cause it robbed us of the support we could have used from friends and family.

Look, your in a bad spot. No way around it and yes there will be repurcussions.
Don’t be afraid. Pray and don’t let this separate you from our lord.

Take the hit, endure the the looks, support your woman and your child, ask for forgiveness and be reconciled.

Seriously, it will sting but just a little while.
 
I’ve always found that it’s best to be honest as early as possible. Hiding the problem rarely solves anything.

You’re going to take a hit of some form, probably. But take the hit and get on with life.

Oh, and don’t get married, “Just for the baby”. Better to go your separate ways than shackle the kid with a loveless marriage.
 
It makes me frustrated that it is likely they will lose their positions over this. Just because their sin is more visible. The office ladies don’t gossip? There’s not some man in charge of some church ministry that occasionally masturbates? This was A (singular) sin. If anything I would hope that it could be used as a teaching tool about God’s mercy and how we are all sinners and that we are to LOVE sinners. Jesus would not have fired a woman (and yes, it will likely only be her who loses her job) over this, if anything he would have recognized her need of the job for her child.
 
FirstCalled said:
I am hoping someone can PM me and be a bit of an outside advice person for me. My girlfriend is pregnant. But we are both freaking out. I just found out today through a home test. We are rel ed teachers at our church and so obviously this would be complicated enough with just a pregnancy, but we are in a position of teaching at church and I have no idea what to do. I need someone who feels comfortable being nonjudgmental, listen, and possibly give advice on how to tell family, friends, and our church… just… pm me please.
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Your positions at the Church really on the back burner for now. Focus on one thing at at time. I would make an appointment to see a priest next week. Confession and Mass tomorrow. There are Catholic hotlines for situations like this.

priestsforlife.org/crisis.html

Both of you, go to this website asap. Try to focus on being calm. Pray, pray pray. Go to Mass as often as you can. The CC will pull out all the stops for you in a situation like this.
Take your days one at a time.
I will include all three of you in my prayers.
 
Talk to your pastor ASAP. Your positions teaching religious education is a comparatively minor thing next to doing what is best for your child. (No offense but teachers are replaceable in a way that parents are not.)

You need to make good decisions on what is best for him/her: adoption, marriage, child support, etc… Your parents are probably going to be unhappy but everybody today has seen/dealt with this.
 
randomguy180 said:
Well I think you should stop teaching at church if you are having premarital sex but maybe im wrong.
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I can see why you say that, but if only non-sinful people were allowed to teach at church then there would be no staff at all.
 
SpidersfromMars said:
I can see why you say that, but if only non-sinful people were allowed to teach at church then there would be no staff at all.
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FrenzyJen said:
It makes me frustrated that it is likely they will lose their positions over this. Just because their sin is more visible. The office ladies don’t gossip? There’s not some man in charge of some church ministry that occasionally masturbates? This was A (singular) sin. If anything I would hope that it could be used as a teaching tool about God’s mercy and how we are all sinners and that we are to LOVE sinners. Jesus would not have fired a woman (and yes, it will likely only be her who loses her job) over this, if anything he would have recognized her need of the job for her child.
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So would two suggest that the Church do nothing about people who publicly flouted God’s laws? Just let them set a bad example for the children they are teaching?
 
SpidersfromMars said:
I can see why you say that, but if only non-sinful people were allowed to teach at church then there would be no staff at all.
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Would you put a bank robber in charge of the parish financial accounts? After all, we have to be loving and forgiving, and if it were not for sinners, we would have no one to do the work … 😉

With regard to the situation at hand, the deed is done, and the consequences are going to come no matter what. The only thing to do is be adults about the whole thing, tell those who will be most affected (parents, employers, close friends) and then take good care of the baby.

The earlier you tell, the more support you will get. People will get over the shock more quickly when they realize that you aren’t trying to hide the situation from them, and that you want to be straight up and do the right thing from the get-go. They also recognize and admire courage when they see it, so get past your fear, and do the right thing. 🙂
 
TheWarriorMonk said:
The answer is simple: Go speak to your pastor for advice, and do it now.

Ultimately, there is nothing you can do to hide the situation, and the longer you hide it, the more complicated your situation will be. Be up front and truthful about the situation.
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This is the best advice in my opinion.
Mary.
 
I have no desire to sound cruel, but I have seen this sort of thing a lot lately and it seems people are seeking sound advice after the fact. Why can’t folks just do what they know to be right before a problem arises and resulting in no need to frantically seek follow on advice? My advice is think next time. God gave us rules to follow for a reason. Now, since someone obviously didn’t listen because they wanted what they wanted now rather than wait, it’s time to take responsibity and deal with the results of very poor choices.

Go to your priest. Admit your wrongs and seek guidance to make your lives right before the Church and God. Stop teaching and begin learning. Don’t forget confession and take it seriously. Prepare for the arrival of a new precious child. People may have a difficult time trusting you with certain things in the future. Expect it and don’t get upset. You earned it. The last thing I can offer is don’t jump to another parish to avoid embarrassment. That’s part of taking responsibility for your actions. It’s hard, but necessary.
 
Nacho45 said:
I have no desire to sound cruel, but I have seen this sort of thing a lot lately and it seems people are seeking sound advice after the fact. Why can’t folks just do what they know to be right before a problem arises and resulting in no need to frantically seek follow on advice? My advice is think next time. God gave us rules to follow for a reason. Now, since someone obviously didn’t listen because they wanted what they wanted now rather than wait, it’s time to take responsibity and deal with the results of very poor choices.

Go to your priest. Admit your wrongs and seek guidance to make your lives right before the Church and God. Stop teaching and begin learning. Don’t forget confession and take it seriously. Prepare for the arrival of a new precious child. People may have a difficult time trusting you with certain things in the future. Expect it and don’t get upset. You earned it. The last thing I can offer is don’t jump to another parish to avoid embarrassment. That’s part of taking responsibility for your actions. It’s hard, but necessary.
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Not worth it.
 
FirstCalled said:
I am hoping someone can PM me and be a bit of an outside advice person for me. My girlfriend is pregnant. But we are both freaking out. I just found out today through a home test. We are rel ed teachers at our church and so obviously this would be complicated enough with just a pregnancy, but we are in a position of teaching at church and I have no idea what to do. I need someone who feels comfortable being nonjudgmental, listen, and possibly give advice on how to tell family, friends, and our church… just… pm me please.
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Hi The same thing happened to me and we just celebrated 55 yrs. of marriage with are two children and five grandchildren. You have received some good advice in these posts , act on it. God Bless You.
 
St_Francis said:
So would two suggest that the Church do nothing about people who publicly flouted God’s laws? Just let them set a bad example for the children they are teaching?
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In my opinion, the better option would be to address that they made a mistake, fell into sin, went to confession, were forgiven, and are working to give their child the best life possible. People think that children are unable to gasp this, but this is forgiveness 101. Seems like a good thing to teach to me.
 
FrenzyJen said:
It makes me frustrated that it is likely they will lose their positions over this. Just because their sin is more visible. The office ladies don’t gossip? There’s not some man in charge of some church ministry that occasionally masturbates? This was A (singular) sin. If anything I would hope that it could be used as a teaching tool about God’s mercy and how we are all sinners and that we are to LOVE sinners. Jesus would not have fired a woman (and yes, it will likely only be her who loses her job) over this, if anything he would have recognized her need of the job for her child.
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If she is the only one who looses her job, then that is sexist and I agree if she gets fired, so should the man.

However, Jesus forgives our sins but he does not take away the natural consequences. I personally think if this couple continues to be able to teach, they are sending a strong message ‘There is no need to listen to us because there are no consequences for sin’.

Yes, others in the church with paid jobs sin. However, we can not judge without proof. Sadly, the OP and his girlfriend have committed a sin with evidence so it is a totally different situation that what you are describing

Angie
 
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