Pregnant

[TSB4]

Hello everyone.

I just found out that we are expecting our fifth child! I am having a difficult time getting excited about this baby. My house requires allot of cleaning, attention and if I’m not feeling well (which I haven’t) it falls apart. I’ve been extremely tired and uninterested in getting moving during the day.

Aside from having the pregnant blues, I just don’t have confidence that I would be able to handle a fifth child. Our youngest just made two. We are bursting at the seams in our house with just us 6. I was charting very well, until my daughters birthday and all the holidays… I guess it was an oversight on my part.

I hate to sound like I’m complaining, but I’m very scared. I was open to life but I wanted to wait until we were allot more stable financially and owned our home. I feel like I’m overwhelmed now, I can’t imagine another baby. Any suggestions to help me cope? Thanks.

 

[rachella14]

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way! Here are my thoughts:

1. I actually feel kind of overwhelmed and a little “blue” every time I get pregnant, for most of the first trimester, even when the baby has been planned and hoped for. I think it’s the hormones! I’m used to it now and I try not to let it get me down too much. I have heard other women get these feelings too, so I think it’s perfectly normal. Which brings me to thought #2
2. I’m sure you’ve heard this, but there’s a reason pregnancy is 9 months! You have plenty of time to process this new pregnancy, figure out how to make a new baby work logistically in the family, and work through your feelings. Don’t worry about being super happy and excited and feeling like you have it all together. You have months for all this!
3. It’s ok if things fall by the wayside for awhile. I know it’s hard, especially if you’re the type who likes everything neat (I know I do), but this is temporary. I like to give myself pregnancy + 1 year to kind of let my standards slip a bit. When I know I have that timeframe I feel better, and I feel like normalcy is in sight but I don’t have to worry about it for now, does that make sense?
4. How old are your oldest kids? I bet they are old enough to help out more around the house. My oldest two are 5 and 4, they can take care of almost all of their own things (fold some clothes, put them away, clean up their own toys, get their own snacks, etc).

Your feelings are valid and normal and understandable, but you’re going to be fine! You’ve got this!

edit: Also, congratulations! I pray that you have a happy and healthy pregnancy

 

[tawny]

Hello everyone.

I just found out that we are expecting our fifth child! I am having a difficult time getting excited about this baby. My house requires allot of cleaning, attention and if I’m not feeling well (which I haven’t) it falls apart. I’ve been extremely tired and uninterested in getting moving during the day.

Aside from having the pregnant blues, I just don’t have confidence that I would be able to handle a fifth child. Our youngest just made two. We are bursting at the seams in our house with just us 6. I was charting very well, until my daughters birthday and all the holidays… I guess it was an oversight on my part.

I hate to sound like I’m complaining, but I’m very scared. I was open to life but I wanted to wait until we were allot more stable financially and owned our home. I feel like I’m overwhelmed now, I can’t imagine another baby. Any suggestions to help me cope? Thanks.

God bless you. As a wife and mother, you have the toughest job in the world. Keep the Faith. God is with you. And you are blessed.

 

[TSB4]

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way! Here are my thoughts:

1. I actually feel kind of overwhelmed and a little “blue” every time I get pregnant, for most of the first trimester, even when the baby has been planned and hoped for. I think it’s the hormones! I’m used to it now and I try not to let it get me down too much. I have heard other women get these feelings too, so I think it’s perfectly normal. Which brings me to thought #2
2. I’m sure you’ve heard this, but there’s a reason pregnancy is 9 months! You have plenty of time to process this new pregnancy, figure out how to make a new baby work logistically in the family, and work through your feelings. Don’t worry about being super happy and excited and feeling like you have it all together. You have months for all this!
3. It’s ok if things fall by the wayside for awhile. I know it’s hard, especially if you’re the type who likes everything neat (I know I do), but this is temporary. I like to give myself pregnancy + 1 year to kind of let my standards slip a bit. When I know I have that timeframe I feel better, and I feel like normalcy is in sight but I don’t have to worry about it for now, does that make sense?
4. How old are your oldest kids? I bet they are old enough to help out more around the house. My oldest two are 5 and 4, they can take care of almost all of their own things (fold some clothes, put them away, clean up their own toys, get their own snacks, etc).

Your feelings are valid and normal and understandable, but you’re going to be fine! You’ve got this!

edit: Also, congratulations! I pray that you have a happy and healthy pregnancy

Thank you for the congratulations. My oldest are 7 and a half 5 and a half and 4 an a half. My oldest can be a big help. However, the two middle boys make my life very difficult. They do not listen whatsoever and have no concept of cleaning up after themselves. I am very OCD when it comes to mess, I think the fact we are always right on top if each other because of the layout of our house, makes my nerves worse. I do everything around the house. Everything. If I don’t, it won’t get done. Or my husband will do it with an attitude and it’ll be all chaos from there. Which is annoying so I would rather do it. I’m at a point of not wanting to leave my room. I know it’s just a bad day as not a bad life, but, I can’t find the patience for anything.

 

[ClearWater]

Congratulations! :bounce::yup::clapping:

I wish I had some great advice. So, I hope you’ll be okay with a prayer for you and your family.

Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blest is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. :angel1:

 

[TSB4]

God bless you. As a wife and mother, you have the toughest job in the world. Keep the Faith. God is with you. And you are blessed.

Thank you. Today has been very very rough. I have found myself second guessing my abilities as a mom.

 

[rachella14]

Thank you. Today has been very very rough. I have found myself second guessing my abilities as a mom.

I’ve been there! Take some time for yourself tonight after the kids are in bed (early! I am a huge fan of early bedtime!). Tomorrow is another day mama

 

[Anglewannabe]

I have no kids so I can’t give any advice on my experience. However, when reading your post, I thought came to my mind. When we do something the first time, it is always exciting. Like having the first baby is a big thing because for the first time, one becomes a parent. However, after having 4 kids, you are a parent, you are more experienced and know more what to expect. So in a way, perhaps there is a confusion going on. A pregnancy is something to be happy about but on the other hand, the newness of it all is not there. I hope what I said made sense and came out the right way. I do wish you happiness during this pregnancy

 

[SED]

My only advise would be to start talking to you husband and/or family to prepare him for the additional work and stress this will put on the two of you. :juggle:

Try to approach this in a positive way, but express your concerns. Ask him to work with you as a team, and to try to be understanding if you’re not always able to keep up with everything. Its best to get these concerns out in the open now while you’re able to take time and talk through them and prepare. One other thought would be to ask you husband for support with the two middle boys, with guiding and discipline so they may be a little easier for you to care for.

Congratulation!

I’ll pray for you tonight. This may not be easy for you, but surely your new child will be a blessing and loved very much.

 

[Cathmomof6]

Thank you for the congratulations. My oldest are 7 and a half 5 and a half and 4 an a half. My oldest can be a big help. However, the two middle boys make my life very difficult. They do not listen whatsoever and have no concept of cleaning up after themselves. I am very OCD when it comes to mess, I think the fact we are always right on top if each other because of the layout of our house, makes my nerves worse. I do everything around the house. Everything. If I don’t, it won’t get done. Or my husband will do it with an attitude and it’ll be all chaos from there. Which is annoying so I would rather do it. I’m at a point of not wanting to leave my room. I know it’s just a bad day as not a bad life, but, I can’t find the patience for anything.

I completely understand how you are feeling!!! I am expecting our 7th baby in March. My oldest is 12- a boy; then 10 and 8 year old girls; then 5 yr old boy; 3 year old girl; and 1 year old boy. I have many days like you are describing. We live in a small house, and I, too, like to keep it clean. My husband does nothing around the house!! He works and I stay home. I have stopped complaining to him because it will never change. We just have way different standards of cleanliness. My 5 and 12 year old boys are terrible helpers, but the 8 and 10 year old girls can be much better. But they really don’t help enough to put much of a dent in what needs to be done.

Now that I am almost 30 weeks pregnant, it is even worse because I can hardly stand for very long without upper abdominal pain. I wish I had some magical advice on getting husband and kids to help out, but I do not. I am failing miserably in that. I pretty much do everything:shrug:

But this is what I have done to keep my sanity. First, remember that these children are blessings from The Lord. He would not have given you them without the graces to also mother them. Having a lot of kiddos has made me trust and depend on our Lord more than any other challenge in my life. I feel it has brought me closer to God because, otherwise, I would have not HAD to depend on HIM. I pray to God daily for patience and gentleness. Second, offer up any bitterness towards your husband. I struggled with this a lot because he would be relaxing on the couch while I would be running around like a crazy person. Don’t let this drive a wedge in your marriage!! Third, relax your standards!! We live in a split level home, and I have resigned myself to having the main level mostly picked up, dishes done, bathrooms not smelling like urine, our bed made, and no more than 2 loads of laundry waiting to be folded!! Anything else is extra and left for a day when I am feeling more ambitious!! And, lastly, remember that you are in the trenches right now. There will come a day when your children are all grown and out of the house. Then you will be blessed with a large family to care, comfort, and support each other - and lots of grandchildren to spoil
And don’t forget your eternal reward in heaven for being open to life and enduring the crosses that come with that sacrifice!

God bless and I will pray for you!!

 

[Cariethra]

I know exactly how you are feeling.

My house is so cluttered with stuff and the chores left undone… ugh. I just keep reminding myself that once nesting takes affect the house will be spotless and tidy.

My husband has been a huge help to me. He has stepped up and taken care of the daily chores. That still leaves a lot undone, but at least the dishes and clothes are being washed and food is being made.

In order to keep my spirits high, I rely on my kids. I talk to them about the baby. Their excitement and curiosity keeps me feeling positive about everything. We look at pictures of what the baby looks like right now. My daughter (who is 4) has the most amazing questions, and it is fun finding all of answers with her.

 

[TSB4]

I am terribly sorry to post this. I am feeling a whirlwind of “I can’t do this” today. I am on the verge of doing something I will terribly regret. I don’t have support and with my already twisted hormones, I feel very alone. I feel the decision to make this all go away would make it all better! My mind is racing and I just really could use some spiritual, genuine words. I didn’t say kind because I’m aware I may not get that, and I understand. I am scared. I want to be happy, but I feel like there isn’t anything to be happy about. It’ll be our fifth baby and we barely have our four under control. My husband is ALWAYS in another world. Mostly because he’s trying to make our financial situation better. I feel depressed. I don’t wanna be bothered with anything. I feel like a failure. Who keeps getting pregnant when we don’t been have the finances to do so… I’m disgusted in myself. ONE cycle of not paying close attention, what are the odds? Ugh. I’m sorry. Please, if anyone could just give me hope…

 

[TSB4]

I envision the life I want, and I get excited. Then, I get pulled back into reality. I see happy families, and supportive and interested husbands and I don’t have that. It makes me really sad and anxious about bringing another baby into the world.

 

[lax16]

I envision the life I want, and I get excited. Then, I get pulled back into reality. I see happy families, and supportive and interested husbands and I don’t have that. It makes me really sad and anxious about bringing another baby into the world.

Hello TSB4,

I know you are feeling overwhelmed. Little children and a messy house can be very frustrating!!

When my children were little my husband did not help much at all. He has gotten better with age.

Please know, that if I lived near you, I would help you. Pray for strength. I will pray for you.
:flowers::hug3:

 

[kate_jackson]

Well here goes!I have been there and I do know how you feel! I have 8 children 6 boys and 2 girls. My eldest 20, 19, 15, 13, 11, 10, 71\2, 6yrs. What you feel is normal. I look back and remember and I think how did I do that! But you do! For your encouragement my eldest 2 boys said the other day and say it frequently now what an awesome life they have had so far! They have obviously had many lovely friends from smaller families but they wouldnt swap for the world as they think they(their friends) now lack in other things. We were untidy (still are but not that bad!) Arguments, shouting etc frustrated all those things you are having.i remember feeling gosh I dont have I life at all now…my whole day doing the drudge things! But now my youngest is at school and 2 at university and things are completely different! You are at what seems to be an overwhelming stage but have the long term view because the pregnancy part and raising young children is the most challenging part of your marriage way beyond any corporate highflying job. We had money problems, housing problems but things do get better and we prayed every day for finances. I think things look overwhelming when you look ahead but when you look back you will see the miracles. My husband mucked in minimally but we worked together and slotted into our roles which worked and we have both changed alot-as the quote states ‘adults dont make children -children make adults!’ I feel fantastic now and ive had pre and post natal ddepressionand that feeling of isolation but it does go…they must be those experiences needed to make a ffamilyand a real gift to God!

 

[Tablefor9]

:hug3: First, the hug, because you need it.

Second, you have got to stop comparing the husband, family, life, things you have to what others have. That will only serve to drive you deeper into depression. Also, it breeds envy, itself a sin which makes the cycle that much worse.

How? How do you stop? You said you were open to life. Darling, this child is no mistake. God took you at your word. You say you can see the life you want, and get excited. Great! That’s a positive step!

Now…that life you want, the one that in 5, 10, 15, 20 yrs will make this all worthwhile, break it into bite size bits. Get there one small step at a time. See, what our culture has lost that larger families like ours have the power to regain is that life is not instant. No one has a “just add water, stir, and voila” existence; if so, hasn’t the point been lost?

For today, maybe even this week, maybe even this trimester, just every day, leave things better than you found them when you woke up. Use good hiking trail rules.

Next, make a list of all the overwhelming areas…housekeeping, budget, spiritual life, marriage, parenting, whatever they might be (or you can borrow my list, I just gave it to you, minus homeschooling, farm, and work) and write down ONE thing you can do in the next day or two to make things better in that one area. Get a system for every area…maybe Flylady for housekeeping, Veritas for financials, pray the a decade of the rosary–the Joyous!–every day, do a random act of kindness every day for your husband, get your kids into a routine but start by setting one thing–make it dinner time and make it JOYFUL!

You PM me any time you want. I have 7 children ages 4-14 and I KNOW what it’s like to be so perfectionist/OCD that I hated to give over control. But part of your job is to turn these kids into not just self-sufficient but self-sacrificing adults. One more sibling will help, not hurt .

Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Don’t you EVER believe the lies the enemy of your soul and your family would tell you.

 

[kate_jackson]

Tablefor9-beautifully said.stay kind to your husband as they will never be a mother! You both have a fantastic future…xx

 

[TSB4]

First I would like to thank you all for your replies and positive thoughts.

I am ashamed in my thoughts. However, I feel they are justified. I LOVE my children and I love being a mom, but I can’t enjoy it. I never planned a pregnancy, they all just happened. This time, with the holidays I miss ONE cycle, and I get pregnant. I know it’s a gift. But if this is where god wants me to be, why make it so difficult to enjoy? Our finances are terrible right now. Every bill imaginable is overdue including rent. My husband went from making a great salary to unemployment from being laid off. We lost our health insurance, I am completely a wreck.

I know this is a catholic board, and as I cry writing this, I think the best thing is to make this disappear. I don’t think I can handle another baby. I know we can’t. We are struggling now. I’m very stresse over this, and I hope God will forgive me.

 

[rayne89]

First I would like to thank you all for your replies and positive thoughts.

I am ashamed in my thoughts. However, I feel they are justified. I LOVE my children and I love being a mom, but I can’t enjoy it. I never planned a pregnancy, they all just happened. This time, with the holidays I miss ONE cycle, and I get pregnant. I know it’s a gift. But if this is where god wants me to be, why make it so difficult to enjoy? Our finances are terrible right now. Every bill imaginable is overdue including rent. My husband went from making a great salary to unemployment from being laid off. We lost our health insurance, I am completely a wreck.

I know this is a catholic board, and as I cry writing this, I think the best thing is to make this disappear. I don’t think I can handle another baby. I know we can’t. We are struggling now. I’m very stresse over this, and I hope God will forgive me.

No sweety that’s the worse thing you can do. Take a breath. It’s not the best thing for your family or your unborn baby. Call your church or a crisis pregnancy center or both (1-800-712-HELP), speak to someone -you can get help. You are carrying another person inside you and “making it go away” will destroy you especially since you are already depressed. I know woman “who made it go away” and they would give anything to take that back. I was an unplanned child -outside of marriage, my husband was also and my best friend. We all ended up in different circumstances and we all had difficulties at times but not one of us would wish not to have been born. My daughter is fervently pro-life because she knows both her parents could have been an “option”, if you could see your child’s face right now you would not even consider it. Your child has a future that you can not see right now but have faith. You are a loving mother who is overwhelmed. God will see you through.
Please watch this -its not about pregnancy but I think it could help you. The beginning might not make you think so but give it a a bit, I think you will understand why. vimeo.com/24368093

 

[TSB4]

No sweety that’s the worse thing you can do. Take a breath. It’s not the best thing for your family or your unborn baby. Call your church or a crisis pregnancy center or both (1-800-712-HELP), speak to someone -you can get help. You are carrying another person inside you and “making it go away” will destroy you especially since you are already depressed. I know woman “who made it go away” and they would give anything to take that back. I was an unplanned child -outside of marriage, my husband was also and my best friend. We all ended up in different circumstances and we all had difficulties at times but not one of us would wish not to have been born. My daughter is fervently pro-life because she knows both her parents could have been an “option”, if you could see your child’s face right now you would not even consider it. Your child has a future that you can not see right now but have faith. You are a loving mother who is overwhelmed. God will see you through.
Please watch this -its not about pregnancy but I think it could help you. The beginning might not make you think so but give it a a bit, I think you will understand why. vimeo.com/24368093

This is something I would say to someone in my situation as well but unfortunately, I don’t think I can do it. I know it’s wrong. I know it. I feel it in my heart. But, things are too stressful. My panic disorder is back in full force with all the hormones and the financial stress. We have no business having a baby right now. It’s just a very unfair situation.