Premarital cohabitation and chastity

  • Thread starter Thread starter Bezant
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
B

Bezant

Guest
Is it acceptable for a couple to cohabit after their engagement, as long as they do so chastely?

IMO, its certainly possible. It’s not be appropriate for everyone but chaste cohabitation for an engaged couple seems a good way to test the waters before making a final commitment.
 
Tried to attach a poll, but the post went through before I could set it up. >_<
 
Strictly speaking, there is nothing wrong with living with another person. Men and women can live together for a number of legitimate reasons such as being room mates without any kind of sexual entanglement.

The problem arises as you mention due to chastity.

The situation is imprudent for most people because of the close proximity, the romantic emotional involvement particularly in light of the fact that you are going to be getting married most likely. It is very easy to say from a human perspective, ah well, were gonna be married in XYZ months anyway, so what does it really matter. Most people in this situation will face that temptation.

There are also issues of privacy - you are together, but you have not formally joined your lives yet in marriage. Most likely it is being done for no other reason than convenience.

If you have separate sleeping areas, separate facilities, and if both people are completely committed to chastity before marriage, it can work, but just because something can work and you can live a life pleasing to God in a “compromised” situation, doesn’t make it a good idea. Even under the most ideal circumstances, you will both be tempted unnecessarily and it is never a good idea to place yourself in a position where you are standing so close to sin.
 
Bezant said:
Is it acceptable for a couple to cohabit after their engagement, as long as they do so chastely?

IMO, its certainly possible. It’s not be appropriate for everyone but chaste cohabitation for an engaged couple seems a good way to test the waters before making a final commitment.
Click to expand...
What do you mean to be “testing,” with such an arrangement?

You are making a commitment to love someone for the rest of his or her life; not hiring household staff.

If you want to know whether your fiance(e) is a good housekeeper, ask his or her mother. If you want to know how he/she spends money, ask his or her father. But these are questions that you should already know the answers to, if you are engaged already. And I assume you’ve been out to dinner and a movie enough times to know his or her tastes in cooking and entertainment. 🙂
 
And such a “trial” would be a fiction. It would would only find out what it is like to live together without marriage.

Such is quite harmful to any future marriage.

(as well as harmful for the present)
 
Assuming you live chastely, there’s still the issue of scandal.

Question for the OP; when are you (or a friend of yours you are close to) moving in with your (their) fiance?
 
Nope, it is not ok.

The issue occurs because of near ocassion of sin and scandal - i.e. you’re putting others in a position to possibly sin (as well as yourself). For that reason, the Church cannot say cohabitation is alright in most normal circumstances.
 
There are brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces, neighbor children, who would know the wedding was coming up, and hadn’t yet occurred. You are giving scandal to these little ones regardless if you are chaste or not. That is no small matter, and Christ warns not to scandal little ones!

As for testing the waters, no. When a couple come before God to get married, they are asking God to grant them all the graces they will need to love each other and become holy. If only co-habitating couples could appreciate the grace God wishes to give them, They would see what a deception the enemy tells them, that ‘testing the waters’ will benefit them. It’s a lie and Christians need to be strong in this culture in living in love and the fullness of it. (do you realize that many young girls can’t comprehend having a boyfriend at 16 and being chaste? What a wonderful opportunity for a young couple, especially because they are engaged, to give good example! )

When a couple is married 40 or 50 years, and they can still hold each other and smile, that is not without many efforts on bended knee before God.
 
My sister is in a similar situation situation, although they moved in together for purely financial reasons. I don’t know whether or not they’re living chastely, but I keep praying that they are. He’s a non-practicing Belfast protestant. I’ve got Mary on his case, so it shouldn’t be too long before he comes over from the dark-side. 😃
 
I know my cousins were permitted to because a) they had a toddler, and b) my cousin’s husband is a member the the RCMP and they were living up north near the Reserve in RCMP supplied housing and there was no where else for her to live unless she moved back home and lived with her parents. The priest decided this would cause undue hardship and strain on both their child and the two of them. So my cousin moved into her daughter’s room until they got married.
 
Bezant said:
Is it acceptable for a couple to cohabit after their engagement, as long as they do so chastely?

IMO, its certainly possible. It’s not be appropriate for everyone but chaste cohabitation for an engaged couple seems a good way to test the waters before making a final commitment.
Click to expand...
The “testing the waters” doesn’t pass muster. If there was a hardship issue involved, separate living quarters (not just sleeping…but separate living unit), and the couple was responsible, maybe.
 
Bookcat said:
And such a “trial” would be a fiction. It would would only find out what it is like to live together without marriage.

Such is quite harmful to any future marriage.

(as well as harmful for the present)
Click to expand...
Bookcat said:
No you did not…I am just noting such. 🙂

(some who post in these forums seem to think in such a way…)
Click to expand...
ComputerGeek25 said:
Nope, it is not ok.

The issue occurs because of near ocassion of sin and scandal - i.e. you’re putting others in a position to possibly sin (as well as yourself)…
Click to expand...
PennyinCanada said:
There are brothers and sisters, nephews and nieces, neighbor children, who would know the wedding was coming up, and hadn’t yet occurred. You are giving scandal to these little ones regardless if you are chaste or not. That is no small matter, and Christ warns not to scandal little ones!

As for testing the waters, no. When a couple come before God to get married, they are asking God to grant them all the graces they will need to love each other and become holy. If only co-habitating couples could appreciate the grace God wishes to give them, They would see what a deception the enemy tells them, that ‘testing the waters’ will benefit them. It’s a lie and Christians need to be strong in this culture in living in love and the fullness of it. (do you realize that many young girls can’t comprehend having a boyfriend at 16 and being chaste? What a wonderful opportunity for a young couple, especially because they are engaged, to give good example! )

When a couple is married 40 or 50 years, and they can still hold each other and smile, that is not without many efforts on bended knee before God.
Click to expand...
👍👍
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top