Premarital Sex and My Renewed Interest in Religion

[Sarabellum]

So I’m 29 years old and I have premarital sex with my fiancee. We can’t afford to get married right now, and probably wont for another year or so. I’m graduating college in a month, so the date hinges on whether or not I can find a job quickly after graduation.
Part of me wants to get married as cheaply as possible so we get married immediately, but it’s really important to him that we have a nice wedding. It’s a long story LOL.
So I found out TONIGHT that premarital sex is a mortal sin. we’ve been together for almost 3 years, and from what I’ve read it may not have been mortal before now because I didn’t know it was that bad (I always thought that it was some sort of lesser sin) but now that I know it’s a mortal sin, it definitely counts as a mortal sin. I need to know how serious this is. If I continue having sex, will I go to hell?

 

[domandcarols]

To constitute a mortal sin three conditions must be met, grave matter with full knowledge and deliberate consent. Now that you are aware it is a mortal sin you need to stop having sex and go to confession immediately. Just curious, were you raised Catholic? How could you not know premarital sex is a mortal sin? God bless you! I will be pray for you and your fiance.

 

[Sarabellum]

I was raised catholic but the religion in my house disappeared when I was about 15. I went to catholic school until grade 8, but sex wasn’t really discussed. We were just told not to do it

 

[Tietjen]

So I’m 29 years old and I have premarital sex with my fiancee. We can’t afford to get married right now, and probably wont for another year or so. I’m graduating college in a month, so the date hinges on whether or not I can find a job quickly after graduation.
Part of me wants to get married as cheaply as possible so we get married immediately, but it’s really important to him that we have a nice wedding. It’s a long story LOL.
So I found out TONIGHT that premarital sex is a mortal sin. we’ve been together for almost 3 years, and from what I’ve read it may not have been mortal before now because I didn’t know it was that bad (I always thought that it was some sort of lesser sin) but now that I know it’s a mortal sin, it definitely counts as a mortal sin. I need to know how serious this is. If I continue having sex, will I go to hell?

Any/All mortal sins that go unrepentant can cause a soul to be damned. Whether or not you will go to Hell is between you and God. No one here can pass judgment on your soul. The most that we can do is confirm to you that pre-marital sex is grave matter which is one of three elements found in determining whether a mortal sin exists. I would suggest that you go to confession and discontinue sex until after marriage. Do this, not only for your sake but for your boyfriend’s sake as well.

 

[justice99]

The bible made us to understand that by being in Christ we are no longer ruled by the law but by the love of God. The current state of the world makes people at times loose there sense of what is right and wrong. But if you are in Christ, you need not to be told, “this is a sin” because you would already know through the Holy Spirit what is right and wrong. I suggest you take a break from the relationship and renew your relationship with God first. Because blind obedience to the commandments is a waste without the Love of God.

Yes, from the catechism of the catholic church it is a sin. About going to hell… thats for God to decide

 

[LilyM]

I was raised catholic but the religion in my house disappeared when I was about 15. I went to catholic school until grade 8, but sex wasn’t really discussed. We were just told not to do it

And why exactly did you think you were told that if it wasn’t because it is a serious sin?

 

[Sarabellum]

Because it was taught to me by the same people who taught me that a woman’s body is a temple built on a sewer. Some of the things I was taught seemed extreme, along with some of things that were omitted from my education e.g. science.
By the time I reached high school, I was uninterested in continuing my relationship with God and began evaluating the things I’d learned as a child.
As an adult, I have increasingly felt the need to reconnect with God and Jesus, and have apologized to them many times for turning my back on my faith when I was younger. The problem is that there is a lot I don’t know about my own religion these days. Things like what defines a mortal sin.
But it’s neither here nor there. Now that I’ve recognized the extent of my wrong-doing, I need to make amends for it with God and figure out what do do in my life.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

Because it was taught to me by the same people who taught me that a woman’s body is a temple built on a sewer. Some of the things I was taught seemed extreme, along with some of things that were omitted from my education e.g. science.
By the time I reached high school, I was uninterested in continuing my relationship with God and began evaluating the things I’d learned as a child.
As an adult, I have increasingly felt the need to reconnect with God and Jesus, and have apologized to them many times for turning my back on my faith when I was younger. The problem is that there is a lot I don’t know about my own religion these days. Things like what defines a mortal sin.
But it’s neither here nor there. Now that I’ve recognized the extent of my wrong-doing, I need to make amends for it with God and figure out what do do in my life.

Welcome back.

 

[LilyM]

Because it was taught to me by the same people who taught me that a woman’s body is a temple built on a sewer. Some of the things I was taught seemed extreme, along with some of things that were omitted from my education e.g. science.
By the time I reached high school, I was uninterested in continuing my relationship with God and began evaluating the things I’d learned as a child.
As an adult, I have increasingly felt the need to reconnect with God and Jesus, and have apologized to them many times for turning my back on my faith when I was younger. The problem is that there is a lot I don’t know about my own religion these days. Things like what defines a mortal sin.
But it’s neither here nor there. Now that I’ve recognized the extent of my wrong-doing, I need to make amends for it with God and figure out what do do in my life.

All our bodies are temples built on sewers - male and female. I suppose if they’d told you murder was a grave sin you wouldn’t have believed that either? Or that 2+2 = 4?

And you never saw or heard anything from more reliable sources than these teachers about fornication being a serious sin? I’m pretty sure the fact has been mentioned in mainstream media once or twice.

 

[shlomo3amrooh]

Because it was taught to me by the same people who taught me that a woman’s body is a temple built on a sewer. Some of the things I was taught seemed extreme, along with some of things that were omitted from my education e.g. science.
By the time I reached high school, I was uninterested in continuing my relationship with God and began evaluating the things I’d learned as a child.
As an adult, I have increasingly felt the need to reconnect with God and Jesus, and have apologized to them many times for turning my back on my faith when I was younger. The problem is that there is a lot I don’t know about my own religion these days. Things like what defines a mortal sin.
But it’s neither here nor there. Now that I’ve recognized the extent of my wrong-doing, I need to make amends for it with God and figure out what do do in my life.

Probably a good idea for your boyfriend and yourself to look into “Theology of the body” classes. They’re quite easy to understand. Below is a free download to the lecture series by Christopher West.

giftfoundationdownloads.com/nakedwithoutshame.html

 

[Dorothy]

Because it was taught to me by the same people who taught me that a woman’s body is a temple built on a sewer. Some of the things I was taught seemed extreme, along with some of things that were omitted from my education e.g. science.
By the time I reached high school, I was uninterested in continuing my relationship with God and began evaluating the things I’d learned as a child.
As an adult, I have increasingly felt the need to reconnect with God and Jesus, and have apologized to them many times for turning my back on my faith when I was younger. The problem is that there is a lot I don’t know about my own religion these days. Things like what defines a mortal sin.
But it’s neither here nor there. Now that I’ve recognized the extent of my wrong-doing, I need to make amends for it with God and figure out what do do in my life.

The Lord loves you and is calling you to a better way. Even when we think that a sin that is mortal is not mortal, it still does harm to our souls. Now that you know it is seriously wrong, you are off to a very good start! Allow the grace of God to continue to lead you, and hopefully your boyfriend is on the same page. If he is not, then it can only mean much sadness for both of you in the future. You may have to let him go, and then he can ponder what you share with him about the Lord. He may accept, or reject it.

Please remember that Jesus says “I make all things new again”. When we repent and start a life of daily prayer and the Sacraments then we do not have to look back but go forward. If we do look back then it should be for thankfulness for what the Lord has done for us. Keep moving forward and trust in the Lord and His Blessed Mother to lead you!

I will say a prayer for you right now.

 

[sw85]

So I’m 29 years old and I have premarital sex with my fiancee. We can’t afford to get married right now, and probably wont for another year or so. I’m graduating college in a month, so the date hinges on whether or not I can find a job quickly after graduation.
Part of me wants to get married as cheaply as possible so we get married immediately, but it’s really important to him that we have a nice wedding. It’s a long story LOL.
So I found out TONIGHT that premarital sex is a mortal sin. we’ve been together for almost 3 years, and from what I’ve read it may not have been mortal before now because I didn’t know it was that bad (I always thought that it was some sort of lesser sin) but now that I know it’s a mortal sin, it definitely counts as a mortal sin. I need to know how serious this is. If I continue having sex, will I go to hell?

Er, well, full knowledge does not relate to knowledge of the ethical principles surrounding the act, which the Church teaches is available to all. Natural law is inscribed on the hearts of men, after all. “Full knowledge” would apply if, for instance, you didn’t know you were having sex (which is kind of silly, so clearly it doesn’t apply at all in this case). In other words, that you didn’t know the ethical principle that fornication is a mortal sin doesn’t excuse you from the mortality of the sin. So you need to go to confession.

It is good you figured it out. Go to confession, make a full and good confession (including of unworthy reception of communion during the time you’ve had this relationship), and put an end to the sexual aspect of your relationship until you are married. Thereafter, I recommend reading the Catechism in order to fill in any other gaps in awareness. For instance, did you know contraception is also a mortal sin? And cohabitation? And masturbation? etc.

I wish I could say I can’t believe catechesis is so bad… but I’m presently undergoing it, so yes, I can!

 

[mdgspencer]

You should stop having sex with your boyfriend now. Not later.
I always thought I could die at any time, in one way or another, and that it is good to look after my soul now. You are right–there is a hell. Is it good to chance going there for any reason? For myself, I always have thought not.

 

[sw85]

So I’m 29 years old and I have premarital sex with my fiancee. We can’t afford to get married right now, and probably wont for another year or so. I’m graduating college in a month, so the date hinges on whether or not I can find a job quickly after graduation.
Part of me wants to get married as cheaply as possible so we get married immediately, but it’s really important to him that we have a nice wedding. It’s a long story LOL.
So I found out TONIGHT that premarital sex is a mortal sin. we’ve been together for almost 3 years, and from what I’ve read it may not have been mortal before now because I didn’t know it was that bad (I always thought that it was some sort of lesser sin) but now that I know it’s a mortal sin, it definitely counts as a mortal sin. I need to know how serious this is. If I continue having sex, will I go to hell?

To answer your last question more directly, yes, fornication is a mortal sin. Dying without repenting of mortal sin will damn your soul. So, you must stop this, immediately. Tell your partner, resolve to remain chaste until your wedding, and then go to confession. (Note that your confession will not be valid if you do not make the resolve to avoid the near occasion of sin).

Bear in mind, too, that as a Catholic, you are obliged by canon law to have a member of the Church witness your wedding. This means you must participate in sacramental marriage presided over by a Catholic priest, and you must get a dispensation if your boyfriend is not also Catholic.

 

[Carolus_Martell]

If your fiancee is agreeable just get married now by a Judge with the intention of getting your marriage blessed by the Church later on.

I’m almost positive that you can’t get married in the Church anyway if you’re together. Thus a civil marriage is the lesser of the 2 evils. Seriously get married now or the next big debate will be… when’s a good time to start a family?

You want to put yourself in a position to do the right thing in the eyes of God, for the love/fear of God. Then everything else will fall into place, just as God intended.

 

[Dorothy]

If your fiancee is agreeable just get married now by a Judge with the intention of getting your marriage blessed by the Church later on.

I’m almost positive that you can’t get married in the Church anyway if you’re together. Thus a civil marriage is the lesser of the 2 evils. Seriously get married now or the next big debate will be… when’s a good time to start a family?

You want to put yourself in a position to do the right thing in the eyes of God, for the love/fear of God. Then everything else will fall into place, just as God intended.

Your advice does not apply. If a couple is “together” it does not mean they cannot get married. It DOES mean that they are to agree to be apart, and that they both need additional instruction about their faith, if they both truly want to do things the Lord’s way.

The Lord may not even want them to get together in the Sacrament…that would depend on a lot of things.

There is no such thing as the “lesser of two evils”. Either one can get us damned to hell. Do we trust the Lord and rely on His grace or not? We have to ask ourselves that question. Our Lord Jesus Christ faced up to a horrific suffering and death for us. Can we die to ourselves for Him? Yes, with His grace!

Things fall into place when we do it God’s way, not rationalizing and doing it our way.

May the Lord help us all to see it His Way!

 

[nodito]

If your fiancee is agreeable just get married now by a Judge with the intention of getting your marriage blessed by the Church later on.

I’m almost positive that you can’t get married in the Church anyway if you’re together. Thus a civil marriage is the lesser of the 2 evils. Seriously get married now or the next big debate will be… when’s a good time to start a family?

You want to put yourself in a position to do the right thing in the eyes of God, for the love/fear of God. Then everything else will fall into place, just as God intended.

This is very bad advice. A Catholic cannot validly marry outside the Church, so you are in effect encouraging the OP to put herself in a state of permanent fornication. The OP and her fiance need time to discern marriage and prepare for the sacrament of matrimony. They will need the grace that comes with the sacrament to live holy lives in service to each other and their children. Moreover, they really need to discuss children before they get married, so they can avoid the many problems that we regularly read about on these boards between spouses who disagree on matters of birth control and child rearing.

 

[Dorothy]

This is very bad advice. A Catholic cannot validly marry outside the Church, so you are in effect encouraging the OP to put herself in a state of permanent fornication. The OP and her fiance need time to discern marriage and prepare for the sacrament of matrimony. They will need the grace that comes with the sacrament to live holy lives in service to each other and their children. Moreover, they really need to discuss children before they get married, so they can avoid the many problems that we regularly read about on these boards between spouses who disagree on matters of birth control and child rearing.

Amen!

 

[maryjk]

So I’m 29 years old and I have premarital sex with my fiancee. We can’t afford to get married right now, and probably wont for another year or so. I’m graduating college in a month, so the date hinges on whether or not I can find a job quickly after graduation.

It doesn’t cost that much to get married. Make an appointment with the Priest, take the classes, dress in your finest and get married. I bet you can do it for under $50.

 

[Sarabellum]

All our bodies are temples built on sewers - male and female. I suppose if they’d told you murder was a grave sin you wouldn’t have believed that either? Or that 2+2 = 4?

And you never saw or heard anything from more reliable sources than these teachers about fornication being a serious sin? I’m pretty sure the fact has been mentioned in mainstream media once or twice.

I came to this forum for advice, not to be scolded. You seem fairly judgmental for someone who’s apparently holier than I am. What is the point of your comment?