Premarital Sex and My Renewed Interest in Religion

[Dorothy]

Matthew 19:9 says you can remarry of your wife cheats, in both my bibles. I don’t mean to offend, but it looks like yours does too.

It’s a matter of interpretation and correct translation. I know what it says, and the final authority is the teaching authority of the Church, which was given by God. Please remember that Scripture was translated from other languages and can, at times, present problems in understanding. Troublesome passages like that need the God-given authority of the Church to be correctly presented.

 

[tafan]

Of course it will increase our expenses, it will double our expenses to be exact! And we can’t get married ASAP, it’s going to take anywhere up to two years to find out if the church will even marry us.

My point was once you are married your expenses will be the same as now (since I thought you said you were living together). It will only double them for the period of the engagement, which should be about 6 months in most Catholic parishes. I don’t know why it will take 2 years to find a church??? Are you a member of a parish now? If so, go talk to them. Assuming neither you or your fiance have any impediments to a Catholic marriage, it will not take time at all to find a parish that will marry you.

edited to add: Ok, I must admit I have not read all of the thread, just the begging and end, so maybe you gave other infor which makes my comments invalid. If so, I apologize, just trying to help. And not be judgemental at all.

 

[Dorothy]

Matthew 19:9 says you can remarry of your wife cheats, in both my bibles. I don’t mean to offend, but it looks like yours does too.

Please read Mark, Chapter 10: 2-12 Here Jesus explains it without needing interpretation. It is “The Question of Divorce.”

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

Don’t give up on things just yet, there are many factors perhaps in play which could show his prior marriage to be invalid. Prepare for Friday and don’t worry.

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

Matthew 19:9 says you can remarry of your wife cheats, in both my bibles. I don’t mean to offend, but it looks like yours does too.

What is missing here is an understanding of the difference between natural and sacramental marriage. A natural marriage is intrinsically indissoluble whereas a sacramental marriage is absolutely indissoluble. A natural marriage could be dissolved due to adultery but nothing save death can dissolve a sacramental marriage.

 

[Sarabellum]

Please read Mark, Chapter 10: 2-12 Here Jesus explains it without needing interpretation. It is “The Question of Divorce.”

What I don’t understand about all of this is that the church wouldn’t recognize our marriage if we were married by a JP, but it does JP marriages when it comes to not allowing someone to remarry. I don’t think it’s possible for any more roadblocks to come up here

 

[Inego_de_Loyola]

What I don’t understand about all of this is that the church wouldn’t recognize our marriage if we were married by a JP, but it does JP marriages when it comes to not allowing someone to remarry. I don’t think it’s possible for any more roadblocks to come up here

Trust in the lord and put him first in you’re life that way you will be founded upon a rock rather than on the shifting sands of humanity. Be not afraid.

 

[Corki]

Thought_Officer:

Unfortunately for you, this forum is open to Catholics and non-Catholics alike.

While Catholic Answers is certainly welcome to non-Catholics, this particular sub forum, Moral Theology, is not about non-Christian philosophies. These would be more appropriate in the Philosophy forum.

 

[sw85]

Thought_Officer:

My encouragement was to learn about the teachings of the church before committing blindly. I would never dream of encouraging any believer to leave the church. That premarital sex is considered a mortal sin was apparently one of those hitherto unknown doctrines of the church. Before making hasty decisions (like breaking up; getting married, whathaveyou), I invited the consideration that there was nothing necessary about that view–since it seemed to be so prominent a feature in her initial post.

Nothing necessary about that view? It’s a doctrine. Church doctrines are inerrant and nonnegotiable for Catholics. If you weren’t inviting her to apostasy, then you were inviting her to heresy.

Unfortunately for you, this forum is open to Catholics and non-Catholics alike.

I’m pretty sure that doesn’t change the fact that people who come here looking for, you know, Catholic answers, probably don’t want or need to the same materialist drivel they’ve been getting spoon-fed since elementary school.

 

[Dorothy]

What I don’t understand about all of this is that the church wouldn’t recognize our marriage if we were married by a JP, but it does JP marriages when it comes to not allowing someone to remarry. I don’t think it’s possible for any more roadblocks to come up here

I don’t understand what you mean when you mention that the Church does JP (Justice of the Peace)marriages. The Church does not perform Justice of the Peace weddings.

 

[Corki]

I don’t understand what you mean when you mention that the Church does JP (Justice of the Peace)marriages. The Church does not perform Justice of the Peace weddings.

I think he means that the Church recognizes that a prior JP marriage, even though it is invalid, is an impediment to getting married in the present.

Sarabellum,

The Church would not “recognize” either of those as a valid marriage. In the case of a Catholic couple who obtain a JP marriage, convalidation is necessary. In the case of a failed marriage that was a JPmarriage, this is an impediment that must be addressed in order to marry but the JP marriage isn’t a recognized marriage either. It is an attempted marriage.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have an appointment for Friday, but from what I’ve been reading we likely can’t be married in the Church. You can only remarry if the first marriage wasn’t valid in the first place, like if they were forced to marry or one of them was underage. Which I thought was strange because in the bible is says that you can remarry if your first wife commits adultery.

There is no way for us or you to tell if your husband’s marriage was valid at the time of the vows, or if there were impediments. The two examples you picked are not the only impediments. If one of the parties had no intention of keeping the vows, was thinking of cheating even then, or shortly after, that would be an impediment. If one of the parties had a same-sex attraction and hid that from the other party, that would be an impediment. There are many ways the marriage can be impeded, but we don’t know what the circumstances might have been. Don’t decide ahead of time that all is hopeless. Keep hope, and do the right thing.

We’ll be praying for you.

 

[Corki]

Thought_Officer:

I’m sure there’s lots of responses people would rather filter out. I enjoy the engagement regardless.

When someone comes to CAF with a serious question, your enjoyment is not really relevent.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thought_Officer:

I’m sure there’s lots of responses people would rather filter out. I enjoy the engagement regardless. This sub-forum falls under the header of apologetics (of which, defense and discussion of controversies is part); I am raising issue with this particular defense around premarital sex, as is custom for any sub-forum of apologetics.

Why don’t you start your own thread, instead of turning this poster’s thread into an off-topic debate?

 

[Carolus_Martell]

What I don’t understand about all of this is that the church wouldn’t recognize our marriage if we were married by a JP, but it does JP marriages when it comes to not allowing someone to remarry. I don’t think it’s possible for any more roadblocks to come up here

Yes it does seem the this is the Church of No’s…doesn’t it?

We couldn’t get married in the church either. Oh they had reasons but we got married by a JP anyway. Eventually our marriage was blessed in a Catholic Church 10 years later…by the same priest that denied us.

While JP marriages our outside the Church they do show a level of commitment, legally binding and legitimize sex.

Since you admit to being intimate with your fiancé I thought it unlikely for the both of you to stop while going through Cana. The Church is very fussy about marrying a couple in mortal sin.

My unorthodox advice with the JP is to someone I see on a crossroad, that I’ve feel may be vacillating in the faith, but wants to do the right thing. I still regard it as the less sinful path and a step in the right direction.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Yes it does seem the this is the Church of No’s…doesn’t it?

We couldn’t get married in the church either. Oh they had reasons but we got married by a JP anyway. Eventually our marriage was blessed in a Catholic Church 10 years later…by the same priest that denied us.

While JP marriages our outside the Church they do show a level of commitment, legally binding and legitimize sex.

Since you admit to being intimate with your fiancé I thought it unlikely for the both of you to stop while going through Cana. The Church is very fussy about marrying a couple in mortal sin.

My unorthodox advice with the JP is to someone I see on a crossroad, that I’ve feel may be vacillating in the faith, but wants to do the right thing. I still regard it as the less sinful path and a step in the right direction.

The problem is that in doing this, advising the couple to marry in spite of what the Church asks us to do, you put at least her soul in jeopardy. She is committing adultery until that previous marriage is dealt with. And in order to have any marriage convalidated, or to get married in the Church, they will still have to go through the annulment tribunal. There is no escaping it. It’s either now, or later. In the meantime, she is not able to receive the Eucharist.

Please do not refer to our Church as “fussy,” or “the Church of Nos.” There are rules in every arena of life, and these are God’s rules, not just the Church’s.

 

[Dorothy]

Rules are important. To obey is for our sanctification which is willed by Christ.

God’s ways are not our ways. All His ways are for our salvation.

 

[Irishgal49]

If your fiancee is agreeable just get married now by a Judge with the intention of getting your marriage blessed by the Church later on.

I’m almost positive that you can’t get married in the Church anyway if you’re together. Thus a civil marriage is the lesser of the 2 evils. Seriously get married now or the next big debate will be… when’s a good time to start a family?

You want to put yourself in a position to do the right thing in the eyes of God, for the love/fear of God. Then everything else will fall into place, just as God intended.

Do NOT get married by a judge, you need marital counseling and support of a priest. I am twice divorced and can tell you marriage should be in a Catholic Church by a priest if you are Catholic unless special dispensations are granted. You cannot take communion if you are married outside the faith.

You CAN get married if you are together, but there are very strict guidelines. Most priests would much rather see a couple married than deny them marriage and have them continue to live together. You did not say if this was the case, but GO TO A PRIEST, be honest and he will help you with your particular circumstance. I am shocked at the rudeness of some people on here. I wonder how the prodigal son would have been treated if he posted his situation and asked about “coming home”. Show some compassion. Yes sin is bad, and yes mortal sin can damn a soul to hell, but invite someone to come home, don’t tell them how ignorant they are or call them a liar when they say they didn’t know something. Case in point: I had a priest tell me when I became Catholic in 2000 that masturbation was fine, just don’t have sex. So I got addicted to it. When I came home to the church last year I told the priest that I wasn’t worried about being divorced when it came to sex as “some things were still allowed” and he asked me what I meant. I told him what the other priest (who’d been a priest for over 25 years) told me. He then showed me in the Catechism it was wrong. I’d never seen or heard of that book until then and I went to RCIA for 9 months. I was shocked. I honestly did not know it was a mortal sin. I figured it was OK because the priest actually stood in front of me and told me it was. He knew I was living with a guy when I became Catholic and told me, “Now that you’ve had Confession don’t sleep with your boyfriend before your first communion this Saturday.” How’s that for information? Please stop bashing people about what they SHOULD know, sometimes we are steered wrong.

 

[Irishgal49]

“Hurry up and get married and get it over with” WOW, nice view of a sacrament. What a HORRIBLE way to look at a wedding. Do you recommend that on Sunday, "Hurry up and take communion and “get it over with”? Or how about Confession, "Might as well get in line and “get it over with”. That’s reprehensible. I am totally offended and disgusted at anyone who would say that. Is that appropriate to recommend to people who we do not know–are you SURE that’s their best option? I’m not. How about, “SEE A PRIEST?” Might be better advice. I’m sure after the ice cold comments she received here she probably has a lot that isn’t listed here that needs reviewing to discuss the best course of action.

To the OP: If your boyfriend’s ex was Catholic or he was/is Catholic and they were married outside the Church full annulment might not be needed .Mine was failure to follow form, two weeks and I had the declaration. So see a priest and forget all this infighting and rudeness.

I say, welcome home. Jesus loves you so much. Our sin is but a drop in the ocean of God’s mercy. He loves you and He’s been calling you home. All of heaven is celebrating as you move toward reunion with Him.

Ignore all the judgmental stuff, we are just humans, some of us are good at living a holy life, most, like me, aren’t so good but we want to be. I hope you stay in the faith. Please ask for help. You will find most priests are very willing to help you and they can help you sort this out

Love and Hugs–welcome home—Jesus and your Blessed Mother missed you!

 

[Nate13]

@Irishgal49
Thanks for sharing that Irishgal. I’m glad you found your way back home even through all that incompetence of the priest and probably any Catholic education you had to that point. I’m not sure the pains of the failure of the Church to educate people can quite be quantified, but its amazing that God still finds a way to work through broken vessels.