Premarital sex

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Christian60

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This is the experience of a couple that I knew.
Both are Catholic, but they decided to have sex before get married. When they had the first sexual intercourse in the girl’s mind emerged a repressed bad experience of her childhood. That caused a psychological blockage, and their relationship was in crisis. Step by step they could have a good dialog and get over the blockage. At last they could place trust one another and they had again sexual intercourses. After some time they got married and now they are an happy family.
For this couple it was useful to have sex before marriage. So they could detect their problem and settle it. However they didn’t follow the teaching of Catholic Church about premarital sex.
I cannot have a clear opinion about their story.
What do you think?
 
When I was a kid, my friend and I were playing frisbee. At one point, I threw the the frisbee much farther than I should have and my friend ran to catch it, not watching where he was going. He ran right into a trash can and fell. He knocked out a tooth, and it was easily noticeable that there was something wrong with said tooth- it was significantly longer than one would expect and was rather deformed. We would later discover that the tooth that was knocked loose was seriously infected, and would have led to major health problems had that not happened.

That aside, I still do not recommend running into trash cans on the off chance you knock loose an infected tooth.
 
I guess one would say “the end doesn’t justify the means”

I don’t know much about the situation but I would think that there may have been other ways to determine that the girl suffered from some sort of psychological trauma. I know people who go to pre-marriage counselling which may have helped in this situation. As well some marriage preparation courses are pretty intense and can reveal some startling issues a couple may have. I guess I would argue that there would have been other ways to find out about this and deal with it. Having premarital sex wasn’t the only answer.

I guess we can only speculate and we’ll never know what could have been.

As well I’m pretty sure the reason they had sex was not to check if either of them had some repressed psychological trauma.
 
If one person jumps off a bridge and survives, does that mean it’s safe for everyone? A dangerous practice is still rightly considered dangerous even if the mortality rate isn’t 100%. Can one couple have premarital sex without permanent consequences (assuming confessed)? Possibly, but that is no reason for the Church to condone the practice.
 
In the same vein as tjm190, God has the ability to precipitate good from evil, but a sin committed in hopes of bringing about good is still a sin.
 
Friends of mine couldn’t have kids the normal way, both were ok, it just never worked for them. They got help through their doctor. She was in one room in stir-up ready to get inseminated, my buddy had to goto another room (with porn), masterbate in a cup and give the sample to the doctor. They ended up getting twins - Yeah!

Sooooooo, one persons sin is another persons miracle! Everything in this world isn’t so black & white, I think everyone needs to lighten up a bit.
 
Christian60 said:
This is the experience of a couple that I knew.
Both are Catholic, but they decided to have sex before get married. When they had the first sexual intercourse in the girl’s mind emerged a repressed bad experience of her childhood. That caused a psychological blockage, and their relationship was in crisis. Step by step they could have a good dialog and get over the blockage. At last they could place trust one another and they had again sexual intercourses. After some time they got married and now they are an happy family.
For this couple it was useful to have sex before marriage. So they could detect their problem and settle it. However they didn’t follow the teaching of Catholic Church about premarital sex.
I cannot have a clear opinion about their story.
What do you think?
Click to expand...
This memory could have been (and on some level probably was) triggered another way. I admit sexual intercourse was probably the most traumatic way of triggering but that doesn’t mean it was the only trigger. Everyone should figure out the troubles of their childhood before entering into any relationship besides that with Christ.

The way I see the premarital sex issue is this - our relationship with God should come before all else, God intends sex only within the confines of marriage. It is that simple really.
 
Christian60 said:
This is the experience of a couple that I knew.
Both are Catholic, but they decided to have sex before get married. When they had the first sexual intercourse in the girl’s mind emerged a repressed bad experience of her childhood. That caused a psychological blockage, and their relationship was in crisis. Step by step they could have a good dialog and get over the blockage. At last they could place trust one another and they had again sexual intercourses. After some time they got married and now they are an happy family.
For this couple it was useful to have sex before marriage. So they could detect their problem and settle it. However they didn’t follow the teaching of Catholic Church about premarital sex.
I cannot have a clear opinion about their story.
What do you think?
Click to expand...
As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I can’t necessarily judge them (except for the fact they they did not follow Church teachings and it is between them and God), but I personally do not agree with their reasoning. My husband and I were virgins when we were married. Although, in the first few months of our marriage, we did have problems because it brought back memories of my sexual abuse. I honestly didn’t think I would have any problems with this beforehand because I thought I was over it. But anyway, I was able to receive very good counseling and therapy for a few years. It made our relationship and the intimate part of our relationship much stronger, as well as made me a happier and more spiritually fulfilled person in general. So, for us, we didn’t need to be sexually active prior to marriage to get through that difficulty. After I started the therapy, it took about 6 months to a year to completely free myself where I no longer felt ashamed of what my uncle did to me and what he made me do to him when I was 5. It also showed me even more so how much my husband loved and supported me. Not that I didn’t know that before we were married - of course I did, but doing it after we were married just made our marriage stronger.

Anyway, those are my thoughts.
 
It already happened; don’t dwell on the past. Be happy that everything turned out more than ok. Same goes for the frisbee story. 😃
 
Mel_Stones said:
Everyone should figure out the troubles of their childhood before entering into any relationship besides that with Christ.
Click to expand...
Very true, but there are many instances where you think and believe you have everything figured out spiritually and ready to have a relationship or whatever, and then something throws you a curveball.
 
The concept of dating in our culture today with its expectations of immediate romantic involvement and often immediate sexual activity serves to skip the “fraternal plot” of man and woman’s relationship altogether. Men and women who have never come to love one another fraternally are without a proper foundation for spousal love. They are in grave danger of mistaking lust for love. Building a marriage on such a foundation is equivalent to building a house on sand.

with that said God can still bring good out of sin. My wife and I had our first before we where married. But it dosnt take away the fact that it was dangerous. God knows this we all desire true love because we come from LOVE. The Churchs rules are not there to overpowers us they are there to help us become and live how we are created to be. This is why the churches teachings really speak great truths and it really wells up from within us if you are just willing to listen. This is what your heart desires because this is how we are meant to live. God is not a tyrant giving us rules to follow just because. He knows what is best. Sex before marriage is risky. Listen to the Church she is very wise.
 
Sarabande said:
Very true, but there are many instances where you think and believe you have everything figured out spiritually and ready to have a relationship or whatever, and then something throws you a curveball.
Click to expand...
I admit.
There’s a lot of gray zone in memory/emotion issues.
 
Really the life is not all black and white. I never had premarital sex, but, for example, as an adolescent, I masturbated a lot. I knew that is a sin. At the time I considered myself a great sinner and a worst Christian, but if today my son would masturbate probably my opinion would be different.
I never used condoms, but I don’t know if I can ask the same to everybody . For example, I was many times in Africa, in places where boys and girl begin having sex at age of 12 or 13. In spite of the education that is given, it is not possible to wait for a sudden change of the situation. A missionary advised the boys to use condom.
 
Why would it have been so harmful to deal with this in the context of marriage?

I ask this with all respect. I am sure that this was such a painful process. However, the permanence and stability of marriage lends itself to helping the spouse grow through difficulties. While God indeed often takes a sin and weaves the effects into His design, it does not negate the sin. We just don’t know what the design may have looked like before the sin.

I am happy for this couple, and I pray that their marriage is always full of peace and joy. Let’s just remember not to let a murky situation confuse us as to what is truly God’s plan for marriage.
 
Plain and simple.

They commited mortal sin by having Sex before marriage.

You are not allowed to commit sin to find out about something.

Antrim
 
Mel_Stones said:
This memory could have been (and on some level probably was) triggered another way. I admit sexual intercourse was probably the most traumatic way of triggering but that doesn’t mean it was the only trigger. Everyone should figure out the troubles of their childhood before entering into any relationship besides that with Christ.

The way I see the premarital sex issue is this - our relationship with God should come before all else, God intends sex only within the confines of marriage. It is that simple really.
Click to expand...
I agree. Everyone makes it so difficult. It’s really not!!!
 
There are several thread topics lately that have me a bit perplexed, in that friends seem to know many detailes about the intimate activities of their friends. Why do people feel the need to share this information with others?
 
Christian60 said:
This is the experience of a couple that I knew.
Both are Catholic, but they decided to have sex before get married. When they had the first sexual intercourse in the girl’s mind emerged a repressed bad experience of her childhood. That caused a psychological blockage, and their relationship was in crisis. Step by step they could have a good dialog and get over the blockage. At last they could place trust one another and they had again sexual intercourses. After some time they got married and now they are an happy family.
For this couple it was useful to have sex before marriage. So they could detect their problem and settle it. However they didn’t follow the teaching of Catholic Church about premarital sex.
I cannot have a clear opinion about their story.
What do you think?
Click to expand...
I think that a Catholic should NOT have sex before marriage.

It seems that people are so quick to justify their sins so they can keep sinning. Isn’t it better to take Jesus at His word and accept that premarital sex is wrong and that sex is reserved for marriage? I think this is so basic that it is only when people wish to releave their guilt that they fabricate intricate ways to make sin look good.

Sin is Sin no matter how you make yourself feel about it or think about it.
 
Are you serious? Do you know what a Sacrament is? It’s basically an unending pipeline of God’s Grace. Do you know what Grace is? It’s the power of God’s supernatural goodness (horrible layman’s quickie definition!).

Now, would it be better for a couple to deal with the trauma of past sexual abuse WITH or WITHOUT the Grace of the sacrament of matrimony?

Too many expect marriage to be some sort of Disney movie ending. Nonsense! God made it a sacrament because we NEED all that Grace to survive one another and thrive as a result!
 
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