God created man and woman to be committed to each other to form families not merely to satisfy their sexual urges. Look at what has happened in Western societies since sex without responsibility has come into fashion: One parent families with children from multiple fathers. Divorce for any reason at all. Children living in poverty and relying on the government, instead of parents to care for them. Marriage is the beginning of families, not merely an excuse for having sex. That many have a skewed understanding speaks to the depth of selfishness to which our culture has descended.
Love is the gauge of a good marriage, not sex. And what is love? A passing feeling? No, it is an act of the will to be committed to each other for life no matter what many come. Most married people have no real problem with sex. The better question is are we compatible in faith? Do we have the same values and goals? Marriage isn’t all romance. Those who think it is are quickly disallusioned. Romance is nice, but it’s the iciing on the cake and not the cake itself.
Because God created sexual intimacy for a purpose. That purpose is the fulfillment and expression of the marital covenant including the bringing forth of new life.
Why do you think people this is an issue? It is not. This is a false argument set up by those who believe sex is for personal pleasure and that “compatibility” is somehow part of that. This attitude is about “what is in it for me”-- that is of Cosmo magazine, not of God.
Not so much maybe - how many countless generations of couples have there been whose married life - however pious and faithful - was also an unmitigated misery for one or both of them because they were not compatible sexually. A good marriage will have sex-open-to-life as one of its cornerstones, but to be truly unitive as well as procreative I would suggest that if not out-of-this-world pleasurable it ought to be at-least-comfortable-and-pleasant.
Absolutely. The above thing about compatibility is only an issue when that married couple aren’t able to openly discuss what could be done to ensure “compatibility”. Love is way more than just sex, but it does involve respect and care and that includes sexual respect (to coin a phrase).
I echo this…
Silly, right!!!What data do you have that supports your claim that unhappiness in marriage is due to sexual incompatibility? Unless their respective parts are malformed, man and women are sexually complementary. Most of the marital unhappiness I have observed was related to money or power.
The other posters had excellent answers!!
Sex before marriage is outside of marriage and therefore adultery. One doesn’t need to find out if they are sexually compatible before marriage, that is just an excuse to play around. Sex is designed by God specifically for the bonds of marriage, not before, not with others after. I would read “Theology of the Body”. BTW, couples that have engaged in premarital sex have a higher divorce rate and marital unhappiness afterwards. Sex is the mutual self giving love between a man and a woman. When done in marriage, you will be “compatible”.
You are bringing up false arguments. Marital compatibility has more to do with other big issues like religion than sex. Stop believing the lies the culture has sold you.
I wouldn’t describe sex as a skill at all. Commitment, true sacrificial love… that’s what’s important. Sex is as much a skill as eating. And what about communications? Too many have bought the lie that a “test drive” is required. Please stop that. I’ve never heard about two married people where everything is great except for the sex. Come on. If that’s the way you feel, then you’ll have to ignore the “for better or worse” part of your marriage vows. And really get to know the other person before marriage. Talk. Be honest. The last thing you need is to find out about his or her quirks and irritating habits after the ceremony. And let’s stop the sex is first thinking. Sex is last on the list.
I still think sex is something married couples get better at as they go (if they both want to, and I would argue that they should want to). They do that precisely because of their commitment and true sacrificial love. They should want to please their spouse, so they make an effort to learn how to do so, and anybody can learn how if they are willing to communicate - which you mention is also incredibly important.
I guess your post was a starting point for me to make some general comments on the topic on premarital sex and why it is so common. It shouldn’t be. Bedding a lot of young women should not be the goal. Of even just one. Even if you intend to marry. All relationships are based on good communications and other types of compatibility. As couples get older, and even when they’re younger, really enjoying each other’s company and having things in common are the two things that will carry your marriage forward. Out of any 24 hour day, take out time to work, cook, clean, etc. and how much time is really left for sex or what if the other person becomes ill, or you’re just too tired?I still think sex is something married couples get better at as they go (if they both want to, and I would argue that they should want to). They do that precisely because of their commitment and true sacrificial love. They should want to please their spouse, so they make an effort to learn how to do so, and anybody can learn how if they are willing to communicate - which you mention is also incredibly important.
And yes, there are skills involved in learning how to eat, though many of them become second nature to us very early. Married couples who do things “the right way” can also have those things become second nature pretty early.
Basically, what I am saying to the OP is that if she and a prospective spouse really want the best for each other, their sex life will be fine - because they’ll adapt to each other and learn together. I am not advocating a “test drive” at all - not sure if you were directing that at me or the OP - just that she should expect that the sex part of the marital relationship should fall into place if she picks a good husband and is willing to be a good wife.
It’s a false notion of marital relationships and focuses on mechanics instead of self-giving love which is the basis of real satisfaction in marriage.
. So society has always recognized the need for the man and woman to make a public commitment to each other beforehand.