Prenups?

[thechrismyster]

to protect himself

funny, same line the culture of death uses to promote condom use. PROTECT yourself.

Isn’t love a complete giving of body, mind and soul? how can one say they’ve completely given themselves in total abandon to another, if, at the same time, they are taking measures to protect themselves.

you PROTECT yourself against an offensive. what part of love assaults you? thats the shift that is destroying marriage. the devil divides an indivisible union and turns it into something that you need protection from.

shifty, that devil guy is.

 

[FLCathMom]

However, in a society where people may not take marriage seriously as they once did, how do I protect my investment and my interests for my future family? Where does “being practical” trump “blind faith?” (Not trying to start a flame war, it’s a question I’ve been mulling over for quite awhile though)

As Catholics we see marriage as a Vocation, a calling from God. If you feel called to be married, pray for your future wife. Pray that God will send you a woman who sees marriage as a Vocation. If you can find a good Catholic woman who loves God and wants to serve Him in your marriage and you are committed to doing the same, your marriage will be blessed. I will pray for you.

 

[chevalier]

Also, the higher rate of women initiators is probably due to the fact that men are more likely to be “badly behaved.” Husbands, for example, are more likely than wives to have problems with drinking, drug abuse, and infidelity.

I don’t agree on infidelity. Care if we look for some studies? I remember seeing one in which women actually seemed to cheat more often, although by a 1% difference, so it’s practically the same.

 

[FLCathMom]

What if you include viewing porn as infidelity, then would you agree? I remember reading somewhere that that was the number one issue with women seeking a divorce. Sorry, I don’t have any sources, but I’ll look for one.

 

[chevalier]

What if you include viewing porn as infidelity, then would you agree? I remember reading somewhere that that was the number one issue with women seeking a divorce. Sorry, I don’t have any sources, but I’ll look for one.

An account of watching porn is not the same as an account of actual physical sexual intercourse. That way we would need to include every account of oggling, every account of improper emotional closeness derived from a foreign man by a woman… just the fact man are more visual doesn’t make them less faithful. You can’t really add instances of watching porn to adultery count en block, either.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

What if you include viewing porn as infidelity, then would you agree? I remember reading somewhere that that was the number one issue with women seeking a divorce. Sorry, I don’t have any sources, but I’ll look for one.

I could see if it had some indirect connection - for example, lack of communication or intamacy as they say. I could see if one party always “had a headache” that may leave some sort of void in the others life. Or on the other extreme, without being too graphic, lack of “experimentation” (within reason of course).

 

[FLCathMom]

I am not agreeing with the premise that it is okay for a woman to divorce her husband b/c of his viewing porn, but here goes:

Matthew 5:28
But I say this to you, if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I have heard this used to justify divorce because the husband has committed adultery.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

I am not agreeing with the premise that it is okay for a woman to divorce her husband b/c of his viewing porn, but here goes:

Matthew 5:28
But I say this to you, if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I have heard this used to justify divorce because the husband has committed adultery.

Not disagreeing here. But, I was trying to take things a step further and saying, what is the husbands reason for viewing it?

EDIT: PS - My point is that there’s usually a deeper reason why someone is driven to view porn.

 

[FLCathMom]

Not disagreeing here. But, I was trying to take things a step further and saying, what is the husbands reason for viewing it?

I understand what you’re saying. That’s why I said find a woman committed to serving God in her marriage because the Bible also says in 1 Corinthians 7:

4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and in the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

5You must not deprive each other, except by mutual consent for a limited time, to leave yourselves free for prayer, and to come together again afterwards; otherwise Satan may take advantage of any lack of self-control to put you to the test.

As for “experimentation,” I think that this only becomes an issue when a man has not kept himself pure. If he has never seen porn, he wouldn’t be so concerned with it. Not that its wrong to experiment within reason in your marriage.

Another thing to consider: the only licit means for postponing pregnancy is use of NFP, which means abstaining for periods of time. You should be prepared to deal with periods of abstinence in your marriage, if not for financial maybe health reasons. In the past, before the advent of NFP, the only licit means of avoiding pregnancy was complete abstinence. There are some couples who practice this today because pregnancy would be so life-threatening to the woman, that they cannot even take the 1% chance that NFP has.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

I understand what you’re saying. That’s why I said find a woman committed to serving God in her marriage because the Bible also says in 1 Corinthians 7:

4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and in the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

5You must not deprive each other, except by mutual consent for a limited time, to leave yourselves free for prayer, and to come together again afterwards; otherwise Satan may take advantage of any lack of self-control to put you to the test.

As for “experimentation,” I think that this only becomes an issue when a man has not kept himself pure. If he has never seen porn, he wouldn’t be so concerned with it. Not that its wrong to experiment within reason in your marriage.

Another thing to consider: the only licit means for postponing pregnancy is use of NFP, which means abstaining for periods of time. You should be prepared to deal with periods of abstinence in your marriage, if not for financial maybe health reasons. In the past, before the advent of NFP, the only licit means of avoiding pregnancy was complete abstinence. There are some couples who practice this today because pregnancy would be so life-threatening to the woman, that they cannot even take the 1% chance that NFP has.

Just so you know, we are agreeing more than you think.

 

[FLCathMom]

Just so you know, we are agreeing more than you think.

Cool.

 

[Robaynne]

I don’t know what I would have done if I was not married with a prenup agreement we call it Ante Nuptual Contract (ANC). I never thought my marriage would end. Even though it was a physical and emotional abusive relationship. I still stuck in my marriage and hope and prayed that things would work out but unfortunately it did not after 12 years of marriage and 2 kids my husband dumped, abandoned me for a much younger teenager.

We had bought a house together but because I worked for the Government I get a subsidy I pay a certain amount and they pay a certain amount towards the house. I was paying the bond to the bank all these years for the house he paid not a cent. He had things in the house that he needed to do but that was always a effort for him. But anyway he decided that he was going to divorce me because he was living with the girl even though we were still married. But anyway because the house was registered in our name he wanted me to sell the house and give him half even though he never paid any money towards it.I don’t know what he thought but because of the prenup that was not possible.

I don’t know where he thought the kids and I were going to stay after selling the house or where I was going to get the money to pay him out.

Today a marriage is not sacred anymore with Domestic Violence, affairs, abuse etc. People take it for granted. I would not hold it against anybody for getting married with a prenup. Yes you can go into a marriage thinking that this is going to last and there something happens along the way. I know too many and I mean too many women who are suffering today because they never had that agreement. My aunt who has been married for 30 years her husband went on a drinking spree for days and went and ran up bills all over the show for thousands of rands. This is not the first time or even the second. He has a problem and does not want to do anything about it. She left him because it was too much to handle they have been to Retrouvaille and all the conselling still no solution she even put him in Rehab. She even neglected her own daugther because of this man. They separated and he got himself fired from his job and guess what the Debtors are looking for her for the money for his debt.

I am sorry I have seen and heard of too many women and even men going through debt problems not caused by them but by their partners and even though they are not together anymore are still paying today. Where they have to sell their homes that they have been living in for years and years having to relocate their kids because the man or women wants their share.

There are also those people who do have a prenup and are still together today and it have not affected their marriage in anyway. There are those because of business reasons who have the contract because if there is a problem with the business if it should become bankrupt or there is a problem it does not affect their family in anyway.

Maybe becoz of have heard and suffered bad experiences myself that I am totally in agreement with the contract. And never thought that the church did not except it becoz then priest asked are we married with a ANC contract and never told us it was wrong.

 

[FLCathMom]

And never thought that the church did not except it becoz then priest asked are we married with a ANC contract and never told us it was wrong.

Unfortunately, priests often do not speak up on such matters. I have heard time and time again about people using ABC or getting a vasectomy after a priest told them it was okay.

"Today a marriage is not sacred anymore with Domestic Violence, affairs, abuse etc. "

These are not new problems. Abuse is awful, but it has always existed. St. Paul in one of his letters says there may be cases in which a husband and wife may have to live apart, but they must still stay married. Divorce is not allowed. We promise to marry for better or worse. The Church allows for an annulment where a marriage was never validly contracted from the beginning- in which case you were never married. But, the possiblity of your spouse running you into debt with any kind of addiction is real and is part of that “for worse.” Marriage is not easy.

 

[Robaynne]

Marriage is not easy.

That is so true marriage is not easy. But you cannot force a person to stay with you and be married to you if they do not want to. My ex wanted the divorce he filed not me, even with the prenup he still left me in so much debt and with two small kids to take care of and if I did not have faith, hope and belief in God I would be dead and buried today. But if it was not for that prenup I would be living in the street today because I would have had to buy him out with money from where or sell the house and go stay where when property is so expensive and on a Government salary which is not great.

Sometimes we expect our marriages to last forever and ever Amen. But things happen worldly things distract our partners. The porn, adultery, physical and emotional abuse, abandonment, huge debt been there, did it, got the scars, the t.shirt.

If I had ask God for guidance in the beginning and asked him if this was the right thing I am sure he would have said no. I knew that my ex was abusive physically and emotionally before marriage and still I loved him enough to forgive him and over look all his issues thinking that this was the right thing.

The reason I had a prenup is because my mom insisted. She must have had her reason why and he never disputed it he never said no. She had her reasons why she wanted to protect me becoz my father tried to do the same thing my ex did taking the house away.