Preparing for the inevitable

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Luvz2travel said:
I would only hope you protect yourself legally. There’s nothing wrong in seeking legal council just to know your rights and have a plan just in case he would up and leave. I have too many friends who were left in the lurch and financially put out to dry because they didn’t have a plan in place or know what their rights were. I like to be prepared. Being prepared isn’t admitting something is going to happen it’s just having a plan in place in case it does. Prayers and best of luck.
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ABSOLUTELY consult with a good family attorney. Also, check with your human resources and see if they can send a few dollars from each paycheck into a savings account for you, one that is in your name. It will be painless and the money will add up before you know it.
 
Will do! I have a friend checking on attorneys for me. I’m already saving. Y’all are great-thanks!
 
Thanks, Luvs.

I asked my husband what he meant when he said he wanted a divorce “as soon as possible”, because I’m the type of person who needs a timeline. He said he’s guessing January or February. When I asked if he meant filing, or the divorce being final, he said he didn’t know because he hasn’t talked to a lawyer yet. Although, in my state, there is a mandatory 60 day wait period between filing and finalization, so I don’t think it could happen that quickly.

I hate the “not knowing” part; and having to keep his decision from our children until he actually files. 😦
 
Update:

My husband’s attorney filed the petition of divorce on 10/21/16 (last week). I just received the emailed version of it, along with a waiver letter. He wants to make it so the divorce is final before the end of the year, for tax purposes.

I’m so sad and angry right now. We can’t tell the kids yet, because our middle son is away at college and we want to tell them all in person, together. So we’re having him come home the second weekend in November because his aunt and uncle are coming in from out of state to visit our parents (who live in the same town). It’s at least a good cover reason to have him come home right before Thanksgiving.

Oh, I just HATE that they will be told right before Thanksgiving and Christmas!!! :(😦 I guess there’s not any good time, but I would think it will make it worse for them. :bighanky:
 
Sugabee, I am so sorry all this happening. Did you go talk to a lawyer as suggested when this thread began? I hope you have an attorney lined up already. I don’t like what he did, or his timing either (who files based on tax dates, what a way of thinking…) but at least the other shoe has been dropped and you know what you are dealing with, it’s not hanging over your head.

Please start a prayer thread in prayer intentions forum, I know that you will have many posting prayers for you and your family.
 
Thanks, Irishmom, I’ll do that.

Yes, I’ve gotten an attorney, and I at least had the forethought to enroll in legal services provided as a benefit from my employer, so the out of pocket expenses I’ll have to pay on that part at least will be minimal.

Thank you all for the good advice, but more importantly for the anonymous support. I can’t really talk about it until after we tell the boys, which won’t be for another 2 weeks. That’s the most difficult part of this (so far).
 
I feel better knowing you don’t have to scramble around to find someone now.

Please feel free to come here for support, someone will most likely always be around CAF no matter what time of day it is. Feel free to pm me if you want.
 
Oh, Sugabee, I’m so sorry. I will be praying for you and your family.
 
I’m so very sorry to hear this! :console: I’m not sure how you’ve made it this long, I don’t think I could have. 😦
 
Eliza10 said:
Maybe: “Unfortunately my ex-husband has a longtime addiction disabled his ability/intention to keep his marriage vows.”

It would be unusual for anyone to press further with “What addiction was it?”
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I just think that’s over the line.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
I’m so very sorry to hear this! :console: I’m not sure how you’ve made it this long, I don’t think I could have. 😦
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Thank you for that. Much of the time, I feel like I’ve failed as a wife and a Christian because my marriage is failing. I keep asking myself, “What more could I have done?”. 😦 And then, sometimes I think that there really wasn’t any more I could have done… I’m not the only one in this marriage - although for most of it, that’s what it feels like.
 
Sugabee43 said:
Thank you for that. Much of the time, I feel like I’ve failed as a wife and a Christian because my marriage is failing. I keep asking myself, “What more could I have done?”. 😦 And then, sometimes I think that there really wasn’t any more I could have done… I’m not the only one in this marriage - although for most of it, that’s what it feels like.
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Stop beating yourself up. You did not fail as a wife. And you tried everything people normally would tell people on this site to do. You did all the right things: counseling, retreats. Unfortunately, your husband chose his selfish addiction over you and his family. You tried til the end, and now, it is what it is. You are correct, you were both in the marriage, but he seems to have had one foot out the door for a while.

So now, put your energy into your career and your sons. They are not actually children, so they may understand more than you think about what is going on, and how things will be in the future. You will still be their mom, and you are still the same mom you have always been to them. I would let your husband speak for himself and not try to intervene for his sake. He made this mess and he needs to own it.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Stop beating yourself up. You did not fail as a wife. And you tried everything people normally would tell people on this site to do. You did all the right things: counseling, retreats. Unfortunately, your husband chose his selfish addiction over you and his family. You tried til the end, and now, it is what it is. You are correct, you were both in the marriage, but he seems to have had one foot out the door for a while.

So now, put your energy into your career and your sons. They are not actually children, so they may understand more than you think about what is going on, and how things will be in the future. You will still be their mom, and you are still the same mom you have always been to them. I would let your husband speak for himself and not try to intervene for his sake. He made this mess and he needs to own it.
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Exactly! 👍
 
Thanks, y’all. Luckily, my husband has agreed to tell them that it is solely his decision, and I didn’t want this divorce. I fully intend to make sure that is the message they receive when we sit down to talk to them.

You have the same avi!
 
Sugabee43 said:
Thanks, y’all. Luckily, my husband has agreed to tell them that it is solely his decision, and I didn’t want this divorce. I fully intend to make sure that is the message they receive when we sit down to talk to them.

You have the same avi!
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Well that’s good of him at least. At least he’s not acting childish about it. Really wish he’d just “man up” about his addiction and give up his sinful ways. I’m so very sorry you have to go through this. 😦 :console:
 
Yes, it would be nice. But after 23 years, I don’t think it’s going to happen. I’m resigned about it now. I just hope this doesn’t upend the apple carts of our boys’ spiritual lives. That’s all that really matters to me.
 
I’m so sorry, Sugabee. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers for strength through all of this. It’s so vital to try to remember that it’s not your fault. Cyber hugs heading your way. Please take care.
 
Thank you, bmaj!

I went to the Houston Women’s Catholic Conference this past Saturday, and it was a BLESSING!! I cannot recommend the speaker enough- her name is Sally Robb, and she gives talks all over the country. It was a message most every woman needs to hear, about finding the Beloved within us - both finding God (The Beloved), and allowing ourselves to BE God’s beloved - which is who He made us to be in the first place!! We are so self-condemning. One thing she said was, “If you had a friend who spoke to you the way you speak to yourself internally, how long would you allow them to be your friend??” :eek:

You can find her talks online just by searching her name. I’m sure at some point, her talk given Saturday will be uploaded. Anyway, it was AWESOME! Mass, Confession, and we were at Our Lady Of Walsingham, which is not only a gorgeous Church, but also has a Holy Door!!!

Needless to say, I have been uplifted and transformed by God’s graces. :love:
 
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