Preparing for the Sacrament of Matrimony

[mh051411]

I’m a traditional/conservative cradle Catholic looking for suggestions on how to better prepare myself for the sacrament of Matrimony (wedding day is May 2011). My fiance and I have completed our required marriage preparation with our parish, which consisted of a few meeting with the deacon. I’m looking for more substantive methods of preparation that will truly prepare me for the seriousness of the sacrament, in which my spouse and I will completely and selflessly give of ourselves to one another.

He is in graduate school right now on the other side of the country, so I welcome thoughts on how I can continue preparations on my own.

I appreciate the prayers and suggestions!

-mh

 

[1ke]

I’m looking for more substantive methods of preparation that will truly prepare me for the seriousness of the sacrament, in which my spouse and I will completely and selflessly give of ourselves to one another.

Is there something specific leading you to believe you and he are not currently prepared for the “seriousness of the sacrament”?

He is in graduate school right now on the other side of the country, so I welcome thoughts on how I can continue preparations on my own

What have you done thus far, on your own or together?

 

[ConstantineTG]

I like your attitude. But know that there are many things in life that we are never thoroughly prepared for. Books and other personal advice can only go so far, each life is unique and we’ll have unique experiences and unique reactions to these experiences. Just enjoy your marriage, always pray and make God the center of your entire lives. There are couples who enter marital turmoil as soon as after the wedding has ended, and there are those who live in marital bliss for 75 years. There’s really no formula or preparation for it. One advice is good as the next. A good prayer and spiritual life aids a good marriage so much. Just don’t worry about the future so much and trust God always.

 

[mh051411]

Is there something specific leading you to believe you and he are not currently prepared for the “seriousness of the sacrament”?

No, we have been together for 4.5 years, and we are very excited to be getting married. I’m just trying to think of ways to further grow before (and after) we get married. I was thinking the other day about how once we pronouce our vows, we will be completely tied to one another, one flesh. Granted, marriage is not an indellible mark, but it is a binding relationship that only ends with death (i.e. a pretty big deal!). Is there anything more I can do to prepare my mind and heart for the selflessness required in marriage?

What have you done thus far, on your own or together?

We’ve read serveral books on marriage (Three to Get Married, Theology of the Body, many Christopher West books), prayed together and separately, and as I mentioned had meeting with the Deacon from our parish (all the required marriage prep).

 

[1ke]

No, we have been together for 4.5 years, and we are very excited to be getting married. I’m just trying to think of ways to further grow before (and after) we get married. I was thinking the other day about how once we pronouce our vows, we will be completely tied to one another, one flesh. Granted, marriage is not an indellible mark, but it is a binding relationship that only ends with death (i.e. a pretty big deal!). Is there anything more I can do to prepare my mind and heart for the selflessness required in marriage?

From the practical side of marriage, I suggest Greg Popcak’s For Better, Forever…

Frequent prayer together and the sacraments will help you stay on the right course.

We’ve read serveral books on marriage (Three to Get Married, Theology of the Body, many Christopher West books), prayed together and separately, and as I mentioned had meeting with the Deacon from our parish (all the required marriage prep).

Sounds like you are as ready as one ever is for the undertaking.

 

[Fidelia]

We’ve read serveral books on marriage (Three to Get Married, Theology of the Body, many Christopher West books), prayed together and separately, and as I mentioned had meeting with the Deacon from our parish (all the required marriage prep).

First off, congrats!!

My fiance and I are getting married July 2011. He is also grad student, and is away doing his research. We have read a couple of West books also about TOB. We intend to read Three to Get Married (I think Fulton Sheen is awesome). We also have Karol Wojtyla’s Love and Responsibility on our wishlist of books.

You said you already did pre-cana (we can’t take it til spring because he’s away) so they may have talked a bit about NFP in it. I don’t know how much they do, or will when we take it. We have already begun educating ourselves about NFP on our own though, because we want to be prepared before we are married and know we understand how it works. You might be interested in starting learning it. I use fertilityfriend.com for charting. You can use it for free. The only cautions are 1. it’s NOT Catholic and 2. it’s geared towards helping people to conceive, not to avoid, but the basic principles of understanding your cycle are the same. The site was actually recommended to me by someone else on CAF. The site gives you an email course on charting and understanding your cycles. We found it really informative.

 

[agapewolf]

Go to NFP classes immediately, even if you never plan to use it.

There is a dvd series for marriage prep by Christopher West available at Ascension press. “God’s plan for a joy filled marriage”

 

[mh051411]

First off, congrats!!

My fiance and I are getting married July 2011. He is also grad student, and is away doing his research. We have read a couple of West books also about TOB. We intend to read Three to Get Married (I think Fulton Sheen is awesome). We also have Karol Wojtyla’s Love and Responsibility on our wishlist of books.

You said you already did pre-cana (we can’t take it til spring because he’s away) so they may have talked a bit about NFP in it. I don’t know how much they do, or will when we take it. We have already begun educating ourselves about NFP on our own though, because we want to be prepared before we are married and know we understand how it works. You might be interested in starting learning it. I use fertilityfriend.com for charting. You can use it for free. The only cautions are 1. it’s NOT Catholic and 2. it’s geared towards helping people to conceive, not to avoid, but the basic principles of understanding your cycle are the same. The site was actually recommended to me by someone else on CAF. The site gives you an email course on charting and understanding your cycles. We found it really informative.

We are completely, absolutely doing NFP! We’ve attended a group session as well as several one-on-one sessions with an NFP instructor to better learn the method. It’s providential that you brought it up - I’m actually having some issues with charting (irregularity mostly). Prayers for that would also be appreciated!

 

[FaustinaClare]

Well speaking as someone who just got married, a little over 3 months ago, you can’t ever fully prepare for it.

We did the Christopher West class God’s plan for a joy filled marriage. We both read books, we met several times with the priest, and we both attended NFP classes.

We didn’t live with each other until after we were married so that was a HUGE shocker right there.

No books you can read will prepare you for that. Even if you have been dating for years, living together is completely different. You have to adjust to each other and be completely selfless and forgiving that takes time of course. I didn’t realize how selfish I was and set in my ways till we moved into our house together. Major personal revelation right there! He had some as well.

The only preparation is to PRAY PRAY PRAY, communicate with your future spouse as much as possible and enjoy spending time together. My husband and I were separated for most of our engagement due to his job but we still found ways to be with one another.

Best wishes and CONGRATS

 

[FaustinaClare]

We are completely, absolutely doing NFP! We’ve attended a group session as well as several one-on-one sessions with an NFP instructor to better learn the method. It’s providential that you brought it up - I’m actually having some issues with charting (irregularity mostly). Prayers for that would also be appreciated!

About the NFP, I have some major problems with that. My biology is WAY off. I actually went to the Dr b/c I thought something was wrong with me. When they found out I was doing NFP I was dismissed outright and was treated rather rudely. Needless to say I will not be going back. Still looking for a Catholic OBGYN.

It takes a long time to get adjusted to it, sorry to say, especially if you are irregular. Keep at it though!! It is very helpful! I actually think my husband is more curious about everything than I am. He asked a lot of questions at the session lol Helped me get over my embarrassment before the wedding and learn that we could discuss private matters without problem.

Sorry for two posts

 

[1ke]

We are completely, absolutely doing NFP! We’ve attended a group session as well as several one-on-one sessions with an NFP instructor to better learn the method. It’s providential that you brought it up - I’m actually having some issues with charting (irregularity mostly). Prayers for that would also be appreciated!

There are different methods of natural family planning.

There are four major methods of NFP: Sympto-Thermal Method (taught predominantly by Couple-to-Couple League and Northwest Family Services) Creighton Model Fertility Care, Billings Ovulation Method, or Marquette Method.

Irregularity shouldn’t be an impediment to charting. So, please talk more in-depth with your instructor or look for an instructor in a different method.