Pretty unpleasant confession experience

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Roseeurekacross said:
one harsh priest is nothing compared to the harshness of hell.
I have been told
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It goes both ways. The penitent could “suck it up” (refer to my above post for reasons why that is not really a reasonable option for many) or the priest could make a better effort at using a teaching method all can benefit from. Or better yet, we could just forgive each other.
 
I went to confession not long ago and the priest got in my face, so to speak (through the screen) about my sins. When I said I should be doing better his response was, yes, you should. I was a bit put out by that but fact is, he was absolutely right, and overall he finished with encouragement, not condemnation of me, personally. Kind of like a good football coach whose team is trailing at half time because of mental mistakes and lack of focus.
 
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I can only imagine what Padre Pio must have been like as a confessor. Or St. Josemaria Escriva–just read any random section of The Way for ten minutes!
 
NO ONE has a right to treat you that way!

Particularly, when you willingly put yourself in a vulnerable position, like confession.
 
You are reading into my post something I did not write. Please read carefully.
Christ will indeed be harsh if we die in mortal sin; that is, we merit hell and he has no choice but to allow us to go there.
As I stated, I would rather have a harsh confessor here and now to sway me from sin than to face Jesus the judge in a state of mortal sin.
 
Who in the world said I had the “authority to make that decision for others?” Where did you get that in my post?
 
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It seems you’ve edited your post.

There’s a difference between:
  1. A priest telling you clearly that you’ve sinned
  2. A priest treating a penitent in a verbally abusive manner
Your original post, before editing, indicated that people are generally soft and wimpy, and need to be whipped into shape. It conveyed support for 1 and 2. Now you appear to have revised your position to 1, only.
 
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I would caution you to revisit what it means to die in mortal sin. Jesus isn’t the one being “harsh” if an individual dies in unrepentant mortal sin. His hand is forced by the free will of the sinner, whose actions have drawn down the consequence of exile from God.

God can be harsh no more than I can be an umbrella. He reaches out endlessly in mercy and love throughout our lives. If we reject His love, that is the result of our own conscious self-condemnation. God is love— Deus caritas est—He ontologically cannot depart from His essence!

Now, the reality of being removed from God is, indeed, harsh in the extreme. But make no mistake, the act is ours, not Jesus’.
 
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Limoncello4021 said:
People are soft and wimpy today.
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This is how you started out your post. Can you see how that might come across as a bit judgmental in the first place? So, it seems as if either I am wimpy because I can’t take “it like it is” or the priests that I respect and learn from are flawed in their “softness” and “wimpiness”. That was how I read it and it was the context in which I read the rest of your statement.

“I would far rather have a harsh priest than face the harsh Christ on judgement day.”

Sorry, this still to me like you’ve got it right because you’re not one of the “soft” and “wimpy”. That’s just what it sounds like to me. I can accept if that’s not how you meant it.
 
alphawoman said:
Jesus isn’t the one being “harsh” if an individual dies in unrepentant mortal sin.
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In fact, I believe I read that He weeps for His lost children. Sort of the opposite of harsh.

“Please, don’t make a choice that will separate you from Me” is a lot different than “Your sins are terrible and you have let Me down”.
 
Exactly. Jesus speaks so frequently about the analogy of God as a loving parent, a gentle shepherd, a protector. This is the standard Jesus sets for his priests in administering His sacraments.

His death on the cross is the perfect communication of His view— “I love you so much that there is nothing you can do that I cannot or will not forgive.”

I don’t know about other posters, but seeing that unconditional love and self sacrifice is infinitely more motivating than feeling shame or experiencing reprimand. Jesus shows us a better way with His love. If that isn’t inspiring, no litany of verbal abuse is going to get through.
 
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Absolutely. The Prodigal Son was able to return home precisely because he had that hope in His father. He grossly misunderstood His Mercy and Love, but he had been treated with love and so was able to come back. How would the story have been different if the father had said “Your sins are terrible and you have greatly let me down”? Or how would it have been different if he had let the older son determine the younger son’s fate?

It keeps coming back to how much you love, not how hard you swing the belt.
 
alphawoman said:
I don’t know about other posters, but seeing that unconditional love and self sacrifice is infinitely more motivating than feeling shame or experiencing reprimand. Jesus shows us a better way with His love. If that isn’t inspiring, no litany of verbal abuse is going to get through.
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This was pretty much my point. And, after processing it for the last 24 hours, I would say that I still will seek a confessor who can model His Love in a different way than the priest I visited yesterday. It’s what is more productive for me. I also am uplifted by those who encouraged me to pray and to remember to model His love as well, instead of carry anger or grudge.
 
That’s a great point!

Also, what does it communicate on the part of the priest to admonish in the confessional? Doesn’t that presuppose a lack of contrition and a certain expectation of future failure on the part of the penitent? Isn’t it a stronger message to send the penitent out in hope, confident that God’s grace will act on the penitent’s heart?

To me, reconciliation is a peak event, a pure celebration of joy. Thank God it exists! Thank God for giving me the capacity to be forgiven and loved. THAT is the feeling we’re meant to have after confessing. Will I make a sincere effort to turn away from sin after that gift? The most I can give!
 
You know, it might be worth sharing those exact thoughts with the priest, himself, if you feel comfortable. He might have had an off day, and it could be an opportunity for him to benefit from your reaction.

If he’s a good priest, he’ll be receptive to the idea of a more pastoral approach. If not, it gives you more information if you consider escalating your concern, and you’ll also have given him the courtesy of responding first. Just a thought.
 
alphawoman said:
Also, what does it communicate on the part of the priest to admonish in the confessional? Doesn’t that presuppose a lack of contrition and a certain expectation of future failure on the part of the penitent? Isn’t it a stronger message to send the penitent out in hope, confident that God’s grace will act on the penitent’s heart?
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Great perspective 🙂
alphawoman said:
To me, reconciliation is a peak event, a pure celebration of joy. Thank God it exists! Thank God for giving me the capacity to be forgiven and loved. THAT is the feeling we’re meant to have after confessing. Will I make a sincere effort to turn away from sin after that gift? The most I can give!
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Yes, I think this is so. For me, anyway.
 
alphawoman said:
it might be worth sharing those exact thoughts with the priest, himself
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I’ve thought about it…we’ll see. Its really a hard thing to think about confronting a priest, but your points are excellent.
 
i am not saying suck it up. i am saying pray on it. we aren’t all the best communicators.
God did not always treat His people gently. before justice and retribution there is mercy. but then there is justice and retribution

personally I would rather face that from a person here on earth responsible for my soul, then face that justice and retribution from God
 
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