Priest denying me confession...

[pianistclare]

If he’s “just chilling in the sacristy” as you say, you are seeking confession at the wrong time.
There’s little possibility that the priest is advising you wrongly. Although many here seem to believe this. I feel like there’s much more to the story.
You do sound scrupulous, and you sound like you are pestering him, frankly.
Not saying this to be mean, but as you have been advised, know that you are forgiven.
And if you have Spiritual “father” as you put it, go to him. Is there a reason why you are reluctant to speak to him directly? Surely he’s a priest, no?

 

[awsiukiewicz]

find another priest…missing Mass on Sunday not a sin eh…? and as mentioned in this thread…definitely pray for this man…

 

[johnnyc176]

Hello… sadly it has come to a point where I’m struggling. My parish priest for months now has been denying me confession because “you went recently” he hit the final straw yesterday when I went to ask him for confession and he said “you went recently” even though I went to this priest a good two months ago, which then led to as always literally begging him to hear my confession… I had a mortal sin on my soul and I wanted to repent. This happens so many times where I literally have to beg to go to confession and he is saying I’m being too scrupulous. Saturday evenings before Mass, when I approached him is our scheduled confession time - even though it is only me wanting confession. I go every week or two as my spiritual father has told me to. But yesterday, when he denied me again he heard my confession after Mass, so I missed out on Holy Communion. It’s not the fact I’m asking at a bad time for him because always he’s just talking to people about random stuff or just chilling in the sacristy… And my confessions with him are terrible, I know it’s not necessary but he gives no penance or advice, literally after I confess I say the Act of Contrition. Many times he says certain things aren’t sin and just “normal” like missing Sunday Mass or something… and I recall one time I had a terrible-terrible confession, with loads of mortal sins, and he cut me off half way through and was like “well, God will forgive you” which basically ended up in my trying to argue my way through my list so I could confess everything… really don’t know what to do - it’s awful. It’s so hard to get to another parish from where I live, this is usually my only option

Tim Staples told of a similar problem on a recent CAL. He actually ended up using apologetics in a theological discussion while in the confessional! The priest kept insisting what he was confessing was not a sin. So he left the confessional but still needed to confess. He was able to go to another priest who heard his confession and then immediately wrote the bishop. Unfortunately it seems you can not go to another priest so I would write the bishop about your concerns.

 

[nodito]

Is there another parish within five to ten miles from you? Call their rectory and explain that for personal reasons, you’re unable to confess to your own priest and would it at all be possible for someone from their parish to volunteer to drive you to confession once a month? It’s not as frequently as you’d like but if you establish a relationship with someone from that parish you might be able to ask them to drive you more frequently, maybe in exchange for help with chores or a rosary for their intentions.

In the meantime, talk to your spiritual director to ask his advice and pray for your pastor. As St. John Vianney said, “There are no bad priests, only priests for whom there is not enough prayer.”

 

[Cup_o_Joe]

I think this is a little over the top and not very christ like. I think it’s time to ask WWJD?

Jesus wasn’t scared of telling the priests and pharisee that their job was to teach and live the law.

 

[Origen52]

Jesus wasn’t scared of telling the priests and pharisee that their job was to teach and live the law.

Yes, but I don’t think he would have taped them secretly. Are you comparing our priests to those who persecuted Jesus? Do not forget these are men who are devoting their lives to looking after us, let’s try to treat them with kindness and understanding.

 

[babochka]

If he’s “just chilling in the sacristy” as you say, you are seeking confession at the wrong time.

Why do you assume that? He did mention in one post that he has been turned away at scheduled confession times. Even at scheduled confession times, one often has to “track down” my priest for confession - for example, find him in the sacristy. He’s also more than willing to hear a confession outside of the scheduled time. You just have to ask.

There’s little possibility that the priest is advising you wrongly. Although many here seem to believe this. I feel like there’s much more to the story.
You do sound scrupulous, and you sound like you are pestering him, frankly.

I’m not getting the sense that the OP is scrupulous here, but it could be. There are plenty of priests who have lost their sense of sin and believe that devotional confession is a waste of time, and would therefore find it silly and burdensome to hear the confession of somebody every week for sins that they don’t consider to be significant. Every 1-2 weeks is not excessive, and if this person’s spiritual father has advised that frequency, it is probably appropriate for his spiritual life. One or the other, parish priest or spiritual father, seems to be advising wrongly.

Not saying this to be mean, but as you have been advised, know that you are forgiven.

I didn’t get the sense that he was afraid he wasn’t forgiven after a confession, which would definitely indicate scrupulosity. He’s just expressing frustration, which is, to me, valid.

And if you have Spiritual “father” as you put it, go to him. Is there a reason why you are reluctant to speak to him directly? Surely he’s a priest, no?

Since you seem to be unfamiliar with the term, Spiritual Father is what Eastern Christians typically call a confessor/spiritual director. I think the OP has spoken with him and is trying to follow his counsel, but due to distance is perhaps not able to confess to him with frequency and regularity. His Spiritual Father is in no better position than we are to influence the frequency with which the parish priest is available for confession.

 

[babochka]

In the meantime, talk to your spiritual director to ask his advice and pray for your pastor. As St. John Vianney said, “There are no bad priests, only priests for whom there is not enough prayer.”

I love this quote! Thank you for sharing it.

 

[babochka]

Can I make clear to everyone I don’t have scrupulosity… my priest just thinks it is scrupulous to confess more than a few months each time.

I don’t think you sound scrupulous. I know that there are priests who simply do not believe in devotional confessions. They think you should save confession for the “big things” and don’t seem to understand that regular confession of the little things can keep you from committing mortal sin.

My Spiritual Father told me to go every 1-2 weeks to stay on top of things, let me emphasize he is a very holy and traditional man and to frequent confession so much is a devotional practice. I’m not worried about my sins this much to run there every week, it is just what I have been told to do, so I’m sticking to it and being obedient to my Spiritual Father.

It seems wise to obey the counsel of someone who knows you well and is trying to help you grow in holiness. It doesn’t seem excessive at all.

I know weekly-fortnightly confession is not absolutely necessary for me, unless I fall into a mortal sin - but I am not doing it out of fear but with the desire to grow closer to our Lord and to grow in love for him.

Which is exactly the purpose of devotional confession.

 

[Cup_o_Joe]

Yes, but I don’t think he would have taped them secretly. Are you comparing our priests to those who persecuted Jesus? Do not forget these are men who are devoting their lives to looking after us, let’s try to treat them with kindness and understanding.

It would be a last resort if he doesn’t want to read writings of the popes.

 

[otjm]

Having watched threads herein for some time, and having seen a number of posters who suffer from scrupulosity, I find it interesting that this thread is so quick to condemn a priest - who is actually “on scene”, has training in the sacraments and presumably some training concerning scrupulosity, has experience with the OP, and everyone (well, ok, not everyone - but many) having heard only one side of the story is so quick to find the priest in the wrong.

Self honesty is difficult to achieve, and often requires a good deal of maturity. It is not so much that we intentionally lie about things as it is that we tend to recall things most favorably in light of our own self image (as opposed to understanding).

I have had way too many occasions to hear a story and then hear the other side, and have the feeling that I might be listening to two different stories, since so many points don’t jibe at the same time and/or point.

People often have - to put it politely - somewhat vague understandings of the Church - doctrine, morals, practice or whatever. Couple that with some lack of self awareness, and the stories become very “interesting”.

It is entirely possible that the OP has a priest who is not as Christ like as all would wish for. It is also entirely possible, that were the priest to tell his side of the matter, it would sound like a different person had approached. Hair trigger “The priest is wrong” approach is not only assuming a whole lot of facts which are still not in evidence, but is also a knee-jerk response.

 

[InThePew]

I agree with Otjm - suddenly everyone’s an expert other the the priest. Sadly, it seems difficult to trust that the priest actually knows what he’s doing and is doing what he’s supposed to do. Granted, I’m only too aware of priests who aren’t exactly enthusiastic about confession - particularly when it comes to Rite 1 - but the vast majority of priests carry out their ministry in a faithful and committed way. Just because we don’t like the advice we’re getting doesn’t mean that the one giving it is necessarily wrong!

 

[nodito]

Having watched threads herein for some time, and having seen a number of posters who suffer from scrupulosity, I find it interesting that this thread is so quick to condemn a priest - who is actually “on scene”, has training in the sacraments and presumably some training concerning scrupulosity, has experience with the OP, and everyone (well, ok, not everyone - but many) having heard only one side of the story is so quick to find the priest in the wrong.

It may well be that the OP has slanted the story somewhat, but it’s what we have to go on. The facts as he reported them are that he 1) Has been advised to go to confession by his spiritual director once every week or so (which does not sound excessive to many people on this board. 2) The priest he approaches is reluctant to hear his confession because he believes the OP is going too frequently, even though in one instance it had been several months since his last confession, 3) The priest tells the OP that missing Sunday mass is “normal” when in fact it is grave matter and 4) The OP does not believe himself to struggle which scrupulosity. It’s possible that he’s wrong, of course, but many people who struggle with this are in fact aware of it.

We can only judge the situation as reported. If the OP reported spousal abuse, for example, we wouldn’t say, “Well, we really don’t know the spouse’s side of the story. Maybe he’s not really hurting her as much as she reports.”