Priest gave bad counsel

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stayathomemommy

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I am meeting with the pastor of my church in a few hours to discuss the fact that at confession 3 days ago another priest in our Catholic Church gave me some very wrong counsel regaurding contracetion.

I confessed that though we use NFP we in a time of weekness withdrew before the sexual act was finished. I understood to believe this to be a mortal sin (the deadly sin of Onan) and that since i had recieved communion without a confession that I confessed that mortal sin as well.

He practically laughed at me!!! Told me that it wasnt wrong. Since i have 4 kids it was up to me to do what was best for my family. Also saying that those that preach that birth control is bad are not right. I just sat there praying for him as he spoke because everything he said was contrary to the churches teachings. I was so upset i went home crying. The priest wouldnt even hear my venial sins, when i looked at me list he said, “YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING!! Only if it weighs heavy on your heart” i wanted to scream…why do you think i am here?? He went on to say that before communion we ask forgiveness for our sins so we are always able to recieve the eucherist. I flat out said, “why then do i even need to come to you for confession?” and he said that its JUST and added Grace.

I am so nervous because when i meet with the pastor i hope he will also think the counsel i recieved was wrong but i need to prepare for the reality that this priest agrees with his fellow priest. I will be so sad to leave my parish home and have to attend another church because my beloved parish has gone “liberal” on me.

Any advice or information that i should give to these priest so they can learn the true teaching of the Catholic Church would be appriciated. Also is this normal?? It seams so odd to me that a priest would out right ignore the teachings of the Church.
 
Any advice or information that i should give to these priest so they can learn the true teaching of the Catholic Church would be appriciated.

Yes, visit www.omsoul.com and get the seminarian packet
  • Also is this normal?? It seams so odd to me that a priest would out right ignore the teachings of the Church.*
I don’t know if it’s “normal”… but it is SAD.

I am glad you are going to talk to the pastor about it, and if you don’t get satisfaction I do hope you will take it to the bishop.

Let us know what your pastor says.
 
I agree with 1ke. God bless you, and good luck with this…May the Lord move that priest’s heart to recognize the truth.
 
Thank you! I really hope i dont have to go to the Bishop! I pray the pastor will know the truth and be able to deal with the other priest. Its so uncomfortable confronting a priest. they are suppose to be telling me what to do, not the other way around! But someone has to and this is the second priest that has given me wrong counsil in a year period of time. somethings gotta be done.

I appriciate the support.
 
stayathomemommy said:
Thank you! I really hope i dont have to go to the Bishop! I pray the pastor will know the truth and be able to deal with the other priest. Its so uncomfortable confronting a priest. they are suppose to be telling me what to do, not the other way around! But someone has to and this is the second priest that has given me wrong counsil in a year period of time. somethings gotta be done.

I appriciate the support.
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My prayers for you and for the priests who’ve advised you so badly. There’s one priest in a local parish here who is quite bad - I sometimes avoid that church because of it. I hope your pastor knows and respects the truth and does something about it.

In my experience it does happen at least sometimes. Sadly priests aren’t infallible nor perfectly well educated either, and this will show even in the confessional sometimes.
 
I will pray for you.

I don’t know how common it is, but I have received poor counsel on contraception in the past as well. When my wife and I were struggling with the decision to stop using ABC, I discussed with one of our priests that my wife had a reservation because the pill helped with her acne. The priest immediately leapt to the “secondary effect” argument, but both my wife and I knew that the acne control was the secondary effect.

I hope you have a good meeting with your priest.
stayathomemommy said:
I am meeting with the pastor of my church in a few hours to discuss the fact that at confession 3 days ago another priest in our Catholic Church gave me some very wrong counsel regaurding contracetion.

I confessed that though we use NFP we in a time of weekness withdrew before the sexual act was finished. I understood to believe this to be a mortal sin (the deadly sin of Onan) and that since i had recieved communion without a confession that I confessed that mortal sin as well.

He practically laughed at me!!! Told me that it wasnt wrong. Since i have 4 kids it was up to me to do what was best for my family. Also saying that those that preach that birth control is bad are not right. I just sat there praying for him as he spoke because everything he said was contrary to the churches teachings. I was so upset i went home crying. The priest wouldnt even hear my venial sins, when i looked at me list he said, “YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING!! Only if it weighs heavy on your heart” i wanted to scream…why do you think i am here?? He went on to say that before communion we ask forgiveness for our sins so we are always able to recieve the eucherist. I flat out said, “why then do i even need to come to you for confession?” and he said that its JUST and added Grace.

I am so nervous because when i meet with the pastor i hope he will also think the counsel i recieved was wrong but i need to prepare for the reality that this priest agrees with his fellow priest. I will be so sad to leave my parish home and have to attend another church because my beloved parish has gone “liberal” on me.

Any advice or information that i should give to these priest so they can learn the true teaching of the Catholic Church would be appriciated. Also is this normal?? It seams so odd to me that a priest would out right ignore the teachings of the Church.
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stayathomemommy said:
…I am so nervous because when i meet with the pastor i hope he will also think the counsel i recieved was wrong but i need to prepare for the reality that this priest agrees with his fellow priest. …
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Prayers for you as you meet with your pastor to discuss the situation. :gopray2:

This analogy may offend some, but I compare the bad advice you got in the confessional to your husband “pulling out”. The priest had his chance to plant seeds of faith, but he “withdrew” from doing what he should do during a sacramental act. As priests take the church as their brides, I question the chastity of any priest who gives bad advice on chastity. The “remedy” for such priests may be to encounter penitants who believe what the Church teaches, who have sincere remorse for their sins, and who desire live holy lives. The priest probably didn’t want to hear your venial sins becase you stirred his conscience and reminded him of his own sins. Keep praying for him.
 
Yeah, I once had a priest tell me in confession that how many kids I have is between me and my doctor. And that “the Church” isn’t all those people in Rome, but all of us here.

Never went back to him (he used to joke during homilies about people who wrote to the bishop about him). Sad. —KCT
 
stayathomemommy said:
Any advice or information that i should give to these priest so they can learn the true teaching of the Catholic Church would be appriciated.
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Bad advice = bad priest. Avoid such counsel like the plague …and warn others. I highly doubt that such a priest will be open to changing his personal views and opinions, if he has not got with what the Church teaches by now.
Also is this normal??
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Common? …unfortunatley. Normal?? …there is nothing in the spiritual realm that is “normal” about clergy leading others astray from the truth of the Church’s teaching with dissident advice and “pastoral solutions”. Shame on this priest …seriously pray for his repentance and conversion, that he may not become parcel of the devil’s spoil on judgment day.
It seams so odd to me that a priest would out right ignore the teachings of the Church.
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The behavior of this priest is nothing short of scandalous, and should be exposed in the light of the day, beginning with this priest himself and the clergy that he is accountabile to.
 
God bless your endevours to approach the Pastor; it takes courage. If that doesn’t work you should email or contact the bishop.
 
MH84 said:
God bless your endevours to approach the Pastor; it takes courage. If that doesn’t work you should email or contact the bishop.
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The only problem I see about going to the pastor is that what happens in confession is under the seal. The priest in question cannot even acknowledge that he gave any such advice in the confessional, The pastor could mention the fact to him but I do not believe he could take it any further without deliberatly or accidentally causing the priest to break the seal. While I am not saying that the counsel the preist gave you was not what he said, since he cannot defend himself under the seal of confession, the pastor might not even bring it up to the priest.
 
Joannm said:
The only problem I see about going to the pastor is that what happens in confession is under the seal. The priest in question cannot even acknowledge that he gave any such advice in the confessional, The pastor could mention the fact to him but I do not believe he could take it any further without deliberatly or accidentally causing the priest to break the seal. While I am not saying that the counsel the preist gave you was not what he said, since he cannot defend himself under the seal of confession, the pastor might not even bring it up to the priest.
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The priest is bound by the seal, but not the penitent.

Also, the pastor does not do anything to violate the seal when discussing the wrong information he gave and what the correct church teaching is.
 
Don’t ever go to confession with that priest again, unless its an emergency.

This priest will keep harming souls until someone confronts him about it. I would inform your Bishop.

This priest has an obligation to tell what the church teaches in the confessional–not his personal heretical opinion.

If you are afraid of revealing your sins in the mail, it might be good to write an anonymous letter explaining what happened and that it should be understandable why you don’t want to put your name on a letter revealing the contents of your confession.

This priest sounds shameless enough to admit it if the bishop decides to confront him about it.
 
There are a lot of misguided priests that came from the 60s era. It seems like the good ones are the ones that are older than that or from what I have heard, the newer ones that are only now becoming priests.
 
Well my meeting with the Pastor of my Church was not a whole lot better. It did come to my attention, my own revelation, nothing that the Pastor said, but that i should have gone back to the source and talke to the priest who gave me bad councel. I guess i thought if he said the things he said i wasnt going to change his mind, he is an older priest. The Pastor was a little wishy washy about his take on it, a little defensive as well. But we had a long talk and he turned the conversation back to me and my sins a couple of times. I left thinking that things were OK but later realized that i doubt he will do anything about it, and possibly didnt think what the priest said to me was wrong. He also talked a lot about how he cant know for sure what was said in the confessional, like maybe i just interpreted what the priest said wrong. (OH did i mention that about 5 minutes into a 45 minute meeting I started to cry and pretty much couldnt stop till the end. I was able to talk through it but i was hiccuping and sobing through most of. I just couldnt get a handle on my emotions!) I guess i just wanted to hear, “I am sorry you recieved bad councel and wrong of him to say that” BUT i definatly didnt hear that!

I hate to leave this parish, maybe i am suppose to stay there. If everyone just left when the realized that the priests were giving bad councel then others will just continue to go through what i went through. I am hoping by staying there God will let me know what i can do to help the priests see the truth and protect the other members of our parish. I dont know how i would do that or where to go from here.

I really appriciate everything you have said. I have wonderful support from my husband and friend. I know this isnt the end but only the beginning. I am just reluctant to take the next step. However I know that i cant sit by and do nothing.

Thanks
 
I think you are right, you should make an attempt to talk to the priest who gave you the bad counsel one-on-one (with Catechism and Humanae Vitae in hand).

If, after talking to him OUTSIDE the confessional, you still get the same answer-- then I suggest you put it all down and sned it to your bishop.

I agree, it may be time to move parishes.

I am soooo sorry you have to deal with this. Sheesh! But, you are excercising many of the moral virtues-- especially fortitude! Having the moral courage to discuss this is a biggie!
 
stayathomemommy said:
Well my meeting with the Pastor of my Church was not a whole lot better. It did come to my attention, my own revelation, nothing that the Pastor said, but that i should have gone back to the source and talke to the priest who gave me bad councel. I guess i thought if he said the things he said i wasnt going to change his mind, he is an older priest. The Pastor was a little wishy washy about his take on it, a little defensive as well. But we had a long talk and he turned the conversation back to me and my sins a couple of times. I left thinking that things were OK but later realized that i doubt he will do anything about it, and possibly didnt think what the priest said to me was wrong. He also talked a lot about how he cant know for sure what was said in the confessional, like maybe i just interpreted what the priest said wrong. (OH did i mention that about 5 minutes into a 45 minute meeting I started to cry and pretty much couldnt stop till the end. I was able to talk through it but i was hiccuping and sobing through most of. I just couldnt get a handle on my emotions!) I guess i just wanted to hear, “I am sorry you recieved bad councel and wrong of him to say that” BUT i definatly didnt hear that!

I hate to leave this parish, maybe i am suppose to stay there. If everyone just left when the realized that the priests were giving bad councel then others will just continue to go through what i went through. I am hoping by staying there God will let me know what i can do to help the priests see the truth and protect the other members of our parish. I dont know how i would do that or where to go from here.

I really appriciate everything you have said. I have wonderful support from my husband and friend. I know this isnt the end but only the beginning. I am just reluctant to take the next step. However I know that i cant sit by and do nothing.

Thanks
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Dear stayathomemommy,

Not everyone will agree with what I say, but I don’t know if it is worth it to go back to that priest and confront him. It would probably be better to seek out a more orthodox parish. If you let us know the area you are in, some of the other posters may be able to help you find something close.

The reason I say not to confront him is that the issue is obviously bringing you great sorrow. I have doubts as to whether that priest will help the situation, based on his blase attitude in the confessional. Only do it, if you can be confident with him about the situation (like the other poster said, with Catechism in hand).
 
This is proof that the not ejaculating inside the woman can be right.
 
stayathomemommy said:
Well my meeting with the Pastor of my Church was not a whole lot better… later realized that i doubt he will do anything about it, and possibly didnt think what the priest said to me was wrong. He also talked a lot about how he cant know for sure what was said in the confessional, like maybe i just interpreted what the priest said wrong. (OH did i mention that about 5 minutes into a 45 minute meeting I started to cry and pretty much couldnt stop till the end. …
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That sounds like your meeting with the pastor went okay. It’s proper that the pastor gave the other priest any benefit of the doubt. Only you and the other priest really know what was said in the confessional, and–I’m not saying that you misinterpretted the priest–but the other priest is severely restricted in what he can tell the pastor in his own defense. The pastor and the other priest can talk about Church teachings and* in* general terms about the guidance to give in the confessional. But a priest can not defend himself regarding the specifics of what was said in the confessional.

A couple other thoughts: Some priests tell us what they think we want to hear instead of what the Church teaches. Those who dissent from the Church teachings on birth control often say that people should “follow their conscience.” You were upset you *do *want to follow your conscience–and your conscience tells you what the Church tells you.

Keep praying for your priests. As you know from your marriage, it takes both husband and wife to defend each other’s chastity. Our priests need their bride, the church, to help them too–just as we need our priests to help us. I suggest you have a Mass said for both the priest and your pastor.
 
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