Priest having feelings for a woman

[Bridget2345]

Hello.
I have a question regarding how a priest is supposed to handle a situation in which a woman tells him that she has feelings for him. What are they taught in seminary to deal with this problem? Is there a proper protocol? If the priest also has feelings for her, what is he supposed to do?
Thank you in advance.

 

[JimG]

I think he would, or should, tell her something like this: Put these feelings aside for awhile, ignore them for six months, and eventually they will go away.

I recall reading of a priest who encountered just this situation. The woman said she had feelings for him; he gave her that advice. Some months later she came across him at a parish function, and said, ‘Father, you recall what you told me some months back?’ He answered yes. ‘Well, she said, you were right.’

Feelings and infatuations aren’t permanent; if you don’t feed them, they will go away.

 

[Trishie]

I love that! Your response is perfect. But then, the woman was upfront about her feelings or infatuation, so the priest was able to let the bright light of day into her mind. If she were not so forthcoming, might not it be more difficult for a priest to deal with the issue? For priests dealing with an unacknowledged ongoing personal attraction that may or may not be mutual, there is less chance for the feelings to dissipate? I pray that God will find ways to cause triumph of equilibruim in every instance. Please God.
May God help priests through all the difficulties of their lives. God grant that women, people, respect the priests’ situation in their hearts and behaviour. May God heal where there is need.

 

[JimG]

I love that! Your response is perfect. But then, the woman was upfront about her feelings or infatuation, so the priest was able to let the bright light of day into her mind. If she were not so forthcoming, might not it be more difficult for a priest to deal with the issue? For priests dealing with an unacknowledged ongoing personal attraction that may or may not be mutual, there is less chance for the feelings to dissipate? I pray that God will find ways to cause triumph of equilibruim in every instance. Please God.
May God help priests through all the difficulties of their lives. God grant that women, people, respect the priests’ situation in their hearts and behaviour. May God heal where there is need.

Well, if she were not forthcoming with her feelings, he wouldn’t have to deal with the issue. It would in fact be a charitable act for her never even to mention these feelings to him. That in itself would be following the advice to ignore them until they go away.

 

[Trishie]

So, commonsense and Christian decency.Thank you, JimG. May God please help where anyone does let it be known, but I’ve known people to get tied in knots. One woman I knew ended up trying to destroy the priest, some years ago. Thank God, he was pronounced utterly innocent after careful investigation, after an awful year for him. May God keep our priests safe and peaceful.

 

[Strevel]

I think he would, or should, tell her something like this: Put these feelings aside for awhile, ignore them for six months, and eventually they will go away.

I recall reading of a priest who encountered just this situation. The woman said she had feelings for him; he gave her that advice. Some months later she came across him at a parish function, and said, ‘Father, you recall what you told me some months back?’ He answered yes. ‘Well, she said, you were right.’

Feelings and infatuations aren’t permanent; if you don’t feed them, they will go away.

Humans are humans and these normal feelings will come, …and go. Practice the rubrics and be the best you can be. Pax Vobiscum…

 

[JimG]

One woman I knew ended up trying to destroy the priest, some years ago. Thank God, he was pronounced utterly innocent after careful investigation, after an awful year for him. May God keep our priests safe and peaceful.

For this reason, some priests will not meet with women except in an office or public place. I believe that it is or was the policy of the protestant evangelist Billy Graham never to be alone with any woman except his wife. Not only to guard against temptation, but to guard against even the appearance of impropriety.

 

[Strevel]

For this reason, some priests will not meet with women except in an office or public place. I believe that it is or was the policy of the protestant evangelist Billy Graham never to be alone with any woman except his wife. Not only to guard against temptation, but to guard against even the appearance of impropriety.

Wisdom!!

 

[Pious_Mat]

I am also told that if a priest has feelings for a woman, it is best that he avoid her–as was said before, these feelings can go away with time.

Occasionally, a young woman will complain that Father so-and-so seemed a little abrupt with her last they spoke. This is most likely because he is trying to keep their relationship minimal so that he doesn’t develop a budding infatuation.

 

[Strevel]

I am also told that if a priest has feelings for a woman, it is best that he avoid her–as was said before, these feelings can go away with time.

Occasionally, a young woman will complain that Father so-and-so seemed a little abrupt with her last they spoke. This is most likely because he is trying to keep their relationship minimal so that he doesn’t develop a budding infatuation.

Somtimes people “complain” that a Priest was abrupt with them. I have also noticed that some people will attempt to treat a Priest as if they are a waiter or something. Nothinbg is farther than the truth. Priests / Nuns (p.n) are just that, no more and absolutely no less. I have also heard that people do not like to be “preached” to. Me, personally, I need the direction and prefer to not be caught up in myself to my own deteriment. I love it. A Priest and a Nun are always welcome to upbraid me. Some of us really have the relationship become Priest and Parishoner askew. We are supposed to be preached to.
A priest is a human and knows thru training and lifes experiences how to handel people and things. Members also know how to show respect to Priests and Nuns, not to place them in situations that embarass the parishoner when known publically. Show respect, appropriate love and appreciation to our clergy. We have a symbiotic relationship. We are a bit low on them for the moment.

Pax Vobiscum…

Don in Vegas