Priest made me feel horrible

[3DOCTORS]

I guess it was a moral question. But he didn’t have to make me cry and he could of been more understanding…

It’s hard on both sides, that’s true. I’ve been in that boat especially when I was younger. I was under pressures from friends in weird ways and unsure of my own beliefs. So sometimes I got myself in some sticky situations. And when I’d go to the priest to try to untangle it all, it was difficult and upsetting for me. The priest himself was no doubt well-intentioned, trying to steer me back on the right path, but was at times a bit heavy-handed.

When we’re young, and uncertain, that can cause us to have a strong emotional backlash. Maybe the priest felt awkward too that it brought you to tears - but possibly that wasn’t his original intent to do so to be mean or sadistic or something. You were probably feeling nervous and emotional going in, no? Because it was scary for you. That’s understandable. And because you had hopes and expectations that maybe it would turn out a certain way. That too is very human. So the tears of frustration, disappointment, and the feeling that you were treated harshly is a common emotional response.

The priest may have frustrations of trying to convey the moral teachings to people and so many don’t listen - your inquiry may have been “the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

The most important thing is - how do you go forward from here? Can you find it in your heart to pray and ask the Lord to lead you? To surrender to His wisdom and ask him to help you grow spiritually and be receptive to the Church’s teaching? He will help you understand the “why” of it if you have that trust, just that little mustard seed is all it takes to begin. That, and patience, time, and experience. We all are someplace on the continuum of spiritual growth. You can acknowledge that this was painful but hold onto hope that it will also be the beginning of something better, that when you look back on it at some future point you’ll have more positive feelings than negative. I’ll be praying for you, OK? :hug3:

 

[vsedriver]

Thanks … Ya he was not nice at all… Made me feel
Bad … I won’t be going to that church anymore

the best thing you can do is pray for that priest. Maybe he needs God’s love and help right now. Also it is hard to feel bad when you are praying for someone else.

 

[OurLadysServant]

Hi,
So today i went to talk to a priest because i had been having some problems and no one to talk to about it. Well, when i was talking to him he made me feel horrible. Like i was a horrible person. He really hurt me emotionally. After talking to him, i went and cried. I thought they were supposed to listen and not be judgemental? I dont think its right how he made me feel. It was the total opposite… PM me if you want details. Thanks

Find a different priest to confess to. (No judgement on that priest -maybe he was having a bad day, maybe he thought he was saying the right things)
I heard a sermon once that said, ‘Not all priests have the gift of being good confessors. If a priest is not a good confessor, find another priest. Do not think it will be good for your soul to keep going to someone who does not have the gift of being a good confessor.’

For some people a strict confessor is good, he keeps them out of sins!
What you probably want is a sensitive listening confessor. All priests are different. They are people too, we cannot judge

The saints had this problem too. Jesus told st faustina to tell a bishop about her visions in confession. And the bishop started shouting at her saying, ‘I don’t quite understand you sister!’ She said she has to pray much that a priest will be guided by the Holy Spirit about her soul before she confessed.

I had an experience one time of confessing and the priest was I felt harsh on me (but the words he said to me snapped me out of the sins I was having trouble with, so it was a blessing as well. He was kind of cross that I was in those sins. And his crossness snapped me out of those sins. It was like I could see clearly. It was so easy afterward (although I was uncomfortable listening to him).

But I have found, some priests are completely unjudgemental and completely merciful. Others might be a bit strict or firm . But they all bring their own unique personality with them.

Our Lady said in one of her apparitions, ‘Pray for your shepherds. The ones my Son has chosen to lead you. And let your lips refrain from every judgement.’
So I cannot judge any priest who is strict in the confessional. I do not know what stress they are under, or anything.

 

[awsiukiewicz]

completely unacceptable…I really don’t care what anywone says…it’s wrong…years ago I was dating a girl, and it was serious…we went to Mass together…I had returned to the Sacraments a year before and things were really going well…our relationship was becoming serious…she too was very ivolved in her Church Parish…anyway…she confided in me that she had had a abortion when she was younger and was afraid to confess it. I was sort of surprised but knowing her as well as I did…I knew she was a different person than she was back then…I sort of suggested that she confess it and she was extremely contrite…we went to Mass one Saturday and she went to confession and came out of the confessional in tears…this was a very genuinely sweet person who I know was sorry for her sin…what could any priest say to make someone feel worse than they already do…so…I feel the pain for you being made to feel horrible…please know…although I am not the one that should be telling you this…but please know that your sins are forgiven and feel the warm embrace of the Holy Spirit envelope you…assuming your sins were absolved…move on…and Peace be with you…there are Priests and then …there are priests eh…?

 

[Dorothy]

Priests need our prayers. They can influence so many for the better or worse; and the priests themselves are the target of the evil one.

And we all need each others’ prayers as well.

Our Lord Jesus Christ was merciful and protective of the woman caught in adultery. After He confounded those who wanted to stone her, He told her to “Go and sin no more.”

 

[OurLadysServant]

Priests need our prayers. They can influence so many for the better or worse; and the priests themselves are the target of the evil one.

And we all need each others’ prayers as well.

Our Lord Jesus Christ was merciful and protective of the woman caught in adultery. After He confounded those who wanted to stone her, He told her to “Go and sin no more.”

I know of two priests who when I confess they are entirely unjudgemental. Yet give absolution and they’ve shaken my hand and spoken encouraging words, or said, ‘the Lord Jesus is merciful, go in peace, -in great peace’. Some priests have an extra special gift for listening to people’s sins. If you go to a few priests you’ll eventually find out who have a great gift of this.

Again I cannot judge any priest who does not have this gift (they might not even be aware of the effect of their words, or maybe they are under pressure).
I read Somewhere that a virtuous person who has never fallen to sin much will not understand a person who is enslaved to sin and seeking deliverance. A person who has been through temptations knows how to be merciful to someone else who is experience a need to seek God’s mercy.

You’ll eventually through experience find a priest who you can say whatever you need to say to him, and stick with that priest. Just focus on the fact, ‘my sins are forgiven and I’ve learned from this experience. I need to find and stay with a confessor that suits me.’

 

[ClearWater]

While I can think of one or two people that could benefit from a “knee” walk, you are not among them. The fact that you went through that and came back at all is not only a testament to your character and spiritual devotion, but in the love of Christ for you, to bring you back.

Blessings my Spanish Rose.
-E

lol

Well, this is also Mexico. I´ve seen many a person here have the penance of knee walking.

I’ve seen women, say, walking on their knees across the church, before mass. When I first saw that, I was thinking, “What?!” When I first came here, I went to mass with an American friend of mine. I saw that, asked what that was all about, and she just said, “penance”.

Some ladies here even knee walk with their kids, holding a child’s hand. The Mexicans can be quite strong. By comparison, I am probably a baby, wimp.

I used to interpret for Latin ladies. I even interpreted for births, and the Latin ladies have my respect. They’d be trying to go through labor without anesthesia! Wow! It was actually to a point where it was comical. The ladies would be saying they didn’t want anesthesia, and the husbands would be saying to give them some, anyway! lol

Strong! Dang! I have never had children, but if I were, I’d want the MAXIMUM amoung of painkiller!

Again, the Mexicans, in this respect, are quite amazing. They can withstand unbelievable amounts of pain, also still smile, where I wouldn’t

I had 3 surgeries in Mexico, and they basically considered me to be a WIMP! In the US, I am considered strong.

I once had a friend stitched up after a car accident, his hand with NO anesthesia! It’s unbelievable…some of the things I’ve seen and been through, from an American perspective. From a global perspective, it’s not quite so extraordinarily, I suppose.

As to the priest, I told my mother about this one time, (she’s now 89 y.o.), and she said that priest must have been from some VERY old times!

Oh, and Esieffe, thanks! That’s sweet. In truth, I actually deserve to knee walk, and more, just wasn’t receptive at that time.

 

[njlisa]

The Daily Prayer For Priests
-St. Therese of the Child Jesus

O Jesus, I pray for your faithful and fervent priests;
for your unfaithful and tepid priests;
for your priests laboring at home or abroad in distant mission fields.
for your tempted priests;
for your lonely and desolate priest
for your young priests;
for your dying priests;
for the souls of your priests in Purgatory.

But above all, I recommend to you the priests dearest to me:
the priest who baptized me;
the priests who absolved me from my sins;
the priests at whose Masses I assisted and who gave me Your Body and Blood in Holy Communion;
the priests who taught and instructed me;
all the priests to whom I am indebted in any other way (especially …).

O Jesus, keep them all close to your heart,
and bless them abundantly in time and in eternity. Amen.

 

[underacloud]

You see, there are two possible scenarios that come to mind for the reader of the original post. One is that you went to the priest with a moral question or issue and didn’t like it when he gave you the Church’s teaching on the matter. The other is that you went with a genuine and sincere heart to him on a spiritual struggle and really were treated unfairly. But with the vagueness of the wording of the original post, it’s impossible to tell. It doesn’t have to be a ton of detail, just enough to get a sense of what really went on.

Thank you for taking the time to share your story, I am sorry you are going through this. I want to gently correct you on a perception, you are unfortunately incorrect that priests are “supposed to listen and not be judgmental” priests are here to tell us the truth about what the Catholic church teaches. Although of course it is hopeful that they can do so with kindness and charity.

I agree with these two posts.

I will also weigh in on the comment that priests should “not be judgemental”. Actually, they should. This is part of their vocation - to bind and loose sins, and to teach us and correct us when we are in error.

Now some priests have a better “bedside manner” in this regard. Some priests are more nurturing and focus on God’s mercy. Other priests are more strict and focus on eliminating sin. Both aspects are important and the best priests will stike a good balance.

None of us can say whether the priest in this case was right or wrong. Perhaps he was in the wrong. Or perhaps the OP received some advice that they didn’t wish to hear. But talking to another priest is good advice, as long as one isn’t “priest shopping” in the hope to find a priest who might condone some particular sin.

 

[Roxygirl1488]

So there aren’t to many details to judge the situation but I can tell you what happened to me once. I spoke with a priest told him about my problems. I was sick 90lbs at that time, couldn’t eat, felt horrible. Told him i was Always struggling in life and needed help. He said to me “you don want to suffer, your stubborn, and you can’t be helped!” I refuted yelling no! You don’t understand ! He said your depressed you just have to eat! Get up perform your duties as a mother and wife!" I said you don’t understand I am sick! He said you can’t be helped then! If your not going to do what I am telling you then no one can help you! You dont want help! You like bein this way!" I said who would like being this way?! He said how should I know!? I got so mad I hung up on him. But something strange happened I realized he was right. I sucked up my pride, got out of bed started eating after months of slowly wasting away. And I have been doing great ever since. Now I think what happened with me is a spiritual butt kicking, and this priest gave it to me real good. But that is exactly what I needed to hear because everyone around me was enabling me and this priest just Refused to do that. I realized my problems I brought to him for help all boiled down to one thing, I had a hard time suffering, what I mean by this is I had my crosses to bare like anyone else but I didn’t want to carry them. So I was depressed because I wasn’t doing Gods will because well because Gods will isn’t easy, we have To suffer just like Jesus did but it’s how we suffer that matters. We can’t avoid suffering, but we can suffer with Jesus and for him and that load can be lightened or we can suffer by doing our own will by trying to avoid suffering which is a much harder way to suffer. This is my story hope it helps.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m not suggesting “priest shopping,” where you shop around until you find one that tells you what you want to hear, but frankly, if someone told me their doctor or dentist or coach was too harsh, I’d suggest they get a second opinion. I would suggest the same thing with a priest. If someone went to my confessor and said they couldn’t stand him, ultimately I couldn’t really argue with that. I’d suggest they find someone more suitable. What I think or what I need is not what matters. Defending the priest is not what matters. Finding someone they can trust and turn to is what matters.

Not a second opinion on the priest, but a second opinion on how to handle the spiritual difficulty that you are going through. That will make it much easier to decide if the original “physician of the soul” you went to handled you “case” in a reasonable manner or not. Even if you found that the first priest did nothing objectively “wrong,” you may find that the bedside manner of a different confessor makes it easier for you to be a compliant patient and to heal. That is the goal. Even the saints sometimes changed confessors when they had problems with their first confessor. It is OK.

I would not judge all priests on the basis of this one experience any more than I’d judge any other field of human endeavor based on one practitioner. We are not guaranteed that priests are going to be perfect. The Pope spoke to his priests and cautioned that some are too strict while others are too lax. Some are neglectful, some lack empathy, some are too sentimental, some do not expect enough, some expect too much. Priests are not perfect. If one of them harms you in the course of ministry, go to a different one to get beyond it.

 

[EasterJoy]

So there aren’t to many details to judge the situation but I can tell you what happened to me once. I spoke with a priest told him about my problems. I was sick 90lbs at that time, couldn’t eat, felt horrible. Told him i was Always struggling in life and needed help. He said to me “you don want to suffer, your stubborn, and you can’t be helped!” I refuted yelling no! You don’t understand ! He said your depressed you just have to eat! Get up perform your duties as a mother and wife!" I said you don’t understand I am sick! He said you can’t be helped then! If your not going to do what I am telling you then no one can help you! You dont want help! You like bein this way!" I said who would like being this way?! He said how should I know!? I got so mad I hung up on him. But something strange happened I realized he was right. I sucked up my pride, got out of bed started eating after months of slowly wasting away. And I have been doing great ever since. Now I think what happened with me is a spiritual butt kicking, and this priest gave it to me real good. But that is exactly what I needed to hear because everyone around me was enabling me and this priest just Refused to do that. I realized my problems I brought to him for help all boiled down to one thing, I had a hard time suffering, what I mean by this is I had my crosses to bare like anyone else but I didn’t want to carry them. So I was depressed because I wasn’t doing Gods will because well because Gods will isn’t easy, we have To suffer just like Jesus did but it’s how we suffer that matters. We can’t avoid suffering, but we can suffer with Jesus and for him and that load can be lightened or we can suffer by doing our own will by trying to avoid suffering which is a much harder way to suffer. This is my story hope it helps.

Many famous confessors were harsh some of the time: Padre Pio, St. John Vianney. It is not necessarily wrong to be harsh. It kind of depends if some priest decides he needs to be Jesus Cleansing the Temple every time or if he saves his harshness for a situation where it will really treat the problem.

That is why I’d caution the OP not to look for a priest that is likable. Just as with a physician, the thing is to find someone you can trust enough to let him help you to heal. Look at which one actually helps you to flee sin and turn your life away from sin, and which one pats your head and leaves you in the pit to suffer enslavement and which one whacks you for falling in and yet walks off without lifting a finger to get you out.

Whatever happens, know that God wants you to be free of whatever enslaves you, and God will be patient. If you are truly seeking to do God’s will, God understands where you are being willful and where you are simply blind or foolish. Know this: Whatever you are going through, God simply will not give up on you. Keep seeking God and to do God’s will, because God is surely seeking you.

 

[Roxygirl1488]

Many famous confessors were harsh some of the time: Padre Pio, St. John Vianney. It is not necessarily wrong to be harsh. It kind of depends if some priest decides he needs to be Jesus Cleansing the Temple every time or if he saves his harshness for a situation where it will really treat the problem.

That is why I’d caution the OP not to look for a priest that is likable. Just as with a physician, the thing is to find someone you can trust enough to let him help you to heal. Look at which one actually helps you to flee sin and turn your life away from sin, and which one pats your head and leaves you in the pit to suffer enslavement and which one whacks you for falling in and yet walks off without lifting a finger to get you out.

Whatever happens, know that God wants you to be free of whatever enslaves you, and God will be patient. If you are truly seeking to do God’s will, God understands where you are being willful and where you are simply blind or foolish. Know this: Whatever you are going through, God simply will not give up on you. Keep seeking God and to do God’s will, because God is surely seeking you.

Well put!

 

[housedude]

Hmm…

Angie,

Do some parishioners suffer the sin of pride and will never admit they are wrong? In that particular case, how would such a person know that the priest isn’t being ‘cruel’, but rather, is trying to help them understand that they are mistaken?