Priest refused to hear confession

[sweetbarry90]

I have been going frequently to the Sacrament of Confession because of repeated sins of lust. I have confessed them to the priest I normally go to, and this past Saturday I received absolution for a previous sin during the week. However, my boyfriend and I fell into sin through inappropriate touching and immodesty right before we were about to go to Mass that afternoon. We felt the need to refrain from receiving Communion and decided to ask the priest for a quick confession hearing after Mass so that we would be able to receive that following Monday. When we stopped him after Mass and told him we wanted to confess, he told us that there was no need to do so unless we believed we had committed a mortal sin.

We had confessed the inappropriate intimacy to him before, but he told us that since we did not have the intention of hurting each other, it was not a mortal sin. He said it wasn’t a good practice, but that we should not deny ourselves Communion because of it. He told us that the penitential rite at the beginning of Mass wipes away the sins of the entire congregation, but I do not believe that goes for mortal sins.

I have been stressed over this for quite some time, before this most recent case. I do not want to refrain from Communion because of its sanctifying grace, but I also do not want to defile it because of a mortal sin. I have read that the Bishops say it is not appropriate to receive if you are in the state of mortal sin, but I am also aware that what the priest told me might be wrong.

Please help, I am very confused and want to receive Communion!!

 

[14er]

Bottom line is, no, you may not receive communion if you are in a state of mortal sin. The penitential rite does not wipe away mortal sins. Sexual activity outside of marriage is always wrong, no matter what he said about “not having the intention of hurting each other” whatever that means.

If you told him you had a mortal sin to confess, he should have set up a time to hear your confession that day if possible.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

Bottom line is, no, you may not receive communion if you are in a state of mortal sin. The penitential rite does not wipe away mortal sins. Sexual activity outside of marriage is always wrong, no matter what he said about “not having the intention of hurting each other” whatever that means.

If you told him you had a mortal sin to confess, he should have set up a time to hear your confession that day if possible.

Not necessarily a mortal sin.

She stated that she and her boyfriend engaged in “inappropriate touching and immodesty”. That does not mean they had sex. It is a bit to vague for us to gage whether or not a mortal sin was committed.

The priest knows this couple, it seems they have on going issues. One could wonder about how they are “avoiding the near occasion of sin” and if they are truly repentant of their behavior as it continues to occur.

 

[laszlo]

Not necessarily a mortal sin.

She stated that she and her boyfriend engaged in “inappropriate touching and immodesty”. That does not mean they had sex. It is a bit to vague for us to gage whether or not a mortal sin was committed.

The priest knows this couple, it seems they have on going issues. One could wonder about how they are “avoiding the near occasion of sin” and if they are truly repentant of their behavior as it continues to occur.

There are too possible sides of the case

If there is no mortal sin, the priest could reject the confession, because he is not to nourish scrupulosity.

If there is mortal sin, the priest should reject the confession before they break away. The confession is valid only if the promise to avoid near occasions of sin is serious.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

It doesn’t sound like the priest was brushing you off, but giving pastoral advice.

I don’t know the circumstances, but he did, and from what you’ve written I don’t see that he is wrong.

I recommend you trust your confessor. I have confessed behaviors only to be told I hadn’t sinned, at times. God can’t forgive you if there’s nothing to forgive, so if there is no sin there can be no reconciliation.

One thing that may or may not be an issue, I’ll just mention. Be careful that the sinning/confession cycle doesn’t become routine to the point where you really aren’t making any progress at avoiding the sin. If it does, it could become almost a charade behind which an unwillingness to repent is hiding.

Alan

 

[shinytoy]

Not necessarily a mortal sin.

She stated that she and her boyfriend engaged in “inappropriate touching and immodesty”. That does not mean they had sex. It is a bit to vague for us to gage whether or not a mortal sin was committed.

The priest knows this couple, it seems they have on going issues. One could wonder about how they are “avoiding the near occasion of sin” and if they are truly repentant of their behavior as it continues to occur.

yeah thats what the priest told me when i confessed something similar

 

[PilgrimToChrist]

I have been going frequently to the Sacrament of Confession because of repeated sins of lust.

Are you actually trying to stop? If you go to Confession and you don’t have any real intention of stopping the sin which has become a sinful habit, your sin is not forgiven – the absolution is invalid. If you are confessing the same sin week after week, you really have to ask yourself if you are doing anything to stop the sin and avoid near occasions of sin. Overcoming these sins is something that is very difficult, that is why you have to cut out sin wherever you find it. This sin is very hard to overcome, especially while you are in a romantic relationship but it can be done!

However, my boyfriend and I fell into sin through inappropriate touching and immodesty right before we were about to go to Mass that afternoon. We felt the need to refrain from receiving Communion

That is very good that you did not receive Communion. If you had received Communion while you knew you were in a state of sin, that would be a mortal sin. I once did the same thing you did, but all the way, and we went to the afternoon Mass, my boyfriend received and I felt really bad that he did but I didn’t stop him even though I didn’t go. He – now my ex – has now become much more serious about his faith and goes to Confession regularly and is actually discerning the priesthood. So it is good that you did not go up.

and decided to ask the priest for a quick confession hearing after Mass so that we would be able to receive that following Monday. When we stopped him after Mass and told him we wanted to confess,

A priest may not have time right after Mass. Some places, such as my parish, there are Confessions after Mass but at some places there are not. A priest has to make his thanksgiving prayers.

he told us that there was no need to do so unless we believed we had committed a mortal sin.

We had confessed the inappropriate intimacy to him before, but he told us that since we did not have the intention of hurting each other, it was not a mortal sin. He said it wasn’t a good practice, but that we should not deny ourselves Communion because of it.

Without knowing the whole conversation, I of course cannot judge the priest on this but it sounds very wrong. I would even say that you may think about changing confessors if you are in a position to do so.

I do not know exactly what you did but it does sound like you committed a mortal sin. It is a sin to intentionally arouse the passions before marriage, since those are things that properly lead up to the marital act. It is not a sin to have a quick kiss hello or goodbye but you should not be making out.

Here is what St. Thomas says:
St. Thomas Aquinas:

A lustful look is less than a touch, a caress or a kiss. But according to Matthew 5:28, “Whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her hath already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Much more therefore are lustful kisses and other like things mortal sins. Further, Cyprian says (Ad Pompon, de Virgin., Ep. lxii), “By their very intercourse, their blandishments, their converse, their embraces, those who are associated in a sleep that knows neither honor nor shame, acknowledge their disgrace and crime.” Therefore by doing these things a man is guilty of a crime, that is, of mortal sin.

I answer that, A thing is said to be a mortal works. sin in two ways. First, by reason of its species, and in this way a kiss, caress, or touch does not, of its very nature, imply a mortal sin, for it is possible to do such things without lustful pleasure, either as being the custom of one’s country, or on account of some obligation or reasonable cause. Secondly, a thing is said to be a mortal sin by reason of its cause: thus he who gives an alms, in order to lead someone into heresy, sins mortally on account of his corrupt intention. Now it has been stated above (I-II, 74, 8), that it is a mortal sin not only to consent to the act, but also to the delectation “pleasure and delight”, like “delectable cholocates” – PtC] of a mortal sin. Wherefore since fornication is a mortal sin, and much more so the other kinds of lust, it follows that in such like sins not only consent to the act but also consent to the pleasure is a mortal sin. Consequently, when these kisses and caresses are done for this delectation, it follows that they are mortal sins, and only in this way are they said to be lustful. Therefore in so far as they are lustful, they are mortal sins.

So to be passionately kissing and touching (that is, “making out”) when you are not married is a mortal sin since it is essentially part of foreplay to the marital act.

(cont.)

 

[PilgrimToChrist]

(cont.)

He told us that the penitential rite at the beginning of Mass wipes away the sins of the entire congregation, but I do not believe that goes for mortal sins.

No, only venial sins. Blessing yourself piously also remits venial sins – anything that lifts your heart and mind to God and expresses sorrow for your sins.

I have been stressed over this for quite some time, before this most recent case. I do not want to refrain from Communion because of its sanctifying grace, but I also do not want to defile it because of a mortal sin. I have read that the Bishops say it is not appropriate to receive if you are in the state of mortal sin, but I am also aware that what the priest told me might be wrong.

Exactly. If you receive Communion in a state of grace and are properly disposed, you can receive a great many graces – it is Our Lord Jesus Christ, after all. But if you receive Communion in a state of sin, you commit another mortal sin – Christ is also our Judge.

St. Paul says:
1Cor 11:27-32:

Therefore whosoever shall eat this bread, or drink the chalice of the Lord unworthily, shall be guilty of the body and of the blood of the Lord. But let a man prove himself: and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of the chalice. For he that eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh judgment to himself, not discerning the body of the Lord. Therefore are there many infirm and weak among you, and many sleep [that is, “have died” – PtC].

But if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged. But whilst we are judged, we are chastised by the Lord, that we be not condemned with this world.

When we go to confession, we judge ourselves. It is like going to the police station and turning ourselves in for committing some crime, we are saying “I am guilty of doing this”. If we do not, and we know we have committed some crime, we receive Christ not in His Mercy and Love but in His Judgment. That is why we should not receive Communion in the state of sin.

 

[The_Old_Medic]

It actually comes down to one of two essential issues.

1. If you have repeatedly confessed the same sin, several times a week, then you have obviously NOT made much of an attempt to stop committing that sin. Since you specify that the sin involves inappropriate touching, etc., then you know full well what you are getting into, and you are choosing to do that action. Therefore, to continue to offer you absolution, when you so obviously do NOT have any real intent of changing your behavior, and no real repentance, would be inappropriate for the Priest. It also would be a mortal sin for YOU to do this.
2. If what you are confessing is NOT a mortal sin,. but you insist on frequent confession of it anyway, then you are being overly scrupulous, and you need to redefine what you are doing and discover what the real purpose of reconcilliation is. It is not a band aid, to be applied each and every time you think that you MIGHT possibly have sinned.