Priest said I don't need to have my marriage blessed to receive Holy Communion

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7WatersDaughter

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Good morning everyone! A little about myself: I am a 27-year-old wife and mother of a beautiful, almost three-year-old girl. I was born and raised Catholic and fully initiated into the church – infant baptism, First Communion, Reconciliation and Confirmation.

I’ve been away from the church for about ten years. My husband and I originally had planned to be married in the RC church but due to some family circumstances we ended up getting married by a non-denominational JOP who did, however, give us a Christian themed wedding.

I went to a few different churches – the last being a Presbyterian church. But after feeling yearnings to go back to the Catholic church, and realizing that it is the one true church that follows Jesus’ teaching, I have decided to come home.

My husband is very supportive of this decision – he was baptised Anglican but aside from that did not grow up with any faith in his life – his family never went to church. And so he is a believer in God, but doesn’t want to classify himself as a “christian” or anything. It’s something I pray about but don’t worry about because it is in God’s hands, and I am happy and blessed that he supports me and is willing to read the Bible with me and go to church with me and raised our daughter Catholic.

My daughter was baptised when she was almost two, in our Presbyterian church. The priest at the Roman Catholic parish told me that her baptism was just fine and is recognized by the RC church.

Everything I’ve read on-line has told me that my husband and I need to have our marriage blessed by a priest before I can have communion, because I, as a Catholic, did not get married in the Catholic church. This is fine with me, and it’s something I want to do – hubby is also fine with it. However, when I broached the idea to the priest, he told me that it wasn’t necessary. I told him that I was married by a JOP, but he still said that it was more a matter of my own heart and that I am welcome to take communion if I wish. I told him that I still want to have the marriage blessed, and we plan to meet with him to discuss this when we get back from summer holidays in August.

I took his advice and have taken communion twice since he told me I could. I find myself looking forward to the Eucharist every week, and as Sunday approaches I am happy and looking forward to taking part in Communion. However, I don’t want to do this if it would put my soul in danger.

Is my priest right? He is a very nice priest – and very traditional in other ways. What should I do?

Thanks!
 
7Waters Daughter:

Welcome Home! I’m a Catholic revert myself, returned like you in my mid-to-late 20’s as a retread college student.

Okay, now for some advice. I will try not to get too detailed here, but here are a few little things:

First, when your daughter was baptized, were the words, “I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit” spoken? If yes, then your daughter was baptized in the name of the Holy Trinity.

Second, I would recommend going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, if you have not done so in a long time. Personally, I didn’t go for at least 13 years, and I can tell you that a priest will be understanding and not condenscending.

Third, about your marriage, when you meet with him in August, you can ask him about a “convalidation”. I do know that your husband does not have to convert to have your marriage “blessed”. (I know several mixed marriages of 25+ years where the couple married in a Catholic ceremony, and the non-Catholic spouse respects the other one’s faith.) Since you have been civilly married a few years, this may be what you mean about having your marriage “blessed.”

Hope this helps a little. Again, welcome home.
 
I would seek advice on this, from a priest.

Although I was raised Catholic, I was married in a protestant church years ago. When I returned to the church, I was told that since my wife and I were not in a Catholic, sacramental marriage, we were essentially unmarried in the eyes of the church. As a result, we needed to “live as brother and sister” until such time as are marriage was convalidated.

We did so and, a few months later, had a convalidation ceremony- nothing big, the priest and a few friends and witnesses. If you look on my sacramental record, you would find under marriages, the date and place of my convalidation, not the date of my protestant wedding, some three years earlier.

I would imagine, if this had not been necessary, at some point during the process of filling out paperwork, being interviewed by a priest, or having the service, someone would have said, “Wait a minute! You guys don’t need to do this!” 😉

All shall be well. Pray and don’t worry.
 
I should have said this first:
Welcome Home!!! God bless you in your journey to seek the Truth!
 
Of course you have to have your marriage con-validated because of defect of form. If you are Catholic you have to be married by Catholic rules. Your marriage is not sacramental in the eyes of the church because you are not married. It’s an easy fix. Those who are married already don’t’ have to go to all those classes. Your priest should know this. All he has to do is get a few records from you like baptismal certificates and your marriage license and you should be all set for a simple ceremony. You should not be taking communion because you are “living in sin” according to church teaching. Yes your child is baptized correctly.
 
Hello 7.
7WatersDaughter said:
Good morning everyone! A little about myself: I am a 27-year-old wife and mother of a beautiful, almost three-year-old girl. I was born and raised Catholic and fully initiated into the church – infant baptism, First Communion, Reconciliation and Confirmation.

I’ve been away from the church for about ten years. My husband and I originally had planned to be married in the RC church but due to some family circumstances we ended up getting married by a non-denominational JOP who did, however, give us a Christian themed wedding.

I went to a few different churches – the last being a Presbyterian church. But after feeling yearnings to go back to the Catholic church, and realizing that it is the one true church that follows Jesus’ teaching, I have decided to come home.

My husband is very supportive of this decision – he was baptised Anglican but aside from that did not grow up with any faith in his life – his family never went to church. And so he is a believer in God, but doesn’t want to classify himself as a “christian” or anything. It’s something I pray about but don’t worry about because it is in God’s hands, and I am happy and blessed that he supports me and is willing to read the Bible with me and go to church with me and raised our daughter Catholic.

My daughter was baptised when she was almost two, in our Presbyterian church. The priest at the Roman Catholic parish told me that her baptism was just fine and is recognized by the RC church.

Everything I’ve read on-line has told me that my husband and I need to have our marriage blessed by a priest before I can have communion, because I, as a Catholic, did not get married in the Catholic church. This is fine with me, and it’s something I want to do – hubby is also fine with it. However, when I broached the idea to the priest, he told me that it wasn’t necessary. I told him that I was married by a JOP, but he still said that it was more a matter of my own heart and that I am welcome to take communion if I wish. I told him that I still want to have the marriage blessed, and we plan to meet with him to discuss this when we get back from summer holidays in August.

I took his advice and have taken communion twice since he told me I could. I find myself looking forward to the Eucharist every week, and as Sunday approaches I am happy and looking forward to taking part in Communion. However, I don’t want to do this if it would put my soul in danger.

Is my priest right? He is a very nice priest – and very traditional in other ways. What should I do?

Thanks!
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Since you asked specifically what you should do, I’m going to be blunt. Go to another parish for Reconciliation and tell them all you’ve been told. You need more than simple permission to receive. If you need to contact the Diocesan Offices where you live, do it. It will probably be the best bet although there is a good chance they will refer you back to the place you’ve started so be honest with what they’ve told you. You are aware you are in an irregular marriage situation and if you ask me it is the Holy Spirit Who is guiding you into the Church. Don’t sell out to something you know already is incorrect. Since your hubby is supportive, there probably won’t be much in your way, but the fact that you’ll need assistance outside the parish you live in to be reconciled to the Church and have your marriage regularized will probably ruffle the feathers of the priest you’ve already talked to and he probably will act stiffly towards you. It usually happens when you “go over somebody’s head” for help.

Glenda
 
others have already answered your question about your marriage-- it definitely needs to be convaildated. Regarding taking communion,it seems you already know that the priest’s advice was erroneous.

regarding your daughter, since she is still below the age of 7, you can bring her into the Catholic Church by your profession that this is your desire. This is a formal process, so your priest saying we “accept” Presbyterian baptism is correct but incomplete. If you want your daughter to be Catholic, the priest needs to receive her into the Catholic Church and can supply the additional baptismal rites she did not receive (candle, white garment, anointing with chrism). Most importantly he must enter this into the sacramental record.

i am not sure why your pastor would be so laissez-faire with these important things! if you feel you are not getting the proper response to your attempt to reconcile with the Church and bring your daughter into full communion, please contact your diocesan vicar general.
 
Yes, my daughter’s baptism is valid – as it was done in the name of the Trinity.

I wonder why the priest would tell us (on two separate occasions) that we don’t need convalidation? He is a really wonderful priest. I have talked to him several times and he has always made matters of faith clear to me – especially about the Blessed Virgin. Everyone in the parish seems to love him, and he’s a great speaker and really genuine.

It’s our only catholic church in our town, and I like it. He said if I wanted to I could still do it and that he would happily meet with us about it, just that it was not necessary. But I have already told him we will make an appointment with him when we get back from holidays.

Thanks!
 
1ke said:
regarding your daughter, since she is still below the age of 7, you can bring her into the Catholic Church by your profession that this is your desire. This is a formal process, so your priest saying we “accept” Presbyterian baptism is correct but incomplete. If you want your daughter to be Catholic, the priest needs to receive her into the Catholic Church and can supply the additional baptismal rites she did not receive (candle, white garment, anointing with chrism). Most importantly he must enter this into the sacramental record.
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But I do want her to follow these steps as you have detailed above, and will ask about them – thank you!
 
Hello 7.
7WatersDaughter said:
Yes, my daughter’s baptism is valid – as it was done in the name of the Trinity.

I wonder why the priest would tell us (on two separate occasions) that we don’t need convalidation? He is a really wonderful priest. I have talked to him several times and he has always made matters of faith clear to me – especially about the Blessed Virgin. Everyone in the parish seems to love him, and he’s a great speaker and really genuine.

It’s our only catholic church in our town, and I like it. He said if I wanted to I could still do it and that he would happily meet with us about it, just that it was not necessary. But I have already told him we will make an appointment with him when we get back from holidays.

Thanks!
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I’m getting the impression that the reason he is liked by everyone is because that is his main focus and not the Sacraments. No Priest of God should or would tell someone who isn’t capable of receiving the Eucharist they can when they’ve clearly stated that they’re in an irregular marital situation. He’d help them get reconciled to the Church and to God. You’ve got tons of stuff to learn about being a good Catholic. I recommend you get a copy of the book Catholicism for Dummies. It has the basics in a very “user friendly” format that will assist you and your family to begin the process of becoming a Holy Family. Do not push your priest to do what he doesn’t believe needs doing and if you have to go to another town DO IT. Otherwise he’ll steer you wrong about the rest of the Sacraments. Once you start learning what you’re supposed to know to be a faithful Catholic, it will become apparent what other practices are out of kilter there. Know you are not alone in this. There are many priests and religious these days who don’t exactly fit the bill for faithful. It was heartbreaking for me when I came into the Church. I wish someone had told me. God be with you and your family. Start praying the Rosary and ask Our Lady’s help under her title Help of Christians and if you can do this with you hubby each night, it would be even better. Start watching EWTN or listening to Catholic Radio on the Internet. They are great resources for learning and information. You’ll be a good Catholic Mommy and wife in no time at all. Oh, and look forward to teaching your little girl her Hail Mary’s and other stuff. Those are very precious moments we Catholic parents treasure for a lifetime.

Glenda
 
The thing is, I have no problem having this priest do it because he is very happy to. So we will do it here. Thanks everyone!
 
glendab said:
You’ll be a good Catholic Mommy and wife in no time at all. Oh, and look forward to teaching your little girl her Hail Mary’s and other stuff. Those are very precious moments we Catholic parents treasure for a lifetime.
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Thank you for your words of kindness, Glenda. I know that I am already a great mom and a wonderful wife, and I believe that by becoming closer to God through His Church I will be able to become even better.

It’s hard not having a lot of support – I don’t know anyone in the congregation very well. My parents are lapsed Catholics who have not attended Mass in an age! My brother and his wife are stoically anti-Christianity and used to (maybe still) dabble in Wiccan/New Age. My best friend/cousin isn’t officially a JW, but she is being swayed that way, along with her hubby – they study the Bible with JWs (the JW “Bible” has produced some real gems that she tells me about:whacky:) and so I don’t have much support. But I have God and the Blessed Virgin with me so that’s good!
 
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