Priest said they don't have to go to confession

[Neil_Anthony]

:heaven: I love this Examination of Conscience URL. The ones in booklets/missals etc. just don’t always help and I always struggle. Thanks soo much!

Peccata

The thing about those examinations of conscience, and even that URL, is that there are all sorts of things in them that I answer No to… (or the wrong way to) but I don’t think they are mortal sins. It’s useful to go over it to think about your relationship with God, but if I were to list every single item to the priest in confession he’d think I was a flake. I need one that says which sins are serious and which aren’t. Surely I don’t have to confess that one day I didn’t say an act of faith, for example.

 

[TheDoctor]

Well I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true. I mean what are the most common mortal sins

1. Illicit sex
2. birth control
3. Missing mass on a holy day of obligation
   Any other mortal sins besides those are probably also crimes, if I understand correctly? This guy certainly isn’t a criminal, and is married and past childbearing age and faithful, and goes to mass, so I can’t see any reason to assume he’s wrong.

As I said, no one but almighty God can judge the state of one’s soul, however when I reflect on how the Saints struggled with sin and remember that my beloved pastor, bishop and Pope have similar struggles as well, I find it, well, difficult to accept that he never sins mortally, ever, always.

On a second point, there are a LOT more mortal sins than just the three you listed (and the last one is not always a mortal one). For example, when we talk of “not bearing false witness”:

"Have I told a lie in order to deceive someone? Have I told the truth with the purpose and intention of ruining someone’s reputation (sin of detraction)? Have I told a lie or spread rumors which may ruin someone’s reputation (sin of calumny or slander)?"A lot of us (me included) rationalize mortal sin as “only the biggies” when there are many ways that we chose to separate ourselves from the love of God. It took me reading spiritual works such as “Introduction To The Devout Life” by Francis De Sales and lurking on these boards to more fully understand the nature of sin. Remember also, sins of omission (refusing to be charitable, choosing not to love my neighbor) can be just as mortal as sins of commission.

 

[Neil_Anthony]

As I said, no one but almighty God can judge the state of one’s soul, however when I reflect on how the Saints struggled with sin and remember that my beloved pastor, bishop and Pope have similar struggles as well, I find it, well, difficult to accept that he never sins mortally, ever, always.

On a second point, there are a LOT more mortal sins than just the three you listed (and the last one is not always a mortal one). For example, when we talk of “not bearing false witness”:

"Have I told a lie in order to deceive someone? Have I told the truth with the purpose and intention of ruining someone’s reputation (sin of detraction)? Have I told a lie or spread rumors which may ruin someone’s reputation (sin of calumny or slander)?"A lot of us (me included) rationalize mortal sin as “only the biggies” when there are many ways that we chose to separate ourselves from the love of God. It took me reading spiritual works such as “Introduction To The Devout Life” by Francis De Sales and lurking on these boards to more fully understand the nature of sin. Remember also, sins of omission (refusing to be charitable, choosing not to love my neighbor) can be just as mortal as sins of commission.

Can we make a list here? As I understand it, gossiping can be a mortal sin if the matter is very serious. As you stated it, ruining someone’s reputation would qualify. But if you repeat something less serious about someone, something which might reflect badly on them but not cause serious damage, I don’t think that is mortal. In my mind, for it to be mortal, it would have to have an effect like costing them their job, harming their marraige, or something serious like that.

For a sin of ommission to be mortal, something gravely bad would have to happen as a result. If someone died or was seriously injured because you didn’t help them, I suppose that might qualify.

These are just my opinions, as a regular laypeson trying to understand. I’m not offering advice as someone who’s educated in these matters. Just trying to have a discussion about it to learn.

1. Illicit sex
2. birth control
3. Missing mass on a holy day of obligation
4. False witness: Ruining someone’s reputation or causing serious harm like hurting their marriage, losing their job, getting a criminal conviction
5. Not being charitable resulting in someone being seriously injured or dying?

Should I start a new thread to list them?

 

[TheDoctor]

The thing about those examinations of conscience, and even that URL, is that there are all sorts of things in them that I answer No to… (or the wrong way to) but I don’t think they are mortal sins. It’s useful to go over it to think about your relationship with God, but if I were to list every single item to the priest in confession he’d think I was a flake. I need one that says which sins are serious and which aren’t. Surely I don’t have to confess that one day I didn’t say an act of faith, for example.

I hear ya. I never thought my priest would think I was a flake (and I have gone in with a list). I was sacred he would know I am an unworthy sinner.

This though, is where frequent reception of the sacrament of reconciliation comes in. If you only go once a year (like I used to), you really only pick out the couple of “biggies” and rationalize the other stuff as inconsequential. When you are going on a more frequent basis (I am trying for every 3-4 weeks) you get two big benefits:

First, you will refine your conscience so that you will know better what is really sin and what is not (e.g. there is sin when I chose to curse God because I did not get a promotion but no sin when I blurt out the same thing after slamming my hand in the door while yelling at my 16 year old).

Second, you will deepen your relationship with God by allowing yourself to be loved and forgiven by him, warts and all. You will be able to tell if not saying an act of faith was a sin or not and if it was a sin, how grievous it was.

One other benefit I am getting is that I am starting to understand the “why” behind the times I fail and the advice and comfort I have gotten from my priests has given my the courage to try to be a little better today than I was yesterday, and that is really what I think God wants most.

 

[Neil_Anthony]

I guess I could try listing things I know aren’t mortal. But I find they don’t usually give much advice unless it’s something quite serious.

My real concern with not going in with a laundry list is that to me it seems boastful. Like, I’m so important and holy that I’m going to hold back the confession line detailing every little imperfection I have.

I hear ya. I never thought my priest would think I was a flake (and I have gone in with a list). I was sacred he would know I am an unworthy sinner.

This though, is where frequent reception of the sacrament of reconciliation comes in. If you only go once a year (like I used to), you really only pick out the couple of “biggies” and rationalize the other stuff as inconsequential. When you are going on a more frequent basis (I am trying for every 3-4 weeks) you get two big benefits:

First, you will refine your conscience so that you will know better what is really sin and what is not (e.g. there is sin when I chose to curse God because I did not get a promotion but no sin when I blurt out the same thing after slamming my hand in the door while yelling at my 16 year old).

Second, you will deepen your relationship with God by allowing yourself to be loved and forgiven by him, warts and all. You will be able to tell if not saying an act of faith was a sin or not and if it was a sin, how grievous it was.

One other benefit I am getting is that I am starting to understand the “why” behind the times I fail and the advice and comfort I have gotten from my priests has given my the courage to try to be a little better today than I was yesterday, and that is really what I think God wants most.

 

[Peccata]

I guess I could try listing things I know aren’t mortal. But I find they don’t usually give much advice unless it’s something quite serious.

My real concern with not going in with a laundry list is that to me it seems boastful. Like, I’m so important and holy that I’m going to hold back the confession line detailing every little imperfection I have.

Neil:

This is how I view confessing venial SINS (not imperfections!) In my life venial sins are always the stepping stones to mortal sin.
It’s not a laundry list. It is what ails me: preventing me from growing in faith.

If I am blowing off prayer and not as concerned with my relationship with God, the next sin is missing mass.

If I am not watching my mouth in charity, the next sin is saying something truly wounding to someone.

If I am not being vigilant regarding materialism, I might slide down the slippery slope and covet the awesome “stuff” and gorgeous home of my rich neighbor.

If I am constantly not showing mercy to my friends, family and the less fortunate, the next sin will be denying the mercy of God.

If I am repeatedly pushing the envelope in what I wear and how much I drink when I go out, the next sin will be sexual.

Frequent confession of venial sins is like a preventative. And you would be surprised how many of those suckers you can get out in 60 to 90 seconds!

Peccata

 

[Neil_Anthony]

Thank you Pecatta,
I guess I really don’t know the difference between a sin and an imperfection. The list on EWTN includes ‘not making an act of faith every day’. Surely that’s not a sin. If I think of everything I could possibly have done better, I end up with crazy things like not washing my car this week was a sin because it damaged other people’s views by being an eyesore and therefore violates he commandment against theft. I suppose for some of us it’s better to just focus on the short list instead of going insane with that kind of thing.
Neil

Neil:

This is how I view confessing venial SINS (not imperfections!) In my life venial sins are always the stepping stones to mortal sin.
It’s not a laundry list. It is what ails me: preventing me from growing in faith.

If I am blowing off prayer and not as concerned with my relationship with God, the next sin is missing mass.

If I am not watching my mouth in charity, the next sin is saying something truly wounding to someone.

If I am not being vigilant regarding materialism, I might slide down the slippery slope and covet the awesome “stuff” and gorgeous home of my rich neighbor.

If I am constantly not showing mercy to my friends, family and the less fortunate, the next sin will be denying the mercy of God.

If I am repeatedly pushing the envelope in what I wear and how much I drink when I go out, the next sin will be sexual.

Frequent confession of venial sins is like a preventative. And you would be surprised how many of those suckers you can get out in 60 to 90 seconds!

Peccata

 

[FrCorey]

What do you say to someone who doesn’t go to confession because a priest told them that their sins can be forgiven without confession? And that they go to general absolution, which must be OK since the priest allows it.

When I bring up the catechism he says that he doesn’t have to read that because he learns from the priest. How do you counter that?

thats wrong, priests confess to another priest.
or thier bishop.

 

[Peccata]

Thank you Pecatta,
I guess I really don’t know the difference between a sin and an imperfection. The list on EWTN includes ‘not making an act of faith every day’. Surely that’s not a sin. If I think of everything I could possibly have done better, I end up with crazy things like not washing my car this week was a sin because it damaged other people’s views by being an eyesore and therefore violates he commandment against theft. I suppose for some of us it’s better to just focus on the short list instead of going insane with that kind of thing.
Neil

Bless your heart!

A priest told me once in confession to look at the fundamental direction of my life. It is not confessing “I didn’t make an act of faith 10 times”. It’s do I turn my heart to God on a regular basis?
Growing in faith requires turning to God in decision making and being charitable etc during the day.

Right now I am having issues with one of my grown kids. He moved in with a psychic, so I just quit talking to him. This is a fundamental direction in my life. I am finally seeing that that is a sin against charity and I will confess that next time. Also I am fixing this and getting in touch with him now.

Am I making sense?

Peccata :hug3: