Priest told me that he didn't think I was sufficiently repentant

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You’re the expert. I’m certainly not, hence the question.

Thanks for the answer.
 
I’ve only read your post, not the replies. Forgive me if someone already suggested what I will here.

If the priest absolved your sins in confession, gave you penance, then with the completion of the penance that is that.

Accept the undeserved forgiveness of our Lord through the sacrament, and simply live as best you may.

If you’re so scrupulous as for it to be that problematic, maybe u should ask your priest to recommend a spiritual advisor…not every priest will have the time or be willing to be an advisor, which is why he, or someone from your bishop’s office, should be able to point you toward one.

Best wishes & God Bless,
 
Kima said:
Will all due respect Father, I know scruples first hand, as I used to struggle a lot with scruples. I am convinced that if you choose to withhold absolution from a person struggling with scruples you would only make their struggles even worse. What gave me comfort during my worst times with scruples was knowing that when I left the confessional, I left my sins there too.
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No offence taken! Tbh I was actually trying to be charitable to the priest, given I obviously don’t know all the facts. I agree though that withholding absolution - from anyone - is a big call and, for someone who’s scrupulous it’s no doubt like telling an alcoholic that the bar closed five minutes ago! A priest may however responsibly refuse to hear the confession of someone who’s scrupulous if doing so would do more harm than good (for example if the person’s previous confession was the day before).
 
TomH1 said:
May a priest discuss a prior confession with you if he’s certain it was you or does the seal prevent him from even speaking about a previous confession with the actual penitent?
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Only if you bring it up with him - he can’t initiate. So, I can invite someone to come and see afterwards to talk more about what they’ve told me but I can’t approach them.

As a slight aside, prior to ordination I went to a priest for confession. At a function about a week later, this priest approached me and asked if I remembered him. I said “no I’m sorry father, I don’t”. He replied, “you came to see me for confession the other week”. Finding this rather unnerving, I thought to myself, “won’t be doing that again”!
 
  1. Going to Confession 3 times in 3 weeks is absolutely NOT “too often”. Especially for someone who hadn’t been for a long time before that! The priest is wrong about this. Pope St John Paul II went to Confession once a week, every week, for his whole life! If even he needed that, how much more do we poor shmucks need it?
  2. I’m puzzled why most commenters here think that scrupulosity is the central problem here. The priest didn’t say “don’t bother me with that, it’s not a sin or it’s too trivial”, he said almost the opposite “you’re not sufficiently repentant” - presumably sufficiently in proportion to the gravity of the sin/s that the OP had confessed.
  3. Every Catholic always has the right to choose ANY priest he wants to hear his confession. And every Catholic always has the right to confess anonymously if he wishes. Don’t feel guilty about going to another priest if you honestly think that he will be more spiritually helpful to you. You don’t owe it to a particular priest to keep confessing to him only.
Many years ago I had a similar experience to the OP. I confessed my sins and the priest simply replied “Go away and come back when you’re REALLY sorry.” I was so stunned that I wasn’t even able to argue with him that I thought that I was really sorry. I stumbled out of the confessional in a daze. Over the next week I thought and prayed about what happened. Maybe he thought my tone of voice sounded insincere. Maybe he thought he could read my soul. (He didn’t know me, it was not my home parish.) I realised I could take one of two roads from this event. Either to say “How dare he tell me that I’m not sorry!” and never go near a confessional again. Or to take a hard look at myself and ask myself if maybe there was some truth to what the priest had said. I chose the latter, confessed to another priest a week or so later and all was fine.

So I say to the OP, just go to another priest to confess, after considering whether what the first one said might have some truth to it. Or IF you wish, go back to the first priest, remind him what he said and ask him why he said it. Most likely he’ll say that he can’t remember! But whatever you do, don’t worry!
 
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Petergee said:
  • Going to Confession 3 times in 3 weeks is absolutely NOT “too often”. Especially for someone who hadn’t been for a long time before that! The priest is wrong about this. Pope St John Paul II went to Confession once a week, every week, for his whole life! If even he needed that, how much more do we poor shmucks need it?
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There is a world of difference between a regular person (or JPII for that matter) going to confession weekly and a person who is scrupulous going every week. The former may be struggling with a particular sin or may simply maintain it as a pious devotion. The latter goes basically because they struggle to distinguish between what is and isn’t sinful and what is and isn’t serious.
  • I’m puzzled why most commenters here think that scrupulosity is the central problem here. The priest didn’t say “don’t bother me with that, it’s not a sin or it’s too trivial”, he said almost the opposite “you’re not sufficiently repentant” - presumably sufficiently in proportion to the gravity of the sin/s that the OP had confessed.
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Scrupulosity is the central problem because the OP said that they were scrupulous and also said they’d never been able to convince themselves that venial and doubtful sins aren’t necessary to confess. This gives a clear insight into the most likely cause of their difficulties.
  • Every Catholic always has the right to choose ANY priest he wants to hear his confession. And every Catholic always has the right to confess anonymously if he wishes. Don’t feel guilty about going to another priest if you honestly think that he will be more spiritually helpful to you. You don’t owe it to a particular priest to keep confessing to him only.
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All well and good except when a person is scrupulous because a person like that needs to stick with one priest rather than shopping around for the satisfaction that continually eludes them and, if the priest isn’t aware of the background issues, then they’re actually not going to be helping that person. The idea of sticking to a single confessor, for one who’s scrupulous at least, is that enables a rapport and trust to be built up hopefully enabling that person to eventually overcome their scrupulosity.
 
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I have struggled with scrupulously for years. One thing that has really helped me, (hopefully it will be helpful to you too)

When preparing for confession , distinguish between clear and certain sins, and doubtfull sins.

When you confess something doubtfull , say that your in doubt about it. So the preist knows better where your coming from.

Look up St Alphonsus Liguori on scrupulously, he struggled with it him self, and he gives real good advise on how to deal with it.

My heart goes out to you, I understand how difficult scrupulously is.

Find a good holy preist who understands scrupulously and seek councle . In the mean time read everything St Alphonsus says about it.
 
Well I doubt very much that the OP commits fewer sins than St John Paul did. If the latter thought he needed to go to confession every week for 70-odd years, it’s not “too often” if the OP does it for just 3 weeks.
 
Petergee said:
Well I doubt very much that the OP commits fewer sins than St John Paul did. If the latter thought he needed to go to confession every week for 70-odd years, it’s not “too often” if the OP does it for just 3 weeks.
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So, you don’t know the OP, you don’t know the priest, you don’t know what was said in this or previous confessions, you don’t know of any other interactions between the OP and the priest – but you know enough to say the priest is wrong.
Got it.
 
What if one were going to confession every few days because they struggled with a particular sin?
 
rosejmj said:
What if one were going to confession every few days because they struggled with a particular sin?
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My view, having struggled with some sins, is that it will only make things worse, and lead to despair.
 
Petergee said:
Well I doubt very much that the OP commits fewer sins than St John Paul did. If the latter thought he needed to go to confession every week for 70-odd years, it’s not “too often” if the OP does it for just 3 weeks.
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How many sins they’ve committed and how often isn’t something that’s important here; the issue isn’t so much how often the OP is going but rather why they’re going so frequently - namely because they can’t distinguish what is and isn’t a sin, and which sins are and aren’t serious and so become obsessed with the notion of their (perceived) sinfulnes. In such case, going to confession effectively becomes an addiction and, as with any addiction, the worst thing to do is to encourage it.
 
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