Priest wants to be called by his first name

[Bushum]

Wow that’s surprising to hear. I always think of the British as the masters of formality and manners.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

I’m 65 and my boss’s 3 year old calls me by my first name.

That is how it is, I realize that. It just isn’t how I was raised or how I want to be. You are not that much older than I am. I think in our day and age we have lost a lot of respect, not just for elders, but for others in general.

 

[jack63]

If a priest asked to be addressed by his first name, I would do that even though it is awkward.

I’d do it because the people of the parish are also guiding the priest, and they have responsibility to the priest. He is part of their community, and people should make an effort to make him feel like he is part of the community. Part of that is addressing the priest in the way he has requested.

I agree it doesn’t make things simple. Especially for children. One priest in different parish might be offended by the use of first name, while this priest might be upset if you call him Father. My response is that the priest’s job is hard enough and he is giving of himself. So there is some ambiguity and a bit of confusion. If it makes for a better parish environment, people can deal with a bit of ambiguity.

 

[Glennon_P]

In my job, I am the highest-ranked person in a building of around 125 employees. I have asked all my co-workers to call me by my first name and all do, with one notable exception. She is from a Central American country and has explained that in her culture, it’s terribly impolite to call “the big boss” by his first name. So she calls me “Mr. (Glennon)”.

I pointed out to her that in my culture, it’s impolite to refer to someone older than me by their first name, and since she’s older than me, so I would her “Mrs. (First Name)”.

She laughed and said, “OK, Mr. Glennon!”

And so it goes.

She always greets me in Spanish and asks me how I am doing. In German (I studied it in high school and college) I respond that I am doing fine.

We have a great relationship.

 

[JMMJ]

I’m 65 and my boss’s 3 year old calls me by my first name.

There is nothing in the world wrong with telling the 3 year old to call you “Mrs. ABC”.

We live in a world that is more diverse than it has ever been, and that means different social norms for different groups of people. if it bothers you, I would encourage you to correct the child in a friendly loving manner. you can’t expect people to know what you wish to be called, unless you tell them.

 

[Londoner]

I think things have changed quite rapidly here.

When I went to university as an undergraduate one of my tutors was a recently retired don who would represent the formality and manners to which you refer. He explained quite solemnly that correct etiquette demanded that when addressing a student from his own college he would use their first name, whereas when addressing a student from a different college he should use Mr/Miss and their surname. That is when a tutor is addressing his student, not vice versa! He went on to say that he considered this a little formal for his liking, and he’d like to ask our permission to address us by our first names. So, yes, until quite recently people really were that formal. But today I think that if a tutor asked permission to address a student by his or her first name the student would just be completely baffled. As for students addressing their tutors, a few senior academics may still expect to be addressed as Dr/Professor by undergraduate students, but even this is very much on the way out. Of course, I think at school level (i.e. up to 16 or 18) Sir/Miss (or Ma’am if one is old fashioned) is still the norm, although some schools that consider themselves progressive use a peculiar hybrid such as title and first name (Mr Kevin, Mrs Susan, etc.)

One peculiar British custom that does actually seem to survive is that police officers of the rank of inspector and above are for some reason called “Mr _____” rather than by their rank. I thought it might just be a thing they do in police dramas (like how on TV British judges are always called “Milud”, which hasn’t happened in real life for about 100 years), but it seems that they do actually still do it (“I’ll ask our inspector, Mr Smith, to give you a call”). Of course, the police also have their own etiquette for addressing superior officers: Sarge for a sergeant, Guv or Boss for an inspector or chief inspector, and Sir or Ma’am for a superintendent or above.

 

[bassmansteiny]

@LittleFlower378
I would think as long as he is not denying the Priesthood, being he is a Preist, I doubt that he is. Also as long as he is not doing it from a Protestant view that we should not call our Priests father, then I would respect his wishes. I understand why you feel uncomfortable with it, because the Priest are our spiritual father, but that is what he asked to be addressed as. I don’t call my brother Officer Josh or Police Officer Josh, I call him Josh. Maybe he ask because he feels a bit lonely and wants to feel like he has a friendship there along with being our spiritual father.

P.S. I would still explain to your children that he is a Priest and we normally address them as father unless they ask us not to.

 

[LisaB]

Always address a person in the way he or she has requested. That is just good manners.

A priest is not just a regular person. He represents his office, and while I don’t know if there’s an official rule on this, it doesn’t sound right for him to make this request in the first place.

 

[JMMJ]

I am in my late 50s and this is been going on since as far back as I can remember. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with it. Priests really are just regular people with a different vocation from the rest of us.

 

[PJH_74]

My spouse is a Lutheran pastor who sometimes self introduces as Pastor and others seem to follow that lead or are just quite used to doing so.

If I was a religious leader and asked to use my first name only, I think it would mainly signal not wanting any barriers between us. E.g. yes I’m ordained but please keep me off some unrealistic pedestal, I feel it makes my own ministry more effective and relevant. At the same time I always know some better connect using Fr, Rev, Pastor, etc.

 

[Phemie]

Actually, I’d feel weird doing that because it would not be the toddler I’m correcting but her father, a young man whom I’ve already told that if someone had told me 15 years ago that he’d end up as my boss I’d have slit my wrists. Turns out that the 15 year old doesn’t dictate the 30 year old man.

I was just thinking the other day how things have changed since the day back in ‘77 when, as a 24 year old, I told our teenage new neighbour that he could call my husband and me by our first names rather than as Mr. & Mrs. but he refused saying it would be impolite as we were his elders.

 

[JMMJ]

Things do change. I try to work with people and meet them where they are. I always feel sad for people who live their lives wishing for the good old days.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

I was just thinking the other day how things have changed since the day back in ‘77 when, as a 24 year old, I told our teenage new neighbour that he could call my husband and me by our first names rather than as Mr. & Mrs. but he refused saying it would be impolite as we were his elders.

I think that is awesome that a teenager said that. I was a teenager in the 70’s and I have to say even in the 70’s, I can not say I would have responded that way. I might have gone home and asked my parents about it, though. I think today still, you will find there are some pretty good teens who would respond the same way that young person did.

I always feel sad for people who live their lives wishing for the good old days.

I think you misunderstand when people speak of the past. It isn’t that they yearn for the past or wish for the good old days, but that they would like to see the good of the past be brought to the present.

Just because we live in 2019 does not mean we have to continue the lack of respect for others. The date on the calendar may change, but manners should not.

In my job, I am the highest-ranked person in a building of around 125 employees. I have asked all my co-workers to call me by my first name and all do,

Calling a boss by their first name does not bother me. I believe it is different than with a priest. As someone else said, a priest respresents his office.

 

[JMMJ]

I think you misunderstand when people speak of the past. It isn’t that they yearn for the past or wish for the good old days, but that they would like to see the good of the past be brought to the present.

Just because we live in 2019 does not mean we have to continue the lack of respect for others. The date on the calendar may change, but manners should not.

We actually have a few posters here on CAF who are not able to make a single post without referring to the old days and how everything is going to hell in a handbasket today. That is really more what I am talking about. This thread has been derailed, in a way, because some people equate changes in social norms with disrespect. I try to assume positive intent, so if somebody were to call me a name I didn’t like I would just correct them and let them know what my preference is and move on. I don’t really see it as a matter of respect, unless they are calling me something derogatory. I guess it is just a different worldview on a small level.

 

[SeekSalvation]

Our newest generation seems bent on changing our traditions and values to fit whatever worldly need they’ve consumed. This young priest is not correct that people call him by his first name…UNLESS…it’s “Father {First Name}”. Do not change your values to meet any persons worldly views for it’s not of this earth your salvation exist.

 

[JMMJ]

I think you are incorrect. I just asked my mom about the parish she grew up in. I am in my late 50s. Do the math.

She reports that all of the priests in her parish (U.S.) when she was a young kid preferred to just be called by their first name. That is what they were called.

I think we would be idiots if we didn’t do our best to adjust traditions to meet our needs. It is called adaptation, and it is completely normal.

Values are another thing. I don’t consider “calling someone their preferred name” to be a violation of my value system, though. I find it odd that some do.

 

[Phemie]

Phemie:

I was just thinking the other day how things have changed since the day back in ‘77 when, as a 24 year old, I told our teenage new neighbour that he could call my husband and me by our first names rather than as Mr. & Mrs. but he refused saying it would be impolite as we were his elders.

I think that is awesome that a teenager said that. I was a teenager in the 70’s and I have to say even in the 70’s, I can not say I would have responded that way. I might have gone home and asked my parents about it, though. I think today still, you will find there are some pretty good teens who would respond the same way that young person did.

To be fair, this was one specific military brat on a military base. Not sure we’d have received the same response from a child in the PMQ behind us on the Base where we were posted next. This child (8 or so) called her parents by their first names so I doubt she’d have had a problem calling us by our first names. But the family was from an area of the province of Quebec where it was common to call your parents by their given names rather than “maman” and “papa”. My kids thought that was just weird, but my daughter called those folks by their first names because, well, that’s what her friend called her parents and because they were from Quebec the mom & dad had different last names.

Otherwise my kids knew it was Mr. & Mrs. Last Name.

 

[MagdalenaRita]

I think you are incorrect. I just asked my mom about the parish she grew up in. I am in my late 50s. Do the math.

That must have just been something unique about the parish your mother grew up in. I, too am in my late 50’s, listened to my mother talk a lot about her parish she grew up in, and the priests that were there and never once did she ever just call him Joe or Bob. When she spoke of the priests of her parish, she always prefaced them with “Father”.

Myself growing up in a Catholic school, we never called our priests by their first name. At that time not even Father Bob or Joe. It was always Father________last name, unless you could not pronounce it. Even now at the parish we attend, the only reason we call two of our priests Father_____ first name is because no one can pronounce their last name.

 

[s.cono]

I think you’re incorrect, because truthfully, as a kid I wouldn’t have known my priest’s given name in the first place. Probably by the time I was 12, I might have seen it printed somewhere, and knew it. Maybe it was just different where I grew up (a city of 7 million).

Why must everyone adapt because of the preferences of one radical? It would seem the other way around.

 

[Hoosier-Daddy]

I request that you address me as “your grace” from now on…