Priest wouldn't give dispensation...caused all sorts of trouble!

[Jon_S_1]

We just moved across the country to this city. I specifically picked this church today because they have Sunday confessions and I really wanted to go. There is a closer church, by they don’t have the Sunday confession time.

I see, well stuff happens. The church is flexible offering a large number of masses and times across two days and lots of valid reasons to miss our mass obligation, it all worked out, just not the way you planned, perhaps God is providing a lesson or teaching moment of some kind. The whole “if I pray for patience does God give me patience or more opportunities to practice patience”.

 

[underacloud]

As it turns out, we didn’t end up meeting them until later, but we didn’t know this at the time.

There’s a delightful irony here.

You were late to mass, wanted to get a dispensation so you could meet your friends, but settled for attending the next mass.

And then your friends were late to meet with you.

Anyway, as others have addressed, caring for young children excuses one from the Sunday obligation. No dispensation is required here. Only you can judge whether it is warranted; whether it is reasonable. But it seems that you were able to attend mass and meet with your friends, so all worked out quite well.

 

[Edmundus1581]

But it seems that you were able to attend mass and meet with your friends, so all worked out quite well.

I might also add that priests, like doctors and lawyers, have bad days and bad moments. They try to treat each person as their most important of the day, but sometimes misfire.

The priest may also have not got the full story, such as the children waiting in the car.

And, lastly, you can question a priest’s advice, and provide more information if you think he has misunderstood situation. It’s a human interaction, after all. I very occassionally do this in confession.

 

[TryingHard17]

There’s a delightful irony here.

You were late to mass, wanted to get a dispensation so you could meet your friends, but settled for attending the next mass.

And then your friends were late to meet with you.

Anyway, as others have addressed, caring for young children excuses one from the Sunday obligation. No dispensation is required here. Only you can judge whether it is warranted; whether it is reasonable. But it seems that you were able to attend mass and meet with your friends, so all worked out quite well.

Well I wouldn’t say it worked out “well”, haha. Everyone was exhausted and hungry and thirsty and we were at church for 3 hours with a 3 and 5 year old, so it could have gone better. Obviously nobody understood what was going on, but that’s no big deal. We left after the consecration and nobody received communion, but we just couldn’t make the kids stay any longer and at this point we didn’t even know what time our friends were arriving at our house. Add to that the fact that my husband and I were in complete disagreement as to how this should be handled and were each really annoyed with the other. It was incredibly stressful and exhausting and we really DID need a day of rest after the horrible last few weeks we have had with my husband starting a new job, is being really worried about an early and unexpected delivery (as with our last baby) and trying to get moved into our new home and having very many things go wrong there. Honestly last night I came very close to actually canceling on our friends because I just couldn’t bear (mentally or physically) to deal even with meeting some people for dinner, despite not having seen them for years. And now poor hubby was up before dawn and off to work again today and I’ve got to begin my week by cleaning house and walking several loads of laundry up and down 3 stories today. I know I’m really just complaining now, but i really feel as if we needed mercy and rest yesterday and got discipline instead. 4 weeks from today until we have an infant to care for along with our other children. Hopefully, we will be able to find some relaxing family time between now and then!

 

[estesbob]

Well I wouldn’t say it worked out “well”, haha. Everyone was exhausted and hungry and thirsty and we were at church for 3 hours with a 3 and 5 year old, so it could have gone better. Obviously nobody understood what was going on, but that’s no big deal. We left after the consecration and nobody received communion, but we just couldn’t make the kids stay any longer and at this point we didn’t even know what time our friends were arriving at our house. Add to that the fact that my husband and I were in complete disagreement as to how this should be handled and were each really annoyed with the other. It was incredibly stressful and exhausting and we really DID need a day of rest after the horrible last few weeks we have had with my husband starting a new job, is being really worried about an early and unexpected delivery (as with our last baby) and trying to get moved into our new home and having very many things go wrong there. Honestly last night I came very close to actually canceling on our friends because I just couldn’t bear (mentally or physically) to deal even with meeting some people for dinner, despite not having seen them for years. And now poor hubby was up before dawn and off to work again today and I’ve got to begin my week by cleaning house and walking several loads of laundry up and down 3 stories today. I know I’m really just complaining now, but i really feel as if we needed mercy and rest yesterday and got discipline instead. 4 weeks from today until we have an infant to care for along with our other children. Hopefully, we will be able to find some relaxing family time between now and then!

Tryinghard Let it go. You did nothing wrong and you and your husband and not the first couples to glare at each other over a disagreement . above all Don’t let your resentment over what this priest told you or some of the over-the-top reactions you have seen in this thread (like referring you to persecuted Christians and implying that you are somehow disrespectful of them because you want to get your kids home to rest) lead to disenchantment with the church. You were having a bad day and perhapsthe Priest you talked to was also . Again I say let it go

 

[TryingHard17]

Tryinghard Let it go. You did nothing wrong and you and your husband and not the first couples to glare at each other over a disagreement . above all Don’t let your resentment over what this priest told you or some of the over-the-top reactions you have seen in this thread (like referring you to persecuted Christians and implying that you are somehow disrespectful of them because you want to get your kids home to rest) lead to disenchantment with the church. You were having a bad day and perhapsthe Priest you talked to was also . Again I say let it go

Yes, I thought that comparing me to an abortion advocate and someone who doesn’t care about the plight of persecuted Christians was a touch over-the-top! Said a prayer for the priest and his troubles. Better week this week I hope

 

[12345678]

Sorry, but this is just wrong. If we have the opportunity to go to a later mass then we do what we must.

I have shown up late after trying to get 6 kids moving. Even when we are too late I pull out my phone and see when the next mass is. if that parish doesn’t have one I spiral out looking for others that might be later. I have driven an extra 20 miles to make sure I didn’t miss mass.

If this had been the last mass available and they had missed it. It was an accident, but if there are later masses and you think it’s too inconvenient then it is no longer an accident, but a direct choice.

I agree with this. The priest isn’t there to “bend” the commandments for you. There was another available Mass, you go to it. There was no need for dispensation here. I have been 8 months pregnant with kids under 3, I am not ignoring that part, but if it was possible for you to attend Mass (and it was possible) then you should have (and you did, right?). Maybe next time it would be good to make sure you have emergency snacks/water with you. Maybe you could have left the Church, gotten the kids something to eat quickly and come back.

 

[Blessedwithfive]

Well I wouldn’t say it worked out “well”, haha. Everyone was exhausted and hungry and thirsty and we were at church for 3 hours with a 3 and 5 year old, so it could have gone better. Obviously nobody understood what was going on, but that’s no big deal. We left after the consecration and nobody received communion, but we just couldn’t make the kids stay any longer and at this point we didn’t even know what time our friends were arriving at our house. Add to that the fact that my husband and I were in complete disagreement as to how this should be handled and were each really annoyed with the other. It was incredibly stressful and exhausting and we really DID need a day of rest after the horrible last few weeks we have had with my husband starting a new job, is being really worried about an early and unexpected delivery (as with our last baby) and trying to get moved into our new home and having very many things go wrong there. Honestly last night I came very close to actually canceling on our friends because I just couldn’t bear (mentally or physically) to deal even with meeting some people for dinner, despite not having seen them for years. And now poor hubby was up before dawn and off to work again today and I’ve got to begin my week by cleaning house and walking several loads of laundry up and down 3 stories today. I know I’m really just complaining now, but i really feel as if we needed mercy and rest yesterday and got discipline instead. 4 weeks from today until we have an infant to care for along with our other children. Hopefully, we will be able to find some relaxing family time between now and then!

I so wish I could help you. Been there. Every time I got pregnant, we moved due to my husbands job. Very stressful. Plus the first year in the new job my husband had to work crazy hours. I’m sure yours is too. PM me if your in New England. It was really hard for about fifteen years, but it does get better. Best advice, find a good, faithful, family friendly parish. Oh, and let it go…I think the priest blew it, but we all do sometimes.

 

[TryingHard17]

I so wish I could help you. Been there. Every time I got pregnant, we moved due to my husbands job. Very stressful. Plus the first year in the new job my husband had to work crazy hours. I’m sure yours is too. PM me if your in New England. It was really hard for about fifteen years, but it does get better. Best advice, find a good, faithful, family friendly parish. Oh, and let it go…I think the priest blew it, but we all do sometimes.

Thank you so much. Your encouraging words and just knowing someone else has been there make a huge difference. It’s so funny because when they lost the top life stressors, they always include moving, having a baby, starting a new job, etc. on the list. Having to deal with all of those at once is INSANE. I also feel really bad lately because I chose being extra patient and kind to my family as my Lenten devotion and I have failed at every single turn. Not just that, but I feel like I’m being conspired against!!! Haha! We don’t live in NE, we are in the Southeast right now, but your kindness is felt across the miles I promise you! Thank you so much and God bless you and your family!

 

[12345678]

I don’t mean to be insensitive, I have moved to new jobs for the family with newborns and while pregnant, and with kids under 3, but it does irk me a bit how some people tend to treat the Sunday Mass obligation as something that is only necessary if it isn’t an inconvenience (not saying you did this, you actually went to Mass). It was an inconvenience for you with your plans, but it was still an obligation and there is no reason anyone here should be saying the priest was wrong. It isn’t merciful for a priest to mislead the flock.

That being said, you do have my sympathy, been there done that (especially with hungry little kids and surprise Confirmations!) It really helps to have snacks with you always just in case. I have had to use them during pregnancy as well.

 

[12345678]

I don’t find anything *nice *in the assumptions so many are making about the *priest *in this situation.

WE DO NOT have facts to draw any conclusions, including such comments that the priest “doesn’t understand”.

 

[TryingHard17]

i know I did use he word “inconvenience” earlier and I know it rubs people the wrong way. But this is a word used by theologians and I believe the Church itself as sufficient reason to defer or remove an obligation. Here is an example from Father John Hardon’s dictionary on Catholic Culture:

GRAVE INCONVENIENCE

In moral theology a sufficient reason to excuse a person from fulfilling certain positive precepts of the Church, not of themselves binding by the natural or revealed law. Also sufficient reason for delaying or even not performing certain actions, otherwise obligatory, provided there is a sincere desire to do so.

 

[Rosebud77]

OP A big hug from Ireland. I have given up even trying to explain to anyone why I am rarely able to get to Mass because of some of the attitudes expressed here. And I refuse to go into the Cathedral here when there is a hearse outside. Here the funerals take place at the usual daily mass and I would not feel right invading a private occasion. Was heavily criticised then by a dear friend to whom missing mass is just not on for any reason. That kind of legalism repels me, so I do what I can without danger and say nothing. Certainly I would never approach a priest as you did… Others have said it far better than I ever could. At base it is between us and Jesus. I used to agonise, then I grew up.

 

[Rosebud77]

i know I did use he word “inconvenience” earlier and I know it rubs people the wrong way. But this is a word used by theologians and I believe the Church itself as sufficient reason to defer or remove an obligation. Here is an example from Father John Hardon’s dictionary on Catholic Culture:

GRAVE INCONVENIENCE

In moral theology a sufficient reason to excuse a person from fulfilling certain positive precepts of the Church, not of themselves binding by the natural or revealed law. Also sufficient reason for delaying or even not performing certain actions, otherwise obligatory, provided there is a sincere desire to do so.

Perfect

 

[12345678]

i know I did use he word “inconvenience” earlier and I know it rubs people the wrong way. But this is a word used by theologians and I believe the Church itself as sufficient reason to defer or remove an obligation. Here is an example from Father John Hardon’s dictionary on Catholic Culture:

GRAVE INCONVENIENCE

In moral theology a sufficient reason to excuse a person from fulfilling certain positive precepts of the Church, not of themselves binding by the natural or revealed law. Also sufficient reason for delaying or even not performing certain actions, otherwise obligatory, provided there is a sincere desire to do so.

I think the key word here is grave, but based on the conversation here I guess there is a group of people here that feel the situation was grave. I disagree. I personally would not have considered it overall being a grave situation if I messed up on the time and had another Mass available that wouldn’t conflict with my dinner plans, which seemed to be the priority. As soon as I realized I had to go to another Mass I would have changed my plans and prepared for the next one (feed the kids if possible, even if it is just going to the nearest convenience store/fast food and getting them something if there are no other options and no time, things like that, although maybe you didn’t have the time for this, just saying what we have done in the past). I guess staying around to get the dispensation that is assumed will be granted can set you up for ill feelings and disappointment.

Either way, I do not agree with the way the priest is being treated by some on this thread.

 

[estesbob]

I

Either way, I do not agree with the way the priest is being treated by some on this thread.

Agreed. And as I said I wouldn’t have even asked. Much hyperventilating on both sides of this issue!

 

[Jon_S_1]

i know I did use he word “inconvenience” earlier and I know it rubs people the wrong way. But this is a word used by theologians and I believe the Church itself as sufficient reason to defer or remove an obligation. Here is an example from Father John Hardon’s dictionary on Catholic Culture:

GRAVE INCONVENIENCE

In moral theology a sufficient reason to excuse a person from fulfilling certain positive precepts of the Church, not of themselves binding by the natural or revealed law. Also sufficient reason for delaying or even not performing certain actions, otherwise obligatory, provided there is a sincere desire to do so.

Doesn’t the word “grave” typically mean “things that may put you in a grave”. Ie: the person hit by a train is in grave condition.

Is there another definition I am unaware of?

 

[Kay_Cee]

Suppose we would be given $10 million in cash, and all we had to do for it was stay in a particular room at a particular time for somewhere between an hour and an hour and a half.

Would we make the effort to be there? Would we call friends we had already made plans with and either cancel or postpone? I bet we would!

At each Mass, we’re given something worth more than $10 million. We’re given something worth more than the entire world, more than the entire universe. We’re given Christ Himself, in the Eucharist.

Is it because we’re given this so often that we lose focus of how valuable this is?

 

[Jon_S_1]

Suppose we would be given $10 million in cash, and all we had to do for it was stay in a particular room at a particular time for somewhere between an hour and an hour and a half.

Would we make the effort to be there? Would we call friends we had already made plans with and either cancel or postpone? I bet we would!

At each Mass, we’re given something worth more than $10 million. We’re given something worth more than the entire world, more than the entire universe. We’re given Christ Himself, in the Eucharist.

Is it because we’re given this so often that we lose focus of how valuable this is?

 

[Convert_in_99]

To those who are judging whether or not the OP had a serious enough reason to ask for a dispensation, you should make certain you wish to be scrutinized by your same severity on judgement day.

To the OP you tried really hard and even made it to not only mass but also confession. Your husband just lost his cool it has nothing to do with you. You didn’t make him upset he was just overwhelmed by the situation. Just try to remember to look up mass times before mass next week and don’t worry about this anymore!