Priests and confession- Are they always willing to listen?

[Marybeloved]

Our Parish has a Priest who can be a little gruff - he has spoken sharply to me in the past and my feelings have been hurt. I try not to take it personally though… that is simply his personality. Priests are “Fathers” to many many people - and sometimes Fathers feel overworked, unappreciated and stressed out - especially during a very busy time like Christmas.

Rather than vowing to never go back there again, why not extend this Priest the same grace our Lord extends to you when you fall short? You make mistakes - you say things you regret, and you aren’t perfect. Neither is the Priest.

And in the future, make going to confession during the scheduled times a higher priority? Or at the very least, call for an appointment rather than waiting for him right before mass?

Thanks so much for your kind response and advice.

For all you know he was going to use that last “minute” to use the restroom?

Good point!!

 

[agapewolf]

Why do you say I don’t care if he does not attend? I said I care that he cannot do all those things- not in the current state of affairs of shortage of priests. Is what I’m saying really all that unreasonable? I just made a suggestion for a lay ministry that would take up former pastors to help the overwhelmed parish priest in some of these things so the priest could devote more time to the spiritual formation of his parishioners (sacraments). Man, this Liturgy forum really is a tough crowd.

Because that is already happening in my parish as I explained before. His attendance at these things listed IS helping in the spiritual formation of the parish. You are ranking things at a lower a priority than they belong.

And to the poster who listed other things…thank you , I knew I missing quite a few.

 

[LilyM]

Put it his way - imagine you were in an ER and saw a doctor dismiss people who came in with potentially mortal - fatal - wounds that needed treating and could quickly be treated - and those people had been waiting for an hour and a half.

Imagine you asked the doctor why and they said that because treating those patients conflicted with a scheduled meeting of the hospital’s finance committee or attendance at a concert by a choir the staff had set up.

good Lord would you not be upset?

What business does a person have being a doctor if they do not put their primary duty - treating seriously wounded patients - above all else?

Meetings can be rescheduled or at least delayed for a short time, concerts can go on with the priest missing for a little while. People cannot be denied confession or last rites without peril to their mortal souls.

 

[GKCT]

Sarahforgiven,
I, too, was looking for a spiritual director. We had a shifting of priests in our church. A new young priest came on board. I waited a month or so but would ask him some questions after daily Mass. Liked his answers and finally asked if he would be my spiritual director, which he answered yes. He’s been a godsend.

Ask your pastor if he knows a retired priest, or maybe there are some Franciscon brothers or priests who would be willing. Or even a priest in your own parish. If it should bother you that a priest that you see often knows all about you, then outside the parish would be better. My director is also my confessor. He better knows me and can offer help and advice that I need. This doesn’t bother me at all. Good Luck.

 

[GKCT]

Hearing confessions before Mass is a bit frowned upon. AFter Mass, ok. Suppose you confess a sin and the priest is speaking in his homily about the same. You might think he is referring to you.
Our priests, if not having to attend to another matter, are always willing to hear confessions after daily Mass. I’ve never asked on a Sunday, so I don’t know about that, but pretty sure thay would be all right with that as well.
Confession is confession, not for the priest to give advice about a question or problem you might have. Most likely others are waiting. If you have a particular problem or situation, you might want to schedule a time to meet with him. We must respect his time constraints.

 

[Luvtosew]

I think all Catholics with youngs boys should raise one to be a Priest!!

as I do believe there is a shortage and might get worst. I think most of them are probably overworked, the are only human too.

 

[Kathryn_Ann]

find it hard sometimes when being face to face to stay on topic, & take a list so I don’t forget what has come to mind. I have only done confession once " in the box" but like it so much more

Where I go they have a curtain, do some churches do it face to face now days???

I like the box rooms also. They use to hear confession more ofter when I was younger, and the last time I went it was so rushed, and there were only two of us there, I was first and he seemed like he was in a big hurry and just said all your sins are absolved. He was new and younger so I don’t know, maybe he had a trying day.

I do think tho if one has several questions probably better to make an appoint. so other people are not waiting a long time, and well he doesn’t know how many people are in line, and they only have an hour till Mass begins.

Hi, yes there are many parishes who have confession “face to face.” It’s the only way I’ve ever done it, as a convert since 2004. You make a very good point about scheduling an appointment, and while that is true, I would say to the OP that I too am sorry she was brought to tears by the reply she received.
:harp::heaven:
That is a very busy time, yes, just before Christmas Mass! And we do allow for people having a bad day, so perhaps this was rare. If a priest is continually in a hurry or hurts one’s feelings every time in confession, it would be good for the soul to find a priest who has more time to listen and help the person gently through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. :angel1:

 

[TarkanAttila]

I went on Saturday to Morning Mass before Christmas, mainly because I wanted to confess my sins before Christmas Mass. However, the priest was busy praying the Rosary beforehand (it’s something my parish does before weekday Masses) and I felt it would have been rude to interrupt him.

So I waited until the end of the Rosary, tapped him on the shoulder, and asked if it was too late to ask for a confession. He slowly shook his head and I went back to my seat, celebrated the Mass (without taking the Host) and confessed to him afterwards.

Sadly, you cannot always get to confession at the times you would like. The priest understands your need, doubtlessly, but you must also understand the needs of the congregation - they also need the Body and Blood. Unless you are dying, or will be soon, even if it is Christmas, you can wait until after Mass and get confession and receive Christ at the next Mass.

 

[EvelynEVF]

I am very pleased that as busy as my pastor is (which is totally insane. I don’t know how he does it), if I shoot him an email asking for Confession, he has always gotten me in for “same day service.” I make it a point to mention whether I’m looking for a bit of direction or if it would just be a quick visit.

 

[Castello]

I confessed, received absolution, and then I politely insisted that he open the tabernacle and give me the Eucharist.
I am, for all my horrible faults, a Catholic.
I go to Church to hear Mass and RECEIVE the Eucharist, not just hear a nice sermon.
If I want a sermon only, I’ll go to a Baptist or Presbyterian church.

Wow.

Wow.

Um, really, maybe a prayer for some humility? We have no place to “insist” on receiving the Eucharist outside of Mass - if you were on your deathbed, then, okay - insist. If not, make your confession, do your penance and then attend the next Mass, tomorrow, next weekend, whenever that is. This story you posted just smacks of arrogance.

We go to Mass for what WE can give to God, His due worship and praise.

 

[JG_91]

I’m not certain if anyone has read this thread from page 1 forward …

It is so disheartening. Pages and post after post containing quite uncharitable comments about our priests. No wonder there aren’t enough! If I were discerning to become a priest and came across this… God would certainly have to pull me hard and quite possibly kicking and screaming.

I was so relieved to read the last few posts after the litany of criticizing ones.
Thank you to the more charitable posters as this post would read very differently-
If not for you.

Of course not all priests live up to what our expectations are, but truly there are many good ones out there and if I had to guess … The ones struggling need our prayers to give the time they would like to spend with people one on one as well as the patience to hang in there when dealing with more people than most of us could ever handle with extremely delicate issues AND those with expectations that only Jesus Christ himself could live up to…

Let’s try not to forget 1) they are human; as we are, and goodness knows we all make mistakes. It’s called being human. 2) do you really think upon entering they realized they would be pulled in so many directions, have countless meetings when many times they would rather be available for us, and so on…

Side note- if needed, many priests will happily schedule an appointment with you for confession, counseling, etc via a simple phone call if you feel you need more time or have a need before the next scheduled time for confessions.

I apologize for being critical, but we give slack to other people. Shouldn’t we give them a little slack as well?

 

[SecretGarden]

I agree with JG_1

This time of year is a crazy period for all clergy. I think we need to respect their limits and their time because as someone said, some have many masses to do, on top of other duties as well. When we speak about them not having enough time to dedicate to confession. We should look at the demand. If the priests are having big line ups for the confession time, then they would add extra time, if people aren’t using the allotted time, then why would priests consider extending the time?

Think about it another way, when a movie first comes out, if it is extremely popular, the theatre will add numerous showings, if it isn’t popular, it won’t be available as often. It’s all about supply and demand. Most Catholics only go once a year and don’t see nor understand the sacrament. If parishes were getting long line ups same as you get for any big popular million dollar movie, then parishes would offer more times for confession because there is a need. Why have a priest keep hours that no one is going to use? It makes no sense when his time could be better used somewhere else. I think if a priest comes in for the last ten minutes of a scheduled time, experience has probably taught him that people only come for the last ten minutes. If the times don’t work for people’s busy schedules, that’s when we have the option of making an appointment.

We ask our priests to respect us, but do we respect our clergy? We need to be fair and respect them. The priest’s job isn’t easy. Think about what they are called to do. As one program on Salt and Life tv today said, on any single day a priest might be called to help people at every stage of life from a baptism to an elderly person’s funeral. They see the best and the worst of life. Not all priests are perfect, I’ve met a few odd crab apples, but they all need our love and prayers even when they tick us off.

If we loved them more, maybe more young people would be saying yes to the call. If they hear all sorts of negativity around them, only a few strong ones will take that leap.

 

[LilyM]

It’s a common misconception that demand creates supply with regard confession. Without exception, the parishes I know that schedule frequent confession times have all had very healthy lineups for the confessionals. Definitely a case of ‘if you build it they will come’.

In my own case, the very reason I returned to the sacrament of confession after 12 years away was because I began attending a parish that had confession readily available every day, even on Sundays. That well-used confessional somehow beckoned to me

Now I know for a fact that the priests at that parish were as busy as any - yet somehow, with everything else they had to do, they made time to make their duty to administer the sacraments a top priority. As they should. Nothing else suffered for it - not the finances, choir concerts or the like.

I’m not advocating that anyone harshly lecture the priests in the OP about their duties, but a gentle reminder that they had been waiting for a long time and that confession is really important wouldn’t go amiss. Priests, like all other professionals, sometimes need a reminder to focus on the most important aspects of their work.

I agree with JG_1

This time of year is a crazy period for all clergy. I think we need to respect their limits and their time because as someone said, some have many masses to do, on top of other duties as well. When we speak about them not having enough time to dedicate to confession. We should look at the demand. If the priests are having big line ups for the confession time, then they would add extra time, if people aren’t using the allotted time, then why would priests consider extending the time?

Think about it another way, when a movie first comes out, if it is extremely popular, the theatre will add numerous showings, if it isn’t popular, it won’t be available as often. It’s all about supply and demand. Most Catholics only go once a year and don’t see nor understand the sacrament. If parishes were getting long line ups same as you get for any big popular million dollar movie, then parishes would offer more times for confession because there is a need. Why have a priest keep hours that no one is going to use? It makes no sense when his time could be better used somewhere else. I think if a priest comes in for the last ten minutes of a scheduled time, experience has probably taught him that people only come for the last ten minutes. If the times don’t work for people’s busy schedules, that’s when we have the option of making an appointment.

We ask our priests to respect us, but do we respect our clergy? We need to be fair and respect them. The priest’s job isn’t easy. Think about what they are called to do. As one program on Salt and Life tv today said, on any single day a priest might be called to help people at every stage of life from a baptism to an elderly person’s funeral. They see the best and the worst of life. Not all priests are perfect, I’ve met a few odd crab apples, but they all need our love and prayers even when they tick us off.

If we loved them more, maybe more young people would be saying yes to the call. If they hear all sorts of negativity around them, only a few strong ones will take that leap.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

It’s a common misconception that demand creates supply with regard confession. Without exception, the parishes I know that schedule frequent confession times have all had very healthy lineups for the confessionals. Definitely a case of ‘if you build it they will come’.

In my own case, the very reason I returned to the sacrament of confession after 12 years away was because I began attending a parish that had confession readily available every day, even on Sundays. That well-used confessional somehow beckoned to me

Now I know for a fact that the priests at that parish were as busy as any - yet somehow, with everything else they had to do, they made time to make their duty to administer the sacraments a top priority. As they should. Nothing else suffered for it - not the finances, choir concerts or the like.

I’m not advocating that anyone harshly lecture the priests in the OP about their duties, but a gentle reminder that they had been waiting for a long time and that confession is really important wouldn’t go amiss. Priests, like all other professionals, sometimes need a reminder to focus on the most important aspects of their work.

Our priest is our only priest…he has confession twice a week. He is soon busy that I honestly don’t know when he has time to breathe…he is FULLY aware of his duties and does them AND more… I doubt that he would have time sometimes to hear a last minute confession before Mass either.

Sometimes there are just people who complain…if its not that…it’s something else…I feel bad for priest…everyone seems to have critisism ready and waiting for them and yet no one has walked a mile in their shoes. We just seem all to quickly to judge… What was that in the Our Father about forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sin against us… It seems ironic to me that we can be so harsh on priest because we “feel” that they are not available as we think they should be to hear and forgive our sins…

And yet people use to stand in line for days to have their confessions heard from Padre Pio and St. John Vianney. It seems to me that we all could use a little humility before approaching the sacrament. No one has a right to demand reconciliation on their terms or to demand the Eucharist.

 

[LilyM]

True, people used to line up for them - AND they each used to devote many hours, up to 12 hours a day, to hearing confessions on top of all their other duties, which did not suffer btw. Can the OP’s priest say the same? And what excuse does any priest, no matter how busy, have to refuse a person so rudely that she is left crying?

Our priest is our only priest…he has confession twice a week. He is soon busy that I honestly don’t know when he has time to breathe…he is FULLY aware of his duties and does them AND more… I doubt that he would have time sometimes to hear a last minute confession before Mass either.

Sometimes there are just people who complain…if its not that…it’s something else…I feel bad for priest…everyone seems to have critisism ready and waiting for them and yet no one has walked a mile in their shoes. We just seem all to quickly to judge… What was that in the Our Father about forgive us our sins as we forgive those that sin against us… It seems ironic to me that we can be so harsh on priest because we “feel” that they are not available as we think they should be to hear and forgive our sins…

And yet people use to stand in line for days to have their confessions heard from Padre Pio and St. John Vianney. It seems to me that we all could use a little humility before approaching the sacrament. No one has a right to demand reconciliation on their terms or to demand the Eucharist.

 

[Marybeloved]

Wow.

Wow.

Um, really, maybe a prayer for some humility? We have no place to “insist” on receiving the Eucharist outside of Mass - if you were on your deathbed, then, okay - insist. If not, make your confession, do your penance and then attend the next Mass, tomorrow, next weekend, whenever that is. This story you posted just smacks of arrogance.

We go to Mass for what WE can give to God, His due worship and praise.

Why on Earth would it be arrogant to request communion? I was told by a numerary of opus dei that if I make it after communion is over (daily mass) and it’s not easy to get to a different mass the same day to always request communion from the priest. The communion is there, why not ask the Priest? I once asked and a wonderful priest did perform a short communion rite and gave me communion. What rule is this now that unless “you’re on your death-bed” just wait for the next mass? Sometimes it seems that we Catholics just keep making up rules that are not even given by the church? How on Earth could asking for communion be termed arrogant?

 

[TrueLight]

Why on Earth would it be arrogant to request communion? I was told by a numerary of opus dei that if I make it after communion is over (daily mass) and it’s not easy to get to a different mass the same day to always request communion from the priest. The communion is there, why not ask the Priest? I once asked and a wonderful priest did perform a short communion rite and gave me communion. What rule is this now that unless “you’re on your death-bed” just wait for the next mass? Sometimes it seems that we Catholics just keep making up rules that are not even given by the church? How on Earth could asking for communion be termed arrogant?

I won’t say it’s arrogant, but the Church doesn’t teach that we need to receive communion every day.

I find the advice that you should ask a priest to go back and remove the host from the tabernacle and give you communion because you didn’t get to confess…interesting.

Also, why do you keep quoting Opus Dei? I know for example, if I go to the Opus Dei center on 34th street in Manhattan for confession, there are separate entrances for women and men. Does that mean every church should have separate entrances for confession?

 

[James_Miller]

Numeraries of Opus Dei should not always be taken as models. I went to Bilbao to renew my passport and a numerary from Peru went to see his Consulate. We were finished at 2pm and could have waited for the 5 pm Mass. But he wanted to hit the road. He asked me for the wheel and drove as fast as the car could go breaking all laws to get to a church that had an early evening Mass. They were giving Communion as we arrived and he ran up in time.
I was shattered in disbelief.

How does anyone know a priori that a confession will only last a minute? It looks to me that she would be forcing the priest to do it quickly.

I have seen nuns who had arrived from a long trip ask the priest to open the tabernacle and give the Communion. And once a priest had missed a person at the far end of the altar rail.
He opened the tabernacle and gave the person Communion. I would not do it because I had been tardy in getting to confession.

 

[Marybeloved]

I won’t say it’s arrogant, but the Church doesn’t teach that we need to receive communion every day.

I find the advice that you should ask a priest to go back and remove the host from the tabernacle and give you communion because you didn’t get to confess…interesting.

Also, why do you keep quoting Opus Dei? I know for example, if I go to the Opus Dei center on 34th street in Manhattan for confession, there are separate entrances for women and men. Does that mean every church should have separate entrances for confession?

First, I’ve attended Opus Dei centers for years and a college- I have never ever seen separate entrances for men and women

The church doesn’t say we need as a matter of absolute necessity, to receive daily communion- but who is talking about that here? Does the church say we must go weekly or biweekly or monthly to confession? Does she say we must go for daily mass? The communion is available in the tabernacle- It’s Christ! You can receive him- Why not ask? Do we only have to do the minimum?

PS:- I quote Opus dei, because as I indicated that’s where I first learned to be catholic, both spiritual and doctrinal formation. Plus I know how conservative they are and very obedient to the pope and church magisterium including the papal ecyclicals and teachings of the popes. I therefore use them as a standard because sometimes, in the parishes you never know what kind of priests are there- they are not all the same regarding faithfulness to catholic life and magisterium teachings. So for example, if I see something happening at an opus dei mass, confession etc- I just know it must be OK in the church’s eyes because they would never defy the church and in fact take great care to obey her laws and even her instructions even when they are not law or a must.

 

[TrueLight]

First, I’ve attended Opus Dei centers for years and a college- I have never ever seen separate entrances for men and women

It must be a NYC thing.

The church doesn’t say we need as a matter of absolute necessity, to receive daily communion- but who is talking about that here? Does the church say we must go weekly or biweekly or monthly to confession? Does she say we must go for daily mass? The communion is available in the tabernacle- It’s Christ! You can receive him- Why not ask? Do we only have to do the minimum?

I agree we shouldn’t do the bare minimum. I try to communicate as often as I can. But aside from disappointment from not being able to receive our Lord, and maybe holy grief that it was a sin that prevented someone from receiving, there is no reason for someone to freak out if they are not able to receive as in below:

He asked me for the wheel and drove as fast as the car could go breaking all laws to get to a church that had an early evening Mass. They were giving Communion as we arrived and he ran up in time.
I was shattered in disbelief.

PS:- I quote Opus dei, because as I indicated that’s where I first learned to be catholic, both spiritual and doctrinal formation.

I see.

I’m getting the impression that frequent communion is stressed to the utmost by Opus Dei? Correct me if I’m wrong.

That would explain your responses in the other confession thread.