Priests and confession- Are they always willing to listen?

[Marybeloved]

I’ve just had a horrendous experience with a certain priest from our parish. Went for christmas morning mass. Hoped to have a quick confession just before the mass, other priests have allowed it before. This one gave me a harsh rejection/reprimand that I found myself wiping some tears in the early part of mass.

Since sins can occur any time (I already went for confession on Monday) but fell into some sin I couldn’t discern as mortal or not. Should have looked for him yesterday evening- Left the house too late last evening (my fault) so I figured I could steal one minute for confession right before mass in the morning, as other priests have allowed that before without even so much as a complaint. I really was hoping to partake of communion this Christmas morning. So I waited for him at his “office” waiting to ask him for one minute (literally) before mass.

I guess I’m used to the Opus Dei priests who I used to confess to sometime ago- They always seemed more than happy to oblige a penitent. And when they could not, would just politely indicate a better time for it- Like tell you to return after mass or something. Some of these Diocesan priests sometimes don’t seem to care so much about freeing a soul from sin- They tell you that this is not the right time of going to confession as if sin has a schedule.

So now I haven’t confessed. I have to wait till Tuesday to visit an Opus Dei Priest. I don’t see myself ever going back there. I don’t know how I can reveal myself in such vulnerable ways as telling ugly sin (sin always is ugly) to a person already appearing harsh and resentful- especially without a confessional box. It’s partly my fault, I know. But am I the only one who notices this grudging attitude regarding confessions from some of these Priests?

 

[Oneofthewomen]

Yes, I think in most cases priests are always willing to hear a confession.

However, 5 minutes before Mass on Chirstmas is probably not the best time to be asking.

If the priest was harsh, I would most certainly give him the benefit of the doubt, it is a stressful time for everyone, and say an extra prayer or 2 for him.

Merry Christmas

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

When I was trying to return to the church I went to Saturday Evening Mass and asked before Mass if the priest would hear my confession after Mass. He flat out refused quite rudely and told me to come back when he schedules confessions…which are not regularly scheduled.

Eventually I found a priest from the FSSP who is now my regular weekly confessor.

 

[Sarahforgiven]

I am sorry you had a bad time. I am still learning about confession & went yesterday. One of the priest’s comments was that confession is not for counseling i.e. That is not why we have the sacrament. I left thinking, did I " do confession wrong somehow" or was it a teaching moment, since I mentioned I am a new Catholic. It was still incredibly freeing. I left thinking wow,I am like renewed. It was a goof confession experience overall. I use an examen of consciousness list, and find I tend to categorize my sins by type: sloth, envy, etc. I do notice that the diocesan priests don’t ask me to say the contrition prayer at the end, while the ones from the religious order do. I like staying the prayer of contrition. In one of my first confessions the priest asked me," what do you want to work on," so it felt a little like counseling…hence some of my feelings of confusion.
I find it hard sometimes when being face to face to stay on topic, & take a list so I don’t forget what has come to mind. I have only done confession once " in the box" but like it so much more. It feels more sacramental, I feel more penitent and find it easier to not be distracted by the priest’s facial expressions etc. Also the box makes it definitely not feel like “counseling.”
You are so blessed to have a good confessor. I long for a spiritual director/confessor that is consistent. I have still been too shy to ask about finding one.

 

[Luvtosew]

find it hard sometimes when being face to face to stay on topic, & take a list so I don’t forget what has come to mind. I have only done confession once " in the box" but like it so much more

Where I go they have a curtain, do some churches do it face to face now days???

I like the box rooms also. They use to hear confession more ofter when I was younger, and the last time I went it was so rushed, and there were only two of us there, I was first and he seemed like he was in a big hurry and just said all your sins are absolved. He was new and younger so I don’t know, maybe he had a trying day.

I do think tho if one has several questions probably better to make an appoint. so other people are not waiting a long time, and well he doesn’t know how many people are in line, and they only have an hour till Mass begins.

 

[Jaypeeto4]

My priest is a good guy and a good teacher,
but when it comes to Confession, he obviously doesn’t consider it a priority.
It is scheduled for 4:30 pm Saturday evening until 4:50 pm.
He shows UP for it, if at all, at 4:50 pm, not 4:30. This is habitual, not an
occasional, mishap.
It USED to be scheduled from 4:00 PM to 4:50 pm, and he still would never show up until just a couple of minutes before the Mass. Heaven forbid that there were more than two or three people waiting, because then he would give Absolution and tell everyone to wait there after Mass was ended and confess then, AFTER mass.
Sounds nice, but it is really not right. These people had been waiting sometimes almost an HOUR to confess (it happened to me many times) and he would show up at 4:50 or 4:55 pm, absolve us so we could receive communion, and tell us to come back AFTER mass. (If there were only 1 or 2 of us, he would hear us, and start mass a couple of minutes late). This “come back after Mass” stuff is not right. Some of these people who had been waiting have jobs and other scheduled things they have to get to and cannot go back and wait in line to confess “after Mass,” when they had been there according to the published schedule for confessions.
This has been going on since 2000, and he knows we find this very irritating, but he still keeps doing it, habitually. He has, in all those years, NEVER been in the Confessional on time. ALWAYS 4:45 or later, 4:50, or 4:55, and sometimes not at all.
I know he’s a busy guy, overworked, and has to visit the hospitals a lot,
but he needs to go a little earlier, leave a little earlier, and be in the Confessional on time.
This is a habitual thing.
Now that I have a job with weird hours, I cannot get to scheduled confessions on Saturday evening nor usually on Sunday.
So I’ll make an appointment to confess to him at the evening mass.
He finds my confessions irritating, I can tell, and now he has the secretary tell me that he will meet me AFTER the evening Mass. He had been meeting me a minute BEFORE.
This kind of thing really upsets me very much. Confession is extremely important.
So the other night, when he pulled that “I’ll see him AFTER evening Mass” stuff,
I confessed, received absolution, and then I politely insisted that he open the tabernacle and give me the Eucharist.
I am, for all my horrible faults, a Catholic.
I go to Church to hear Mass and RECEIVE the Eucharist, not just hear a nice sermon.
If I want a sermon only, I’ll go to a Baptist or Presbyterian church.
I will not knowingly or intentionally receive a Sacrilegious communion either,
so if I know or am convinced (even if wrongly) that I have committed a mortal
Sin, I insist on confession and absolution BEFORE receiving the Host.

 

[Luvtosew]

Really reading your posts and others, makes me wonder sometimes if some of the Priests don’t believe that the host acutally becomes the flesh and blood of Christ,
even so,
your not to receive it if not in a state of grace,

the last several times I’ve been to confession, there has been hardly no one there, and it seems like everyone receives communion.

Makes me wonder if some day in the distant future they are going to do away with confession, as it sure seems like its looking that way.

I wanted to add since I’ve been frequently this board and reading some of this stuff I’ve become kinda dissillusioned, I would of been beter off with my head in the sand than reading some of this stuff.

 

[NewEnglandPriest]

I’m sorry for your experience. The priest should have explained in a very charitable manner that he was not able to hear your confession at that time.

Priests are more than willing to hear confessions, but its not always practical at a particular moment.

 

[Luvtosew]

I wonder if they should not offer
confession more and at different times. So many jobs do not accommadate Sat. afternoon confessions and well to get there in time and the traffic,

seems to me years ago we would have confession during the week in the evening (on a night) and Sat. also we use to have two priests there many times.

I mean what is more important than confession??, of course the people need to go at the times they are open and not before Mass, as the Priests are busy,

but they make it hard to get to confession.

Also when a priest says Mass and everyone comes up for communion, even tho he only listened to a few confessions, does he think his flock are mostly non sinners.

 

[Marybeloved]

Really reading your posts and others, makes me wonder sometimes if some of the Priests don’t believe that the host acutally becomes the flesh and blood of Christ,
even so,
your not to receive it if not in a state of grace,

the last several times I’ve been to confession, there has been hardly no one there, and it seems like everyone receives communion.

Makes me wonder if some day in the distant future they are going to do away with confession, as it sure seems like its looking that way.

I wanted to add since I’ve been frequently this board and reading some of this stuff I’ve become kinda dissillusioned, I would of been beter off with my head in the sand than reading some of this stuff.

I’m sad to hear that. But don’t be disheartened. Pray for Priests. I think many that are not directly involved with some serious conservative orders, or organizations in the church do not tend to holiness any more- not seriously. Their job as priests is taken like a regular job by many and some see the extra work as a burden. I forget which saint exactly- St. Padre Pio? St. John Vianney (The cure of Ars)? or St. Josemaria Escriva?- One of them told priests to be prisoners in the confessional. That whenever they are finished with other jobs, they spend most of their free time locked up in the confessional box: co-redeeming with Christ their Lord, relieving the burdens of sinners with Christ.

I wish Pope Benedict XVI would declare another year for Priests. The last one truly seemed to bear fruit- more vocations, more seriousness (at least that’s what I personally noticed) from more Priests in their status and their call. Although, right after that in 2010, that horrible scandal broke out world wide and the audacious move to effect a revolution in the church by targeting in an unprecedented manner, our Beloved Pope B16, was effected- It seemed to me (and I heard another holy priest comment the same way) that it was a retaliatory move by the Devil to try and destroy any good fruits effected by the Pope’s move to concentrate on our Priests. Just like how the Da Vinci Code movie was launched almost (it seemed) as retaliation to the success of the Passion of the Christ movie.

Just pray. What I know is that there are good priests in Opus Dei who are there only for the laity in the world, and many others in different Orders that can serve you if you look. By the way, the situation in the church IS getting better. I can feel it, sense it. The “spirit of V2” experiment is over, and the church is focusing more and more on proper education and formation, and religious practice, soon- even spirituality will be effected positively- just you wait!

Take heart, my friend. And pray to the Virgin and St. Joseph to protect our church in this perilous times.

 

[Sarahforgiven]

Luvtosew don’t be discouraged penance has been highlighted by the Pope as important, and he is directing this to priests catholicnewsagency.com/news/confession-teaches-humility-to-priests-and-penitents-pope-says/
He wrote a whole paper on it, but I can’t find that link.
I think that some diocese place more importance on it. The adjacent diocese to me has daily confessional and in the box. We also have a priest who fills in for a month every summer who faithfully hears confession before each Mass. I sometimes go to the other parish in town because they offer more hours.
I think it would be hard to do, but maybe for the priest who is always late etc. Perhaps a letter is warranted to his superior. He needs a lot of prayer.

 

[Sarahforgiven]

MaryBeloved I agree so much with your post

 

[Marybeloved]

I wonder if they should not offer
confession more and at different times. So many jobs do not accommadate Sat. afternoon confessions and well to get there in time and the traffic,

seems to me years ago we would have confession during the week in the evening (on a night) and Sat. also we use to have two priests there many times.

I mean what is more important than confession??, of course the people need to go at the times they are open and not before Mass, as the Priests are busy,

but they make it hard to get to confession.

Also when a priest says Mass and everyone comes up for communion, even tho he only listened to a few confessions, does he think his flock are mostly non sinners.

I heard that pre- Vatican II (and today in some traditional masses) confessions would be heard during mass. There would be a Priest in the confessional when mass is going on, and those who needed to go would sit at the pews near the confessional. They would hear mass until their turn to confess- then go in for three minutes, come out and continue with mass (do the penance after mass). Problem was if communion time came before you had a turn at confession (presuming you were in mortal sin). Obviously you wouldn’t receive. Just finish the mass, do the confession, penance- and then look for a mass for communion only afterwards. Or request the Priest afterwards to give you communion. I’ve heard that some priests can even refuse this request for communion after mass, even though it’s perfectly legitimate .

 

[Luvtosew]

Thank You MaryBeloved and those who posted after me, you made me feel better, knowing others felt the same.

Maybe writing letters without mentioning the Parish or Priests, just saying that we are having problems with confessions would help.

Like St. John Vianney, St. Padre Pio would hear confessions for hours at a time, as penitents lined up by the hundreds to confess to the friar known for his ability to read souls. He was said to be able to describe the sins of penitents in even more detail than they would confess.

Of course we can’t expect this, but it does show how important confession is.

 

[iloveangels]

I heard that pre- Vatican II (and today in some traditional masses) confessions would be heard during mass. There would be a Priest in the confessional when mass is going on, and those who needed to go would sit at the pews near the confessional. They would hear mass until their turn to confess- then go in for three minutes, come out and continue with mass (do the penance after mass). Problem was if communion time came before you had a turn at confession (presuming you were in mortal sin). Obviously you wouldn’t receive. Just finish the mass, do the confession, penance- and then look for a mass for communion only afterwards. Or request the Priest afterwards to give you communion. I’ve heard that some priests can even refuse this request for communion after mass, even though it’s perfectly legitimate .

Why is it that Catholics can’t stand being in their churches any longer than they have to be? In the door to go to mass, and then out the door as soon as possible and out of the parking lot…WHEW.

Confession and mass at the same time. Whoopee, I’m multitasking. ???



Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some kind of modernist who thinks people shouldn’t go to confession. On the contrary. I think that there ought to be far more occasions where priests sit in the confessional and I think that it’s really peculiar how long the Holy Communion lines are when the Confession lines are so short. But multi-tasking??

 

[GwenL]

I’m sorry that the priest seemed harsh.

Just before Mass is normally not a good time to ask a priest to hear confession. Especially just before Christmas Mass. You may not know the stress that the priest is under, getting all the moving parts synchronized. Consider the complications of the liturgy (it’s different), the choir/music, the blessing of the creche, and so forth, all usually with a packed house. You probably should assume that he was dealing with some major problem, minutes before Mass, when you went to ask him for what you thought a reasonable minute.

Just as an example, at our midnight Mass last night, in the last ten minutes before Mass, our priest (and I, the sacristan) dealt with two major problems: no ushers to take the collection and the Bishop’s microphone wasn’t working right. Imagine approaching the priest within a few minutes of that Mass starting, and asking him to go off with you in privacy and hear your confession.

I would never ask a priest to hear my confession before Mass, not within 20 or 30 minutes. I might approach him and ask if he could hear my confession after Mass. I’ve never been turned down with that request.

Pray for your priest, and charitably encourage him to schedule more time in the confessional.

 

[Chatter163]

I heard that pre- Vatican II (and today in some traditional masses) confessions would be heard during mass. There would be a Priest in the confessional when mass is going on, and those who needed to go would sit at the pews near the confessional. They would hear mass until their turn to confess- then go in for three minutes, come out and continue with mass (do the penance after mass). Problem was if communion time came before you had a turn at confession (presuming you were in mortal sin). Obviously you wouldn’t receive

The current pastor at my FSSP parish does not does not permit confessions to be heard during Masses, but previous pastors did. This was due to the great distances that many families drive, to attend the EF. The priests would stop hearing confessions at the end of the Credo, just so this would not happen. Anyone who was still waiting (usually few or none, by that point) simply did not receive communion. Not receiving communion for whatever reason is certainly not an unusual thing.

 

[Marybeloved]

Why is it that Catholics can’t stand being in their churches any longer than they have to be? In the door to go to mass, and then out the door as soon as possible and out of the parking lot…WHEW.

Confession and mass at the same time. Whoopee, I’m multitasking. ???



Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some kind of modernist who thinks people shouldn’t go to confession. On the contrary. I think that there ought to be far more occasions where priests sit in the confessional and I think that it’s really peculiar how long the Holy Communion lines are when the Confession lines are so short. But multi-tasking??

Your implications here are unfair- assuming that the reason is that we don’t want to be in church any longer than we have to be? I’ve attended many Opus Dei daily masses where this is virtually practiced every single time. (I know they would be the last people to mess with the mass) And you know what? Most of those people remain in chapel afterwards for ten, twenty, thirty minutes doing prayer.

The fact is that when this is/was done, may people got to form the habit of confession and understood that you could not receive communion in mortal sin without confession. There’s nothing wrong with it. The preparation for confession is done before mass. When mass starts, you have only a little list in your pocket. You only concentrate on the mass until it’s your turn to enter the confessional, then go back to it right after and are able to receive communion. The confession is not typically long, only a few minutes and the penance is done after the mass has completely ended and you’ve spoken to Jesus whom you’ve received for some time. I don’t understand why you would just assume a less than pious reason/motive.

 

[HonoraDominum]

When I was trying to return to the church I went to Saturday Evening Mass and asked before Mass if the priest would hear my confession after Mass. He flat out refused quite rudely and told me to come back when he schedules confessions…which are not regularly scheduled.

Eventually I found a priest from the FSSP who is now my regular weekly confessor.

My life changed after I started going to our two FSSP priests for weekly confession. Every other confession I went to in other parishes, I received no guidance, no real direction except for “stir up your passion for Christ” or something very non-specific. My priests helped me to get a tight reign on those pesky habitual mortal sins, and then have slowly been helping me work through those persistent venial sins and vices that take away from what should be a virtue. They give me tools to overcome temptation, to change my life, and to draw closer to God by getting rid of sin. They also give out what I’ve dubbed “confession schwag”, like sheets with prayers, or blessed medals, or sometimes even books like “Humility of Heart” or “Searching for and Maintaining Peace: A Small Treatise on Peace of Heart” by Fr. Jacques Philippe. They are truly amazing.

The priest who did the Vigil Mass of the Nativity yesterday morning got up to do the homily and said, “We will be starting confessions at 10p for Midnight mass, and we will keep hearing confessions until, well, until we’re done. Be early, business will be brisk.” He stayed and listened to confessions during the entire mass. On Sundays, and most First Saturdays, there will be a priest in the confessional listening to confessions during mass, and on days where they do not listen to confessions during mass, they listen to confessions before and after every mass.

I remember my first Easter at my FSSP parish, we got there over an hour early (and barely got a seat), and both priests were in the confessionals. They had been there for hours. Then one of the priest stayed in the confessionals for the entire 2+ hour Easter vigil.

As for face-to-face vs the booth, I much prefer the booth and won’t do face-to-face if for some reason I go to confession at an OF parish. When I am in that booth, looking at the crucifix above the screen, I pray to Him that when that sliding screen door opens, I remember that I am not talking to a priest but talking to God himself. I beg for an honest confession, and with eyes closed and head bowed, confess as if I was in intimate prayer with God who knows all. As my priest has said, “God already knows what you’ve done, who cares if the priest knows!” It is an act of humility to admit out loud the ways that I have offended God and not put Him first in my life.

 

[iloveangels]

Your implications here are unfair- assuming that the reason is that we don’t want to be in church any longer than we have to be? I’ve attended many Opus Dei daily masses where this is virtually practiced every single time. (I know they would be the last people to mess with the mass) And you know what? Most of those people remain in chapel afterwards for ten, twenty, thirty minutes doing prayer.

The fact is that when this is/was done, may people got to form the habit of confession and understood that you could not receive communion in mortal sin without confession. There’s nothing wrong with it. The preparation for confession is done before mass. When mass starts, you have only a little list in your pocket. You only concentrate on the mass until it’s your turn to enter the confessional, then go back to it right after and are able to receive communion. The confession is not typically long, only a few minutes and the penance is done after the mass has completely ended and you’ve spoken to Jesus whom you’ve received for some time. I don’t understand why you would just assume a less than pious reason/motive.

Oh come on. The reason many catholics are usually so ignorant about their faith is that you can’t get them to come to classes and be honest about what they don’t know. They just fake it about half the time and try to find some quote to support their view if they’re really pressed. It’s a game. The religious education of most Catholics ends in about the 8th grade. Many catholics think they’re being abused if they have to spend more than 1 hour in the building on any given week, and if you don’t look out they’ll run over you in the parking lot to leave. Get real. It’s a fact.

BTW, the weekly mass attendance rates in the US are very low (about 30% based on head count), but not as low as in Europe. That’s a fact too.