Priests Discouraging Converting/Reconciliation?

[Theophilus76]

I’m considering reconciling to the Catholic Church. As one might imagine, I’m drawn to books that chronicle Protestant-to-Catholic journeys. I’ve read two so far. Both of them talk of encounters with Priests who actually discourage the author from reconciling due to the strain it will put on the immediate and/or extended family.

When I read the first book’s encounter, I thought the auther happened to cross paths with a wayward priest who was a little off. When I read a similar account in the second book, I wondered if this was a pattern. Is this common? Are priests taught to say this during an initial conversation to see if the repentant one will come back no matter what? If I get the same response upon my first meeting with a local priest, should I run to another direction?

 

[CompSciGuy]

I have heard these stories about priests especially in the United States who will say things like this. It is unfortunate. My guess is that they take the teachings of Vatican II regarding salvation outside of the church too far to the point where they believe that conversion is not necessary. When I converted, I was lucky enough to find a parish where the priests were very good and the RCIA director was fantastic.

 

[WaitingForJesus]

No I don’t think you should run in the other direction.

I am a convert. I was not discouraged by priests from converting, but the comment about strain with the immediate and/or extended family is very real. I am the only Catholic in my extended family, which is part of a very anti-Catholic faith tradition. Fortunately, they still accept me. But, I must put up with many suggestions to disregard church teaching, comments that I belong to a cult, and have been told I do things that offend God (e.g. praying to Mary). So, you need to be prepared to deal with things like that. Nevertheless, I know I did the right thing by converting.

You should educate yourself about the Catholic faith and make sure you believe what the church teaches about the Eucharist and other things before you make a decision to convert and or come back (sorry not sure what your situation is). I do think if one truly believes our Lord is present, body, blood, soul, and divinity, in the Eucharist, it is virtually impossible to consider anything else. Good luck and God bless you!

 

[SuperLuigi]

I’m considering reconciling to the Catholic Church. As one might imagine, I’m drawn to books that chronicle Protestant-to-Catholic journeys. I’ve read two so far. Both of them talk of encounters with Priests who actually discourage the author from reconciling due to the strain it will put on the immediate and/or extended family.

When I read the first book’s encounter, I thought the auther happened to cross paths with a wayward priest who was a little off. When I read a similar account in the second book, I wondered if this was a pattern. Is this common? Are priests taught to say this during an initial conversation to see if the repentant one will come back no matter what? If I get the same response upon my first meeting with a local priest, should I run to another direction?

Which books are these?

I don’t think you should run in the other direction if at first you don’t succeed. But you will need to show that you are, well, serious about learning more about the Catholic faith and I don’t think that will be a problem.

I realize this is a delicate time for you and I would sincerely encourage you to talk at least one priest. Don’t rely on just this forum or the internet or books. Have a good face-to-face meeting. Don’t let a couple of books get you down and do note that media hasn’t exactly been friendly to the Catholic Church over the years.

Its probably fair to say that no one will beg you to be Catholic. It’s a free will choice,but I assure you that priests and other Catholics (that includes me and hopefully others on here) want to help you in any way possible

 

[Claire_Lily]

A friend of mine told me that many years ago when her mother approached a priest about converting, she was not encouraged and had to be persistent. She saw it as a test to prove the sincerity of her faith and that she was not just carried away with the romance of Catholicism.

 

[bobbyhillisabro]

I’m considering reconciling to the Catholic Church. As one might imagine, I’m drawn to books that chronicle Protestant-to-Catholic journeys. I’ve read two so far. Both of them talk of encounters with Priests who actually discourage the author from reconciling due to the strain it will put on the immediate and/or extended family.

When I read the first book’s encounter, I thought the auther happened to cross paths with a wayward priest who was a little off. When I read a similar account in the second book, I wondered if this was a pattern. Is this common? Are priests taught to say this during an initial conversation to see if the repentant one will come back no matter what? If I get the same response upon my first meeting with a local priest, should I run to another direction?

No one should ever be discouraged to become Catholic for any reason. Any Priest that tells you so is wrong and is stating his false, personal opinion. When it comes to Christ, no good decision is unreasonable. When you say reconciling do you mean reverting? Anyways, God Bless you and I pray for your journey to the Catholic Church.

 

[Theophilus76]

The two books I referred to are Rome Sweet Home by Scott and Kimberly Hahn, and Born Fundamentallist, Born Agian Catholic by David Currie.

While I was surprised to read that any member of the clergy would discourage anyone from joining, I am drawn to the Catholic Church in a very profound way. I feel as though if a priest told me not to join, I would join anyway, or find another parish in my area that would let me in. I just wasn’t sure if this initial response was typical; a sort of secret handshake you have to encounter, then overcome to prove you’re not just was wondering inquirer.

I’ve experience a small difficulty getting someone at the parish closest to me to reply to a few email. I didn’t know if it was ok to simply stop by and talk things over with a priest, or if I needed to schedule an appointment. I finally got someone to schedule some time with me (he is the director of RCIA), but he’s not the priest so I’m wondering what his position in the Church is, or if he can give me some guidance on the issues that are particular to my situation regarding my desire to convert/reconcile.

I’ll find out. I hope to update this post with a positive initial encounter with my local priest.

 

[Theophilus76]

When you say reconciling do you mean reverting?

I left my protestant church intellectually several years ago, and started exploring the Catholic Church this year due to the media attention of Pope Francis being installed. This drew my curiosity to explore the Biblical basis for the seat of Peter.

I’ve read that if I was baptised for the remission of my sins in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, then I have a valid baptism. In this instance, I would be reconciling to the Church rather than converting.

 

[chero23]

What I think the 2 books said, and the other cases, it was referring to, not so much you not becoming catholic. It’s a little more the priest trying to warn you of possible alienation by your family, if you come from a Protestant family.

Is it the right thing to say, possibly not bc you feel the doors are being closed on you when you feel and with all right, that they should be kept open for you to come into the church.

I would be persistent, eventually a priest, or deacon will take the time to talk and encourage you. Remember is the Holy Spirit guiding you. He has a lot of tricks up his sleeves.

 

[DaveBj]

Shortly after I made the decision to start the conversion process, I ran into the parish associate pastor in a local store and introduced myself and told him what I was doing. His response was something to the effect that maybe I should stay where I was and be a good Protestant. I was shocked. Fortunately, the pastor was completely supportive and welcoming, and the associate pastor never said anything like that again. (That was in 2004.)

OP, if you run into that kind of opposition, ask this question: “If you think that I should remain a Protestant, either you mean that the Sacraments are not necessary for salvation, or you mean that I am not worthy of the Sacraments. Which do you mean?”

 

[jmcrae]

I have heard these stories about priests especially in the United States who will say things like this. It is unfortunate. My guess is that they take the teachings of Vatican II regarding salvation outside of the church too far to the point where they believe that conversion is not necessary. When I converted, I was lucky enough to find a parish where the priests were very good and the RCIA director was fantastic.

It’s not that conversion is not necessary, but that conversion of the whole family is preferable. And that divorce is “out.” If they see anything whatsoever that could lead the married couple to divorce, they will say “no” - even if it means delaying your conversion indefinitely.

I got the same reaction from my priest when I converted, too, and he explained that it does the Church no good, and it does me no good, if I become a Catholic but then lose my soul because of a divorce that is directly caused by my conversion to the Catholic faith. There is no remedy for such a divorce because the non-Catholic spouse would be speaking the truth when saying “This is not what I signed up for.” Being the cause of a divorce is a mortal sin, so if your action of converting could even remotely potentially result in a divorce, then the priest will say “No” or “Wait.”

It’s not because they think you can be saved outside the Church, but that they don’t want to participate in an action that could destroy your family.

If the whole family is converting, they will be really excited for you, of course, and they will move heaven and earth for you.

 

[DaveBj]

snip.

I got the same reaction from my priest when I converted, too, and he explained that it does the Church no good, and it does me no good, if I become a Catholic but then lose my soul because of a divorce that is directly caused by my conversion to the Catholic faith. There is no remedy for such a divorce because the non-Catholic spouse would be speaking the truth when saying “This is not what I signed up for.” Being the cause of a divorce is a mortal sin, so if your action of converting could even remotely potentially result in a divorce, then the priest will say “No” or “Wait.”

snip

There seems to be a logical disconnect in that argument. The non-Catholic spouse made a “for better, for worse” vow during the marriage ceremony, and if he chooses to walk away from the marriage because the other spouse became a Catholic, that is solely on the person who decides to walk away. Anyway, divorce is not a mortal sin; it is remarriage after divorce without annulment that is the mortal sin. I find it hard to believe that a priest would say that the convert had lost his soul because he “caused” a divorce, but then on the other hand I’ve heard of priests saying a lot of crazy, incorrect stuff.

 

[InLight247]

Every year before Easter, my parish has about ten or more people converted from Protestant to Catholicism. Usually priests will direct inquiring people to RCIA. They won’t discourage them.

 

[Joannm]

A friend of mine told me that many years ago when her mother approached a priest about converting, she was not encouraged and had to be persistent. She saw it as a test to prove the sincerity of her faith and that she was not just carried away with the romance of Catholicism.

If you read the Rule of St. Benedict that is exactly what he did with men who wanted to enter the monastery had to knock at the door three times to prove their persistence in wanting to enter the order.

 

[MSSheBear]

I am surprised any priest would discourage someone from converting, assuming they were sincere. In my RCIA group I was the only Protestant becoming Catholic. No one told me that I needed to stay Protestant. Several of the team members were assuming I’d drop out because I didn’t have any family support. If someone had told me I needed to stay out of the Church I would have taken it as a sign they felt they wanted to keep the losers out of the church and most likely would have told them so.

I read the Rome Sweet Home and Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic books too. I was half expecting that too. I was prepared to go to the most conservative parish in the diocese if necessary, one where they mention the word “Hell.”

It wasn’t necessary. I ended up moving to the most wonderful parish. The priest mentions the word “Hell.”

If you do hear this spoken by a priest find a more conservative parish.

 

[mick_tinetti]

No I don’t think you should run in the other direction.

I am a convert. I was not discouraged by priests from converting, but the comment about strain with the immediate and/or extended family is very real. I am the only Catholic in my extended family, which is part of a very anti-Catholic faith tradition. Fortunately, they still accept me. But, I must put up with many suggestions to disregard church teaching, comments that I belong to a cult, and have been told I do things that offend God (e.g. praying to Mary). So, you need to be prepared to deal with things like that. Nevertheless, I know I did the right thing by converting.

You should educate yourself about the Catholic faith and make sure you believe what the church teaches about the Eucharist and other things before you make a decision to convert and or come back (sorry not sure what your situation is). I do think if one truly believes our Lord is present, body, blood, soul, and divinity, in the Eucharist, it is virtually impossible to consider anything else. Good luck and God bless you!

I disagree with the comment you should believe what the church teaches before joining the church. I am a sponsor in an RCIA class and have been for 3 years. Everyone that comes into the class in September have doubts and or don’t understand all the church teachings. By the time April comes around everyone has grown profoundly in their faith. It is the Holy Spirit producing fruits in their actions. There are points along the 9 month journey that you will be asked if you wish to continue (based on how comfortable you feel with what you were taught). If you feel called I am sure, based on my experience, that it is real and you will be happy with the conversion for all eternity.

Me and other faithful Catholics pray everyday for people to either return to their Catholic faith or be converted from other faiths. It is the fruits of our prayers that you are called. It is part of the Devotion to the Divine Mercy.

Here is a link to a site that explains the devotion if you are interested:
ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/backgr.htm

 

[jmcrae]

There seems to be a logical disconnect in that argument. The non-Catholic spouse made a “for better, for worse” vow during the marriage ceremony, and if he chooses to walk away from the marriage because the other spouse became a Catholic, that is solely on the person who decides to walk away. Anyway, divorce is not a mortal sin; it is remarriage after divorce without annulment that is the mortal sin. I find it hard to believe that a priest would say that the convert had lost his soul because he “caused” a divorce, but then on the other hand I’ve heard of priests saying a lot of crazy, incorrect stuff.

To be the direct cause of a divorce is certainly a mortal sin. There are legitimate grounds on which a couple may divorce, with the understanding that neither can remarry, but you don’t want to stand before God and have to say, So and so got a divorce and her children became homeless because her husband didn’t understand why she had to become a Catholic after I convinced her that she needed to do it right away.

It is much better to give him a chance to “get on board” with the idea, and at least not be opposed, before going ahead with conversion.

 

[jmcrae]

I disagree with the comment you should believe what the church teaches before joining the church. I am a sponsor in an RCIA class and have been for 3 years. Everyone that comes into the class in September have doubts and or don’t understand all the church teachings. By the time April comes around everyone has grown profoundly in their faith. It is the Holy Spirit producing fruits in their actions. There are points along the 9 month journey that you will be asked if you wish to continue (based on how conferrable you feel with what you were taught). If you feel called I am sure, based on my experience, that it is real and you will be happy with the conversion for all eternity.

Joining RCIA is not the same thing as joining the Church. If they come to Easter and still have trouble understanding or believing basic teachings of the Church then I hope someone would advise them to wait.

 

[DaveBj]

To be the direct cause of a divorce is certainly a mortal sin. There are legitimate grounds on which a couple may divorce, with the understanding that neither can remarry, but you don’t want to stand before God and have to say, So and so got a divorce and her children became homeless because her husband didn’t understand why she had to become a Catholic after I convinced her that she needed to do it right away.

It is much better to give him a chance to “get on board” with the idea, and at least not be opposed, before going ahead with conversion.

In this case, the direct cause of the divorce would be the non-Catholic spouse’s refusal to live up to his/her vows, not the conversion/reversion of the Catholic spouse.

 

[WaitingForJesus]

I disagree with the comment you should believe what the church teaches before joining the church. I am a sponsor in an RCIA class and have been for 3 years. Everyone that comes into the class in September have doubts and or don’t understand all the church teachings. By the time April comes around everyone has grown profoundly in their faith. It is the Holy Spirit producing fruits in their actions. There are points along the 9 month journey that you will be asked if you wish to continue (based on how comfortable you feel with what you were taught). If you feel called I am sure, based on my experience, that it is real and you will be happy with the conversion for all eternity.

Me and other faithful Catholics pray everyday for people to either return to their Catholic faith or be converted from other faiths. It is the fruits of our prayers that you are called. It is part of the Devotion to the Divine Mercy.

Here is a link to a site that explains the devotion if you are interested:
ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/backgr.htm

Mick, I can appreciate your view and must admit I had some doubts, particularly about things relating to the Holy Mother that are not dogma. I asked the Lord to help with that and those were eventually resolved after I came into the church. But there needs to be at least an intellectual acceptance to basic teachings such as the Eucharist before one is received into the church. At our parish someone would be advised to wait if they were unable to accept something so essential after completing RCIA. God bless you.