Priest's personality & lowered attendance

[StJudePray4Me]

My parish has been struggling with declining attendance over the past few years.

We have a Pastor now who many people do not “enjoy.” He is a very nice man and very Godly, but he is an academic, and his personality is very dry and his homilies – well, to be frank, they are boring and difficult to understand.

This issue comes up often in social situations, most recently at a Memorial Day BBQ. Many people are worried about the declining attendance and tend to blame our Pastor’s personality as the root of the problem.

I find myself defending him often (I am involved in our parish more than most others and have had more one-on-one interaction with him), but I am also worried. I tell people often, that in the face of declining numbers of priests, we should try to feel fortunate that we have this Godly and intelligent man heading our Parish, and that we should seek to support him and give him the benefit of the doubt.

But in my heart, I totally understand why people don’t want to come. I am an intelligent, college educated person, well-Catechized through 12 years of Catholic school, and raised in a practicing Catholic home, and I WANT to listen and understand his homilies, but 99% of the time, he loses me – I can’t follow him.

I feel bad for our Pastor, as he took the place of an extremely beloved Pastor who passed away. That priest was so charismatic, funny, inspiring, and he was very good with children. This new Pastor is not really any of these things, and he is very awkward with children, you can tell he just doesn’t relate to kids.

What advice do you guys have? How can we as the congregation try to combat the declining attendance (and as a result, declining financial support of the Parish) in the face of this problem?

 

[Mark77]

Have you spoken privately to the priest about your impression & the (name removed by moderator)ut from others?

This would be difficult, but if you are being honest & he has the best interest of his parishioners in mind, he may want to rethink his homilies!

If he is an academic & intellectual, he may not realize that he is talking over the heads of his parishioners.

We are blessed with a wonderful priest who gives fabulous homilies. He uses exegesis with historical & cultural references that are informative, while focusing on the message that “we all must be Jesus” to the world!

Sancta maria, Mater Dei, Ora Pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark

 

[WatchingMedia]

Its important that Catholics do not shop Churches based upon personality alone.
If the Mass is reverant and properly done, you may want to remind them of the real reason why they are in Church - to honor and spend time with God.
Also encourage them to read the CCC, Second Edition - as a reminder of what they are supposed to believe. Its not like the Catechism we had when we were kids.

(Where I live based upon personality only, I would be attending an AOG Church. Pastor there is very dynamic. Everyone has different talents.)

 

[momor]

Wow. That’s a tough problem. Do you know anything about this priest’s background? Has he always been a parish priest or was he pulled from some other ministry?

I would find it very hard to speak to him directly about this problem. Not only for concern about hurting his feelings but because I would not be able to offer a solution. I would be more inclined to find a couple of other like-minded parishioners and speak to the bishop about it. The bishop is the one who can likely find some help for this priest to adapt his style to fit parish ministry.

 

[Jea9]

I second that you might mention to him that some people have mentioned that they aren’t able to follow his homilies. Start with a compliment, that usually works!

But, I also think that when these topics come up you should remind those parishoners who are complaining that you are blessed to have a priest who is not heretical. Honestly, of the three priests that we have in our area 1 is laughing stock, he thinks it’s more important for people to think he’s entertaining than to actually get a point across (and what’s really sad is he often has good homilies, if only he could stop the ‘side show’ that he has to add to them to get a few laughs). Another one is a very good priest so far, does not do anything weird, but in this Parish I’m worried that might what does him in. And the third is the most traditional, unfortunately he is also 80+ years old, and the grumpiest guy you can imagine meeting. But, he is not afraid to tell people that missing Mass on Sunday is a mortal sin, that they need to go to Confession, and in fact he has the most attendance at Confession.

Anyway, my point is, read some of the threads in the Liturgy and Sacraments section, print them, take them to these people who are complaining about your pastor and tell them “would you rather we had a priest like this?” I didn’t know how good we had it here until reading about some other peoples’ experiences.

 

[StJudePray4Me]

Wow. That’s a tough problem. **Do you know anything about this priest’s background? Has he always been a parish priest or was he pulled from some other ministry? **

I would find it very hard to speak to him directly about this problem. Not only for concern about hurting his feelings but because I would not be able to offer a solution. I would be more inclined to find a couple of other like-minded parishioners and speak to the bishop about it. The bishop is the one who can likely find some help for this priest to adapt his style to fit parish ministry.

Well, I know he taught at the college level. He is very intelligent!

I would be afraid to talk with him directly for the same reasons, and also, I am reluctant to “tattle” on him with his higher-ups – after all, it’s not his fault that his personality is what it is. I know we should all be grateful to have him, and that’s why it’s a hard problem. He’s not doing anything wrong per se – but he is just not the type who really inspires people to attend, who might be on the fence, if you know what I mean.

 

[momor]

Well, I know he taught at the college level. He is very intelligent!

I would be afraid to talk with him directly for the same reasons, and also, I am reluctant to “tattle” on him with his higher-ups – after all, it’s not his fault that his personality is what it is. I know we should all be grateful to have him, and that’s why it’s a hard problem. He’s not doing anything wrong per se – but he is just not the type who really inspires people to attend, who might be on the fence, if you know what I mean.

I don’t think talking to the bishop is tattling because as you said he isn’t doing anything wrong. He can’t change his personality type but as an intelligent and godly priest he probably would want to improve his ability to minister if that’s needed. Think of it not as a complaint but as a request for help you think he needs but are not able to provide.

 

[gmarie21]

Well, I know he taught at the college level. He is very intelligent!

I would be afraid to talk with him directly for the same reasons, and also, I am reluctant to “tattle” on him with his higher-ups – after all, it’s not his fault that his personality is what it is. I know we should all be grateful to have him, and that’s why it’s a hard problem. He’s not doing anything wrong per se – but he is just not the type who really inspires people to attend, who might be on the fence, if you know what I mean.

Invite him to dinner at your home and just ask how he’s adjusting to the parish? What his previous parish was like? What he may be having difficulty with at your parish? Then you can merge the topic at hand into the conversation as part of the dialogue.

Our pastor is wonderful. We entered the parish about a month after he had and from my understanding from other parishioners, he was quite a change, especially for such a small parish. We’re from the city and suburbs and my husband is Mexican (our priest is Filipino) so the cultural aspect we loved and were use to (however small farm town took a bit of adjustment). We asked him to come and bless our house and have lunch with us. From talking to him we learned so much about the questions I posed to you in addition to what is the hardest thing about being a priest (he said, not having someone to debrief with at the end of the day, to ask “did I do this right?” “Was I too hard on this person?” etc.). The lifelong parishioners have warmed up greatly to him and so now he is able to begin implementing additional ministries and services in the parish life. Because of this we feel quite comfortable telling him any reactions by others and to even joke around with him.

 

[Jea9]

Well, I know he taught at the college level. He is very intelligent!

I would be afraid to talk with him directly for the same reasons, and also, I am reluctant to “tattle” on him with his higher-ups – after all, it’s not his fault that his personality is what it is. I know we should all be grateful to have him, and that’s why it’s a hard problem. He’s not doing anything wrong per se – but he is just not the type who really inspires people to attend, who might be on the fence, if you know what I mean.

What about a letter. Sometimes it is hard to tell things like this face-to-face, but not so hard in a letter. My biggest problem with my own personality is that I take criticism REALLY hard, like it’s not just that I’m doing X wrong…it must mean that I’m a horrible individual and the person hates me. (I know, quite overdramatic ) I’m working (REALLY hard on this) but I think it makes me a little more sensitive when giving criticism. I think if you start with some compliments (“Father, you have such a grasp of Latin and theology…) and then maybe use some self-deprecating humor (”…it’s too bad I’m not quite up to your level on this. Do you think you could dumb it down for me and some other folks? We’d really like to get what you’re saying, but some times it goes right over our heads!"). I think it would be a pity for people to dislike this priest merely because his intelligence is so high that they can’t follow his homilies. Especially when it might only take one chat with him to make him realize he’s not lecturing people who have studied theology or philosophy.

 

[RobNY]

Well, I know he taught at the college level. He is very intelligent!

With all due respect to his intelligence, it ought to be measured by the clarity with which he can communicate his ideas. Obscurity is not a mark of brilliance; clarity and conciseness are.

For whatever reason, some priests are simply awful at exposing a line of thought in a reasonable progression. It is especially a cross for those of us who want heavy intellectual substance to get bad or low-grade intellectualism.

I have no idea how one can go about changing this problem. The first way must always be prayer.

I wonder sometimes if these sorts of priests were required to make only one point and to do so in under 3 minutes whether their homilies might not become dramatically better. It is a challenge to cut the fat out of any composition. But it will leave the author knowing exactly whether it is good or bad, because the substance will lie directly before him naked and open.

-Rob

 

[purplesunshine]

Let the parish mourn their priest in their own wan and come to love this new man on their own terms. No matter if this priest was Jesus himself he wouldn’t replace the ache in their hearts for their own dear priest and would require a transition. Eventually, if they wait it out they will come to love their new priest and he will learn to Shepard them and meet their needs.

I’d give it atleast a year. If things haven’t changed by then then I’d approach him with your concerns.

 

[davy39]

I’ve always believed that the priest shouldn’t make that much difference in the church, but I’ve had to eat my words lately. About a year ago, our priest was replaced with younger man that came from a Catholic high school near Tiffin, Ohio. He is friendly, easy going, and great with the kids. I don’t know of anyone that doesn’t like him. Also, our Mass attendence has gone up a lot. We’ve had to buy extra chairs to put everybody in. I guess you can look at this two ways. It’s great that there are more people coming to Mass, but will they keep coming if he leaves? Or will they keep coming with a difference priest? I guess we’ll find out someday. He was really great in helping me through the recent loss of my wife to cancer. Priests like him are too few, in my opinion.

 

[baltobetsy]

I agree with gmarie - invite him to your house just to hang out and relax and enjoy a meal. Don’t have any agenda except to get to know him as a person and let him get to know you and your family. If it goes well, you might suggest to others that they do the same. Eventually, he will begin to feel love and support from the parishioners and perhaps warm up a little bit. You can’t change his basic personality, but you can make him feel welcome and supported.

I would avoid trying to correct him, in person, by letter or through the bishop. Just love him into submission!

Betsy

 

[Suzq2]

Our parish once had a very academic priest that was also hard to follow. The funny thing was that the children loved him because he would use crazy props (i.e. he would wear skis and goggles into the classroom) to convey his message when he visited their classrooms weekly. But, from the pulpit, it was a different story.

Knowing that he had a sense of humor, I, on several occassions after mass, asked him to put the main point of his sermon in laymen’s terms for me. He would chuckle and then give me one or two sentences that summed up his message. As time went on he began to “soften” a bit and became one of our parish’s most beloved priests. We were extremely sad when he was transferred after having been blessed with him for five years. But, admittedly, that first year was tough.

Prayers to you and your congregation.

 

[Phemie]

Well, I know he taught at the college level. He is very intelligent!

That can be the problem. We had one in our parish for a while who used to be a seminary professor. His homilies were like university lectures, dry and above the heads of most people and more geared to a senior theology student than to the average person. OTOH, he would put articles in the bulletin that were much more at the average person’s level and quite informative. His writing style and his homily style were worlds apart.

It’s unfortunate, though, that you can’t convince some people that the priest is not the reason we attend Mass.

 

[momor]

It’s unfortunate, though, that you can’t convince some people that the priest is not the reason we attend Mass.

That is very true but the homily is extremely important too or it wouldn’t be part of the Mass. Preaching over the heads of the congregation is a little like preaching in a foreign language. I think it is a problem that should be addressed for the benefit of the souls in the pews.

 

[Phemie]

That is very true but the homily is extremely important too or it wouldn’t be part of the Mass. Preaching over the heads of the congregation is a little like preaching in a foreign language. I think it is a problem that should be addressed for the benefit of the souls in the pews.

Unfortunately, where I live quitting coming to our parish means you’ve given up on Church completely since there isn’t another parish within 6 hours’ drive.

 

[CountrySinger]

That can be the problem. We had one in our parish for a while who used to be a seminary professor. His homilies were like university lectures, dry and above the heads of most people and more geared to a senior theology student than to the average person. OTOH, he would put articles in the bulletin that were much more at the average person’s level and quite informative. His writing style and his homily style were worlds apart.

It’s unfortunate, though, that you can’t convince some people that the priest is not the reason we attend Mass.

I had one priest who would talk about food ALL THE TIME. Every Sunday was about another restaurant, it made me hungry, so I switched parishes. Plus I felt like “this homily was brought to you by Red Lobster”. Now I just zone out during the homilies, caused they are aimed at families with children, so it doesn’t apply to me at all.

 

[Phemie]

I had one priest who would talk about food ALL THE TIME. Every Sunday was about another restaurant, it made me hungry, so I switched parishes. Plus I felt like “this homily was brought to you by Red Lobster”. Now I just zone out during the homilies, caused they are aimed at families with children, so it doesn’t apply to me at all.

We had one whose homilies were drawn from 'Chicken Soup for the Soul" (he sometimes had it with him) and who preferred teaching in the school in another community to being a pastor to our parish. Each Sunday he would speak about the little darlings at the other school while never setting foot in the school next door to our church and he didn’t know one of our kids by name but knew the family tree of almost every kid in the other school. Needless to say those who wanted homilies that taught them anything were out of luck. Those who wanted to feel that our parish mattered to him were in no better shape.

Most rejoiced when he was reassigned (except those who actually like ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’)

 

[LookingForFaith]

I agree that the homily is very important to the Mass…but honestly, maybe you could try gently reminding the people in your congregation that it’s not really the reason why we are there. It’s important yes. I don’t deny that. But at the same time, the Eucharist is the most important thing, and that’s where the focus should be.

I have been blessed with good homilies throughout most of my life, so maybe I really can’t weigh in on the subject. But it seems that people (myself included) tend to focus more on the personality of the priest (or even “being entertained” I have been guilty about that one a lot ) rather than what the Mass is really about. Worshiping Christ.