Priests with psychology degrees

[guanophore]

I meant don’t go to a priest if you have psychological issues because they cannot help.

This is not necessarily true. While they are not mental health professionals, there is a great overlap between spiritual and behavioral health problems. Some behavioral health problems have a spiritual root, and even when they do not, suffering from illness of any kind can impact a persons faith.

My friend confessed suicidal tendencies to a priest once and he simply told her to get over herself and not let those thoughts bother her. This is an example of when not to tell priests certain things.

This is not a reason not to tell a priest such things. Since we don’t know the whole story, it may be that this was an appropriate response, as suicidality can sometimes be related to not being able to “get over yourself”. This was the case for Judas, who could not humble himself to ask forgiveness for what he had done.

But a priest is not the same as calling the suicide hotline, which is more likely to be helpful for a person in crisis. Some people go all their lives experiencing “suicidal tendencies” and never act on them.

Do you the priests response was understandable? My friend didn’t like him after that. It’s been years she still seems disappointed and bitter by it

Another response may have been more helpful, but if it has been years and she is still disappointed and bitter, then it is likely her psychological condition is more related to her holding resentments than anything the priest said. Holding resentments is like drinking poison, and expecting the other person to die.

What reason would she lie or tell me her confession?

She may not be “lying” just telling you her memory and her perception of what happened. This is her side of the story. It is just not all there is to the story.

There could have been a misunderstanding. I can’t imagine why she would lie. Why give the priest the benefit of the doubt not the penitent?

Well clearly there was a misunderstanding, as she did not find his remark helpful and is still hurt by it. Both of them should have the benefit of the doubt, forgiveness should happen, and everyone should start again. Jesus did not promise we would not hurt each other’s feelings, just that He would heal us when it happens.

 

[April29]

Yes, it would! Please do take it if you are able. You’ll be able to help so many people. Also remember to be gentle. Most of the people who come to the confessional are already afraid and embarrassed ( especially when they have a me tal illness and don’t know what to do with it). It can cause a soul to shut down or stay away from the sacrament to have something said that is hurtful( even if it is unintentional. I firmly believe most priests are just trying to help as best as they can). God bless and May Our Lady make you a saintly priest!

 

[guanophore]

Why do people hold onto resentment?

This is a very good question! It is just a natural human reaction. God has created us with a sense of justice, and when that is violated, our conscience tells us that a wrong has been committed. It is also natural not to want to forgive these offenses, especially when the offender has not repented! We naturally want restitution for the offense. Jesus calls us to forgive even though we don’t get that.

Sometimes resentment can also fuel the keeping of boundaries. If we “hold it against them” then we are less likely to open ourselves to be hurt again. But there are other more healthy ways of setting and keeping boundaries that will allow us to let go of the poison of resentment, without opening ourselves to be hurt again.

 

[Jump4Joy]

Your answers are pure gold.

 

[DarkLight]

I think it is also often not a conscious thing.

I admit to personally being baffled by a lot of that talk. I always would hear about “forgiving” and “letting go” and whatnot, and for me…well, trying to do so would kind of end up in a don’t think of pink elephants sort of scenario. Attempting to get past whatever didn’t change anything at all about how I thought or felt about the situation, it just added in feeling guilty and like I was an awful person for not being able to get over it. I tried to ask what I was doing wrong and just got more and more discussions on why I needed to let go, which weren’t helpful at all.

It can also cover fear in general. I know when I had a very bad experience with a psychiatrist…yes, I was angry. But I was also afraid, because I put myself in a very vulnerable situation and got hurt very badly. And there was no “boundary” or anything that could keep that situation from happening again, except to refuse to see any mental health professionals. (That’s actually still something I struggle with - mental health professionals can cause a lot of harm and that potential often doesn’t seem to be really acknowledged.)

 

[guanophore]

Attempting to get past whatever didn’t change anything at all about how I thought or felt about the situation, it just added in feeling guilty and like I was an awful person for not being able to get over it.

I think it must be made clear that forgiveness is not at all about “getting over it”. Forgiveness is an act of the will that needs to occur each time the person realizes they are not “over it”.

Forgiveness is also not about feelings, and although the feelings will eventually follow along, forgiveness needs to occur without regard for emotions. The feelings are important reminders that forgiveness needs to continue to occur, but one cannot expect that the feelings will be consistent with the act of the will to forgive.

The “letting go” relates to relinquishing the desire for revenge/justice and turning one’s thoughts to seeking first the Kingdom rather than focusing on the harm that was done. This is also and act of the will, and harnessing one’s thought processes away from evil, toward good.

I tried to ask what I was doing wrong and just got more and more discussions on why I needed to let go, which weren’t helpful at all.

Well, I have not read the responses, so I am not sure why they were not helpful, but most of this has to do with thought substitution. One has to consciously replace negative thinking with God’s way of thinking. This, in turn, heals the emotions, and makes forgiveness easier.

But I was also afraid, because I put myself in a very vulnerable situation and got hurt very badly.

Yes. It is always especially wounding to be hurt by someone you trust, or should be able to trust. It is bad enough if the damage is done by a stranger, but when it is done by someone with whom you have been vulnerable it is worse.

And there was no “boundary” or anything that could keep that situation from happening again, except to refuse to see any mental health professionals. (That’s actually still something I struggle with - mental health professionals can cause a lot of harm and that potential often doesn’t seem to be really acknowledged.)

I am sorry this happened. I agree, a lot of harm can be caused and you are right, the potential is not acknowledged as often as it should be.

psychotherapist > psycho/the/rapist

The soul becomes very vulnerable and can be invaded and torn in harmful ways.

 

[DarkLight]

Well, I have not read the responses, so I am not sure why they were not helpful, but most of this has to do with thought substitution. One has to consciously replace negative thinking with God’s way of thinking. This, in turn, heals the emotions, and makes forgiveness easier.

The unhelpfulness was mostly that I found I found I got a lot of answers explaining why I should forgive. When what I was asking was more how I should forgive. I am sure they meant well; it’s simply that explaining that we should forgive because God has forgiven us isn’t terribly helpful to someone who’s unsure how to go about it.

In the end I found forgetting about the whole thing was often my best bet. Sometimes overfocus on achieving the right result is far less detrimental than simply laying it aside and attending to the rest of one’s life.

 

[guanophore]

The unhelpfulness was mostly that I found I found I got a lot of answers explaining why I should forgive. When what I was asking was more how I should forgive. I am sure they meant well; it’s simply that explaining that we should forgive because God has forgiven us isn’t terribly helpful to someone who’s unsure how to go about it.

This is certainly true!

In the end I found forgetting about the whole thing was often my best bet. Sometimes overfocus on achieving the right result is far less detrimental than simply laying it aside and attending to the rest of one’s life.

Yes.

If it needs more attention, it will raise it’s ugly head later!

 

[DarkLight]

Yes.

If it needs more attention, it will raise it’s ugly head later!

It is also a matter of giving it attention when one is best in shape for it. The physical affects the spiritual. For those prone to anger or to anxiety, it is often best to give such things attention when one is well-fed and well-rested and has time to devote that is free from other duties. It is much easier to convince one’s self of terrible things when one is fatigued.

 

[BlackFriar]

@April29 , @Jump4Joy
may I gently suggest your bonding converse is probably best done through private postings at this stage.
Take care.

 

[April29]

I think you’re right though we’ve been done for a while, if you still feel like you need to talk @Jump4Joy, feel free to message me! I’m sorry guys!

 

[BlackFriar]

No worries guys. Its nice but just a tad too personal for us non emotional, aged male curmudgeons wanting to read about priests and psychology degrees .

 

[guanophore]

It is much easier to convince one’s self of terrible things when one is fatigued.

I have always appreciated that Alcoholics Anonymous saying HALT. “Don’t get to hungry, angry, lonely or tired”. No one is at their best at such times.

Its getting devastatingly personal

It is best not to put very personal issues on a public forum. One must also remember that the threads are achived, and may be here for years. I have some embarrassing posts I put on here 11 years ago!

 

[Jump4Joy]

Well it’s too late for that.

 

[BlackFriar]

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