Principles For Christian Dating

[Camerons1]

My wife and I are practicing Catholics and have a 2 year old son. We are active members in our Parish. Parish Counsel, Knights of Columbus and RCIA as a refresher to keep learning our faith. I have a sister who has fallen away from the Catholic Church along with the rest of my family. I continue to keep them in my prayers. She got a divorce a few years ago and now has a boyfriend.

We will be going to visit her this Christmas. My wife and I have been discussing about staying overnight. I said if her boyfriend stays over night that we need to get a hotel even if he sleeps on the couch. My wife said if he sleeps on the couch we should stay. I disagree. I just don’t think its right. I told my wife that even if he’s on the couch in my son’s eyes they are still sleeping together and this is sending the wrong message of the Sacrament of Marriage. I know I would feel like I’m not truly helping her.

I’m not judging her; I don’t believe this to be good Moral Principles.

Please advise,
Sincerely, Rodney

 

[T700]

That’s a difficult question. If it were in the situation, I would probably stay at a hotel, but not for the reason that you put forth.

A two year old is not going to be particularly aware of the marital status of those around him. Frankly, he probably won’t even remember much about this Christmas. My greater concern would be the tension and potential for arguments during a season that should be peaceful and joyous.

Better to find an inexpensive hotel and help preserve family harmony. Be a good witness to your sister and keep praying for her.

Paul

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

If you can afford it, get an inexpensive motel room, and bring your child’s playpen or whatever for him to sleep. When visiting, it’s so much easier when you’ve had enough of extended family togetherness to be able to say, “We’ve enjoyed ourselves, but Buford really needs his rest!” Then you two can go off and do whatever it is you want.

 

[Albert15]

Not quite sure what you should do about the situation with your sister, but don’t worry about your son. He’s way to young to understand what’s going on and even if he could he won’t remember it. I do memory research at a large research university and it is a well known fact in the memory community that it is virtually impossible for anyone as an adult to remember anything that happened to them before the age of 3.

 

[IrishAm]

I said if her boyfriend stays over night that we need to get a hotel even if he sleeps on the couch. My wife said if he sleeps on the couch we should stay. I disagree. I just don’t think its right. I told my wife that even if he’s on the couch in my son’s eyes they are still sleeping together and this is sending the wrong message of the Sacrament of Marriage. I know I would feel like I’m not truly helping her.

I’m not judging her; I don’t believe this to be good Moral Principles.

I think you are judging her . . .not that you are necessarily wrong in your judgment, but you are indeed judging her. What strikes me is that you seem to be okay being around the boyfriend as long as he doesn’t sleep in the same building as your sister. Well, frankly, either you shouldn’t be comfortable about a “boyfriend” at all – you did not mention there being an annulment in her marriage, just a divorce, and, therefore, in the eyes of the church, she is a married woman with a boyfriend – or you should lighten up about him sleeping on a couch.

Sounds to me like you are somewhat conflicted on the whole issue and using the excuse of a 2-year-old and a night on the couch as a reason to not spend any more time than necessary in this familial situation.

In that case, I suggest it would be better for you to get a hotel room – forget about making any moral justification for doing it, just say it will be easier for your family. Then, after the emotions of the holidays, decide what YOU believe and what you want to share with your sister.

It is hard; but she is an adult – and a fallen away Catholic – and will find her own path and make her own decisions. Until you can speak to her with love and compassion, as well as with truth, it is better to wait. Otherwise, you will drive a wedge not only between you and her, but between her and the Church.

 

[Camerons1]

I don’t calling it judging her; I call it helping us all get to heaven. As a family we should be helping each other get to heaven. I’m a sinner just like she is as we all are. We can be loving and gentle in reaching out to each other when we fall. Since when is the teaching of the Catholic Church ok to sleep with each other before marriage. Why would you want them to tempt them by sleeping in the same building and with a company and a child present? Please read the below links.

ewtn.com/library/FAMILY/DATING.TXT

vatican.va/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm

She was never married in the Catholic Church to begin with, so her marriage was never valid. Married at a court house. Let’s be careful in assuming things please. Of course I like to be around her boyfriend. But when someone is contemplating a mortal sin as Christians we have an obligation to gently reach out and let them know you your soul is in danger and you are offending God. This takes courage.

I’m not conflicted at all on the issue. My wife had raised the question. I know where the Catholic Church stands on this and I’m not using my son as an excuse. This is why we having so many couples living in cohabitation and the world is a mess. We need to follow the teachings of the church and stand up for God and the truth. You would find it hard pressed to find any adult member of the laity or clergy that would recommend these arrangements. Don’t forget marriage is sacrament, not cohabitation.

My sisters last boyfriend lived with her and my niece on and off. My niece was miserable and confused / hurting as was my sister. I’ve reached out to her and kept praying for them. After a couple of posts, I have since then reached out to my Mom and she said my sister would love for us to stay with her this Christmas Mom said she was excited to have us stay with her. Mom said her boyfriend would not be staying overnight. I called my sister and told her if she needed any help or had any questions getting back into the Catholic Church to let me know and I would be glad to help her out in anyway I could. She said thank you!
Let’s remember we are all called to be saints.

Ephesians
Chapter 4
15 Rather, living the truth in love, we should grow in every way into him who is the head, Christ,

Thanks and God bless you

 

[IrishAm]

She was never married in the Catholic Church to begin with, so her marriage was never valid. Married at a court house. Let’s be careful in assuming things please.

The validity of her previous marriage is up to a Tribunal to decide (what we usually call “getting an annulment,” a fairly inaccurate phrase) and, until it does so, the first marriage is assumed to be valid by the Church regardless of where she was married. So, yes, in the eyes of the Church, she is still married unless she has gone through that process, no matter how irregular that marriage may have been.