Private school

[Lizzie22785]

Hi, thanks for reading. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage and children and hope that it will happen some day in the not-too-distant future. My boyfriend would like our children to attend private school if we are fortunate enough to be able to afford it. I of course would want the best for our children but I can’t help feeling a bit uncomfortable with this due to there being children in Africa and other places who can’t attend a school at all, let alone a private school. I just wondered what other people’s view of this is? Thanks.

 

[PolarGuy]

As a parent of a Catholic School student, I would rank educational preferences thus (and assuming you’re speaking about grammar school, i.e., K-8:

1. Catholic school;
2. Secular private school;
3. Public education.

There will always be poor in Africa. We also need to provide for our children here as well.

There is no better substitute for a solid educational foundation IMHO than Catholic education.

There is also another reason, oft unspoken, for Catholic Ed: Call me elitist (or other things, I don’t care), but IMHO you meet and interact with a generally better class of people there. Other parents are all making a commitment to Catholic education, often at great sacrifice, and their kids generally reflect that. There are exceptions; I’m speaking about generally. Also, kids grow up understanding, even if they don’t say it, that mom & dad are making a sacrifice for their education.

Public K-8 education in this nation is a disaster, and I’d sell my blood plasma before I sent my child to our local public school (which BTW I am a graduate of, so I feel I can say that).

Note I did not include homeschooling, which some love but which I strongly tend to disagree with, but that’s another tale.

 

[Xantippe]

Actually, many poor people in Africa and Asia pay for private school.

educationnext.org/privateschoolsforthepoor/

I haven’t read up on this lately, but as I recall, one issue is that in the very poorest parts of the world, teachers sometimes exist primarily on paper.

Here’s a piece from this year on the problem in Mexico:

“MOST people worry about pupils skiving off. In Mexico, it’s the teachers. The first ever government census of schools in Mexico shows that 13% of all people registered on the schools’ payrolls do not turn up to work (see chart). That is 298,000 out of a total of 2.25m, divided among those who receive a paycheck but appear to be figments of someone’s imagination; who work somewhere else; who are on leave (often as union representatives); or who have quit, retired or died. Organisations that represent outraged parents call it the “theft of the century.””

Private school is a huge commitment (children do not like changing schools once they’re comfy and have friends, so once you’re in, it can feel like you’re trapped) but I would not take it off the table if I were you.
economist.com/blogs/americasview/2014/04/education-mexico

 

[Xantippe]

Also, unless is one is planning to send all of the money saved to schools in Africa, putting your kids in public school is not in any way benefiting kids in Africa. In practice, that money will get sucked up by newer cars, nicer houses and nicer vacations than private school families at the same income level enjoy.

 

[Jay82]

There are always going to be less fortunate people somewhere that cannot afford something you do or want to do. You cannot get hung up on this or you won’t be able to live life and function properly in society. You can provide your future children a good education (private or public school) and contribute meaningfully to support charities and other causes by volunteering rather than monetarily. Not to mention, they say donating your time is the most valuable thing you can give anyway.

 

[Lizzie22785]

Thank you for all your helpful responses! You have made me see things more clearly. In particular Jay82, you hit the nail on the head as I have been having anxieties lately about the poverty in the world and feeling like I’m not doing enough to help but I guess there’s only so much we can do other than go out there and physically help! I do volunteer and give money as much as I am able to so hopefully God will be satisfied with that.

Xantippe, it’s funny that you should mention Mexico as that’s actually the place that I’ll probably be living - my boyfriend lives there! So I guess private school may be the best option after all, as I’m guessing the teachers who skive are mostly at the public schools!

 

[Cat]

It depends on what the public schools are like in your city/town.

In our city/town, they are toxic. I personally think they should be shut down. The gangs control them, and kids are literally in physical danger in our public schools.

My feeling is that if you have the option, move to a place (if you don’t already live there) where the public schools are excellent.

After three miserable years in our public schools, my daughters attended a private secular school (we were not Catholic at the time). The Headmistress of that school had the philosophy that “in order for the private schools to be great, the public schools have to be great.” Well, that never happened in our city, but the private school that my daughters attended was great. We loved those years of our daughters’ lives.

School is a huge stress factor in family life. If you are constantly engaged in battle with a child’s teachers, principals, school administration, your school board, etc., the children will not learn squat, you and your husband will fight a lot, your valuable time will be spent in stressful “meetings” and “phone calls” and “letter-writing,” and your money will drain down the toilet as you order in dinners because you never have time to shop or prepare wholesome food.

This is no way to live. You shouldn’t have to fight with your children’s schools.

Do all that you can to avoid this. The school years of your children’s lives should be precious, full of wonderful memories, and of course, the means of imparting a good education that prepares children to be real adults and find real jobs and be free to enjoy rich full lives and live somewhere other than at home with their parents.

Do your homework. Go into the restaurants and coffee shops and TALK to the locals in your town/city, and make SURE that the public schools are OK. If they aren’t OK, it’s likely that the private schools will be full of “escapees” from the public schools, and that means that they may be mediocre and not worth the cost of tuition.

Don’t rely on the promotional material from the public schools–of course they will present themselves in glowing terms and you will be convinced that Einstein would love them. Listen to the locals.

 

[tafan]

Hi, thanks for reading. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage and children and hope that it will happen some day in the not-too-distant future. My boyfriend would like our children to attend private school if we are fortunate enough to be able to afford it. I of course would want the best for our children but I can’t help feeling a bit uncomfortable with this due to there being children in Africa and other places who can’t attend a school at all, let alone a private school. I just wondered what other people’s view of this is? Thanks.

First of all, please keep in mind that most parish Catholic schools should not be thought of as private schools. They are for everyone in the parish.

Secondly, the Church is fairly clear in its law for parents in this regard:

Can. 798 Parents are to entrust their children to those schools which provide a Catholic education. If they are unable to do this, they are obliged to take care that suitable Catholic education is provided for their children outside the schools.

Reasons for being unable is that there are no schools available or affordable in your area that provide a Catholic education.

Finally, it is a wonderful thing to be willing to live without luxuries in life out of solidarity with the poor. But it does not good to suffer a poor education for your kids, and then have that many fewer people who are capable of helping the poor in 20 or 30 years.

 

[MusherMaggie]

Parents are also the primary educators of their children. Have you prayerfully considered Catholic homeschooling? Many Catholic schools have adopted the rather problematic Common Core curriculum, or something close to it. There are many trusted Catholic homeschooling programs which do not water down the fauth. Catholic homeschooling provides a means for parents and children together to nurture their Faith.

 

[marymary1975]

[QagrXantippe;12432755]Also, unless is one is planning to send all of the money saved to schools in Africa, putting your kids in public school is not in any way benefiting kids in Africa. In practice, that money will get sucked up by newer cars, nicer houses and nicer vacations than private school families at the same income level enjoy.

I agree with both is Xantippe’s posts. Unless you are sending the money to be used in school to fees the poor in Africa, putting your kids in the public school system is of no benefit. I also can say, having grown up in a thirld world country with very high rates of extreme poverty, that people in poor countries value immensely private education. I went to a private catholic school in a thirld world country and a huge amount of kids in my school came of poor class with help of scholarships or parents and family who would sacrifice everything else just to send their kids to private catholic schools.

The public school system in poor countries are awful and face too many issues so most people despite being poor would do everything in their power to attend a private school. Add to that that private schools there are much more accessible to people (given the high demand). So as long as you make sure you are sending your kids to a good catholic private I think you should keep the option.

 

[pianistclare]

First of all, please keep in mind that most parish Catholic schools should not be thought of as private schools. They are for everyone in the parish.

Secondly, the Church is fairly clear in its law for parents in this regard:

Reasons for being unable is that there are no schools available or affordable in your area that provide a Catholic education.

Finally, it is a wonderful thing to be willing to live without luxuries in life out of solidarity with the poor. But it does not good to suffer a poor education for your kids, and then have that many fewer people who are capable of helping the poor in 20 or 30 years.

well stated.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hi, thanks for reading. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage and children and hope that it will happen some day in the not-too-distant future. My boyfriend would like our children to attend private school if we are fortunate enough to be able to afford it. I of course would want the best for our children but I can’t help feeling a bit uncomfortable with this due to there being children in Africa and other places who can’t attend a school at all, let alone a private school. I just wondered what other people’s view of this is? Thanks.

It is refreshing to see a couple take their relationship seriously and discuss things like this before marriage! That you are doing that shows great maturity and prudence.

Private school is fine. I went to a private school for high school. We make decent money, but we are having our fifth child soon So, private school is not an option for us. But we do homeschool. Which can be the best kind of a private school!

 

[Avocadomom]

Hi, thanks for reading. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage and children and hope that it will happen some day in the not-too-distant future. My boyfriend would like our children to attend private school if we are fortunate enough to be able to afford it. I of course would want the best for our children but I can’t help feeling a bit uncomfortable with this due to there being children in Africa and other places who can’t attend a school at all, let alone a private school. I just wondered what other people’s view of this is? Thanks.

The poor will always be with us, and yes, we should help them.

Having said that, there are places where vaccines are not readily available - will you not vaccinate your children?

There are places where the water is not safe to drink - will you not make sure your children drink clean water?

There are places where food is scarce - will you make your children go malnourished?

There are places where women have no rights - will you keep your daughters locked up?

There are places where gangs or worse lurk on every corner - will you not do all you can to live in a safe neighborhood?

We are not supposed to sacrifice our own children’s wellbeing just because they had the good fortune to be born in America. We have nice public schools in our town, and my kids still attend parochial school. It is not very expensive - only about $4,500 a year per child. We have families from every walk of life there - both those that scrimp and sacrifice to make the tuition and pull up to the school in 15-year-old cars, to those for whom the tuition is a drop in the bucket and drive off in Maseratis. We land somewhere in the middle and still find it is possible to give to charity. In fact, I think we have MORE opportunity to be of service to others because our kids attend a Catholic school. Right now, we are collecting toys and personal items for Project Christmas Child.