Pro-Life Movement...What about abstinence?

[Xantippe]

I love the idea of teaching chastity above abstinence only. Abstinence education is really an either/or scenario. You either have sex or you don’t. If you do…you’re good, if you don’t…you’re bad. Don’t have sex.

Chastity involves so much more then just saying no to sex. It gives teens purpose and direction and encouragement.
It actually prepares them for marriage…instead of the desperate attempt to just make it to the alter…much like abstinence only education.

Chastity goes far beyond the alter and gives teens tools on how to be a good spouse…throughout their marriage.

Abstinence only teaches them that they only need to make it to the alter…once that happens, all bets are off.
Sex is suddenly okay…until it isn’t (for whatever reason) and then they are suddenly back at square one without the tools on how to handle it.

I suspect the problem is that while you can put together a plausible non-religious abstinence program, the sort of thing you’re talking about is inherently religious and theological (but way more helpful).

 

[Xantippe]

Here’s another possible distinction:

Abstinence education says “if you do X, you will lose your value.”

Chastity education says, “you have value, so don’t do x.”

 

[ALoveDivine]

Lets be totally blunt and honest with ourselves here. Abstinence sucks, it really does. It’s not exactly something that sells well. Rather than promoting abstinence, which runs totally counter to most peoples nature, we should promote marriage.

I find it absurd that marriage has been pushed back into the late 20’s and early 30’s. We should encourage earlier marriage and promote marriage as the proper context for the enjoyment of human sexuality. This would be a positive message that many young people could probably get behind. Telling them to just not do it is just going to cause them to laugh at you.

Abstinence doesn’t work, young people don’t listen to you, heck even the majority of Christians don’t abstain. Human sexuality is extraordinarily powerful, we should work with that reality, not against it. Celibacy is a gift given to a very, very few. For the rest of us, we need to get married, and we should encourage that and encourage it early.

 

[Xantippe]

Lets be totally blunt and honest with ourselves here. Abstinence sucks, it really does. It’s not exactly something that sells well. Rather than promoting abstinence, which runs totally counter to most peoples nature, we should promote marriage.

I find it absurd that marriage has been pushed back into the late 20’s and early 30’s. We should encourage earlier marriage and promote marriage as the proper context for the enjoyment of human sexuality. This would be a positive message that many young people could probably get behind. Telling them to just not do it is just going to cause them to laugh at you.

Abstinence doesn’t work, young people don’t listen to you, heck even the majority of Christians don’t abstain. Human sexuality is extraordinarily powerful, we should work with that reality, not against it. Celibacy is a gift given to a very, very few. For the rest of us, we need to get married, and we should encourage that and encourage it early.

So all of these young couples are going to be raising families in their parents’ and in-laws basements…Fun!

“Nationally, nearly half of 25-year-olds lived with their parents in 2012-2013, up from just over a quarter in 1999.”

stlouisfed.org/on-the-economy/2015/october/millennials-living-home-student-debt-housing-labor

“The share of 18-to-34-year-olds living with their parents was 31.5% as of March 2015, up from 31.4% last year, according to a report from the Commerce Department on Monday. In 2005, just 27% of young adults lived with their parents, a number that has climbed pretty steadily since then.”

blogs.wsj.com/economics/2015/11/23/more-young-adults-live-with-their-parents-now-than-during-the-recession/

That’s almost one in three 18-34 year olds living with parents.

Marriage hasn’t gotten pushed into the late 20s for no reason–there are economic and structural issues in play.

Early marriage isn’t any more feasible than abstinence. In fact, it’s arguably less feasible.

 

[ALoveDivine]

So all of these young couples are going to be raising families in their parents’ and in-laws basements…Fun!

Such economic conditions would certainly justify postponing childbirth. Young married couples can use NFP or whatever, especially with all the cool new apps coming out that use algorithms to make it extraordinarily easy to do.

Marriage hasn’t gotten pushed into the late 20s for no reason–there are economic and structural issues in play.

True, modern American capitalism is in no way conducive to family life or to God’s design for human sexuality. And we wonder why the hook up culture, contraception and abortion run rampant…We need to strive to change the economy, drastically.

Early marriage isn’t any more feasible than abstinence. In fact, it’s arguably less feasible.

Early marriage is preferable to the hook up culture where teen boys are encouraged to run through multiple partners and young females end up doing the same. A relentless spread of std’s, pregnancy and abortion is what we have now. Humans are not biologically designed to abstain until their 30’s, its dumb to expect them to. So yes, young marriage is more feasible than abstinence and is preferable to the chaotic status quo in many ways.

 

[Xantippe]

Such economic conditions would certainly justify postponing childbirth. Young married couples can use NFP or whatever, especially with all the cool new apps coming out that use algorithms to make it extraordinarily easy to do.

True, modern American capitalism is in no way conducive to family life or to God’s design for human sexuality. And we wonder why the hook up culture, contraception and abortion run rampant…We need to strive to change the economy, drastically.

Early marriage is preferable to the hook up culture where teen boys are encouraged to run through multiple partners and young females end up doing the same. A relentless spread of std’s, pregnancy and abortion is what we have now. Humans are not biologically designed to abstain until their 30’s, its dumb to expect them to. So yes, young marriage is more feasible than abstinence and is preferable to the chaotic status quo in many ways.

Living as a young married couple with parents/in-laws is often deadly for young marriages, even without children. It’s just hard to get your marriage to gel, to learn to work together, and to fight fair when you’re living under the parental roof.

I take it that you aren’t married.

 

[ALoveDivine]

I take it that you aren’t married.

Soon to be. Though of course I don’t live with my parents, I’m 25 and I have my own place and a steady job.

My entire point is that younger marriages should be encouraged and facilitated by Catholic parents, which means preparing children for the responsibilities that entails early on. Hormones are not delayed because of our screwed up economic system, we are designed to marry earlier than is commonplace in our culture.

 

[Xantippe]

Soon to be. Though of course I don’t live with my parents, I’m 25 and I have my own place and a steady job.

My entire point is that younger marriages should be encouraged and facilitated by Catholic parents, which means preparing children for the responsibilities that entails early on. Hormones are not delayed because of our screwed up economic system, we are designed to marry earlier than is commonplace in our culture.

I think you’re right that all efforts should be made to remove unnecessary obstacles to earlier marriage, for instance steering young adult (but dependent) children away from debt, encouraging reasonable choices of school and profession, encouraging saving, and providing basic personal finance education.

However, I do have to quibble with the idea that “we are designed to marry earlier than is commonplace in our culture.” Here’s why:

–the brain is still maturing until about 25
–while there was a period of widespread early marriage in the mid-20th century (which has become a lot of people’s idea of our traditional norm), the median age at first marriage has historically been much higher than that for men (and sometimes for women, too)

infoplease.com/ipa/A0005061.html

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_European_marriage_pattern

–the absolute lowest divorce risk seems to be for couples in their late 20s/very early 30s

family-studies.org/want-to-avoid-divorce-wait-to-get-married-but-not-too-long/

The current median ages at first marriage are 27 for women and 29 for men. That’s high, but not ridiculously high, especially given that those ages are practically ideal from the point of avoiding divorce.

 

[JCats1]

I’m involved with the “Respect Life” aspect of our parish and I understand what the OP is getting at.

While we have the occasional program for the teens, including utilizing “theology of the body” and a few public speakers, there is not the overall emphasis on fornication and abstinence.

There was a time, when despite the sinful nature of individuals to want to fulfill their sexual desires, society as a whole, taught that sex was for marriage.

Now a young girl can get the birth control pill as young as 12 without her parents knowledge.

When you see a pro-life demonstration, you see signs that speak about the damage the abortion will do to the woman, but you don’t see any signs about the damage the sex outside of a committed relationship may do.

When was the last time you heard a homily from your priest on waiting for marriage? On fornication? I’ve not heard that from a priest in many years.

The faithful Catholics are teaching their own kids, but who is teaching the rest? One lesson in a year long catechism class in the upper grades if you are lucky.

Tell me how are we reaching the general population on the damage of premarital sex or fornication?

How are we reaching the general population in teaching kids that boyfriends and girlfriends at age 12,14,16, are not cute, but on the contrary a dangerous temptation for many.

Be honest with yourself. What does dating at 16 lead to? Is it hand holding or kissing only? Is kissing OK? Does it go beyond kissing? How much is too much? Who’s teaching the kids and who’s opinions are they being given?

As somebody who is not only a mother, but a Pro Life advocate, I think we are failing.

If we don’t get society seeing that sex outside of marriage is wrong, at least for young people, we will never win the war on abortion.

We all teach about flu prevention and how to avoid it. You don’t just hear it from you doctor once a year, it’s on the news, it’s on the billboards, it’s on commercials, over and over and over because hearing something once, makes you forget about it 5 minutes later.

Who’s teaching about abortion prevention in the CORRECT way?.. Who’s teaching abstinence?

Our young people are growing up in a world, where sex outside of marriage is accepted and flaunted and they are being taught how to “safely” enjoy it without the risk. Even if they avoid STDS and pregnancy, what about the risk to their souls, and their hearts?

That is EXACTLY what I mean! Thank you!