Probably Being Scrupulous

[7violinS]

I just got back from confession. I confessed various likely mortal sins I remeberd from years ago. I had a list and was rambling on and on about certain grave sins and kept feeling like I forgot somehting. I summed it up by saying that I don’t really remember some mortal or grave sins at the moment but I kept having that nagging feeling. I now remember a sin that I think I confessed in my rambling but am unsure. I think I confessed it indirectly when I said ’ and a lot of other impure things’. I feel terrible beacause I might have to abstain from the eucharist ( I haven’t taken it for weeks now) and was hoping to do so. Am I being scrupulous? Am I forgiven even though I may have subconsiencly left out a grave sin?

 

[puzzleannie]

what would be more helpful is a good guide to the examination of conscience, and a habit of spending a few minutes each night in your evening prayers reviewing the events of the day, remembering any sins of commission or omission, saying an act of contrition, and making a resolution for tomorrow. Begin with a prayer to the Holy Spirit for light. If you form this habit, you will not “forget” what you need to confess, and it will help you stop obsessing about previously confessed sins.

 

[7violinS]

I agree with your post but would this be reason enough to wait until another confession before taking the eucharist? Does it mean I’m still in a state of mortal sin?

 

[mommyof4]

Yes, you’re being scrupulous. Don’t pick apart your confession - it will only drive you nuts.

 

[Eireann]

I agree with your post but would this be reason enough to wait until another confession before taking the eucharist? Does it mean I’m still in a state of mortal sin?

CCC 1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: “Mortal sin is sin whose object is **grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge **and deliberate consent.”

 

[ricmat]

I believe that if you intended to mention all your sins in confession, but forgot one or more, even those are forgiven. You should receive the Eucharist.

If you happen to remember the ones you forgot, mention it at your next confession.

 

[7violinS]

These posts help subside my fears a bit but I’m still terribly unsure. I ignored the nagging feeling and kept trying to confess all my mortal sins. I assumed I had mentioned it and ignored that nagging feeling but now it’s eating me alive.

 

[mommyof4]

Violin, you have to banish these thoughts, just as you would any other temptation. If you dwell on them, you will go nuts. Just know that you did your best, and trust in Jesus. Jesus is so pleased with you for going to confession and doing the best job that you could. He does not demand perfection from us in the confessional. He wants a humble, contrite heart, and I have a feeling that you have one.

 

[7violinS]

Thank you for your post mommyof4. I really am terribly scrupulous. So it would only be wrong if I had a specific sin in mind and puposely chose to withold it? What if I wasn’t sure if I’d said it already and just assumed I had?

 

[mommyof4]

It is only wrong if you can swear before almighty God Himself that you deliberatly and willfully with forethought, withheld that sin in the confessional.

I really doubt that you did.

Instead of focusing on the possible negatives of your confession, remember what our Lord said about all of heaven rejoicing when a sinner repents. Just imagine that there is a party going on up in heaven in your honor, and in honor of everyone else who has repented of their sins today! The heavenly hosts are HAPPY for you! They want you to rejoice with them, not put a damper on the party!

God is so please with you for repenting your sins, and trying to live a life that is pleasing to Him. Remember, he is looking for every excuse to save you, because He loves you so much. He wants you to be in heaven with you forever. He is not a legalistic jerk looking for loopholes in your confession. He knows that you have a contrite heart, and that you have a firm puropse of ammendment.

REJOICE!

Next time you go to confession, try saying this prayer:

Prayer to Make a Good Confession
Loving Father, I need your help to do something that is very hard for me. I am about to make
my confession and I ask you to calm my fears. I am afraid that I will not say all my sins. Take
that fear from me. I am afraid I will not confess things properly. Take that fear from me. I am
afraid the priest will not understand and it will be my fault. Take that fear from me. I am afraid
that I will try to justify myself in the eyes of the priest. Take that fear from me. I am afraid the
priest will be impatient with me. Take that fear from me. Give my confessor grace, strength,
and wisdom as he hears my confession. Give me confidence in your love and mercy as I
make my confession.

---

 

[aetratus]

Am I being scrupulous?

Short answer: Yes. Or as a good priest once wrote me, “Stop treating God like a bean-counter!”

I’ll quote from two sources of some repute:

Those who are unreasonably scrupulous should not make a general confession without the express sanction of their confessor. They should obey him like good children and make frequent acts of contrition, and refrain from excessive examination of their conscience.

…scrupulous persons and those who have often made general Confessions should not attempt to make a general Confession. Such persons worry the priest. They say to themselves, “Well, if I am allowed to make a general Confession now, I shall be satisfied.” But if they are allowed to make it, they will be as dissatisfied as ever.

And by way of defining a General Confession:

…what’s known as a “General Confession,” which includes sins of one’s entire life…

A general confession is the telling of the sins of our whole life or a great part of it. It is made in the same manner as an ordinary confession, except that it requires more time and longer preparation.

Based on what you stated and how you stated it, it seems you intended to confess every last mortal sin and then some. Moreover, you intended to confess “mortal sins I remembered from years ago,” which would probably make it a “general confession.” You had a list and were rambling, and I sincerely doubt the priest who heard your confession was unaware of these facts: he knew you were attempting a thoroughgoing general confession and took this into account.

The scrupulous are usually admonished not to make general confessions. The same faculties of the mind which empower one to make a general confession they are already overusing, sometimes to the partial or total exclusion of reason and honest recollection. The “nagging feelings,” then, of a scrupulous person attempting a general confession are rightly viewed as a kind of incessant feedback loop, produced precisely by their own scrupulosity.

I am speaking not as a theologian, but as one who is also deeply prone to scrupulosity. I know not just from reading here and there, but from a lot of firsthand experience, that when a *scrupulous *person further indulges their scruples by striving to recall each and every moral failure, they risk making a god out of their own disordered mind. Like every other disordered passion, scruples ought to be fled (not fed) so they may wither and die.

OK, now for the practical bit: try to recall anything and everything the priest said to you in the course of your confession. I seriously doubt the priest said nothing. In fact if you think about it as a conversation, you will probably realize the priest was guiding you the whole time. And in point of fact, it is Jesus who was guiding you both.

To quote again from one of the links above: “The best proof of true sorrow is a change of life. When a man immediately falls into the sins which he has just confessed, almost without a struggle to guard against such a fall, there is reason to fear that he had no true sorrow. But when a man carefully watches over himself, tries to shun the dangerous occasions of sin, and prays fervently for graces to keep from sinning, we can reasonably hope that his was true sorrow such as God accepts.”

And here’s a good passage from holy scripture that I find especially comforting when my scruples start getting to me.

You’re in my prayers.

 

[megangamble]

OK…I have a couple questions that deal with this topic. I never knew what being scrupulous was until last night I was reading through some threads about confession because I am about to go next week when our normal priest gets back from vacation. I have obsessive compulsive disorder and it makes me have constant worry anyways and then I read this and now I am questioning all kinds of things. I was told in 2nd grade that you are supposed to tell the priest how many times you’ve done a certain sin but for some reason I forgot all about that and haven’t been telling the priest how many times…he never asks so I don’t know if that’s a sin or what? Another thing is, a long time ago I had a hard time with a couple of my sins and admitting to a priest that I had done them so I just omitted them from my confessions with out knowing that withholding the sins was a sin in itself and actually made my confession invalid. I heard somewhere that if you don’t know it’s a sin…it really isn’t? I was just wondering that since I didn’t know that keeping a couple sins from my priest was a sin if I really was sinning? For my confession coming up in about a week I was thinking that I should tell the priest that in that past I did not understand that was a sin and then confess it? And I was going to also explain to him about the whole “how many times” thing? Also, before I go to confession I always sit and write out my sins so I don’t forget them in the confessional…if I do forget things and intend to be completely honest and confess everything…I shouldn’t worry about my confession being invalid right? This is long lol…but ever since last night I have been a little concerned and I have been so excited about going to confession and getting right with God and now I’m kinda nervous Can anyone help me with these questions?

 

[otjm]

Am I being scrupulous? Am I forgiven even though I may have subconsiencly left out a grave sin?

Answers: yes, and Yes.

Short comment: who would want to kep you away from Communion?

The devil.

Get the hint?

In all seriousness, if scurpulosity is not a mental illness, it is close enough that one may not be able to effectively tell the difference. If you suffer from this, first of all you need to get a confessor who understands and can deal with this. Second, you need to follow his advice literally and completely. Third, get counseling, as this is a hugh and heavy burden to carry. You cannot resolve this on your own. Get help and follow it.

 

[baltobetsy]

Can anyone help me with these questions?

OK, first the “how many times” thing. If the priest has not been asking you, you can forget about it. Just start doing it now.

Concealing sins does invalidate your confession, IF they were mortal sins. You should simply tell the priest exactly what happened and he will guide you about how to make it right. When you leave the confessional, it will be all straightened out.

Forgetting a sin when you honestly try to remember everything is not a problem. It is forgiven along with the others. Just bring it up the next time you remember it.

Now, the most important thing is to make sure your priest understands about your OCD, because it will make a big difference in the help and advice he gives you. Scrupulosity goes hand in hand with OCD, and the correct advice for scrupulous people is often the opposite of what is proper for penitents without those problems.

The next most important thing is to trust the priest and do exactly what he tells you, even if it seems too easy or otherwise doesn’t make sense to you.

Also, remember that the only sins you really need to be concerned about in Confession, as far as validity, are mortal sins. It is a very good thing to confess venial sins, but not strictly necessary, so if you omit them out of embarrassment or whatever, your Confession is still valid. Ask the priest to help you if you need to distinguish between mortal and venial sins.

God bless you.

Betsy

 

[JimG]

You are being scrupulous. Quit going back years to confess previous sins. Confess sins since your last confession only.
Turning over past confessions in your mind only feeds the scrupulosity. Stay in the present. God has forgiven your past sins.

 

[megangamble]

Betsy, Thanks so much for helping with my questions. I feel a lot better now about going to confession. I think the best thing for me to do is just trust that God wants to forgive me! If I go into confession with the intent to confess all my sins completely, ask for fogiveness and make a serious and meaningful act of contrition…that I will be forgiven. This website is like…the best thing ever!
Thanks again!
Feeling MUCH better!

 

[baltobetsy]

I think the best thing for me to do is just trust that God wants to forgive me! If I go into confession with the intent to confess all my sins completely, ask for fogiveness and make a serious and meaningful act of contrition…that I will be forgiven.

You are so right! Good for you.

Betsy