R
Rachel_1
Guest
I have a big problem, well, maybe not, because I know with God all things are possible-so it may just ‘seem’ to be a big problem.
Ok, background (you’ll always need background with me because I’ve had an odd sort of life lol)-
I married my husband in 2005, outside the Church, in a pagan handfasting. God brought me into the Church in a supernatural sort of way- 2 months after our handfasting I had a massive heart attack and had a near death experience and later on other things happnened which lead me straight to the Catholic Church (including huge desire to pray the Rosary and dreams in which I was being straight up told that I should be Catholic).
During RCIA we thought that it was going to take years for me to go through annulments etc but out of the blue the Tribunal came back with a decision in like a week on my previous marriages and cleared me.
Ok, so all of a sudden, I’m being rushed through RCIA (I was already Baptized Catholic) for the Sacraments. In order to do so, I had to have my first Confession, then Convalidate my marriage the next day, then my first Communion.
Before the Convalidation I felt REALLY strongly like maybe I shouldn’t go through with it - I even have a thread here about it I think somewhere. People tried to warn me etc. I kept praying and praying and it finally hit me that if I don’t go through with the Convalidation I won’t be able to have my first Communion and I wanted that SO MUCH that I felt like I was supposed to go through with the Convalidation no matter how difficult my life would be.
I felt like I had a call to religious life (even as a child but ignored it), and again before the Convalidation I felt it… and it never went away after the Convalidation… I still feel it (I think I have a thread about that too lol-- I was told in that thread that if I really had a call to religious life that God wouldn’t have allowed the Convalidation to go through?).
So God has called me to pray… pray A LOT. I pray the LOTH, and a bunch of different devotions daily. I feel I have call to do penance and reparation. I have been looking at 3rd orders etc as someone in the thread about my feeling called to religious life suggested, but whenever I do, I catch myself looking at cloistered orders and think how wonderful it would be to give vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. I see videos of profession of vows and cry etc. Onto my problem that I’m writing about today–
My husband today made a point to hint at the fact that he’s thinking of leaving me because I “pray too much” and “only talk about religion and God”. While we did have relations shortly after our Convalidation (we had lived as brother/sister before that), we haven’t had relations in a long while (he hasn’t wanted to I guess… he doesn’t really talk to me).
Well, after he started talking like that I explained that the only reason I talk to him about God is because as it stands now, he’s going to hell (I am pretty much straight up honest with him), and that I love him and as his wife it’s my duty to look out for his spiritual welfare, not to mention I love him. After I said all that I asked if he even cared, and he just shrugged his shoulders.
One more thing, before I went through with the Convalidation I did mention to my RCIA director that I wasn’t sure I should go through with the Convalidation, she told my priest who asked me about it, but by the time he asked me I was scared that if I didn’t go through with it, that I would never get my first Communion.
Yea, I know, I should have thought this through much more, I’m at fault for this entire mess. To be fair though, before the Convalidation I sent my husband all sorts of stuff on what the Sacrament of Marriage is and stuff, I guess trying to make sure it was truely a Sacrament.
I just don’t know what to do. A huge part of me feels that I shouldn’t have went through with the Convalidation because I was supposed to go into religious life… because this feeling just won’t leave me alone and now my husband is starting to hate me because I’m “too holy”.
~sigh~
Ok, background (you’ll always need background with me because I’ve had an odd sort of life lol)-
I married my husband in 2005, outside the Church, in a pagan handfasting. God brought me into the Church in a supernatural sort of way- 2 months after our handfasting I had a massive heart attack and had a near death experience and later on other things happnened which lead me straight to the Catholic Church (including huge desire to pray the Rosary and dreams in which I was being straight up told that I should be Catholic).
During RCIA we thought that it was going to take years for me to go through annulments etc but out of the blue the Tribunal came back with a decision in like a week on my previous marriages and cleared me.
Ok, so all of a sudden, I’m being rushed through RCIA (I was already Baptized Catholic) for the Sacraments. In order to do so, I had to have my first Confession, then Convalidate my marriage the next day, then my first Communion.
Before the Convalidation I felt REALLY strongly like maybe I shouldn’t go through with it - I even have a thread here about it I think somewhere. People tried to warn me etc. I kept praying and praying and it finally hit me that if I don’t go through with the Convalidation I won’t be able to have my first Communion and I wanted that SO MUCH that I felt like I was supposed to go through with the Convalidation no matter how difficult my life would be.
I felt like I had a call to religious life (even as a child but ignored it), and again before the Convalidation I felt it… and it never went away after the Convalidation… I still feel it (I think I have a thread about that too lol-- I was told in that thread that if I really had a call to religious life that God wouldn’t have allowed the Convalidation to go through?).
So God has called me to pray… pray A LOT. I pray the LOTH, and a bunch of different devotions daily. I feel I have call to do penance and reparation. I have been looking at 3rd orders etc as someone in the thread about my feeling called to religious life suggested, but whenever I do, I catch myself looking at cloistered orders and think how wonderful it would be to give vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. I see videos of profession of vows and cry etc. Onto my problem that I’m writing about today–
My husband today made a point to hint at the fact that he’s thinking of leaving me because I “pray too much” and “only talk about religion and God”. While we did have relations shortly after our Convalidation (we had lived as brother/sister before that), we haven’t had relations in a long while (he hasn’t wanted to I guess… he doesn’t really talk to me).
Well, after he started talking like that I explained that the only reason I talk to him about God is because as it stands now, he’s going to hell (I am pretty much straight up honest with him), and that I love him and as his wife it’s my duty to look out for his spiritual welfare, not to mention I love him. After I said all that I asked if he even cared, and he just shrugged his shoulders.
One more thing, before I went through with the Convalidation I did mention to my RCIA director that I wasn’t sure I should go through with the Convalidation, she told my priest who asked me about it, but by the time he asked me I was scared that if I didn’t go through with it, that I would never get my first Communion.
Yea, I know, I should have thought this through much more, I’m at fault for this entire mess. To be fair though, before the Convalidation I sent my husband all sorts of stuff on what the Sacrament of Marriage is and stuff, I guess trying to make sure it was truely a Sacrament.
I just don’t know what to do. A huge part of me feels that I shouldn’t have went through with the Convalidation because I was supposed to go into religious life… because this feeling just won’t leave me alone and now my husband is starting to hate me because I’m “too holy”.
~sigh~
