Problems I worry about in Isolation

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Semper_Zelare

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I’ve been meaning to post here in the last couple of days. [bear with me, I’ve got a lot to get off my chest]

I don’t know if I’m depressed or what. Sometimes I feel like I am. But, I think that somehow I just have a knack for letting my problems to just pile and pile up. And I get so stressed out, that it’s depressing.

After I got back from my first year in college (after the tornado that is, which was traumatic itself), I had to live at my dad’s apartment, and there’s absolutely no room. But, I really have no where to go because I’m fed up with my friends.

My 3 best friends are all evangelical Protestants; and they have a 4 hour debate with me one night (as has happened at least 8 or 9 other times over the course of our 5 year friendship). And I leave saying I’ll get back to them on the issue they raised (I have since found the answer to it)… however I haven’t shared it with them.

I’m really non-committal towards them now. Several other times in our friendship I was about done with them bc I get attacked for being Catholic. Sufficing to say: I’d rather take my laptop and spend my time alone in the public library, then spend time with these friends at the moment.

If all this weren’t enough; my mom moved out of state a few months ago, and my brother shipped off to the Navy, so I can’t spend time with them anymore.

So, I end up with all my problems as just a loner. To deal with by myself.

And my biggest problem that I’m worrying about now, is that I’m going to a non-denominational 2 month long retreat this summer in 3 weeks from now. Except the first 2 times I tell my parents I say: “I’m probably going to go on a Summer training program with the Navigators”… which is what it’s called, and the group that does it. But my dad thinks it’s a business internship (bc I am working and getting paid at it)… but its not. It’s a Christian fellowship type deal that is paid for by me working during it. But… since he was so proud of me going to a business internship, I started lying to him and said it was an internship. Bc I know he would be disappointed if it turned out that I was spending my whole summer with a Christian group, rather than say, learning about how the corporate world works.

Anyways, it quickly got to the point, where I couldn’t easily fix the situation. If I tell him the truth even now, he’ll probably not want me to go. But moreover his son has been lying to him for 2 months.

So…
  1. I’m living in a small apartment with my dad and stepmom, I’m basically living out of suitcases, and most of what I own is in storage now.
  2. I’ve had it up to here: :banghead::mad::takethat::okpeople: :nunchuk: with my closest friends… the only ones I really hang out with; so I’ve got no friends to see, and when I get out of the apartment I’m just spending time alone (and wasting my very limited gas and money).
  3. And most importantly, I’ve been lying to my dad for a while now. And, If I don’t somehow raise the money to go… or they just be lenient and make me pay later, then I won’t be able to go. And I’ll have to explain to my dad what happened; and I’ll have to spend the remaining 3 months of summer with NOTHING to do. With the lasting disappointment of my father. As in: I’m disappointed you don’t have the backbone to talk to me straight.
And if all that wasn’t enough, my dad and stepmom recently stopped going to church at the Catholic Church, and are now going to a Methodist one instead. Causing me to worry about going to church with them or else pretending to sleep while they leave, and then going alone to the Catholic Church on Sunday.

I really hope that last bit sinks in enough to describe that my parents really don’t read that much into religion. They want a lively and enthusiastic pastor who has a “really good” message, and good worship music too. Rather than hold any theological beliefs about which church they go to. And this happened before they went to the Catholic Church as well. They go through periods of “Church shopping”…

So, that’s what my parents do. My friends I’ve already said are evangelical Southern Baptists. And I’ve never had any friends in real life to share my Catholic faith with. I’ve never been good enough friends with the FEW Catholics I’ve known to ever talk about faith with them.

I have lists of problems like these all the time.
And in my entire life It’s pretty much just been me and God vs. all of them. The saying is: “No man can be an island”. In my opinion, if a man is an island, then he has considerable stress, indecisiveness, loneliness, and characteristics of depression.

I’ve thought multiple times in this past year about seeking out therapy, but I don’t have the money.

So, I’m turning to this forum for advice and answers. (I didn’t put this in the prayer section because I don’t know what to do and I need to talk to other people, I need (name removed by moderator)ut). But prayers are welcome as well.

Sincerely,
David IE: Semper Zelare

P.S.
I don’t know if this belongs here. But, I wanted to post on CAF instead of Enotalone, a depression forum. Which I’ve posted on a few times, but isn’t really helpful IMO
 
Hi David,

First, sorry about all the devastation that the tornadoes caused you and your state. Glad that you were not hurt!

Do have some advice for you, based on lessons that I’ve learned myself or stories of friends who’ve experienced similar situations.

Don’t worry about what your friends or parents/family think about going to Mass at your local Catholic church. I’m not great at quoting Scripture like our Protestant/non-denominational brothers/sisters are, but there is that passage in the Gospel about leaving your family behind to follow Jesus. And being a follower of Jesus will bring on much ridicule. So you need to stay true to your Faith and you’re an adult who can drive/walk/take bus to your church on Sunday.

I would get involved more at your local Catholic church/community. Do they have a “Young Adult” club or group? If not, is there a University in your town? If so, check to see if they have a “Newman Center” which serves the Catholic students there. If you do not attend that particular university, you’ll still be welcome at that Newman Center. The NC here at Univ. of Arizona welcomes those from the local community college district and any young adult who wants to attend/be involved.

Getting into arguments with fundamentalist Christians can be a no-win situation, unless you know a lot about Catholic theology and are prepared to counter it with sound theological arguments/explanations/comebacks. If these friends of yours are good friends (aside from the belief differences), it might be a good idea to try to focus on the similarities of beliefs (we all believe that Jesus died and suffered for our sins and rose again to give us new life) and so on. I would go online and Google “Dr. Scott Hahn” and “Dr. Jeff Cavins”…these two were both anti-Catholics and ministers who converted to Catholicism–particularly Scott Hahn. I would try to keep doctrinal differences/discussions to the minimum.

If you’re friends like to argue about how ‘wrong’ our faith is and so on and won’t let it rest, you should start decreasing your time with them, and increasing your time with Catholic friends. (And this is why I am suggesting that you get involved/active at either a Newman Center or your local Catholic Church’s Young Adult programs). You’re young…you might feel that these friends are the only ones out there and you don’t want lose them–but you become like those you hang out with, and if you want to remain and grow stronger in your Catholic faith, you need to hang out with other Catholics.

Regarding your housing situation…if there is a Newman Center there, there are often students looking for roommates. Yeah, summer is here, but there are summer classes. Or…find a part time job when you return from your summer retreat to pay for apartment rent.

There’s no need to lie to your dad. You should straight up tell him the truth. If he has a problem with it–it is his problem, not yours. You’re an adult! If you want to go on this retreat–it is your decision. Living under the same roof makes these types of decisions harder…that is why I think you need to focus on moving out…either on your own or finding another Catholic to roommate with.

Being Catholic is very hard in today’s world. And I would imagine that it is much harder in your part of the country. But it is much to be admired and I pray that you will stay the course. Continue going to Catholic Mass (whether you have to ride bus/walk if necessary), get involved with a Newman Center or Young Adult group (at the Catholic Church) and continue learning about your Faith.

God Bless,

Barbara
 
Oh yeah, I forgot…regarding Counseling.

Talk to the office at your local Catholic church. They have counselors who will work with you at no/low cost! I myself go to a counselor at my church on a ‘sliding scale’–they will work with you financially!!!

–Barbara
 
You have been given some excellent advice. Be straight up with your Dad and step Mom. Sit down at the dinner table tonight and have a chat about things. You should open up to them and in return they should open up to you. Tell them of your Retreat plans and why you have been reluctant to disclose the facts. Discuss your faith issues and be upfront with them. Ask them why they are no longer going to Mass. Don’t be confrontational, but inquisitive. You are beginning to see that true friendship IS hard to find. Your Dad and step Mom should see that you are a mature adult and be able to discuss anything with you. Be open and inviting. Be strong in your faith. You are at the age where you really need to pick up the catechism and get yourself a study Bible and really learn what the Catholic Church is all about. You will be able to hold your ground against fundamentalists. It is truly a worthwhile endeavor. Make it a point to daily sit down with your Dad and step Mom over coffee or whatever and have open dialog. You will begin to see that they enjoy it as much as you will.
 
Hi David,

You have been given good advice, and I will confirm that.

First of all, your friends are not true friends if they do not recognize your dignity as a person and keep trying to change your mind about your beliefs. It appears to me that they are not open to true dialogue, but just want to keep at you until you “bend” to their way of thinking. Our Lord told us that we would be hated because of him. Search for good Catholic friends who are supportive. There is strength in community!

Our Lord will not leave us orphans as long as we go before him in prayer daily. Good spiritual reading, and a young adult group can help much so that you are not alone. Also, a good priest that you can talk freely to will help much.

Lying causes stress. Straighten that all out as soon as possible, even though you may be confronted with criticism because of it. Ask the Holy Spirit beforehand to help you in this. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth and will not abandon you. Ask for the wisdom and fortitude you need to withstand the discomfort that may come with this. Afterwards, you will feel relieved and it will be easier to think of what you can do next. Our Lord’s grace in the Sacraments are needed for your strength.

If we sincerely want to be a friend of the Lord, He will not leave us orphans. He is there to help us every step of the way.

“All things work unto good for those who love God.” God is on your side, stay with Him!

Peace,

Dorothy
 
One of the hardest things about growing up is that you come to realise that life is just full of problems big and small, and that when each problem is solved it is replace by another. But then the wise notice that that when there are no problems that life is boring and unstimulating, and that is in itself is a problem. So even having no problems is a problem.

When we are children and have parents we solve our problems and then when they get too hard we shovel them over to Mum and Dad. We then relax because we understand that they will deal with the problem for us.

But when we grow up, Mum and Dad no longer solve our problems for us and we are expected to solve our own problems. This is when great anxiety and worry sets in for a young person. They worry that they will not be able to shoulder the burden of their problems.

The truth is. YOU CAN’T. We all eventually will have a problem we can’t handle. It’s at that time that we must hand them to God our Father to deal with. Then we must have faith that our Father in heaven will solve our problem. We had faith in our human fathers when we were children. How much more should we have faith in our all powerful Father in heaven. So this is why faith is so very important. Once we have faith, trust and confidence in our Father in heaven, we can hand over all our problems which are too hard for us and he will solve them for us.

You see, problems are usually not as bad as they seem, its the anxiety which we stir up over our problems which make our problems seem all the more serious. Why is why Jesus said “Take no anxious care for tomorrow”

Here is a wonderful scripture for any young man. That helped me a lot when I was a worrying young man

*Care and Anxiety

Matt 6:25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? 26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? 27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: 29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? 31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. 33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.*

So fear and anxiety is driving a lot of your problems. You are afraid that you will not make friends to replace the ones that you have grown distant from. You are afraid of what your father will say when you finally tell him the truth. Worried what your parents will think if you go to the Catholic church while they go off the Methodist.

So really these are not big problems in the scheme of things. The course of action is quite simple.
  1. Come clean with your father about your lying, and apologise.
  2. Come clean with your parents and tell them that from now on you will be attending the Catholic church.
  3. Get involved with the church and make new friends in the catholic church.
  4. Seek advice and encouragement from a priest.
One last thing about therapists.
Save your money and if you have any spare money put it in the plate at church.
 
I have been through a similar situation, and I think I know where you are and how you are feeling. I went to a Catholic university and was a theology major in hopes of working for the church, most likely in religious ministry, perhaps the priesthood. I had alot of friends at the university and was active in alot of extracurricular ministry. I had just finished my first semester junior year when my father came to pick me up for Christmas break(I went to an out of state college–about a three or four hour drive). To make a long story short, my parents were having marriage problems and had separated. My father had the expense of his new living quarters and my mother was going to a therapist, and that pretty much ate up all the money that my parents had to pay for my second semester. The deal was that I paid for the first semester with student loans and money earned during summer vacation, and they would pay for the second semester. Needless to say, the money for the second semester was not there, and my dad said to pack it up and bring it all home, at the very worst we’d merely bring it all back. But that was a long time ago, and I’m sad to report that I never went back, nor did I ever finish my education.
My mother was hurt and distraught because my dad had had an affair, which was the reason why they had separated. He was still seeing the woman. My mom pretty much told me within a week after returning home that she wanted me to move out. I didn’t even have a job, nor did I own a car, and there was no car available for me to borrow. So not only did I have to contend with the interruption of my education and the inability to do anything about my future goals, but now I was pretty much reduced to the level of sheer survival. I was not able to find a good job. I worked at Wendy’s slinging burgers and they would only give me 20 hours a week. I got a job at a steak house bussing tables, and likewise could only get about a 20 hour week.
It was a sore blow to my pride to work at these jobs. In retrospect I think it was good for my soul to suffer this type of humiliation but at the time I hated the idea of being 23 years old and working at a fast food joint, or bussing tables. My mom kept giving me deadlines to move out, and yet she demanded about 75% of my net pay for rent and so I was never able to buy a car. Getting a better job depended on the purchase of a car, and cars aren’t cheap. Needless to say, I was in a rut and there was no way out. The first deadline was February and the rest of my family intervened, telling my mom that I was in a near impossible situation and to give me more time to work things out. By June I was no closer to saving a dime for a car then when I’d first returned from college. There were only a limited number of jobs that I could walk to and none of them offered full time hours. In July I moved out of my mother’s house and went to live with my grandmother, who let me stay with her for a very small rent payment and within five months I’d bought a car.
Believe me, it gets worse, but I’m not writing my biography here. The point I’m trying to make is that other people have experienced similar problems to your own and I know how depressing it can be. I made alot of mistakes. One thing I did was focus on success to the exclusion of my relationship with God(and the church). Scripture says to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. Well, I put “all these thing” before the Kingdom of God and was completely miserable for doing it. I was so focused on my life in the material realm that I never realized how important my life was in the spiritual. The spiritual life is your foundation. That foundation is what every other aspect of your life MUST be built upon. I was afraid of alot of things, not the least of which was homelessness, and I made choices that were based not on the desire to please God but on a fear of suffering.
I actually did become homeless but it wasn’t so bad. I drew very near to God during that time. Reference St. Francis of Assisi for further info. However, the homelessness came about when I realized that when faced with the choice of obedience to God or destitution, that I MUST choose obedience to God. Many people aren’t faced with those kinds of choices so it’s hard to really comprehend what it’s like unless you’ve been there. Ultimately you decide that your relationship with God is PRIMARY and NOTHING comes before it. It took me many years to learn this. I suffered much. Much of what I suffered I suffered despite every means I could muster to avoid that suffering. The truth was that if I chose faithfulness to God it meant uncertainty and I chose safety and security rather than obey God. God, however, does not allow the idols to stand in His temple and so they all got knocked down. I eventually bought a car and it broke down so many times, and I lost jobs because of my inability to keep adequate transportation, but God never abandoned me. I however, turned away from God and from the Church. I don’t blame the circumstances. The circumstances were hard but I had a choice, and I made the wrong one, more than once.
This is getting long and I don’t know if there is a character limit to these posts, so in the interests of brevity I’ll tell you to PRAY. Stay faithful to the Catholic church and don’t let yourself be manipulated by friendly and well meaning people who offer alternatives. I know from experience that there are no alternatives to the Catholic church. I left twice for non denominational or Protestant churches and was spiritually hungry no matter what church I attended.

There’s alot more I could say but I’ll wait for a response before I say any more.
 
barbfromtucson said:
Hi David,

First, sorry about all the devastation that the tornadoes caused you and your state. Glad that you were not hurt!

Do have some advice for you, based on lessons that I’ve learned myself or stories of friends who’ve experienced similar situations.

Don’t worry about what your friends or parents/family think about going to Mass at your local Catholic church. I’m not great at quoting Scripture like our Protestant/non-denominational brothers/sisters are, but there is that passage in the Gospel about leaving your family behind to follow Jesus. And being a follower of Jesus will bring on much ridicule. So you need to stay true to your Faith and you’re an adult who can drive/walk/take bus to your church on Sunday.

I would get involved more at your local Catholic church/community. Do they have a “Young Adult” club or group? If not, is there a University in your town? If so, check to see if they have a “Newman Center” which serves the Catholic students there. If you do not attend that particular university, you’ll still be welcome at that Newman Center. The NC here at Univ. of Arizona welcomes those from the local community college district and any young adult who wants to attend/be involved.

Getting into arguments with fundamentalist Christians can be a no-win situation, unless you know a lot about Catholic theology and are prepared to counter it with sound theological arguments/explanations/comebacks. If these friends of yours are good friends (aside from the belief differences), it might be a good idea to try to focus on the similarities of beliefs (we all believe that Jesus died and suffered for our sins and rose again to give us new life) and so on. I would go online and Google “Dr. Scott Hahn” and “Dr. Jeff Cavins”…these two were both anti-Catholics and ministers who converted to Catholicism–particularly Scott Hahn. I would try to keep doctrinal differences/discussions to the minimum.

If you’re friends like to argue about how ‘wrong’ our faith is and so on and won’t let it rest, you should start decreasing your time with them, and increasing your time with Catholic friends. (And this is why I am suggesting that you get involved/active at either a Newman Center or your local Catholic Church’s Young Adult programs). You’re young…you might feel that these friends are the only ones out there and you don’t want lose them–but you become like those you hang out with, and if you want to remain and grow stronger in your Catholic faith, you need to hang out with other Catholics.

Regarding your housing situation…if there is a Newman Center there, there are often students looking for roommates. Yeah, summer is here, but there are summer classes. Or…find a part time job when you return from your summer retreat to pay for apartment rent.

There’s no need to lie to your dad. You should straight up tell him the truth. If he has a problem with it–it is his problem, not yours. You’re an adult! If you want to go on this retreat–it is your decision. Living under the same roof makes these types of decisions harder…that is why I think you need to focus on moving out…either on your own or finding another Catholic to roommate with.

Being Catholic is very hard in today’s world. And I would imagine that it is much harder in your part of the country. But it is much to be admired and I pray that you will stay the course. Continue going to Catholic Mass (whether you have to ride bus/walk if necessary), get involved with a Newman Center or Young Adult group (at the Catholic Church) and continue learning about your Faith.

God Bless,

Barbara
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Thank you so much Barbara for your post.

I was much more upbeat today. But, I really don’t think that I’m depressed or anything. I just have such struggles that I face; and it’s just so burdensome.

I did see my friends today. And its the 2nd time I’ve seen them where none of us even brought up anything religious. But… then again; both times I’m smart enough to perceive slights or “glancing barbs” … as best as I can call them, where my friends may give each other looks or something for instance, if there’s a Catholic joke on a tv show or something… it certainly doesn’t help.

But, at the end of the day, I’ve been much more angry at them in the past, I’ve had much more intense debates and arguments in the past… and we eventually “bury the hatchet” at least for a long while after these incidents. So, they’re definitely good friends to me… we’d probably be “the best man” at each other’s wedding type level.

But, it is disparaging that I don’t have any Catholic friends. I have another post on here lamenting that for like 5 or 6 weeks I hung out with people at the Newman Center at UA, and everyone was kind of in their own groups (like groups of Seniors and stuff), so long story short, I’ll just try harder this next year to get to know people there.

I’m particularly encouraged because I plan on starting RCIA this fall to receive my confirmation. (Which… I never receieved because my parents stopped taking us to Sunday School on the year me and my brother would’ve been confirmed). Anyways…

I guess, I just really, really want to grow up. When I’m my own man, and I’m living on my own with my own job. Life is going to be sweet.
 
Dorothy said:
Hi David,

Our Lord told us that we would be hated because of him. Search for good Catholic friends who are supportive. There is strength in community!

Our Lord will not leave us orphans as long as we go before him in prayer daily. Good spiritual reading, and a young adult group can help much so that you are not alone. Also, a good priest that you can talk freely to will help much.

Lying causes stress. Straighten that all out as soon as possible, even though you may be confronted with criticism because of it. Ask the Holy Spirit beforehand to help you in this. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Truth and will not abandon you. Ask for the wisdom and fortitude you need to withstand the discomfort that may come with this. Afterwards, you will feel relieved and it will be easier to think of what you can do next. Our Lord’s grace in the Sacraments are needed for your strength.
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Thanks Dorothy as well…
I certainly know how important Community is. Mainly because I have an acute lack of it in my life.

As for lying… I’m honestly scared of what my father will do. He disowned my one brother (from a prior marriage) and hasn’t spoken to him since (which is like 20 years ago. So… I know the truth would be easier. But, at the very least, I’m going to take this as a learning experience to always say what I mean and mean what I say, and not be a people pleaser and give people what they want to hear.

I’m much more upbeat today. I worked up the courage to ask my dad if I could visit my mom. And I’ll be seeing her next week… for the first time since February. Furthermore, my one grandmother is up in Ohio, and she is still the type to take part in perpetual adoration at her Church. So, I’ll get to talk to her about my faith at least.

Before I leave on Sunday I’ll be going to Church by myself, while my dad goes to the United Methodist church.
 
Thanks also for your responses Excubitor and Theophilus777

I really don’t get to open up to people about stuff like this much [probably the lack of community I mentioned in my life]

Next year I’m not rooming with a Catholic. But, I can tell that he’s got a lot of Catholics in his family. And moreover, I can tell he’s gone through a lot of the same stuff I have: not having more than a few friends in highschool/ or at college. So, I think we both really need someone for support, so I’m really looking forward to it.

Excubitor, you really hit it on the head when you say my problems are fear and anxiety related. And, I’m glad you quoted Matthew 6. I’ve prayed through it a few times; but not enough apparently LOL 🙂

… I just don’t know if I’m courageous enough to do all of what you’re saying yet. Which… for all my supposed “zeal” for the Church, I certainly fail time and again.

I am planning on talking to a priest or maybe some religious before my retreat this summer. I’m sure I’ll benefit from whatever they say.

And, Theophilus, thanks for your post. It’s stories like yours that are really inspiring that you were tested like that and still found God and his Church through all of it.

But, to an extent. When I see people suffering from the tornados, or the floods, or read other people’s struggles on this forum. In part it humbles me, and makes me think: well I haven’t got it that bad. I’ll soldier on through my problems alone, with God and me alone.

And, I’ve done that for all of my life that I can remember. Ever since like 6th grade in middleschool I’ve basically kept my faith to myself. And, there’s only so much a person can grow by themselves. Which, is why I participate in this non-denominational group, I really grow in it; and I’ve experienced almost no anti-Catholic sentiments (sure plenty of differentiating beliefs)… but I think it’s still very beneficial for me.

Thanks again for all your responses. I’ll probably keep responding to each and every post, just bc I really don’t get to tackle things like this with other people at all.

And, I think it’s humorous how all you “early risers” are giving a “night owl” like me all the responses LOL 😃

But again… I use the internet at night, because it’s the only time I can in this apartment. So… even though I don’t want to stay up this late, it’s really the only time I’ve got. (short of driving to Starbucks or the public library during the day… UGH.

Anyways, thanks again y’all. Good night.
 
So glad to hear that you’re taking to heart all of our advice.

Attend Mass at the NC…but also–try to get involved–like a Bible study or go to some of the ‘social’ events that they have. And if they have a retreat–consider it. (They will have financial assistance for the weekend if you can’t afford it). Going to Mass alone will not necessarily increase your “circle of friends”–it takes getting a little involved with the community. Just keep going, and over time, you’ll get those friends.

If you do the R.C.I.A. at the Newman Center–your ‘sponsor’ will open many doors for you there too!

Will keep you in prayer.

–Barbara
 
Semper_Zelare said:
Thanks Dorothy as well…
I certainly know how important Community is. Mainly because I have an acute lack of it in my life.

As for lying… I’m honestly scared of what my father will do. He disowned my one brother (from a prior marriage) and hasn’t spoken to him since (which is like 20 years ago. So… I know the truth would be easier. But, at the very least, I’m going to take this as a learning experience to always say what I mean and mean what I say, and not be a people pleaser and give people what they want to hear.

I’m much more upbeat today. I worked up the courage to ask my dad if I could visit my mom. And I’ll be seeing her next week… for the first time since February. Furthermore, my one grandmother is up in Ohio, and she is still the type to take part in perpetual adoration at her Church. So, I’ll get to talk to her about my faith at least.

Before I leave on Sunday I’ll be going to Church by myself, while my dad goes to the United Methodist church.
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“Semper”,

You certainly sound like you understand your needs! Prayers that you find in RCIA community that you are seeking.

Peace,

Dorothy
 
UGGGGHHH

So, rather than driving up to visit my mom for a week. I earlier promised I would see her for a week or a week and a half. My dad happened to be flying up in the next few weeks, but will only be staying for 2 days.

And he insists that, “well you wouldn’t have stayed more than 2 days anyways… because you would’ve been traveling for 4 days”. Which in itself is ridiculous. Because he’s the one who put the restriction on me of stopping somewhere half way rather than driving the 11 hours.

So, instead of driving up on Sunday, staying Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and driving down on Friday, or MAYBE on Saturday. Now… I’m going to fly up with my dad on Tuesday, I’ll get to spend part of Tuesday, Wednesday, and I bet any money that our return flight is Thursday.

And, I’m forced to do this because FIRST he tells me he won’t buy me a plane ticket to go visit my mom, so I say fine I’ll drive. Then just a while ago he ASKS me, “well do you have $200 for gas money, because I’m not giving you any”. To which I think I rightly responded, “No, I don’t have any money and you know that, THANKS A LOT”.

In any case, I’ll be going to Catholic Mass this Sunday.

If I said that, my priorities in life were Faith, Family, and Friends (in that order)… only one of those things isn’t a hindrance/ burdento me right now. UGH.
 
Semper_Zelare said:
UGGGGHHH

In any case, I’ll be going to Catholic Mass this Sunday.
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Yup… and 5 minutes after I post what happens. My dad booked a flight for TOMORROW, SUNDAY.

Life sucks. I can’t visit my mom for any length of time. I mean, I used to live with her for month long intervals, and that was in February. Now, I can’t even see her for more than 3 days. And… now I won’t even get to go to Church tomorrow. And, I’m POSITIVE that my dad and stepmom won’t be going to their church either.
 
Semper_Zelare said:
Yup… and 5 minutes after I post what happens. My dad booked a flight for TOMORROW, SUNDAY.

Life sucks. I can’t visit my mom for any length of time. I mean, I used to live with her for month long intervals, and that was in February. Now, I can’t even see her for more than 3 days. And… now I won’t even get to go to Church tomorrow. And, I’m POSITIVE that my dad and stepmom won’t be going to their church either.
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This is something out of your hands and you are not in a position to change anything of the circumstances.

So, if there is nothing you can do about it, just make acts of trust in the Lord’s plans and through prayer keep your eyes on him. All I can say is…and this is Scriptural: “All things work unto good for those who love God.”

Try not to dwell on the negative circumstances that you feel helpless in. Leave it to God to make the best of it. I promise to pray for you.

May you receive the Peace that only Jesus can give…

Dorothy
 
I will pray for you friend. Trails come into our life so that we can grow in faith. So take this as an opportunity to grow in faith. Stop lying to your father. You cannot receive the Eucharist and lie to your father at the same time. Man up and speak the truth to them and make your confession as well. Trust in God. “Strive even to death for the truth and the Lord God will fight for you.” (Sirach 4:28). When you’re on the side of truth, God will fight for you. So trust in God and speak the truth.
 
Semper_Zelare said:
I’ve been meaning to post here in the last couple of days. [bear with me, I’ve got a lot to get off my chest]

I don’t know if I’m depressed or what. Sometimes I feel like I am. But, I think that somehow I just have a knack for letting my problems to just pile and pile up. And I get so stressed out, that it’s depressing.

After I got back from my first year in college (after the tornado that is, which was traumatic itself), I had to live at my dad’s apartment, and there’s absolutely no room. But, I really have no where to go because I’m fed up with my friends.

My 3 best friends are all evangelical Protestants; and they have a 4 hour debate with me one night (as has happened at least 8 or 9 other times over the course of our 5 year friendship). And I leave saying I’ll get back to them on the issue they raised (I have since found the answer to it)… however I haven’t shared it with them.

I’m really non-committal towards them now. Several other times in our friendship I was about done with them bc I get attacked for being Catholic. Sufficing to say: I’d rather take my laptop and spend my time alone in the public library, then spend time with these friends at the moment.

If all this weren’t enough; my mom moved out of state a few months ago, and my brother shipped off to the Navy, so I can’t spend time with them anymore.

So, I end up with all my problems as just a loner. To deal with by myself.

And my biggest problem that I’m worrying about now, is that I’m going to a non-denominational 2 month long retreat this summer in 3 weeks from now. Except the first 2 times I tell my parents I say: “I’m probably going to go on a Summer training program with the Navigators”… which is what it’s called, and the group that does it. But my dad thinks it’s a business internship (bc I am working and getting paid at it)… but its not. It’s a Christian fellowship type deal that is paid for by me working during it. But… since he was so proud of me going to a business internship, I started lying to him and said it was an internship. Bc I know he would be disappointed if it turned out that I was spending my whole summer with a Christian group, rather than say, learning about how the corporate world works.

Anyways, it quickly got to the point, where I couldn’t easily fix the situation. If I tell him the truth even now, he’ll probably not want me to go. But moreover his son has been lying to him for 2 months.

So…
  1. I’m living in a small apartment with my dad and stepmom, I’m basically living out of suitcases, and most of what I own is in storage now.
  2. I’ve had it up to here: :banghead::mad::takethat::okpeople: :nunchuk: with my closest friends… the only ones I really hang out with; so I’ve got no friends to see, and when I get out of the apartment I’m just spending time alone (and wasting my very limited gas and money).
  3. And most importantly, I’ve been lying to my dad for a while now. And, If I don’t somehow raise the money to go… or they just be lenient and make me pay later, then I won’t be able to go. And I’ll have to explain to my dad what happened; and I’ll have to spend the remaining 3 months of summer with NOTHING to do. With the lasting disappointment of my father. As in: I’m disappointed you don’t have the backbone to talk to me straight.
And if all that wasn’t enough, my dad and stepmom recently stopped going to church at the Catholic Church, and are now going to a Methodist one instead. Causing me to worry about going to church with them or else pretending to sleep while they leave, and then going alone to the Catholic Church on Sunday.

I really hope that last bit sinks in enough to describe that my parents really don’t read that much into religion. They want a lively and enthusiastic pastor who has a “really good” message, and good worship music too. Rather than hold any theological beliefs about which church they go to. And this happened before they went to the Catholic Church as well. They go through periods of “Church shopping”…

So, that’s what my parents do. My friends I’ve already said are evangelical Southern Baptists. And I’ve never had any friends in real life to share my Catholic faith with. I’ve never been good enough friends with the FEW Catholics I’ve known to ever talk about faith with them.

I have lists of problems like these all the time.
And in my entire life It’s pretty much just been me and God vs. all of them. The saying is: “No man can be an island”. In my opinion, if a man is an island, then he has considerable stress, indecisiveness, loneliness, and characteristics of depression.

I’ve thought multiple times in this past year about seeking out therapy, but I don’t have the money.

So, I’m turning to this forum for advice and answers. (I didn’t put this in the prayer section because I don’t know what to do and I need to talk to other people, I need (name removed by moderator)ut). But prayers are welcome as well.

Sincerely,
David IE: Semper Zelare

P.S.
I don’t know if this belongs here. But, I wanted to post on CAF instead of Enotalone, a depression forum. Which I’ve posted on a few times, but isn’t really helpful IMO
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Like another post said decrease the time that you spend with these non Catholic friends maybe get involved in ministries and groups at your parish and maybe eventually lose these friends and focus on making Catholic friends
 
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