Problems respecting the opinions of my Protestant wife

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Adamski

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Short back ground
I was raised in a very liberal parish and even one of our priests was excommunicated for his teachings. I had almost no understanding of the Catholic Church or Christianity so I left for agnosticism between 18-30. None of my extended family are currently practicing catholic.

I met my wife at 28 and got married at 30

She was a non denominational Christian before we got married and still is.

I attended her church once in a while to support her until I was 33 and read a book by josh McDowell called more than a carpenter which made me read the bible and Christian, Jewish and roman writings from the 0-300 ad so I could understand if jesus was God or not.

With in 24months and over 4000 hours of reading I realized all evidence pointed to jesus being God and he founded the Catholic Church. Ill also add that I almost had a complete mental break down being taught once saved always saved at the evangelical church which I’m so glad is unbiblical

Long story short 12 months ago my wife said our marriage should be recognized in the Catholic Church because all the great changes it had made in my life. But she still goes to an evangelical church. Our kids and I do both each Sunday
I sat in mass for over a year not receiving the Eucharist until the marriage was recognized

My wife is a very giving person and has many great things about her walk with jesus.

But any time she talks I have very low respect for her opinion for two reasons
  1. we had sex before we where married when she claimed to be a Christian. When I learned who jesus actually was at 33 I gave up all my sinful behavior instantly, mainly through the rosary when ever I had a temptation
  2. when I did research on how the iud is an abortion inducing drug and showed her focus on the families web site that said the same thing. She responded “we’ll I’m saved so it really doesn’t matter and that is only James dobson’s opinion and I can have mine with god”
    She doesn’t use birth control any more because she had a medical problem where she can’t have more children.
So basically mentally I shake off all her theological ideas and harmful and have little respect for protestants in general and really don’t see how any that act in defiance as I have seen them all do personally can have salvation. She knows the truth or is blind to it

Any advise would be helpful
 
I’m reading a lot of threads about problems arising because of interfaith marriages. Including, but not limited to, disagreements on how to teach the children, and how to deal with contraception issues.

But aren’t interfaith marriages forbidden in Christianity? Doesn’t the Bible say not to be yoked with unbelievers?
 
CaliLobo said:
I’m reading a lot of threads about problems arising because of interfaith marriages. Including, but not limited to, disagreements on how to teach the children, and how to deal with contraception issues.

But aren’t interfaith marriages forbidden in Christianity? Doesn’t the Bible say not to be yoked with unbelievers?
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I suggest you read your bible

1 Corinthians 7:12-13
Douay-Rheims 1899 American Edition (DRA)
12 For to the rest I speak, not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she consent to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not, and he consent to dwell with her, let her not put away her husband.
 
Adamski said:
Short back ground
I was raised in a very liberal parish and even one of our priests was excommunicated for his teachings. I had almost no understanding of the Catholic Church or Christianity so I left for agnosticism between 18-30. None of my extended family are currently practicing catholic.

I met my wife at 28 and got married at 30

She was a non denominational Christian before we got married and still is.

I attended her church once in a while to support her until I was 33 and read a book by josh McDowell called more than a carpenter which made me read the bible and Christian, Jewish and roman writings from the 0-300 ad so I could understand if jesus was God or not.

With in 24months and over 4000 hours of reading I realized all evidence pointed to jesus being God and he founded the Catholic Church. Ill also add that I almost had a complete mental break down being taught once saved always saved at the evangelical church which I’m so glad is unbiblical

Long story short 12 months ago my wife said our marriage should be recognized in the Catholic Church because all the great changes it had made in my life. But she still goes to an evangelical church. Our kids and I do both each Sunday
I sat in mass for over a year not receiving the Eucharist until the marriage was recognized

My wife is a very giving person and has many great things about her walk with jesus.

But any time she talks I have very low respect for her opinion for two reasons
  1. we had sex before we where married when she claimed to be a Christian. When I learned who jesus actually was at 33 I gave up all my sinful behavior instantly, mainly through the rosary when ever I had a temptation
  2. when I did research on how the iud is an abortion inducing drug and showed her focus on the families web site that said the same thing. She responded “we’ll I’m saved so it really doesn’t matter and that is only James dobson’s opinion and I can have mine with god”
    She doesn’t use birth control any more because she had a medical problem where she can’t have more children.
So basically mentally I shake off all her theological ideas and harmful and have little respect for protestants in general and really don’t see how any that act in defiance as I have seen them all do personally can have salvation. She knows the truth or is blind to it

Any advise would be helpful
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you are in a difficult spot because one: you started the marriage in one particular religious state and now have done a 180 and gone back to the Catholic church which I am sure she didn’t plan on when you both married. Instead of getting into theological debates with her which in the long run are going to destroy your marriage why don’t you try to live out your faith using no words but your actions on how you treat her and the children. she isn’t going to join you if you are always arguing over faith. Show her love, show her concern for
her health. I think going on how you don’t respect Protestantism is the wrong approach here. It was a Protestant book that lead you back to the Catholic faith. Just because you both engaged in premarital sex goes against not only most Protestant Church but definately the Catholic Church as well. Using that as a basis of saying you are justified in that is ridiculous and will undermind your efforts. At least in the Catholic, it is mortal sin which you weren’t following either. Likewise you should think of her as not saved but as a separated sister which is what Vatican II called Protestants. You need to back it down, show love and respect. Show how going back to the Catholic Church has changed you and not use it as a club against your non-Catholic wife.
 
Treat your wife with kindness. Pray for her, as you continue on your journey. Softness of heart is very important in this situation.
Be confident that one day she will begin to see the light- as she has already witnessed the Church’s effect on you. Continue to live the example.🙂
 
She is your wife man! You should love and respect her as she has respected your decisions about your faith. How could anyone judge a person because they sinned with you?
Don’t preach it sounds like nagging. Nagging has destroyed many marriages as it lacks respect. Don’t judge protestants, He might judge you. There are many good protestants looking for God in a way similar to your experience of the past. Be gentle and kind hearted in dealing with other people’s beliefs and teach by example of the truth in the Light of your life and forever be grateful for the graces granted to you in His loving forgiveness.
I have never tried to convert my wife, but she is still the joy of my life.
 
Your wife is a child of God, and deserves to be treated that way, which means loved. Love is patient and kind, understanding and long-suffering, love is not a stick to force someone into submission. Live your life honorably, praying continually for God to give you the strength you need to live a righteous life, and by your example, if it be his will, perhaps others will follow you down the path you’ve chosen. I truly hope you guy’s work things out, as a man who’s been married for 40 years, I can tell you it is work, hard work, and it’s worth it.
God bless you both
 
A couple things: (1) The fact that your wife had sex before marriage does not imply that she thought that was morally acceptable. Same with the contraceptives. (2) Don’t blame Protestantism for her positions. Relatively few Protestants teach that sex before marriage is morally acceptable – certainly no higher percentage than with Catholics. (3) If her views change, it will not be because you push her to change. She needs to know unconditional love and forgiveness, and she needs to have space to experience a conversion.
 
Petaro said:
She is your wife man! You should love and respect her as she has respected your decisions about your faith. How could anyone judge a person because they sinned with you?
Don’t preach it sounds like nagging. Nagging has destroyed many marriages as it lacks respect. Don’t judge protestants, He might judge you. There are many good protestants looking for God in a way similar to your experience of the past. Be gentle and kind hearted in dealing with other people’s beliefs and teach by example of the truth in the Light of your life and forever be grateful for the graces granted to you in His loving forgiveness.
I have never tried to convert my wife, but she is still the joy of my life.
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👍
 
Adamski said:
But any time she talks I have very low respect for her opinion for two reasons 1) we had sex before we where married when she claimed to be a Christian. When I learned who jesus actually was at 33 I gave up all my sinful behavior instantly, mainly through the rosary when ever I had a temptation
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You gave up all your sinful behavior instantly which means, what? You never sin now?

Premarital sex is certainly grave and all people, Christians and non-Christians alike, are to avoid it. But Catholics have an advantage in avoiding sin in that we have grace from the sacraments that is not available to non-Catholics. This gives us more responsibility for avoiding sin and greater ability to do so. Don’t knock your wife for engaging in a sin that you tempted her to choose. Your ability to avoid sexual sin now (which is what I take your post to indicate) is a reflection of God’s grace at work in your life, and your access to confession, the Eucharist, the rosary, etc. Your wife, as a Protestant, hasn’t had all these gifts.

I’d suggest asking God to cultivate in you some humility that will enable you to see just how far short you fall of Christian perfection and to practice loving your wife and not judging her for sins that she may very well already be forgiven for.

God bless.
 
Adamski said:
She responded “we’ll I’m saved so it really doesn’t matter and that is only James dobson’s opinion and I can have mine with god”

Any advise would be helpful
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Yep…as a former Protestant, I get where she’s coming from.

The thing is that unlike the Catholic Church, a lot of Protestants think they can believe and act however they want because they’ve said the sinner prayer. It’s a one time thing and any past/present/future sins are immediately washed away because they’ve said this one prayer. The mindset is totally different than what we get in the Catholic Church. Salvation isn’t a one time ‘event’. It’s something continuous in our church.

After the authority of God is the authority of her own conscious. That’s just a reality you are going to have to deal with.

So my advice is to love her; pray for her; let the Holy Spirit move in her life.

I can see how it’s hard to have different opinions than your spouse over faith issues, but the fact is that you chose to marry her knowing that she was a Protestant.

The best thing my husband did for me was let me come to the Catholic faith myself. He didn’t push or nag or try to tell me I was wrong all the time. Once I overcame my objections to Catholicism, I just couldn’t be a Protestant anymore. However, I had to do my own research and reading and praying.

Good luck!
 
Prodigal_Son said:
A couple things: (1) The fact that your wife had sex before marriage does not imply that she thought that was morally acceptable. Same with the contraceptives. (2) Don’t blame Protestantism for her positions. Relatively few Protestants teach that sex before marriage is morally acceptable – certainly no higher percentage than with Catholics. (3) If her views change, it will not be because you push her to change. She needs to know unconditional love and forgiveness, and she needs to have space to experience a conversion.
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I am going to add my concurrence to all those voices who said continue to show and demonstrate your love for your wife. Preach with your actions, not your words. Allow the Holy Spirit to more fully work in your own life. As she witnesses the changes that take place in your life, she is more likely to want what you have. Pray for your wife, and let God do His work in her life as He is doing His work in yours.
 
I don’t want to sound crude but you have sinned. I am not saying this in a holier than thou attitude. Don’t think less of your wife because she has sinned. You who knew the truth did not receive Jesus for a while year according to your words. That is denial of Christ on your part for every Sunday. It is good you have asked for advice though. Try and look at the saints and Paul. See the mistakes they have made and don’t look down on them. Think as your wife as a saint who has lost her way and Christ is acting through you to bring her home.
 
DaddyGirl said:
Does she have any problems respecting your opinions?

She sounds quite generous and flexible regarding your new-found beliefs, even tho they are different from hers. Maybe you can learn this quality from her.

Also…are you saying you don’t respect her because she had sex with you before you two were married?
If so…I don’t understand why you have problems respecting her because of this-- when you, too, were having sex before being married.

.
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I never claimed to be anything and if I claimed to follow jesus I would not have she claimed to follow him and still disregarded his teachings
 
nodito said:
You gave up all your sinful behavior instantly which means, what? You never sin now?

Premarital sex is certainly grave and all people, Christians and non-Christians alike, are to avoid it. But Catholics have an advantage in avoiding sin in that we have grace from the sacraments that is not available to non-Catholics. This gives us more responsibility for avoiding sin and greater ability to do so. Don’t knock your wife for engaging in a sin that you tempted her to choose. Your ability to avoid sexual sin now (which is what I take your post to indicate) is a reflection of God’s grace at work in your life, and your access to confession, the Eucharist, the rosary, etc. Your wife, as a Protestant, hasn’t had all these gifts.

I’d suggest asking God to cultivate in you some humility that will enable you to see just how far short you fall of Christian perfection and to practice loving your wife and not judging her for sins that she may very well already be forgiven for.

God bless.
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👍
 
Adamski said:
I never claimed to be anything and if I claimed to follow jesus I would not have she claimed to follow him and still disregarded his teachings
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You know, I follow Jesus but disregard his teachings all the time. I don’t think I’m the only one, either…I usually find at least one or two fellow sinners in the line for confession…:o

I am trying to say this in all charity, but I think this is less about your wife’s faith and more about your own pride. It would be great if your wife could come into the fullness of faith, yes, but I don’t think the way you seem to be thinking about this is helping her (or you, for that matter) grow in holiness.
 
Adamski said:
Long story short 12 months ago my wife said our marriage should be recognized in the Catholic Church because all the great changes it had made in my life. But she still goes to an evangelical church. Our kids and I do both each Sunday
I sat in mass for over a year not receiving the Eucharist until the marriage was recognized

It sounds like your wife is very kind and understanding. Most spouses on this site put up a fight when it comes to having the marriage recognized by the Catholic church. But your wife suggested it even though she isn’t Catholic becuase she loves and respects you and was happy to see positive changes in your life.

My wife is a very giving person and has many great things about her walk with jesus.

But any time she talks I have very low respect for her opinion for two reasons
  1. we had sex before we where married when she claimed to be a Christian. When I learned who jesus actually was at 33 I gave up all my sinful behavior instantly, mainly through the rosary when ever I had a temptation
Wow! A man who never sins! He was able to convert to Catholicism and suddenly he’s perfect. And any time he feels an urge to be less than perfect, he just prays the rosary until the urge goes away. But all of his old sinful behavior? Yeah, he gave that up instantly. If you really believe all of this about yourself then you really need a closer look in the mirror, because I’m certainly not buying it.
  1. when I did research on how the iud is an abortion inducing drug and showed her focus on the families web site that said the same thing. She responded “we’ll I’m saved so it really doesn’t matter and that is only James dobson’s opinion and I can have mine with god”
    She doesn’t use birth control any more because she had a medical problem where she can’t have more children.
Look, she’s not using birth control, so this isn’t even a fight that you really need to have. If she ever converts to Catholicism then you can worry about her agreeing with this. But a Protestant is going to be faithful to the teachings of their church, and if this isn’t against her church’s teachings…

Really though, it sounds like this isn’t even a fight you need to have.

So basically mentally I shake off all her theological ideas and harmful and have little respect for protestants in general and really don’t see how any that act in defiance as I have seen them all do personally can have salvation. She knows the truth or is blind to it

I’m glad that you have such little respect for your wife. It seems like she has made every effort to support you in your faith, but you look down on her as a sinner who is beneath you. I think that you should sit her down with your priest and explain this to them both. I’m sure that they would both have some pretty interesting thoughts for you.

Any advise would be helpful
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I’m not really sure what advice you are looking for. How to have more respect for your wife? Sorry, can’t help you there. Either you see her as a beautiful, intelligent, loving person worthy of your respect, or you don’t.

Regardless, I think a lot of this comes down to ego and you should really talk to your priest about it.
 
I second the advice to speak to your priest. Ask him how to best show Christ to your wife.

I also recommend reading “Rome Sweet Home.” In it Scott Hahn talks about how he tried to convert his wife through argument, until a wise Catholic friend told him to just love her. It was after he stopped trying to convert her and just loved her as his wife and the gift she was, that she eventually converted.

The road you are on now sounds pretty miserable and can only lead to more misery as you show your wife disrespect and contempt for her thoughts and feelings. Show her love and pray for her. It will lead to a much better life for both of you.
 
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
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“For this reason a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
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This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband
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~Ephesians 5:25-33~
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OP, you need to find a way to remind yourself that it is your duty to save her soul. No matter how long it takes, no matter what she decides to ignore, even if the only thing that ends up working decades from now is witnessing your example, you must remember that you are the one who must sacrifice for her.

As for her lack of piety, non-Catholics simply do not have our understanding of this. Blame her Protestant background. It is not entirely her fault.
 
Petaro said:
She is your wife man! You should love and respect her as she has respected your decisions about your faith. How could anyone judge a person because they sinned with you?
Don’t preach it sounds like nagging. Nagging has destroyed many marriages as it lacks respect. Don’t judge protestants, He might judge you. There are many good protestants looking for God in a way similar to your experience of the past. Be gentle and kind hearted in dealing with other people’s beliefs and teach by example of the truth in the Light of your life and forever be grateful for the graces granted to you in His loving forgiveness.
I have never tried to convert my wife, but she is still the joy of my life.
Click to expand...
👍👍👍
 
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