Problems w/ potential mother-in-law

[BLB_Oregon]

DJgang:

You have received some absoulte great advice here. I really think that it is sad that so many of us do not get along with our MILs.

All you moms and dads out there! Time to get yourselves geared up to become in-laws! Your kids may be toddlers, but Rome was not built in a day.

As an analogy… I knew a very independent lady who had a stroke. She had a terrible time. Now, this was undoubtedly partly due to the brain damage that strokes often cause. But it was also, I think, partly due to the fact that she had spent her whole life being independent and telling people that didn’t agree with her to go to H-E-double-toothpicks. Then, in the span of a day, she became dependent. Nothing happened without someone else’s help, and nearly always it happened on someone else’s timeline. Shock hardly begins to describe what it must have felt like to her. She fought it tooth and nail, but all she did was increase her own misery.

The day your child is born and seems to take over your life, I have been told, is not too early to get used to the idea that he or she will grow to make adult-sized decisions and adult-sized mistakes, no matter how you raise them. It is not too early to poll the excellent in-laws you know on how to get ready for the day, so that you do not wind up similarly shocked.

If you think today that you will have any right to interfere when your now-two-year-old decides to marry a wanton fool, it is time to start switching your mindset. The person has never been born who is “right” for your child. Get used to it… and pray that you will find your fears and preparations, like emergency supplies and earthquake insurance, are never needed.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

As for me being an in-law some day…

My dh and I have the perspective that our future s/d-in-laws are no different than our own children - we don’t get to pick them, but we’re ready to love them sight unseen! Frankly, it’s the only way I’m ever likely to finally even my son/daughter ratio!

 

[BLB_Oregon]

As for me being an in-law some day…

My dh and I have the perspective that our future s/d-in-laws are no different than our own children - we don’t get to pick them, but we’re ready to love them sight unseen! Frankly, it’s the only way I’m ever likely to finally even my son/daughter ratio!

You sound like my MIL. What a gem you’ll be!

 

[Princess_Abby]

BLB_Oregon:

All you moms and dads out there! Time to get yourselves geared up to become in-laws! Your kids may be toddlers, but Rome was not built in a day.

As an analogy… I knew a very independent lady who had a stroke. She had a terrible time. Now, this was undoubtedly partly due to the brain damage that strokes often cause. But it was also, I think, partly due to the fact that she had spent her whole life being independent and telling people that didn’t agree with her to go to H-E-double-toothpicks. Then, in the span of a day, she became dependent. Nothing happened without someone else’s help, and nearly always it happened on someone else’s timeline. Shock hardly begins to describe what it must have felt like to her. She fought it tooth and nail, but all she did was increase her own misery.

The day your child is born and seems to take over your life, I have been told, is not too early to get used to the idea that he or she will grow to make adult-sized decisions and adult-sized mistakes, no matter how you raise them. It is not too early to poll the excellent in-laws you know on how to get ready for the day, so that you do not wind up similarly shocked.

If you think today that you will have any right to interfere when your now-two-year-old decides to marry a wanton fool, it is time to start switching your mindset. The person has never been born who is “right” for your child. Get used to it… and pray that you will find your fears and preparations, like emergency supplies and earthquake insurance, are never needed.

These are really good points. I’ll keep that in mind in six months when I’m staring down at our new little bundle.

 

[sparkle]

lcalise:

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years, since we were 18. We’ve been seriously thinking about marriage for a couple years, but we decided to postpone our “official” engagement so we can continue to mature in our relationship and be monetarily ready.

I love him with my whole heart, he’s my best friend, but the prospect of having his mother as my mother-in-law makes me want to scream!

She doesn’t see any positive qualities in me. Even though she’s seen me interact with children, the fact that I have a more introvert personality makes me unfit to raise them. She thinks I conned her son into our relationship, even though he’s the one who pursued me. And the one that really gets me-- I’m too religious. See, I always thought that a Mom would be happy that her son would find a nice, Christian girl who loves him, but apparently I’m wrong . And I’d love to know how I can both be a seductress and too devout at the same time.

Is there anything I can do to make his mom not despise me-- logical arguments, emtional appeals, bribes? If not, any word of advice on how to not be upset by this?

Hello friend: I would just say now to YOU, as I have been in your shoes many many years ago, is just to make sure that you have a boyfriend and potential husband who is able to stand up to his mom. If he isn’t your life will be miserable. Please make sure he is able to “cut the apron strings” before marriage, financially and emotionally. This is a very serious issue. Pray about it and do not make a hasty decision. Try to find out if your potential Husband is worthy of your love and devotion. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Marriage is not to be taken lightly.

 

[Island_Oak]

Rob's Wife:

**My own less than stellar mil was so furious over the announcment of our 3rd baby that for the x-mas before his birth, she handed my dh $300 cash, the card of a vas. dr. and told him if he had any brains at all he’d do it behind my back if he needed to! **

Breathtakingly offensive and shocking!!

**

My dh just blew her off, left the money, and loaded the kids in the van!

**

He told her after the baby was born that if she ever again interferred in our marital relationship, it’d be the last time she had to tolorate any of us. Amazingly enough she has found the strength to be surprizingly cordal most of the time since.

:bowdown: :dancing: :clapping: bravo!!! You married quite a MAN!

 

[DJgang]

BLB_Oregon:

All you moms and dads out there! Time to get yourselves geared up to become in-laws! Your kids may be toddlers, but Rome was not built in a day.

As an analogy… I knew a very independent lady who had a stroke. She had a terrible time. Now, this was undoubtedly partly due to the brain damage that strokes often cause. But it was also, I think, partly due to the fact that she had spent her whole life being independent and telling people that didn’t agree with her to go to H-E-double-toothpicks. Then, in the span of a day, she became dependent. Nothing happened without someone else’s help, and nearly always it happened on someone else’s timeline. Shock hardly begins to describe what it must have felt like to her. She fought it tooth and nail, but all she did was increase her own misery.

The day your child is born and seems to take over your life, I have been told, is not too early to get used to the idea that he or she will grow to make adult-sized decisions and adult-sized mistakes, no matter how you raise them. It is not too early to poll the excellent in-laws you know on how to get ready for the day, so that you do not wind up similarly shocked.

If you think today that you will have any right to interfere when your now-two-year-old decides to marry a wanton fool, it is time to start switching your mindset. The person has never been born who is “right” for your child. Get used to it… and pray that you will find your fears and preparations, like emergency supplies and earthquake insurance, are never needed.

I think the whole “transaction” of going from full-time Mom to part-time Mom is hard for MILs. Also, I think it’s hard for some MILs to just let go of that full-time position.

I have sons, I know someday that I will have DILs…I can’t wait! I have learned so much of what NOT TO DO from my MIL that I think I will make a lovely MIL one day to a young lady. I will be increasing my family…I will have more children whenever they get married. I have NEVER felt like a child to my MIL…just an outsider.

The sad thing is…my MIL shares storys with me on how horrible her own MIL treated her… ???