Problems with my ILs

[EasterJoy]

You are right. I should go see them more. I’ve tried to put his feelings above mine, but then I fall into the trap of thinking, “If he cared about me, he wouldn’t force me to be around these people”.

In my experience, a compromise where he chooses the times that are most important to him and shows loyalty to you by taking the majority of his own parents’ ill temper upon himself when he can is usually how this kind of thing is handled by the couples who handle it best. You put on a brave front and try not to provoke her when you can, if that allows a decent relationship, and he protects you as much as he can. If things get too abusive, the spouse belonging to the parents cuts off the relationship until they treat his family according to his expectations. The child of the parents draw those boundaries.