Problems with Parents!

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bunnynessuk

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HI,

Im looking for a parents view here, my mother went into a total hissy fit yesterday! I am 21 and engaged, my h2b came to pick me up yesterday about 3pm to go to a pub to meet some friends. He was wearing jeans and a (unironed) t-shirt. My mom proceeding to go on a rant for THREE hours about how he was untidy and ‘student-like’ in his appearance ‘how dare he pick up her daughter dressed like that’ etc etc etc!!! for THREE hours!

It was crazy in my opinion but you dont tell my mom you think she is wrong it just extends the chaos! My h2b had been gardening and picked me up in those clothes BUT he was going to change before we went to the pub. Apparently though he shouldnt have come to the house dressed like that because he then appears to be lazy etc etc !!!

I know my mom doesnt like h2b and to be honest thats her opinion because the only reasons ive got so far are that; he works in retail (as a manager but still apparently not a good career), he doesnt dress well, she doesnt think he is rich enough (he earns the same amount of me but has no ‘family’ money) and that he doesnt look after me… which he does!

Im going mad - I so want to move out but Im due to get married very soon and I dont see the point in renting somewhere seperate to him when we will buying together as a married couple in the near future and I also know I shouldnt move in with him BUT the more rants my mum has about how she doesnt like it etc the more I want to!

Im just going crazy at the mo because last night we had all this drama but today shes all smiles like nothing happened - but it has AGAIN!!!

Are all moms this crazy?

‘ma madre est loca!!!’
 
So, after the first five minutes of ranting… why exactly were you still there? Only YOU can allow your mother to rant at you for three hours.

You need to set boundaries, and if they aren’t respected move out. And, no, do not move in with your fiance. Move into an apartment, bunk in with mates, establish yourself as independent from your nutty mother.
 
1ke said:
So, after the first five minutes of ranting… why exactly were you still there? Only YOU can allow your mother to rant at you for three hours.

You need to set boundaries, and if they aren’t respected move out. And, no, do not move in with your fiance. Move into an apartment, bunk in with mates, establish yourself as independent from your nutty mother.
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:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:This is exactly what I was thinking!!! Why would you stick around for a 3 hour rant?
 
I dont know why I was still there to be honest it just seemed crazy but I was trying to calm the situation down I guess! This happens every couple of months either his shirt is creased, his hair is to long, why is he getting a new job, why isnt he getting a new job, etc etc! Its just so annoying but I do love my mom and I understand that she is having a hard time adjusting, she adopted me and my little brother when we were 10 and 8 so I guess its difficult in that respect, most parents have there kids as kids for a lot longer so this is a shame!

Meh just annoyed.
 
Nope, it’s not normal mom behavior…my mom is a lot like yours. Crazy. Rants about unimportant things for hours…days, even.

This past Saturday was her birthday, 30 minutes before we were supposed to go to her house to celebrate with her, I get a phone call from my sister that my parents are fighting so it’s been cancelled. This has happened every birthday for years…

The solution?

Move out and use this experience to nip any of her behaviors that crop up in you promptly in the bud. Oh, and also anticipate when she’s gonna overreact and avoid it. I knew the birthday celebration was gonna be cancelled, because I know my mom.

Now, over 2 years later the day I can see how the day I moved out was a really beautiful day because it released me from the fear of a crazy mom and the anxiety of having to smooth over her ridiculous reactions to little things. I think it’s time for you to move out too, bunny.

In the meantime, just try not to let the rants ruin your time with your fiance…👍
 
There are other mothers like mine?!

My advice? In one ear, and out the other 😉

As far as the length of rants… my mum can stay cross for days over something silly. I just bear up, because she really can’t take care of herself. I’m happy to be able to be there for her.
 
I’m constantly amazed at how upset some people get about surface things.

This morning I will be attending the funeral of a 16 year old girl who was killed by a drunk driver in a traffic accident.

Her parents will never see her graduate from school. Her father will never walk her down the aisle at her wedding. They have something to rant about.

Your mother should be on her knees thanking God she has a daughter. If your fiance’s clothing is the biggest thing she has to complain about, she should be thanking God about that too.
 
Im not a mom but I have one so here`s my two cents. Is she going through menopause? That might be a contributing factor for sudden mood swings. Secondly get your fiance to spend some time with her such as the three of you go play mini golf or something, and not just once but do something as a group every couple of weeks. Get your fiancee to show up at one of these outings with a tiny gift for you and something nice for your mom too. A nice pastry each or a round of ice creams after your activity. Or since this is a Catholic forum how about all three of you go to church together every Sunday and brunch after??
 
Hahaha, maybe it seems lame, but I second vee8. Blame it on hormones. Especially seeing as how you say it happens periodically!

😃
 
Your mother is going through a tough time with her baby getting ready to leave the nest and she is not dealing eith it well, and instead of learning to let go and let God, she is nit picking on your man. Until she crosses the bridge that she and she alone needs to cross you will be the most mature on in this situation, and you are not used to this type of role reversal thus, your stress. Remember the more level headed you are, and the more you follow your moral code that the Holy Spirit will be providing to you.
Plus, it may aggrivate your mother a bit also like it did mine. I enjoyed that aspect, felt guilty and went to confession on that one tho…😃
Remember also that your mother may have the ickies on your man for reasons that she cannot express in words, and is struggling to find the way to say this to you. You are the most important thing in the world to her especially now. I would advise against moving in of course, and it is a good idea at 21 to be on your own. BTW, you have lots of time to get married, enjoy your 20’s, little sister, 'cause your life changes once you get married and the kids come along. You need to be dead spot in in choosing a mate, and so does he. Very important decision you are making getting married. Life gets *real *busy after you get married.
 
Kay_Cee said:
I’m constantly amazed at how upset some people get about surface things.

This morning I will be attending the funeral of a 16 year old girl who was killed by a drunk driver in a traffic accident.

Her parents will never see her graduate from school. Her father will never walk her down the aisle at her wedding. They have something to rant about.

Your mother should be on her knees thanking God she has a daughter. If your fiance’s clothing is the biggest thing she has to complain about, she should be thanking God about that too.
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sad. Prayers for the family.
The same can be said for the OP to appreciate her mom as mom’s can be taken away in a moment also.

The OP is an adult and needs to learn to just walk away - or move out and avoid.
 
bunnynessuk said:
I dont know why I was still there to be honest it just seemed crazy but I was trying to calm the situation down I guess!
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Perhaps she counts on this because it keeps you home where she gets your attention rather than your fiance getting it.

Just a thought.
 
“You’re right, Mom. He looks terrible. QUICK, I have to drive him to his house so he can change. He’ll jump in the trunk so the neighbors won’t see him. We have to solve this NOW. BYE!”
 
I’ve never ironed a T-shirt in my life :eek:

Anyway smile, and say “that is interesting” then give her a quick hug and say I love you, mom. She just wants to know that you love her and that you will be okay.
 
PaulinVA said:
“You’re right, Mom. He looks terrible. QUICK, I have to drive him to his house so he can change. He’ll jump in the trunk so the neighbors won’t see him. We have to solve this NOW. BYE!”
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:rotfl:
 
If my daughter’s boyfriend or fiance ironed his T-shirts, I would think he was insane and rigid. I wouldn’t want her to marry him!

My dad irons his jeans, and I always thought that was nuts.

bunny… tu mama es loca! Stop listening to her rants.
 
  • Argument starts
  • Woman is ranting
  • Solution: walk out of the house for a stroll. End of argument. She’ll get the message eventually. Takes two to argue 😃
Don’t reward this bad behaviour by putting up with it, or making concessions. Just walk away, and let the kettle boil down.
 
I hope it gets better, my mom is pretty nuts too, my husband will sit for an hour and not hear a single thing she says since she is just hunting for an argument and once she gets it she has to be right. I know it isn’t fun, but sometimes it does get better once you move out, though if you were to move in with him she would just get to feel like she is right he is no good.

My mom will hold a grudge for years and cause problems. It is hard to live with people like that. It is a lot easier to deal with when you can get away.
 
I’m a mom, my 2nd son just got married (yay!) I treat his wife with utmost courtesy, and also the husband of my stepdaughter. I love how they are kind to me on account of my advanced age, which seems like a joke to me because I still feel pretty young.

I treat them nicely because I don’t want to drive them away - my mother used to pitch fits and the four of us moved to the 4 corners of the country. Looking back, I see how sad it was. Finally got back to visit her when she was in a nursing home and had mellowed out.
OP, don’t put up with nastiness, but try to be kind. It’s hard to be an adoptive mother, she may still have issues around that. Quote I read recently - any adoption is a journey into terror. I don’t necessarily agree with that, but there’s an element of truth in that it takes a very mature person to deal with the losses involved, and your mom is facing a loss when you get married.
Maybe it would help to sit down and reassure her that you will still love and visit her, but that this is your choice of a husband and you would feel much better if she could accept him, because her opinion is important to you. That should help some.
God bless.
 
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