Problems with porn/paranoia - restless soul

[Deep_Thinker]

Hello,

I joined this forum a couple of years ago due to struggles with pornography/lust (see link to thread below for some details about this)

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=875058

Since then I have started going to Confession and more recently started regular meetings with a priest, which has been really helpful.

However, I am far from ‘cured’ and still having problems. I still quite frequently visit an ‘adult’ website which offers webcam chat One think I haven’t mentioned to the priest yet is I also have tremendous feelings of paranoia while on this webcam chat - like ‘what if I witness something bad while on this, like the woman being harmed or something?’

It’s irrational I know. Last night I was on the site (drunk after getting in from a rare night out) and thought I heard the sound the faint sound like a scream in the background. She had music on in the background and I’m not certain what it was, but my paranoia is making me worry what if I heard something?

She said she was alone when I asked and was unperturbed as were other men chatting to her on the site. I guess I’ll never know what it was. It’s most probably nothing I know.
But why am I plaguing myself with this paranoia? What’s going on in my subconscious to have these debilitating thoughts? It’s like I’m waiting for some catastrophic event to completely ruin my life and my conscience. It’s not the first time I thought I heard something.

Can anyone help? I’m in a really bad place again after this
What should I do?

 

[Monica4316]

You should get off those websites. Get an internet blocker, ask a friend to keep you accountable, put up holy pictures, etc. Don’t drink till you are drunk. You won’t get cured from that sin if you keep putting yourself into occasions of sin, which are already sinful. That’s the main issue, not the paranoia, which would go away if you leave the websites. Try to think of what your Guardian Angel is thinking while you are on the websites. Think of the Scourging of Our Lord - this was for the sins against purity. His Body was torn to shreds. That is the real issue IMO. When people go on these websites they are also exploiting other human beings’ brokenness for selfish pleasure. Even going on such a website is already a grave sin. The devil is playing games with you and you have to fight him.

 

[esieffe]

You basically have to pull all the stops out to combat something like this. I have been there. Many have. Here is a short list of things that when combined, will help.

-When a lustful thought comes in your head, be ready ahead of time with a prayer to say. Squash the thought right off the bat.

-Don’t keep secrets from your confessor.

-Pray continuously in your head whenever you think about it. A simple prayer like “Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me,” or the Hail Mary.

-Minimize using booze.

-Confess regularly

• Obtain and use a Catholic prayer book like, Blessed Be God.

-Ask Mary to pray for you that every day you move further away from sin and closer to God and his Mother.

-Never ever give up and give in. No matter how often you fall, never never give up. Even if you feel unworthy. God wants to help. God has an endless supply of love. He does not give up on you, people give up on him.

-Pray the rosary every day, even if you fall that day, pray the rosary.

 

[JosephHope]

I completely respect what Monica posted, but it is not that easy for someone struggling with this sin. Internet blockers and shaming would not work, these will increase the guilt and shame and if the subject already has a predisposition for mental disorders, they will unbearable.

The best way is rational thinking, these girls are not happy, what you thought you’ve heard is probably true, because with some minor exceptions, these girls work in porn factories, it is a place where you have studios for shooting, complete decors for webcams, and many other stuff, most of these girls come from Eastern Europe, they were promised a modeling career and end up doing this, whenever you watch a scene look at their faces, they’re clearly not happy, I knew many pornstars, they are forced to do that because the cosmetic surgery that was forced onto them and they need to pay, a girl I knew did it because she had breast cancer and no one accepted helping her so she shot a couple of scenes and she was wearing her top, if you do a web search for their names, you’d see that they are forced into prostitution too, many of them are barely 5 feet and are paired with huge males, many of them go to hospitals after shooting and most of them stop after a couple of weeks.

Stopping won’t be easy, try minimizing the exposure time at first, try meeting a real girl, if enough people stop visiting camming and porn sites they will be forced to shut down.

Just keep fighting the good fight.

 

[dangerousdyls]

I can’t really speak to the paranoia, but I can relate to your struggles with lust. You’re not alone.

The most success I’ve had with this was when attending support groups, you may look to see if there’s a SA or SAA group around. I agree that you have to “pull out all the stops” if you really do want to quit. You may think of how you can connect to others in healthy ways as this addiction really feeds on a lack of human connection. The hard truth is it’s most likely going to take some things outside of your comfort zone to break this. You’re going to have to really want it.

Also, in the Group Forums on here there’s a group titled “Impurity Addiction Support Group”. You may find it helpful to check it out, read through some of the posts, and introduce yourself.

God bless

 

[Deep_Thinker]

Thank you all for your responses.
All much appreciated. Yes I am seriously considering either giving up alcohol or at least ensuring I don’t make myself drunk and lower my spiritual defences. That’s when I’m most vulnerable.

And yes I’m sure you’re right Joseph. A lot of them are Eastern European, it’s a very dark world they inhabit. Sickens me that I make myself complicit in some way. I have to overcome this to save myself.
I have a another meeting with the priest this week and will discuss this. I’m determined to be rid of this, however difficult I know it is.

 

[Monica4316]

Of course I don’t want someone who is struggling with this to fall into despair. I meant that its important to avoid occasions of sin. But with hope what helped me to live purely was the realisation that fighting the temptation directly doesn’t work. You need to turn to prayer right away. The temptation might be back the next moment so you just repeat the process. Its very annoying, almost unbearable, but it does get better! It does, a bit at a time Our Lady and St Aloysius Gonzaga have greatly helped me with purity.

 

[Robert_Sock]

From a psychological perspective, know that you are sexually abusing yourself… sexual abuse turned inward. OTOH, know that you’re not the only one and that there is a war raging within you. Reading the following may help you in uprooting your deviant sexual behaviors:

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation.

Although temptations are so troublesome and grievous, yet they are often profitable to us, for by them we are humbled, cleansed, and instructed. All the Saints endured many trials and temptations, and profited by them; but those who could not resist temptations became reprobate, and fell away. There is no Order so holy, nor place so secluded, where there are no troubles and temptations.

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him.

Some people undergo their heaviest temptations at the beginning of their conversion; some towards the end of their course; others are greatly troubled all their lives; while there are some whose temptations are but light. This is in accordance with the wisdom and justice of God’s ordinance, who weighs the condition and merits of every man, and disposes all things for the salvation of those whom He chooses.

We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear it.” So, let us humble ourselves under the hand of God, in every trial and trouble, for He will save and raise up the humble in Spirit. In all these trials, our progress is tested; in them great merit may be secured, and our virtue become evident. It is no great matter if we are devout and fervent when we have no troubles; but if we show patience in adversity, we can make great progress in virtue. Some are spared severe temptations, but are overcome in the lesser ones of every day, in order that they may be humble, and learn not to trust in themselves, but to recognize their frailty.
-The Imitation of Christ, Book 1, Chapter 13