Problems with Praying

[steve975]

Does anyone have any experience or advice for issues with potential obsessive compulsiveness, scrupulosity, and/or distracting and/or bad thoughts while trying to pray? I have been dealing with some issues with prayer and am looking to put an end to this extremely frustrating garbage.

For a while now, I have been praying a daily Rosary. I’ve actually been praying numerous 54-day novenas (which I often extend past 54-days for various reasons of wanting to be sure I’ve done the minimum). During these novenas, the first 27 days are Rosaries of asking for help, and the second 27 days are Rosaries of giving thanks (or more days when I go over). You might think that after a while, I would become pretty efficient in my ability to pray the Rosary, right? Wrong. In reality, my ability to pray the Rosary has degenerated to the point that it is becoming an unreasonable ordeal to get through it.

One issue I’ve been having is with distracting as well as sinful thoughts while I attempt to pray the Rosary. I will experience sinful thoughts and other distracting thoughts that seem like obstacles in being able to get through it. When this happens, I often feel the need to repeat prayers given that I feel that it is unacceptable to have such thoughts/feelings during prayers. In addition, I often attempt to repeat ritualistic, OCD-type prayers and/or thoughts to make up for and/or apologize for the bad thoughts/feelings. So for example, after having these thoughts, I’ll say or think something such as, “Mary and all of you, please excuse me. Lord, please forgive me.” And in saying or thinking such “compensatory” and/or apologetic things, I’ll try to do it up to a certain standard of “acceptability” before I feel okay to continue the Rosary. So for one example, I might try to bow my head and/or bow down while thinking/saying these things, and if I think afterward that I didn’t bow enough, I’ll feel the urge to repeat them. Or if I experience bad/distracting thoughts/feelings while I’m trying to say or think these compensatory/apologetic things (which also happens frequently), then I’ll also feel the urge to repeat them.

So for example, here’s what might happen:

On the second half of a 54-day novena (or more days when I go over), during a certain decade on a certain day, I’ll pray the Our Father. I’ll try to have a thought and/or mindset of thankfulness during and/or at the end of the Our Father for the things I am praying for in that novena, given that it’s part of the second half. If I have trouble focusing on the things I am praying for, the Our Father itself, and/or in having a mindset of thankfulness rather than asking for help, I might pause for a moment after the Our Father as I struggle with these things. Then I might feel the urge to repeat it before continuing to the first Hail Mary of the decade. And perhaps later, during a Hail Mary, I’ll think blasphemous or otherwise sinful thoughts, during which I feel the urge to undergo an OCD-type ritual of apologetic/compensatory thoughts/prayers before starting that Hail Mary over again. And during such rituals, I will often experience bad thoughts/feelings during the ritual itself, and feel the urge to think, say and/or do everything to a certain standard of acceptability before continuing.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is the ordeal that the Rosary has become for me (or, I should say, that I have turned the Rosary into). Including the prayers I pray at the end of the Rosary, in which I make my requests for help or say my thanksgiving, it should take me about 32 minutes or so going straight through without any of this nonsense. But normally, it takes me closer to an hour when I do the whole Rosary in one session. It likely takes me longer than that if I were to add up the times for the days in which I break up the Rosary into different pieces, which is most work days. It might be taking me more and more time on average to get through it as time goes on.

Also, I used to pray a portion of the Rosary while driving on the way to work. Now, I am largely unable to get through much, if any of it on the way to work. One example of an issue I now have when I try to pray the Rosary while driving to work is that I’ll feel like when I pray, I might not be paying enough attention to driving. So I’ll feel like I need to apologize/make up for it. One example is that I’ll feel some type of guilt if I don’t pull up close enough to the car in front of me in stopped traffic, or if I’m driving too fast or not fast enough in moving traffic. So if I try to pray, I’ll be trying to focus on that prayer as well as getting up close enough to the car in front of me if we’re stopped, or on driving fast enough but not too fast if we’re moving. And I’ll also feel some type of guilt if my thoughts are not focused on the road in front of me. And if I get angered at another driver, forget it. Between trying to focus on the prayer, the road in front of me, my speed, and/or being an acceptable distance from other vehicles, it becomes a tremendous difficulty to pray the Rosary while driving, whereas I used to be much better at getting through a lot more of it.

 

[steve975]

Furthermore, I also got into a bad habit of assuring myself that I had completed the Rosary for a certain day. For example, after having completed the Rosary for a certain day, I might later question whether I had actually completed it. So I began making notes in my cell phone every time I complete the Rosary. I’ll write down/update info such as the date and where I completed it. And before I go to sleep, I’ll check that phone to assure myself that I have completed the Rosary for that day. One day I forgot to update the notes in my phone and I said the whole Rosary again, as I could not assure myself that I had definitely completed it without the updated notes in my phone.

Before I start saying the Rosary, or before resuming it after I’ve said part of it, I often have a sense of stress in anticipation of it, likely due to the ordeal that I have made it into. Additionally, during a new day, I often have a sense of irritation until I complete the Rosary for the day, as if I have some burden hanging on me and I can’t fully relax until I complete the Rosary. So if I wanted to get the Rosary done by a certain point but don’t, and get tied up with other things, I can get agitated until I finally have the opportunity to complete it. If I plan to say the Rosary at a certain time but get interrupted or have my plans interfered with, I often get frustrated or angry. I can get frustrated / angry at times with an attitude that no matter what gets in the way, I am absolutely NOT going to give up and not say the Rosary. Sometimes it’s as if I want to curse at something for trying to get in the way. I don’t want to have a sense of stress when I’m about to pray, and I don’t want to be irritable when I haven’t yet completed the Rosary. That’s not my idea of what it should be like.

My issues likely boil down to pride, lack of humility, and lack of faith. And I’ll even tell myself before starting the Rosary, “faith and humility, like a child.” Nonetheless, I often proceed with this ridiculous ordeal. It’s extremely frustrating, and I’ll sometimes be angry with myself for failing. I’ve probably developed some unreasonable OCD-type habits that I need to fight off. But it’s not just these habits; it’s also the bad and distracting thoughts themselves.

I understand that my mind does not need to be 100% focused every moment of the entire Rosary for it to “count.” But I find it difficult to accept sinful and/or perverted thoughts while praying, as I do not find it acceptable to “count” my prayers with these kinds of intolerable thoughts in my head. One problem is that I perhaps have the attitude that even though we need to put our faith and trust in God, and our confidence in Mary’s intercession, we still need to do our part and such faith does not relieve us of our own responsibilities. So maybe I think that it’s wrong for me to pray haphazardly without proper regard for paying attention and rejecting bad thoughts, and simply assuming that my prayers will be acceptable. I want to find a way to fight off these thoughts, and prevent them from entering my head in the first place or distracting me in any way from having an acceptable mindset while praying.

 

[klm120861]

First, and I realize I may get into trouble with some here for saying this, please don’t pray while you are driving. As a former professional driver whose husband still is, one of the first things they teach you is that you need to be focused on your driving, not anything else. Especially if you live in a high traffic area.

Now, as to the praying. Relax. Breath. Our Blessed Mother loves it when you check in with her. If you were a parent, would you want your child stressing like that every time they talk to you? Simplify what you are doing. You have made the Rosary so complicated that you can’t focus at all. I can totally understand that. My simplicity tends to be very complicated.

Take one mystery, think about it, pray one decade. If your mind wanders…so does mine. So does everyones. Just gently bring it back and continue. You don’t need to repeat the prayers. The Blessed Mother knows your intent. She reads your heart. If the thoughts are weirdly sinful, just say, “Satan I rebuke that thought” and continue.

The enemy is trying to rob you of the joy of your prayer time. This might also get me into trouble, but maybe you could set aside the Rosary for a few days and instead just talk to the Blessed Mother the way you would a beloved friend. Just tell her the difficulties you are having and leave it in her hands.

Some days I hardly say any formal prayers at all. Though I was raised a Christian, formal prayer wasn’t part of my life until I became a Catholic. Some days I just want to hang out with my Mom and her Son and tell them all about everything that’s going on inside of me. Thanks okay, too.

I am praying for you, dear one, that you rediscover the joy of just hanging out with your Mom and her Son.
Kris

 

[Domiy]

I’ve had the same problem as you at times before!

I believe it is Satan trying to push us away from our prayers and glorifying thoughts towards God!

Find yourself a nice, quiet place, and meditate deeply in front of an image of Jesus or Mary. Look at them, right in their eyes when you feel tempted. Remember the anguish they went through.

Although the problem can often be still sinful thoughts and desires stuck in your mind. Have you been to confession lately? I try to go once every 3-4 weeks. Go as soon as you can and clear your mind!

 

[sowinskija]

I think i feel your pain. I,too, have bad thoughts while praying. I think a few things will help you out:

Pray to Saint Dymphna, to get those bad thoughts out of your head, it worked for me.
Pray the Chaplet of Devine Mercy at 3pm every day.
Trust in Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ! A great way to do this is to just kind of let everything go to trust while praying.
Try praying the Most Holy Rosary as you fall asleep at night, it doesn’t matter if you fall asleep in the middle of the Decade. It helps trust.

Also, i think that the more of your senses you devote to something, the more focused you can be. (This could be wrong but it’s a theory). So look at the text while praying, read the prayers. Listen to the audio versions of the Most Holy Rosary.

Also, if you havent already, please pray to Saint Jude and take a look at the 10 Commandments for the Scruplous mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm