My confession is in one week and I know all of the mortal sins that I committed and I know why they are mortal sins. I’m willing to really commit and completely give them up, but last night as I was praying and self-reflecting, I couldn’t tell if I felt any actual remorse for those sins. I felt horrified and I still feel horrified that I actually might be unable to feel any remorse anymore. I really don’t know what to do at this point and am worried that I won’t be able to do confession next week. Does anyone have any suggestions please?
The best way to find remorse in your soul is to see the effect that one’s sin has on others, if one cannot see the effect it has on oneself.
First, one has willingly gone against God’s law, and separated himself from Him and His grace. One should seriously look at the choices that led one there. The shame!
Second, that person has separated himself from the Eucharist: the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source and summit of our Faith. Ouch.
Third, that one has chosen to turn his back on the community of His believers, His Church, His people. We are all part of one body, and the one part that hurts, hurts the whole. St. Augustine warns, “…do not commit those sins on account of which you would have to be separated from the body of Christ.” Here are more
quotes on Confession from the early fathers.
Take two verses from 1 Cor. Verse 14 says, “For the body also is not one member, but many.” And St. Paul says in verse 25, “That there might be no schism in the body; but the members might be mutually careful one for another.”
Therefore, sin is a communal affair, because it weakens the strength thaqt one brings to the Church and its body of believers.
Fourth, one’s sinful conduct reflects not just on that person, but reflects the group he represents. Sin always touches another’s life, whether by example, causing scandal, or weakening one’s moral judgement to lead others astray.
Fifth, one’s sinful conduct may have led others to believe that such conduct is acceptable, or that the sinner feels exempt from God’s law, or – God forbid – the sin that one does induces another person into sin. Check out Matthew 18:6 - Jesus said, “But he that shall scandalize one of these little ones that believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone should be hanged about his neck, and that he should be drowned in the depth of the sea.”
That’s a reason to feel regret – not because of being thrown into the sea, but for the
responsibility one has to one’s neighbor. To keep one’s live morally ordered fashion. Be an example of Christ’s love as much as one can. We are all connected.
John Donne got it so right when he wrote his Meditation XVII. He saw the true meaning that Catholic = Universal. Our lives intersect, through our choices, all the way until death:
No man is an island, entire of itself
every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main
if a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were,
as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were
any man’s death diminishes me,
**because I am involved in mankind
**and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls
it tolls for thee.
The effect of our sins on other is explained more fully in the
New Advent entry on Scandal.
Sin affects one’s relationship with God, relationships with / perceptions/examples of ourselves of others (directly or indirectly).
The response to the conviction of sin is shame, then contrition, next is a desire for reconciliation, and finally the willingness to make amends to all parties affected by one’s sin, and then an act of true penance. Again, that’s toward God, to others, and for oneself.
In one version of the Act of Contrition one’s not supposed to be sorry out of fear of retribution, but because he loves God and want to please Him with all his heart, soul, mind, being, it is reflected through one’s words and actions. To wit: “I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of Your just punishments;
but most of all, because they offend You, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love…”
And if God deserves all of one’s love, why act against His will? Who wouldn’t feel bad for hurting their relationship with the all-loving, all forgiving, omnipotent creator?
In the
Confiteor we publicly mention our regret and ask prayer from each other when we say,
“that I have sinned through my own fault,”
[that’s taking responsibilty for your action / inaction / ignorance / uncharitibleness]
"in my thoughts and in my words, "
[lewd thoughts, impatient thoughts about the driver ahead of you, expletives, stinging comebacks, not offering prayers for others…the list is endless]
*“in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do;” *
etc.]
In short, it all boils down to conduct and shame…not shame for who you are, but shame in not trying harder to be a representative of Christ’s Spirit on earth, and a witness to others of your Catholic faith.
The conviction of our sin is so important in bringing us closer to the One who both created us and forgives us unconditionally for our failings to live up to His standards.
Bless you, Benkim, and hope to hear from you soon.
